It was an odd mix of emotions Firestar felt as he led his patrol past the cats struggling in traps or taking swings at each other with hisses. His heart lay on the bottom of his chest, cracked in two at the sight of all this suffering, wilted with guilt at his part in it. All the same, the knowledge that it was here and that he could find a way to help… it was hard to ignore the warmth easing the ache.
To his relief, his friends’ looks of disturbance deepened with every trap or loner they passed. He said nothing to them; it was important that they see the pain for themselves, see what the Clans had done to these cats. Maybe ThunderClan would care more if they saw it too.
The Houses turned to the Aulmir as they had before when Brick had led Firestar down this road past Bilberry’s house. For a brief moment, the street was empty of cats or traps, and Firestar had a spark of… he wasn’t sure if it was hope or anxiety, flitter in his mind. Maybe Bilberry had been wrong.
Then the Aulmir opened into its rabbit’s warren of roads and alleys, and his stomach knotted.
Traps were everywhere; they covered the sidewalks and corners like fleas on an elder’s pelt. Cats were occasionally in them, some growling as they were passed by, others shaking silently. Firestar didn’t know who was screaming curses until he passed an alleyway and caught sight of a trap with a pregnant calico in it.
“Can we at least get her out?” Mousefur asked, hushed. Her tail bristled.
Ravenwing peered at the molly and the trap. “I don’t know if it’s possible, Mousefur…” A look at his Clanmate’s face, and then, “But, I mean, we could try. Right, Firestar?”
“Let’s see.” Firestar trotted down the alley, his friends in tow.
The molly noticed them quickly, and stopped screaming. She arched her back as well as she could in the small trap, lashing her tail and growling, “Don’t you dare come near me—”
“It’s alright,” Firestar said soothingly. He stopped a body-length away from the trap. “We want to free you.”
The calico’s glare turned confused. “…Really?”
Firestar nodded. “How did that trap get you?”
Still wary, she eyed Ravenwing as he circled the wires, sniffing and experimentally pawing. “There was some meat in here, and I crawled in to get it. I… I stepped too far in, I guess, and then it slammed shut, like a door.”
“This part here?” Greystripe patted the end of the trap, where a flat silver slab served as a wall.
“Yeah.” The calico turned around with some difficulty and pushed with a paw on the slab. “I tried getting it back open from in here, and I couldn’t.” She looked at Firestar. “Are you really going to get me out?”
“We can try,” Ravenwing said honestly, stopping next to Greystripe, “but I can’t promise anything. This thing’s complicated.”
What anger was left in the molly slid into fear. “They’re going to cut me and take my kits if I’m still in here when they come. Don’t leave me trapped.”
“We’re working on it,” Ravenwing said. He pulled at a wire that was raised over the rest of the trap, grunting in frustration when it didn’t budge.
“Firestar,” Mousefur said, warning. “There’s a human nearby.”
Firestar swiveled his ears. Heavy footsteps were slowly approaching.
“Double-time,” he told Ravenwing.
Ravenwing tried pushing the wire now, and it gave a little. He perked up. “Greystripe, get on the other side and pull this as hard as you can.”
Greystripe obeyed immediately. Paws and teeth worked together as he hauled back with all his might. The wire moved quite a bit, but then stopped. The slab was barely open enough for a paw to go under.
The footsteps got louder.
Firestar joined Greystripe and pulled, but now the wire wouldn’t move at all. Nervousness spiking, he asked Ravenwing, “What do we do?”
“Uh…” Ravenwing’s eyes darted up and down and around the trap, and he turned back and forth, looking carefully. “I don’t know. I thought—”
A voice hit them from the outside of the alleyway. A human voice.
Before Firestar could say anything, his Clanmates looked past him, then turned and ran with several hisses down the alleyway, around the corner of one side. Firestar jumped away from the trap and turned to see a human tromping towards him, using a curiously high and bubbly voice.
“It’s going to grab us,” the calico said, shaking. “It’s going to take me and my kits and—”
“Firestar, come on!” Greystripe whispered loudly.
He reacted. Firestar skittered backwards, putting distance between himself and the trap as the human bent and reached down. Their broad hand closed around a bar over the trap, the calico flailing and bashing herself against its walls, and the human picked it up with a grunt. They tilted their head curiously, eyeing Firestar.
