#chau

Aziraphale never truly considered giving up on humanity, and there’s something both powerful, and deeply painful, about that.

In a way, he has never really renounced anything in his entire existence. Not as something good or bad… just as a fact. He never gave up on humans; he accepted them fully, with all their flaws. He could have walked away the first time he was hurt, could have said, “I’m an angel, this isn’t my problem,” but he didn’t. He stayed, because he has always believed in the good within things, in the idea that goodness can be nurtured, that it can transform the world. But it’s not just that he sees the good; it’s that he needs to see it. He doesn’t renounce because he can always find something to hold onto; a justification, a meaning, a way for everything to still make sense, even when it hurts him. That belief becomes a bond, one that sustains him but also binds him, because letting go of it would mean accepting that the things he loved (Heaven, goodness, the order of the world) were also capable of harming him, and that’s something he cannot fully allow himself to face. Yet.

Up until the end of season one, we see his superiors constantly belittle him, dismiss him, even abuse him emotionally and physically. Exhausted by this, and finally beginning to accept that Heaven itself is deeply flawed, he reaches out to the one responsible for everything: God. And as we know, he fails.

He doesn’t reach God. Only the Metatron… and is forced to confront the reality that he has been pleading with a God who doesn’t seem to listen.

And even then, this isn’t the first time Aziraphale has been disappointed by the so-called “ineffable” nature of things. “Ineffable” becomes the answer to everything. Because there’s comfort in having an answer, isn’t there? In believing that even if you don’t understand it, everything is still moving toward something good. But Aziraphale has that painfully human need to understand; and yet he keeps convincing himself that it’s okay not to. I think it’s human nature not to understand all these vast things happening around us. But for angels, it’s different: every celestial being around him seems to understand it perfectly. And yet he remains outside of it, unwilling, or perhaps unable, to believe that it all ultimately leads to war. So his answer becomes ineffable.

But even then, he doesn’t renounce. When everything collapses, he doesn’t surrender. He chooses to act. It’s as if he’s saying, “If nothing good is going to happen in this universe, then I’ll be the one to make it happen. I can’t keep waiting for a promise of goodness I never see fulfilled.”

He decides to save the world not as Heaven’s agent, but as himself, alongside the only being who truly understands what’s at stake: Crowley. For the first time, he doesn’t choose Heaven, but he still doesn’t abandon what he believes in. He doesn’t stop believing in goodness, he doesn’t stop wanting to save humanity, he doesn’t stop trying to make things mean something; he simply shifts where that meaning lives. And there relies “our side”.

And just when you think he has finally renounced it all… the second season gives us the Metatron in person.

Aziraphale doesn’t approach him with hope at first. He’s tired. Distant, almost indifferent; until he’s offered something that seemed unthinkable: the chance to fix everything, to become the Supreme Archangel, to reshape Heaven into what it was always supposed to be.

And more than that, the possibility of taking Crowley with him, to bring him back; because to Aziraphale, Crowley should have never fallen in the first place. Every time he reduces him to “a demon,” every time he insists they shouldn’t be friends, that he is the good one and Crowley is the bad one, those aren’t truly his words; they are Heaven’s voice speaking through him, we all know that, the language he was taught to survive within that system. Because deep down, Aziraphale knows something else entirely: that Crowley does not belong in Hell. He knows the depth of his capacity to love, the way he cares for the world, the way he chooses, again and again, to protect what is fragile and human. After all the years of knowing him, Aziraphale has seen that love, a kind of love so pure, the kind of love he had never seen among Heaven’s angels. And because of that, he believes that Crowley, even as a demon, is still, in essence, an angel. Not fallen, but misplaced. Not corrupt, but wrongly judged.

Here we can see Aziraphale’s expression of surprise and disbelief when he realizes that Crowley doesn’t yield to “good,” “truth,” or “light.” Because if Crowley truly embodies all of that, if he is, in essence, good, then shouldn’t he want to return to Heaven? Because if Crowley is all of that, then where could all of that live, if not in Heaven? Because he for sure (Azi) can’t change Hell

And following the line “Aziraphale has spent his entire existence trying to make things right” then Crowley, too, must be placed where he belongs. In the place he deserves. Yes, with the truth, with the good, with the light. In Heaven. Not as it is, but as it could be. As it should be. Because if Aziraphale can finally change the place, if he can make it into something truly good, then Crowley should be there beside him, not as something to be redeemed, but as someone who was always worthy of it, someone who could help redefine what goodness actually means.

