#triggerandwings

      “Forgive me....” she wiped a tear form her eye and turned away. The nightmares were getting worse. “I didn’t mean to wake anyone.” taking a shaky breath she smiled a shaky smile, “What can I help you with?”

@trigger-and-wings Continued from X

              She felt like a shitty person, but what else was new for Liz, really? The fact was, she’d moved Lanford pretty last minute and decided on the city again. She missed it, missed the hustle and bustle, the ease of getting lost in the streets instead of recognized on every corner. She’d never been any good at Small Town after all... 

              But she saw Tori more often now than ever, using her as a babysitter at least once a week at this rate, and every so often she’d mention her brothers. Then would start the guilt of not having called them in forever, not updating them on where she was, or what she was doing. She’d been trying to give them space, especially Alastair, ever since she felt like she’d practically ruined his life. Everything with Hannah, it wouldn’t have gone the way it had she was sure, if Liz had never started with Malcolm all those months ago. Due to her, any interaction he or Tori was bound to have with the asshole, Liz was going to be a direct catalyst of it. But that was just a whole other reason of why she’d moved. To get away from the fucking mental case that was her worst enemy. 

              Of course, she hadn’t really told Gus that detail. To him, she made her migration seem instinctive and metropolitan. While he was living up the life in LA, Liz had made it sound like she wanted to do the same in New York. An eye for an ear or whatever.

              When the knock at her door came though, Liz was excited. The apartment was whatever, but she’d made it home. When he hadn’t seemed too bitter at her about keeping him a little in the dark about the whole thing, she’d made a point that he was invited to stay tonight, no if’s or but’s. He was going to be her slumberparty friend, she had beers already in the fridge and an entire Walmart cake to devour.

       “Hey stranger.” She greeted at the door, tugging him in by the wrist. “Come on, you’re sister’ll be here in half an hour to pick up Miles, I wanted to give you guys some bro time before she got here.”

midnight-howling’s verses

THE DRAGON GIRL —

     ❝ i’m not the same lost little girl i said i was ”

It had been weeks since her repeat offense, since her relapse into the darkness deep within her. Since she embraced that part of her back with welcoming arms. At least, she did at that moment, and all moments until this one. Or these series of moments that lead to her being here, her car idling in her brother’s driveway. She knew it was silly, sitting in the car and pep talking herself to go inside, but at the same time, there was a real chance that she would just turn the car on completely and drive far away, very far away. Maybe they would kick her out? Throw her out of the family completely. Alastair might be angry enough to do so. But she was banking on Elliot’s understanding nature. He just might be able to save her ass from the wrath their middle brother would undoubtedly inflict upon her. 

She wasn’t sure what she was going to say, or how she was going to say it, but there was no way to hide it any longer. She had to explain, she had to confess and stop the guilt that was eating away at her insides. She knew it might not help, she might just make it worse, telling them. But she had to try, didn’t she? No, you idiot. You can turn around, you can pretend you never came here and that you never slept with him. Go back to your house. The voice in her head, the one that had told her to go for it with Malcolm was now hissing in her ears to run. To keep this one thing locked up nice and tight. It wasn’t like she even knew what to say, how to explain. But there was no hiding, the guilt in her stomach was too much to ignore now, and Tori finally pulled the keys out of the ignition. 

No, there was no hiding. There was no hiding how terrible she felt, betraying her family’s trust again. No hiding behind the excuse of drugs because this time she had been stone cold sober. This was a conscious choice she made, no excuses could work today and so Tori knew she had to face the music. She had to face her brothers no matter what their reactions were. It was better than running and hiding. She would be brave enough to do this, she had to be. 

Izzy’s car was gone, that much she noticed, and in her spot was Alastair’s, knowing that he had beat her here. At least Izzy wasn’t around, it was always easier to let everything out when Elliot’s wife wasn’t in the middle of it. Tori felt like it wouldn’t be so hard to say it without her eyes judging every move she made. It was a maternal kind of judgment like she was going to say ‘We just want what’s best for you’. It made Tori’s stomach churn. That was the last thing she needed right now. She needed fire, anger, and hatred. That was what she deserved.