“I’m sorry,” Firestar said to the calico, stomach icy.
The calico didn’t even look his way. She growled more curses, glaring at the human as they turned and walked back out of the alley.
No one said anything for a long moment. The rest of the patrol rejoined Firestar, all of them gazing where the human and the calico had gone.
“Stars above,” Mousefur said at last.
Firestar nodded faintly. He wanted to vomit.
“Well…” Ravenwing’s voice wobbled a little. “That’s a pretty clear sign of how bad it is here.”
What little of Firestar’s mood remained above water plummeted to drowning depths. “We need to find Oracle. If she hasn’t been taken, she needs to come home with us and be with Squirrel.”
“I’m game for that, but…” Greystripe shuffled uneasily. “Do we even know where to go? Only one of us has been here before, and I doubt you remember the way perfectly, Firestar.”
“I don’t remember it at all,” Firestar admitted. “But we have to look. If for nothing else, to get an idea of what needs to be done around here.” He stepped up to the entryway of the alley, looking around. “Brick and I headed right when we went to find her. We can walk down this path and stay on it until we’ve seen enough, and then turn around.”
To his relief, none of them protested. Whatever looks they may have given each other, they weren’t enough to keep them from following after Firestar.
Their travels ended up halting repeatedly; it was night, but once in a while, a human would appear and they’d have to hide in an alley or behind some bin while the human examined an empty trap, or, if the trap had a guest, pick it up and carry it away, no matter how hard the cat fought or tried to escape. It was no surprise, then, that there were fewer cats on the street. It was even less of a surprise that the patrol of (mostly) giants was quickly given room to walk when they were spotted.
“This isn’t how it was before,” Firestar said, deeply disturbed. “There were so many loners, and they were fighting for food, or lying on the road…”
“It seems like the humans have been busy,” Ravenwing said in a low voice. “The battle must have done something.”
“How do you figure?” Greystripe asked.
“When the moon turned red, Suriin must have been furious.” Ravenwing’s tail flicked at the tip thoughtfully. “Maybe she cursed these loners and set the humans on them.”
Greystripe looked at him. “Does she have power like that? To make humans do anything?”
“She is a god,” Mousefur said. “I mean, humans are weird, but maybe she did tell them to act.”
Ravenwing hummed, one ear back as he mulled this over. “Now that I think about it, my best guess is that maybe she did something to the loners to bring them to the humans’ attention. Instead of doing anything to humans at all, I mean. Enchanting humans is a tall order for anyone.”
Firestar opened his mouth to reply, but his eye caught a brown cat just stepping out of an alleyway. The darker limbs, tail, and muzzle looked familiar…
Oh!
“Hey!” he called, picking up his pace. “Excuse me!”
The cat jolted and whipped his head around to face them. He took a step back.
“No, no, we’re friendly,” Firestar hastened. “It’s Rusty– or, well, Firestar. You’re one of Oracle’s friends, right?”
The tom stiffened. Firestar slowed to a walk and carefully approached, his Clanmates lingering a few steps behind him. He relaxed when the pale eyes seemed to register and recognize him, and the tom turned to face him properly.
“Yes, I remember you,” he said, and his dry, testy tone immediately made Firestar’s confidence plummet. “The one who took Squirrel.”
“I did,” Firestar confirmed quietly.
The tom paused, before asking hesitantly, “Is she alright?”
“She’s doing great.” Firestar nodded. “She’s living with us and eating as much as she wants.”
The tom settled a little, his tail no longer stiffly held out straight. “…Good. Good.”
“We were actually looking for her mother just now,” Firestar continued. “Do you know where Oracle is?”
All hope dissipated like daytime mist as the tom’s eyes narrowed and his voice went flat. “She was trapped and taken away. I haven’t seen her for a long time.”
“Oh…” Firestar’s eyes fell to look at the ground. “And she was never brought back?”
“She wasn’t doing well,” the tom said. Firestar peeked up in curiosity, and the tom added quietly, “We don’t see the sick ones, or the weak ones again. She had a cough and couldn’t eat.”
Firestar very desperately wanted to believe that the humans had just altered her and let her back out in the Aulmir, where it would be difficult to find her. The bleakness on the tom’s face told him otherwise.
“Is the rest of your group alright, at least?” he asked weakly.
