#chara study.

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tagged by: no one tagging: @alwaysthegdbabysitter, @therebetterbepie, @daypitt, @pittnurse, @artificialnocturnc (mel), @sympatheticdominance and you reading this!

now I know we've canonically seen Jack's writing but....

    nibelheim is a place that upholds “old traditions”, and this includes gender roles. there’s the belief that a woman’s happiness depends on the man she will spend her life with, and tifa, as the sole girl of her generation, grows extremely anxious over the notion; if divorce is frowned upon and considered a personal failure, then she ought to choose wisely— which turns into not choosing at all, both in her time at nibelheim and midgar (but we’ll get there in a bit). clearly, this puts a dent on her ability to make sentimental decisions of this nature.

    in small villages, kids have a limited pool of contemporaries to choose from, so it’s almost an unspoken agreement that they should all hang out with each other. tifa plays into this, of course. however, as they all start growing, she starts to notice that she’s not only being approached for being their age, but also for what she could possibly represent: a girlfriend, a wife. tifa is notoriously uninterested in any advances, but, in the spirit of not forsaking the only bonds she has (and can have) in town, she learns to fake obliviousness or gently turn down advances. by this point in time, she becomes familiar with the value and subsequent idealization placed on her. i also think that her own father’s overprotectiveness (out of love, yes, but still a little overwhelming) post thea lockhart’s death informs tifa of the ways men can be kind of... possessive, and she sees that too in other nibelheim marriages. why wouldn’t she be intimidated?

    traces of two pasts* mentions: “[Tifa] disliked whenever [adults] brought up how her body looked so grown. There would be someone who sensed her discomfort or resentment, and would try to change the subject, but then it would turn into whom she should be with and things of that nature.” two things to note here, which are frustrations that will further estrange her from romance: 1) her aversion to her body being a point of conversation, which only worsens as her body matures even further and makes it hard to believe her appearance isn’t solely why she’s pursued (hello objectification); 2) just how sick she grows from romantic relationships being such a focus of conversations her way, which, while not ill-intentioned, still make her feel confined. these conversations’ timing coincide with her self-improving via zangan’s training, when her focus is solely on herself and what she’s good at doing/wants to do in the future.

   so, ironically, the incessant talk about partnership only drives her away further from the idea, and she certainly gets scrutinized for it as she grows older: “tifa is at that age, she’s pretty/kind/polite, she can cook/clean/tend to ppl/etc, why doesn’t she have a partner?” i think these sentiments are especially prevalent when she lives in midgar. it’s worth noting that she only gets the tools to deconstruct the gender roles she was raised with while living in the city (though obviously midgar upholds some of them too, but regardless, the diversity of backgrounds helps to broaden her vision), but, by then, pursuing or even looking for a romantic interest is… not even on her list (what with running 7th heaven and helping AVALANCHE). she most certainly gets a bit of fame from rejecting all advances her way, especially at the bar, but she can’t help it; she’s so used to being idealized that she’s almost convinced her pursuer will change their mind once they know her better and realize she’s not just those good traits— her insecurities, her traumas, her depression, her temper (which is notably less meek and more volatile than people tend to acknowledge lmao, especially as a teen).

    evidently, her teens-early twenties are marked by being pursued the same way one seeks a prize, and in response, she becomes averse to it. this all results in tifa… not experiencing any sort of romantic emotional/physical intimacy when reaching adulthood, and it makes the prospect of doing so all the more intimidating. add to that the dizzying journey she’s thrust into during the main game and, well, there’s no time and nor does she have the headspace to establish a relationship; it can only happen post main game. 

Lottie desperately wanted the things she saw and felt to be real or divine and not just symptoms or bad omens. She never asked for anyone's faith, but now that they are giving it to her, she will do her best to cradle it gently. Lottie, who needed hope just as badly as any of them.

A tragic prophetess, a vessel for godhood in the wilderness, who grew up and had to learn to scrape the blood from the floorboards of her mind. To shed her past like an old skin. But it's not ever really truly shed, is it?

LAYER  ONE    :    THE  OUTSIDE.