Aziraphale never wanted to change Crowley.

And he never did. His intention was never to make him into something else, but to allow him to exist in the place he truly deserved. A soul as good as his should not be condemned. Aziraphale loves Crowley exactly as he is; all he has ever wanted is what he believes would be best for both of them.

I’m not even going to get into how much Aziraphale was hurt by Crowley’s rejection. He let Crowley see his bare soul, his true intentions, what he genuinely believed would be best for both of them, and he was painfully rejected. You can see it in his expression s2: the humiliation, the pain. But this post isn’t really about that; I want to focus on a few other things.

I don’t think Aziraphale can simply walk away from his sense of salvation. It’s too deeply rooted in him. There’s this quiet conviction he carries, that his existence as an angel has to mean something. That it has to be made worthy. And that’s why everything he does feels so deliberate. He’s not trying to be a good angel; he’s trying to be an excellent one. Not out of pride, but out of belief.

He believes in what Heaven is supposed to be; in goodness as something real, something worth dedicating himself to, even when the system around him fails to reflect it.

And the parallel with Jesus Christ becomes unavoidable.

Because Jesus, too, did not renounce. He did not abandon humanity, even when it rejected him; he did not stop believing in goodness, even when confronted with cruelty, hypocrisy, and violence. And he wasn’t rejected for failing to be good, but for embodying goodness too completely, in a way that exposed everyone else. Aziraphale carries that same kind of unbearable sincerity. He believes too much, forgives too much, hopes too much; not because he’s naive, but because he cannot exist any other way. And just like Jesus, that kind of purity doesn’t fit within the system that claims to represent it. It disrupts it and forces it to confront its own contradictions. And so it becomes something that must be reshaped, silenced, or quietly rejected; not in spite of what it is, but because of it. The first meeting between these two could be really interesting. And maybe a little too revealing.

Ooooon the other hand,

the only person Crowley really cares about in the whole wide world is…

Tik, tak

Tik, tak

yes, Aziraphale. That wasn’t so hard, huh?

Crowley offers Aziraphale the same thing three times: to leave everything behind and just be together.

In season 1, he does it twice - a day apart (he was clearly feeling inspired with this particular end of the world): “It’s a big universe. Even if it all ends up in a puddle of burning goo, we can… go off together.” “We can run away together. Alpha Centauri.”

Here, his logic is simple: you are the only thing that matters; the rest can burn. He is not prioritizing what Aziraphale loves, the bookshop, humanity, the Earth, but rather the need to escape. With him.

season 2: “The point is, when Heaven ends life here on Earth, it’ll be just as dead as if Hell ended it… but you and me, we can go off together. Like Gabriel and Beelzebub. If they could do it, then we can. Just be an us.”

Okay my girl (talking to Crowley in my head) first; Gabriel and Beelzebub never really cared about humanity, or Earth, the way Aziraphale and Crowley do. So for them, leaving is easy. There’s nothing holding them back. Aziraphale is different. Like I said before, he has this incredibly strong sense of responsibility, something that makes him almost incapable of turning away when something can still be saved. That’s what moves him. And it’s something that both he and Crowley shaped in each other over time. That’s what makes them fundamentally different. And Crowley doesn’t fully get that. He doesn’t really understand that part of Aziraphale. Or you can think well maybe he does and just ignores it. Not because he’s selfish, but because when Crowley loves, he loves in a way that’s absolute. Consuming. His love doesn’t just center on someone; it kind of swallows everything else. It narrows the whole world down to one single point, one person. And that person is Aziraphale.