The tom rolled a shoulder. “The ones who came back are, yeah.”
Ravenwing cautiously joined Firestar, careful as he asked, “Can you tell us what’s going on around here? We’ve seen the Houses, but it looks… worse, here.”
The tom grunted and gestured sweepingly with his tail at the dark streets. “After your little battle, most cats came back to town. There was a lot of fighting as everyone tried to be the next Scourge of Heaven. No one managed it. They’re all still at it.” His eyes darkened. “When they aren’t caught in traps.”
“And they’re being cut here, too,” Firestar murmured.
“If you’re an adult,” the tom said. “All of our kits are being captured and never seen again. The queens who managed to stay pregnant… well, they’re definitely not having families now.” He sighed like he was trying to force a huge weight off his chest. “There are more cats with a short ear now than there are any of us who weren’t stupid enough to go after the food in the traps.”
Firestar shivered. We made things so much worse.
“And now there’s no authority to keep everyone together and tell them what to do and how to stay safe,” he said, more to himself than anyone else. “So it is bedlam here, too.”
“Nice way to put it,” the tom said. “At the very least, there’s more food to go around. Which I was heading out for when you stopped me, so if you’ll pardon me, Clan cats—”
There was no time to ponder the way he spat out the word ‘Clan’, because shouting and snarling suddenly very quickly closed in on them. Firestar caught yells of “traitor” and “monster”, before a familiar, dark ginger cat skidded around the corner, stopping just in time to keep from crashing into Firestar.
“Oh, hey,” Brick said, panting. He was covered in scratches and scabs. “Perfect timing. We gotta go.”
The brown tom jumped backwards, ears flat against his head. “Oh, it’s you—”
“No time.” Brick waved a paw. “Mind if I take a stroll with you, Firestar?”
The shouting got louder. Someone said, “Where is he?!”
“Out on the street!” someone else responded. “He has to be!”
Firestar decided to not wait for context. He turned to his Clanmates, said, “We’re leaving,” and started down the pathway at a run.
The ThunderClanners ran after him, Ravenwing glancing back at where Brick had come from, tail puffed out in fear, and Brick swiftly caught up to Firestar, even if he was out of breath.
“To the neighborhood,” he gasped. “They won’t follow us there.”
Firestar said nothing, saving his air. He didn’t look back as the yowls became clearer and closer.
“What happened?” Mousefur asked over the cats behind them.
Brick didn’t answer. He just ran faster.
The voices faded a little, stopping where they were just as they reached the end of the Aulmir and returned to the pleasant streets of the Houses. Still, Brick didn’t stumble to a stop until they were by a wooden fence that blocked them from view. He half-crouched, gulping down air with wide, pale eyes.
Firestar, catching his own breath, waited patiently until it seemed like Brick could speak again before asking, “What were they chasing you for?”
“Oh, well…” Brick coughed, breathed deeply one more time, then straightened up, his casual expression dampened by exhaustion. “I’m sure you saw how it is in town. Soon as someone let it slip that I helped the Clans take care of the Scourge, the entire town’s been after me.” He huffed a weak chuff. “I’ve barely been able to sleep without someone going for my throat.”
Now that he mentioned it, he did look exhausted. What a familiar feeling for Firestar. “Where have you been sleeping?”
“Anywhere.” Brick gestured vaguely again. “Can’t stay in one place too long, or a gang finds me and decides my tail will be the perfect symbol of their ownership of town.”
Firestar resisted shuddering at the notion, a dark tabby’s tail brushing his mind’s eye. He looked at his Clanmates—who all had an exasperated but resigned communal expression, like they knew what he was about to say.
“You’re not safe here, then, either,” he said to Brick. “Come with us to the forest. You can rest and figure out what to do next.”
Brick’s second chuff was a little more eased as he glanced at the other ThunderClanners. “You sure they’ll accept that?”
Firestar’s eyes stayed on his Clanmates as he answered, his voice more challenging than he would have liked. “Will they accept their leader offering the cat who helped save our territories from being taken over a brief place to rest? I think they’ll at least deal with it.”
“Oh, boy,” Greystripe sighed, seemingly to himself.
Mousefur didn’t do a good job of hiding her rolled eyes, looking away when Firestar’s landed on her. “At least we have one cat to bring home.”