NAME    :    jodi  annabelle  albright EYE  COLOUR    :    blue HAIR  STYLE  /  COLOUR    :    naturally  a  brunette,  bleached  blonde  but  hasn’t  particularly  kept  up  with  regrowth HEIGHT    :    5′10″ CLOTHING  STYLE    :   haphazard,  punk-leaning,  slim.  tapered  jeans  with  tears  (  &  no  knees  at  all  in  a  lot  of  them  ),  shirts  cropped  herself  &  sleeves  cut  off,  holes  snipped  into  her  tees,  chucks.  the  only  real  exception  is  her  penchant  for  oversized  men’s  coats  /  jackets  that  somehow  still  manage  to  drown  her,  even  though  she’s  five  foot  ten BEST  PHYSICAL  FEATURE    :    height  ?  hair  ?  eyes  ?  face  ?  who  knows

LAYER  TWO    :    THE  INSIDE.

FEARS    :    ending  up  a  complete  unknown  deadbeat GUILTY  PLEASURES    :    .  .  .  madonna BIGGEST  PET  PEEVE    :    being  understimulated,  or  ignored AMBITIONS  FOR  THE  FUTURE    :    her  band  being  successful

LAYER  THREE    :    THOUGHTS.

FIRST  THOUGHTS  WAKING  UP    :    no♡  *goes  back  to  sleep*  *wakes  up  later*  ugh  fine WHAT  THEY  THINK  ABOUT  THE  MOST    :    it  varies,  but  likely  food  or  how  the  drums  in  [  song  playing  ]  sound WHAT  THEY  THINK  ABOUT  BEFORE  BED    :    she  doesn’t  really  have  coherent  thoughts  before  bed,  she  just  passes  out  when  her  body  decides  she’s  been  up  too  long WHAT  THEY  THINK  THEIR  BEST  QUALITY  IS    :    her  tenacity

LAYER  FOUR    :    WHAT’S  BETTER    ?

SINGLE  OR  GROUP  DATES    :    single.  no  way  she’s  dealing  with  anyone  else TO  BE  LOVED  OR  TO  BE  RESPECTED    :    respected BEAUTY  OR  BRAINS    :    brains DOGS  OR  CATS    :    dogs,  any  time

LAYER  FIVE    :    DO  THEY    .  .  .

LIE    :    only  white  ones,  &  not  often.  she  can  be  uncomfortably  honest  sometimes BELIEVE  IN  THEMSELVES    :    some  people  might  say  too  much BELIEVE  IN  LOVE    :    not  as  like,  some  magical  thing,  no.  but  in  that  you  can  care  about  someone  enough  to  put  their  happiness  above  yours  at  times  ?  yes WANT  SOMEONE    :   the  company  would  be  nice

LAYER  SIX    :    HAVE  THEY  EVER    .  .  .

BEEN  ON  STAGE    :    yes,  many  times CHANGED  WHO  THEY  WERE  TO  FIT  IN    :    not  even  a  little.  it’s  caused  friction  before

LAYER  SEVEN    :    FAVOURITES.

FAVOURITE  COLOUR    :    peach FAVOURITE  ANIMAL    :    dogs FAVOURITE  BOOK    :    in  cold  blood  by  truman  capote  as  all-time  favourite.  recently,  she  enjoyed  (  for  lack  of  a  better  word  )  blood  meridian  by  cormac  mccarthy.  her  go-to  re-read  is  often  carrie  by  stephen  king. FAVOURITE  GAME    :    charades  for  a  party  game,  donkey  kong  for  a   video  game.  solitaire  for  a  card  game  ‘cause  she  likes  being  able  to  play  it  just  herself.  clue  as  a  board  game

LAYER  EIGHT    :    AGE.

DAY  THEIR  NEXT  BIRTHDAY  WILL  BE    :    april  9 HOW  OLD  THEY  WILL  BE    :    twenty

LAYER  NINE    :    FINISH  THE  SENTENCE.

I  LOVE    :    playing  drums I  FEEL    :    restless I  HIDE    :    my  rom-com  video  stash.  my  family  video  rentals  list  is  carefully  curated.  no  one  will  know  my  secret♡ I  MISS    :    my  dad I  WISH    :    i’d  got  a  little  more  closure

TAGGED  BY    :    @fabreai​