#charneil

and one for what has become my 2nd favorite dps ship:

here's part -> one

Okay so this is kind of longer than I wanted it to be… but here you go!!

Cherry and 26 for the ask game. I hope you enjoy!

Possible trigger warning for a mentioned suicide attempt. Nothing explicit, but be warned.

A Kiss… as an Apology

Grey smoke exhaled from Charlie’s mouth. It interweaved with the bright blue sky, almost staining it. He had been waiting for far too long, or so it felt. He smoked when he was stressed. He smoked when he wasn’t stressed too. It really was a bad habit of his. Cameron was constantly talking his ear off about it. He went on and on about how dangerous it was and how Charlie would probably get lung cancer in the future if he didn’t quit soon. Charlie always waved him off. He had given up on himself and his body long ago. He only got one life. He’d smoke what he wanted, do what he wanted, and wouldn’t take shit about it from anyone.

Anyways, he didn’t care about any of that right now. He didn’t care at all.

The only thing that was on his mind was Neil. The poets hadn’t heard from him for days. Charlie was stressing the entire time. It wasn’t like Neil and him to be separated for that long without a single word. They were usually attached at the hip. One was not often found without the other. So when Neil vanished without an explanation, Charlie got nervous. It was like half his heart, half his mind, half his everything was ripped apart. He couldn’t function properly. Charlie was distraught on his own. Neil was always there to guide him. With a gentle touch he made Charlie feel complete. He filled the silence when Charlie needed a break from his own booming, obnoxious thoughts that constantly looped in his mind when a hush fell over a room or he was left alone for even a few minutes. Charlie found it nice to fill his life with noise. Neil could be noisey. Not that it was bad that he was. Charlie was noisey too. Charlie liked the sound of Neil’s soft, honey voice when he spoke soothing words. He enjoyed his dramatic, over the top reenactments of shakespeare. He loved the sound of his laugh when Charlie made a quick, witty remark. It was all amusing and comforting to Charlie.

About two days into Neil’s mysterious disappearance, Cameron has been the one to receive a call. Charlie knew before him Cameron had somehow been Neil’s best friend. As Neil describes it, he found him on the school playground at their elementary school and threw him over his shoulder. Since that day Cameron had been stuck there. He kicked and hit at first, but he quickly became quite fond of his new best friend, letting him drag him around from place to place.

Charlie still isn’t even too sure how it happened. Neil had the power to become friends with just about anyone. He had no idea how Cameron of all people was his first choice.

Maybe that’s why they hadn’t gotten along since the moment Charlie entered their shared dorm all those years ago. After all, Charlie was able to catch Neil’s attention quite easily.

To this very day they weren’t too fond of each other, but they had grown comfortable in their dorm. They learned to live with each other, though it was very reluctant.

Charlie listened in on Cameron’s phone call as he so often did. It seemed important this time and when Charlie heard Neil’s name mentioned, his head snapped up, not bothering to conceal the fact he was eavesdropping anymore.

And when Charlie asked him about it, Cameron explained to him that Neil had been in the hospital for the past couple days because he tried to take his own life. And that day, he was going to be admitted to a psych ward. Charlie’s walls shattered around him and the truth that he tried to shut out came flooding in in waves of guilt and regret.

Which brought him back to now.

Neil was going to be released today. Charlie wasn’t able to stand his own thoughts for the few days that led up to this point. He felt guilty. Deep down, he knew that something had been wrong with his best friend. Of course he had. He knew everything about Neil. It was hard for him to hide things from Charlie. However, Charlie was living in blissful ignorance. As brave as he seemed, he had never been able to confront those kinds of dark feelings. He couldn’t confront them in his own mind, so how would he know how to confront another person about it? Instead, he had to constantly surround himself with things to get his mind to shut up. He thought if he did the same for Neil, talking his ear off, making him smile and laugh, that it might help him, but it didn’t. Bottling things up didn’t work for everyone. Sometimes their bottle was so full that they couldn’t screw the cap on right. Charlie figured that’s how it was for Neil.

Neil had been hiding behind a mask of happiness for so long that he had grown sick of it. Neil only wanted freedom. He didn’t want to conceal the emotions he had, but he felt like he had to. This was his last resort to free himself. Charlie couldn’t believe he let it get this bad without offering Neil support.

Charlie was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the front door of the building closing. There stood Neil, his mother by his side. She had a hand on his back as they walked out.

Charlie couldn’t help himself. He stomped his cigarette out and ran towards Neil, wrapping him in an embrace. Touching Neil was something he missed. The two of them had always been physically affectionate with each other. Pats on the bag, arms around shoulders, sitting with their knees touching, pinkies intertwined, kisses to the head. It was normal with their kind of friendship.

When Neil didn’t immediately hug him back, Charlie got a little nervous. After a few seconds of what Charlie guessed was shock though, two arms wrapped around him, tugging him closer.