Brick creased his eyes when he looked at her. “You were looking for someone else, huh? That Oracle girl, I’m guessing?”
Mousefur nodded.
“Sorry to disappoint, then.” Brick shook out his fur. “Well, I’d rather die in a nice place like your woods. Shall we?”
“You’ll have to act a little humbler and more hesitant if you want to win over ThunderClan,” Mousefur said curtly, the cats walking again. “Loners aren’t usually welcome, even if they did help us.”
“It’ll be fine,” Firestar said. “Just let me do the talking.”
Brick gave him a sidelong look. “Hope your persuasion skills are higher than mine are.”
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BACK AT THE MESS HALL IN THORPE ABBOTTS BASE, LIEUTENANT DYE'S FAREWELL PARTY WAS IN FULL SWING, with sprightly music filling the air, heartily laughter echoing across the halls, and the aroma of food and drinks wafting from the kitchen. The atmosphere was overall electric today. Soldiers danced with gusto, their moves ranging from coordinated to hilariously clumsy; some were engaging in playful banter, while others tried their luck with the nurses, their charm turned up to full volume. Glee bubbled up from every corner as friends swapped stories and jokes, creating memories to last a lifetime.
Amidst the lively festivities, the absence of the girl didn't go unnoticed. "Did she pass out in some barn again?" Buck pondered aloud, his leg jittering nervously. "Relax, she's probably just getting dolled up, all for you." Teased his raven-haired comrade, amiably squeezing the blonde's cheek to lighten the mood. "I overheard her chatting with Harding about the stupid protocol." He added casually, hoping to reassure his friend. "Yeah, well, seeing her in a dress is only going to make it harder to spot her when she's too busy getting freaky in some crowded pub." He sighed to himself, resigning to the possibility.
"You sure about that?" Bucky cocked up a brow, pointing to the entrance of the hall, where the enchanting y/c/h-haired girl stood. Her dress, a vision in midnight blue, hugged her curves in all the right places, the fabric cascading elegantly to the floor in a timeless silhouette. Adorned with delicate lace and shimmering beads, it exuded an air of sophistication befitting the occasion. As she moved, the dress swirled around her in a seductive dance, softly caressing her body with every step. Her y/h/l, y/h/t hair streamed down lustrously, framing her face like a halo of abyss, and her enigmatic y/e/c eyes sparkled with a mixture of mischief and lust.
Each blink of hers seemed to cast a spell, exuding an intoxicating mix of confidence and grace. Her radiant smile, like a beacon of warmth and comfort, illuminated the room, leaving her crewmen spellbound in its wake. Gale found himself utterly entranced, unable to tear his gaze away from her mesmerizing presence. She was more than just beautiful; she was magnetic, drawing him in with an irresistible pull. With each step she took, the air seemed to crackle with electricity, igniting a fire within him that he couldn't deny. She was like a siren, luring him closer with her ravishing charm and leaving him breathless.
In that moment, Gale felt as if he were living in a dream — a reverie where she was the star of the show and he was just a willing captive, lost in the depths of her allure. His heart raced at the very sight of her, his every nerve tingling with anticipation. She was his deepest, darkest desire, his wildest fantasy come to life, and he knew that he would follow her anywhere, just to bask in the glow of her presence. "Take a picture, it lasts longer." Mused the girl, her voice a sultry melody that echoed in the stunned minds of the men, particularly the blonde, because the raven was quick to snap out of it after a strong shot of fiery vodka.
"Or better yet," she whispered, her lips curling into a deviously sweet smile as she leaned in closer, the scent of her perfume filling Buck's senses with a heady intoxication, "why don't you come closer and make a memory that will last a lifetime?" She suggested tantalizingly, her breath warm against his burning ears, as his face flushed the color of a ripe tomato. Choking on his own saliva, the man began coughing his lungs out, her words hung in the air like a promise, igniting a fire within him that he couldn't ignore. "Jesus Christ, man... Just breathe-" Chuckled Demarco, approaching the table, sensing the sexual tension as the rest of the group arrived.
"Holy fuck- You look stunning, Major!" Complimented Brady as he sat down in front of her. "Not too bad yourself, Commander." Replied the girl, as they all eased into a chill conversation, waiting patiently for the man of the hour — Captain Glenn W. Dye, of course. The first member of the Bloody Hundredth to finish 25 missions. "Nah, c'mon Bucky- ducks are nice! Lovely little companions." Scoffed Pipsqueak as the raven continued dissing their 'dumb tiny yellow heads'. "Not when they chase you for miles, demanding you for milk, knowing you don't have any!" He defended as the table roared with laughter, as he narrated the incident.