So if Earth isn’t enough anymore, or it stops being safe for them, then they’ll have to go somewhere else. That’s what Crowley was probably thinkin. My boy is a QUITTER he just LEAVES and he takes with him what he cares about the most. He cuts things clean. And that doesn’t have to be a BAD THING

BUT

Here’s the second thing. My girl, too, said;

I think something fundamental has changed. He no longer names a destination, because the place itself no longer matters. He understands that Aziraphale cannot leave the bookshop. This becomes explicit in their final exchange: only after Aziraphale suggests going to Heaven together Crowley say it. You can’t leave this bookshop. It is one of the last things he tells him, and it reveals a shift that had not been there before. He understands that it is not just a place, that Earth is not incidental, and that asking him to leave would mean asking Azi to renounce a part of him. And yet, even with that little still-developing understanding (that came too late) he asks him to choose him, without offering any alternative destination, because being together has become the only point that matters. He moves from “come with me and leave all of this behind” to “I know who you are, I know what you love, and I am choosing you. Please, choose me”. And that is kinda where the tragedy lies: in the first season, Crowley loves him with urgency, almost selfishly (not out of cruelty, but out of fear) in the second, he loves him with more understanding, and still, he loses, because as I said, what he is finally beginning to understand is no longer what Aziraphale longs for. The plan has changed, drastically.

And yes it can be read as an attempt to hold him back, but I think that is a rather reductive oversimplification and I’m here to be a little delusional about it. Even then, it comes from a place of recognition rather than ignorance.

After all, he walks away and comes face to face with the real problem: the Metatron.

And about the nothing lasts forever: He isn’t saying it doesn’t matter. He’s saying that what they have, in this form, in this world, is temporary. Aziraphale does love the bookshop, and that still holds. But he doesn’t love it as an end in itself. He sees it as something real, something meaningful, but not ultimate. What ultimately matters to him is still the idea that goodness should be real and structural, something that exists beyond small, local pockets of kindness. He believes it can be made better, that he could even protect it better from above. So emotionally, he wants to stay; but ideologically, he feels he has to go, for something greater than the two of them. And yes the Metatron awakens all of this that was, in a way, asleep in Aziraphale.

Aquí el orden de lectura es SAGRADO: el prólogo siempre va antes que el capítulo 1. Revisa bien cada sección para no spoilearte sola 🐈

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📖 HISTORIAS

🐱 Price of the Blood

→ historia en desarrollo • sin capítulos subidos aún 🐾

🐱 Arlands

→ en proceso de escritura ✍️😺

🐱 El Trío Triple Desastre

→ Capítulos subidos:

‣ 1. Un prólogo a patadas (¡LEE ESTO PRIMERO!)

‣ 2. Compras que salen bien… ¿o mal?

→ Capítulos en desarrollo:

‣ baila en la línea de fuego

‣ ¿quién es el más inocente aquí?

‣ ¡pijamadas!

(Pronto más, lo juro 😼)

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📜 RELATOS

🐱 Colores en mí → en proceso 🐈

🐱 Soñé con dar → en proceso 🐈‍⬛

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INTENCIÓN DEL BLOG

escribir poemas 🖋️ / opinar sin filtro / compartir historias e ideas / tirar conceptos desechados / pasarla bien / hacer reír / hacer el tonto en general

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🚫 DISGUSTOS

perros 🚫 / preguntas intrusivas 🚫 / posers 🚫 / gente que solo escribe frases “profundas” con más faltas dramáticas que letras (me da ansiedad)

GUSTOS

gatos 🐱🐈🐈⬛ / dibujar 🎨 / escribir ✍️ / bromear / decir tonterías / hacer reír a los demás / hacer amigos virtuales / hablar / pasar el rato / la versatilidad 😸😺

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🎭 FANDOMS (háblame si te gusta alguno 🐾)

Devil May Cry • Forsaken • Epic the Musical • Let him Go • Resident Evil • SMP • Tortillaland • Chikos • Murder Drones • Creepypastas • Henry y Molly Detectives de Neuracat • Moon Knight • Bad Things • FNAF • bodrio de Hazbin Hotel • The Freak Circus • My Little Pony

😽 Si ves algo que te gusta, NO DUDES, ESCRIBEME 😽

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Disfruta, respeta el orden de los capítulos, y que los gatos te acompañen porque

Leydis, su servidora y comentarista DE CONFIANZAAAA

se despide

SYBAUU

Sketching out an Anbu guy!! Still refining the design but happy with this as a concept.