They stayed like that for a while, neither of them daring to pull away until Neil’s mom spoke up.

“I’m afraid we have to get going soon. Neil’s father is expecting us.”

Charlie pulled away. He wanted to say so many things. He’s the one who’s responsible. Why didn’t you save him? I don’t want him to leave again. Does he have to go now? But for once, he bit his tongue.

“Could I just drive him home later, Mrs. Perry. He hasn’t seen us for so long. I bet he missed everyone. We won’t be too long. Promise.” Charlie was practically pleading with her. He didn’t want to come off as too desperate, but he couldn’t help it. Neil was back. He was finally back.

“Oh, I’m not sure, Charles. We really—“

“Please?” Neil said, the single word sounded so choked out. You would think he forced himself to say it.

“Well… Alright. Be home before dinner. Be careful. Please.”

Neil nodded his head. “We will be.”

When Charlie and Neil had gotten in Charlie’s car, the two of them still hadn’t really spoken a word directly to each other. Neil looked so worn out, so tired, so numb. It hurt Charlie to see him like that. He couldn’t help but stare. There was so much he wanted to say, but no words could properly express what he wanted to get across.

Neil glanced at him after a moment. He looked like he was going to burst into tears any second. Charlie couldn’t stand the sight. He needed to say something.

Instead of saying something, though, Charlie leaned forward. He gently grabbed hold of Neil’s face and pressed a kiss to his lips. He was hoping it communicated what he wanted it to. I’m sorry. I should’ve been there. I love you. I’m so glad you’re alive. I’m here for you. I’d do anything for you.

He pulled back after a moment, taking in Neil’s expression. His lips were parted, his eyes were wide. He sat there in shock for what seemed like an eternity before he let a very small smile crack through his face, shattering the frightened mask he wore.

“Hello to you too, Charlie.” Neil joked. Charlie couldn’t help a smile from breaking through on his own face as well.

“I missed you.”

That was all Charlie could get out before Neil’s lips were back on his. It was softer than anything Charlie had known. Maybe it was softer than anything either of them had known. Two explosive personalities coming together to make something so gentle.

Charlie didn’t want it to end.

then you met this guy in middle school. he received the same treatment - raised to fear his dad and never nurture dreams and desires of his own. and he grew to be the exact opposite of you.

and he breaks into your life like a madman, he makes you questions things - your dad, your desires. makes you wanna rebel.

your first act of rebellion was talking shit behind your father's back - charlie supported it, calling his own dad a little bitch. your second act of rebellion was loving him - a man.

charlie showed you you could make choices, could do whatever you wanted (even if only when your dad wasn't looking), charlie loved you more than anything in the world. kissing him felt like screaming "fuck you!" to the world and right to your father's face.

cameron is complaining about something and he rolls his eyes and say "you're such a beta!" and cameron is like what the fuck did you just call me, dalton?!

but he never explains shit lol

neil asks for his help to idk change a lamp or whatever and he confidently announces "of course my dearest omega, your alpha is here to solve all your problems!"

knox is nervous about a math test he absolutely didn't study for and charlie starts rubbing his back, knox is confused but kinda grateful too before charlie starts his weird shit again "I smelt your distress my most prized omega, your alpha is here!", "...do i smell bad?" knox sneaks a sniff to his armpits, completely lost, "quite the opposite my delicious cinnamon bun!" knox gets up and leave, charlie doubles over laughing.

all of them organize a meeting (actually they trick charlie into one lol) and try forcing out of him wtf he's saying and he simply shrugs and say "yall omegas and betas wouldn't get it"

meeks is the first to think of searching the words "alpha, beta and omega" online, but once he finds out the truth he feels a little too embarrassed to explain it to the poets lol

But what about Charlie x Neil (charniel?) not necessarily as endgame but like

They've been friends for so long, confiding on each other their biggest secrets. It feels right to me they'd be the 1st to know eo's sexualities

Not only that but I could see them helping eo to "be sure" yk?

Like Neil suddenly tells Charlie what's been eating him alive for months, blurting a "i think I like boys" while they're in middle school

"me too" Charlie shares bcuz hey, they're bffs right?

It starts small, like holding hands, cuddling (things they already did, but now it was conscious - they were testing the waters). And then evolved into short quick kisses.

"You're the most handsome dude I've met" neil said once, they were holding hands after a make out session, lips still swollen. Charlie mumble 'you too. You have beautiful eyes'.

They never had the 'just don't fall in love with me' talk tho, it wasn't necessary. They already loved eo but not like that. (They were each other's first time, both agreeing there was no one else better to do it with)

And it kept going well into high school, where Neil met Todd and suddenly everything made sense in the world, and Charlie fell for Knox - the only person to ever match his freak so flawlessly.