"Ah, there he is!" Cried Hambone as the brunette showed up, his gorgeous lady wrapped tight in his arms. "Glenn Dye, in the flesh!" y/n cheered as everyone began chanting his name and applauding for his success. His face lit up with pride and gratitude as he soaked in the adoration of his comrades, and with a beaming smile, he waved to the crowd, his heart swelling with appreciation for the support and camaraderie of his fellow soldiers. "If it isn't our very own Charlie Robertson!" Joked Bucky, receiving nods of agreement from the others. "Charlie? Who's Charlie?" Asked Lil, puzzled by the reference.
"1922, White Sox at Tigers." Replied the raven. "No runs, no hits, no errors." y/n explained, her familiarity with baseball evident as no one would shut up about it. "Yeah, he's the last guy to throw a perfect game." Demarco chimed in. "Till now." Shrugged Dye. "So, you get to go home before Florida?" Jack questioned. "Uh, yeah. Three days." Answered the brunette. "Yeah, maybe go hunting with my pops, let mom fuss over me... Then I'm dropping by some stations to prove that the 25 can actually, you know- get done."
"Yeah, by the skin of his teeth." Scoffed Brady, his faith shaken after witnessing the death of his best friends on his 24th mission. "We're all that's left, aren't we?" Dye mumbled, breaking the awkward silence cast upon the table after the man's comment. "Twelve crews out of..." Started Blakely, "Thirty-five, that flew in from Greenland." Crank finished. "That would be correct." Mumbled the girl, downing her whiskey, her mood killed by the grim reality of their situation. "We're just happy for you, Dye." Buck quickly stated, taking away her glass. "That's right, we are... Very happy for you, pal. Very happy."
"Here's to the fellas who aren't here tonight — who should've been." Glenn toasted. "I'll drink to that." Deadpanned the girl, snatching her drink back from the blonde and gulping down the rest. "Gentlemen, I'm gonna go check on the boys... Make sure they're not celebrating too hard without me." The lieutenant then said, grabbing his lady by the waist and quickly whisking her away. "Yeah, I'm gonna go get something to eat." Said the girl, excusing herself. "Steer clear of the liquor, y/n. Cliff said he'd banish you if he catches you infiltrating his territory again." Sighed the blonde, hating to see her go, but loving to watch her leave...
On the other side of the bar, however, y/n was busy working on her latest plan to swipe a bottle of champagne, while three other men, new recruits, looked around for their fourth. "Stop staring-" Sighed Speas, rolling his eyes at the brunette who couldn't tear his gaze away from Helen since they arrived. "I'm not staring," Nash defended poorly, taking a sip of his dirty martini, his eyes still fixed on her. "You're staring." He scoffed, rather embarrassed by his friend's awkwardness. "Neither of you are bothered by this?" Lewis, on the other hand, glared at the partying crowd, his disapproval evident in his tone.
"I'm hot and bothered." Admitted the brunette, taking another sip. "It's Nash, buddy. Nash is Nash." Justified Speas. "No, I'm not talking about that- I'm talking about the giant shindig 'cause one crew isn't going home in a box." Scoffed the blonde. "Why? Why do you always gotta say things like that?!" Snapped his friends bitterly, but before Lewis could reply, their eyes finally spotted their friend, standing by the entrance, dancing his way over like a complete clown. "Watch out fellas, here comes twinkle-toes!" Teased Nash, as the others burst out laughing. "No, don't- don't encourage him... He'll scare off all the ladies!"
"Nice moves!" Speas cheered, giving his friend a hearty handshake. "Gentlemen, what have I missed?" Robert smiled as he joined them. "I'm checking out the scene, while Pappy here is trying to dour the mood." Nash quipped. "In other words, nothing." Sighed the blonde. "Sour." He corrected. "Hmm?" His friends exchanged puzzled glances. "The mood... it's 'sour the mood,' you mean." He clarified. "No, no, all I said is it's not a good sign for us; one crew making it merits a blowout bash?" Lewis raised an eyebrow. "You know they're onto you, right?" Nash, however, had already shifted his attention back to the brunette who had captured his heart at first sight. "I hope they are..."
"Fellas..." The raven Major and his blonde companion suddenly appeared, eager to extend a warm welcome to the newcomers before their inevitable rendezvous during tomorrow's mission, assuming there was one. "Major Egan- Major Cleven!" Nash recognized the two almost instantly, looking forward to working with them since before they were shipped out. "Rosenthal and Nash." Bucky guessed, pointing at the two brunettes. "That's right, sir." Nodded Nash conformingly. "Co-pilots uh, Spatz and Louis?" Gale mused, not very good with names. "Speas, sir." He murmured coyly. "Speas." Buck quickly repeated. "Lewis, sir; but people call me pappy."
But before they could exchange formal introductions, a familiar cry rang out. "ROSIE!" y/n yelled excitedly, rushing up to the brunette and enveloping him in a tight embrace. "Y/N/N!" He chuckled, recognizing the Major, returning the hug even though he found it hard to breathe due to her tight grip. "You look stunning." Rosie complimented, giving her a twirl after they broke apart. "Thank you." She grinned, offering him a playful courtesy as they shared a laugh. "You two know each other?" Questioned the blonde, a hint of jealousy creeping into his tone as he bit the insides of his cheek, his arms crossed defensively.
"Hell yeah! We trained together back in Texas." y/n replied, completely engrossed in the reunion with her old acquaintance. "So, were you all pilots before the war?" Bucky probed, trying to uncover more about their connection for his envious friend. "Lawyer, sir. Major l/n had been training much longer, which is why she got deployed sooner." The brunette explained. "A lawyer?" Gale raised an eyebrow at the unexpected profession amidst wartime. "Can't tell you the number of times he defended my ass from potential assassination attempts-" y/n quipped. "Wait, for real?" Bucky asked, convinced but not entirely surprised. "No."
"So, where'd you learn to fly a B-17?" Buck asked, his gaze lingering on the girl who leaned into her old friend, a flash of insecurity and longing evident in his oceanic eyes as he spoke. "Oh, I had a great teacher back in Laredo." Rosie smiled at y/n. "Nine months for 12 hours a day. We were bunk-mates too." y/n informed. "Gunnery training." The man further explained. "Lieutenant Nash too." He added, making the girl glance at the man. "Oh my god- Humpty!" She recognized. "Hi! I didn't even recognize you!" She chortled as the two shook their hands. "Finally grew out my hair like you advised, Major." Smiled the boy. "Looking sharp."
"Well, you lot come with a hell of a reputation, I'll tell you that." Bucky interjected, shifting the topic, his eyes catching the blonde's subtle attempt to avoid looking at the two, sensing the tension in the air. "I take it that Major l/n told you two about us flying in our skivvies, then?" Robert let out a flustered sigh. "No, I didn't- I haven't even spoken about you yet." Scoffed the girl. "Okay that's hurtful-" Rosie retorted. "I'm not following." The raven said. "Oh, well.. we were known for flying in our underwear, sir." Elaborated Nash, the men chuckling softly at the memory. "What, all of you?" Buck questioned, rather concerned more than amused.
"Not me." The girl rolled her eyes. "But the rest of these losers looked like giant walking babies. It was so awkward because they assumed I was a guy when they first came to my office—practically darted out." She explained, prompting laughter from everyone. "But once they got comfortable, back to skivvies, it was." She sighed wistfully, reminiscing about the days when mortality wasn't a constant concern. "That's what the kids are doing these days?" Bucky mused. "In Texas, those forts get so hot, you could fry an egg on the instrument panel." Explained Rosie. "I apologize for the inconvenience, boys." The girl pouted teasingly, easing the tension.
"We uh, hadn't heard about the the underwear, but we- we heard you're outstanding pilots." Buck said, smoothly shifting the conversation. "We're happy to be in the war, sir." The brunette declared with unwavering determination. "We've been requesting a combat position for months — now that we're here, feels like we're actually gonna do something." He smiled humbly. "Oh, you'll do something, alright..." Scoffed the girl, her tone carrying a hint of foreboding. "I'm gonna go get a drink." She sighed, walking away. "I better monitor her consumption." Gale mumbled, following her into the crowd.
"Oh, Rosie- join me for a dance after this!"
(a/n: so, i had to rewrite the whole thing as i accidently deleted it and now i'm pissed cuz it's not the same 😭)
(2.2k words)
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“Where? Mary looks around. It seemed the perfect place. Safe, well supplied, where else could they go that would be better.
“A very good question Mary. This was the preferred place but, he probably told them. They will be more affective then he was.” She cradles William, who hadn’t left her side. She won’t fail him or any of them again.
“I have an idea.” Jamie adjusts a sleeping Faith. Just sleep. He is keeping a close eye on that. They both look at him. “My family home has a Priest hole that my dad expanded into a huge storm shelter. It is almost as big as this space. If not as well stocked.”
“Jamie, are you sure? Your family…?”
“I would rather know then not. Besides, the living are the priority. They are, Mary’s babe is. The future.”
She nods. “Very good. Where is your home?”
“The Highlands. A place called Lallybroch.”
“We need to pack up tonight. The boot of my car is pretty big. We will take all we can, transporting it out tonight, get a bit of sleep, and leave at first light.” She reaches out to touch his arm. “Thank you Jamie.”
When you think you’re moving too fast and want to slow down, that is when you need to pay attention the most. What happens is, you see things for what they are and you gain insight without hindsight. Lately, I feel like I’ve been running at full speed and not chancing a look back to see who’s still behind me. But why do I even feel like I’m being chased at all? It’s more likely that I’m following someone else at this point. But when I reach the cliff, I’ll keep running without stopping so that I don’t hesitate when it comes time to jump off the edge.
Maya stood with her arms crossed in the night air outside of the warehouse after shoving her phone back in her purse. The cool air made her more aware of just how drunk she was and she leaned against a random car to steady herself a little bit.
Maya knew this is what would happen but she had come anyway and now, she faced the wrath of Paul. But she wasn’t nervous, if anything she was annoyed, upset even. More and more, Maya was realizing that she wanted to be with Paul forever, if he chose her, but going on like this where every outing would be a fight wasn’t an option. She planned to confront him, even if she did feel like she messed up a little this time.
After about five minutes, Maya was starting to get a little cold. The recent rainfall had cooled off the area and she was wearing next to nothing. Paul should be there any moment though, so she didn’t dare go inside. Off to her left, Maya watched as three men walked out from the warehouse laughing and handing each other a cigarette. She moved around to the other side of the car just to stay a little more out of sight but it was too late—they’d seen her. In their drunken state, they belligerently shouted at her, making their way toward her like they knew her.
Maya kept her eyes on the dirt road hoping that they’d leave her alone but one of the men, a tall blonde with half-lidded intoxicated eyes, started to chat her up. Maya was a little too drunk to make a quick exit and so she just tried moving away from him for some added space.
“Hey, wait. Don’t be like that,” he said, clearly slurring as his friends behind him chuckled, taking long drags of their cigarettes. His hand grabbed her arm now a little to tightly and pulled her back toward him.
“Stop.” Maya said firmly as she tried to jerk away.
“Come on, we were just talking,” he said, his hand on her hair now, fiddling a strand between his fingers. “You’re very pretty. Too pretty to be alone,” he said cryptically. Maya started to feel sick to her stomach. She tried to take another step away but his arm was still tight on her arm and he pulled her firmly toward him so that her back rested against the side of the car as he stood in front of her, blocking her way. “You don’t like me.” He said, his face too close to hers. She could smell the sickly sweet stench of too much alcohol on his breath. She turned her face away from his as he floated closer.
“Stop. Let go of me!” Maya said, her panic rising.
“Shh, shh shhh, don’t be like that,” he said, “We’re just talking. Well...I’m talking,” he laughed a little and his hand that was in her hair was on her face now, his thumb too rough on her chin, “We could have fun. Do you like to have fun?” his hand was moving down her face to her neck and he was clearly bleary eyed and out of control.
“Fuck off!” Maya tried to push him, but he pushed her back harder onto the car.
“HEY!” Maya heard a voice bellow from the clearing. And then, before she had a second to figure out where the sound had come from, she heard a sickening crunch and the man who had hovered over her was now on the ground groaning in pain. Paul stood in front of her now, his chest heaving and before Maya had a chance to take two solid breaths, the other two men who had been looking on tried to grab Paul. He easily tossed them off, punching one in the gut and the other in the face.
Still not satisfied by the heap of groaning men, he jumped on the man who had held Maya against the car and began to pummel him. With each blow, his face became more bloodied and disfigured. Paul was a man possessed, his eyes wild and he was going to kill him if Maya didn’t do something.
“Paul!” she screamed. But he continued to hit every possible surface of the man’s face who was clearly unconscious now.
Suddenly, Seth skirted lithely around Maya and grabbed Paul deftly around the shoulders, hauling him off of the man.
“Paul, stop! You’re gonna kill him.” Seth said, more calm than Maya was expecting. He didn’t let go of his hold on Paul who was struggling against Seth’s grip.
He was all rage as he bellowed with a pointed finger at the man on the ground: “Don’t ever touch her! If you fucking touch her again, I’ll rip out your fucking throat. I’ll fucking kill you!”
“Paul! Enough!” Seth said as Paul shook out of his grip and turned to Maya. His shoulders were moving up and down in labored breaths and his eyes were black with rage. He strode over to Maya and grabbed her hand roughly pulling her toward his car as he said “Let’s go.”
Maya could feel the tremors wracking his body and she was momentarily afraid that he was going to phase and go back to finish the job. But Paul yanked open the passenger door and Maya hopped in quickly. She winced as he slammed the door hard behind her. As Paul navigated them down the dirt road back toward the main road, Maya shook in the silence that followed. But once his headlights swept onto the safety of the concrete leading them back to La Push, she tried to talk to him.
“Paul,” she started softly, turning her head to look at him. He was stone faced, but she could see he was still furious, “I’m sorry. Sadie invited us and I wanted to go. I just...just wanted to go.” Nothing. Silence, “Paul? Are you really not going to say anything?” Cold silence. “Paul!” she shouted at him now.
Teeth gritted, he jerked the car over to the side of the road causing Maya to brace herself against the window, wide eyed. He undid his seat belt and turned to her, his eyes frantic, furious, and black.
“Come here.” he said, his voice low and commanding. Maya didn’t dare disobey this look and her mouth parted in obvious surprise at the look on his face. The knot in her stomach unfurled and she unclipped her seatbelt quickly, hurtling over the center console to straddle him. His hands on her were rough as he cinched up her miniskirt in a tight bunch around her hips, working quickly.
Maya unzipped his pants and pulled him out. Paul wasted no time before he thrust into her quickly and roughly, causing her to cry out. He pushed deep into her each time in hard, quick motions as Maya held on around his neck. Rain had started to fall in earnest on the car and the increased patter of it on the metal roof drowned out their panted breaths.
She could feel the tension in his shoulders, the frustration in the frown of his mouth, the look in his eye that was desperate and furious. His hands wrapped around her waist, gripping her tightly and slamming her down onto him with a force that felt entirely too good for how angry she knew he was.
Paul’s pace was feverish and it felt like a reminder to her —that she was his and no one else's. As he pounded into her and reached his climax inside of her, they collapsed onto one another in heavy breaths. Maya’s hands wrapped around the back of his head and he pressed his forehead into her shoulder. When they leaned back to look at one another, still breathless, Maya said between labored breaths:
“Are you still mad at me?”
“Very,” he replied, still trying to catch his. While his eyes had softened, Paul’s voice was gruff with frustration. She could feel that the tension in his shoulders had melted away, but the anger still hung in the dampened air of the inside of the car.
“Okay,” Maya conceded, leaning her forehead onto his as they both closed their eyes for a moment. His hands were still gripped tightly around her waist and when he finally loosened his hold on her, she hoisted herself off of him and plopped back down in the passenger seat trying to gather herself and straighten her skirt out.
Paul pulled back onto the road and drove in silence after that. Once home, he left the car quickly slamming the door behind him. Maya watched as he swung open the front door and disappeared inside without closing it behind him. She took a deep breath and then followed him in, softly pressing the front door shut and taking her time to get to him.
She found him in the kitchen warming up some leftovers and stood with her arms crossed as she leaned against the kitchen table. Paul wouldn’t look at her. After a few minutes of watching him eat leaning against the kitchen counter, Maya uncrossed her arms exasperated.
“Paul, I’m sorry. What do you want me to say?” she said desperately.
Paul took the last bite of his food and turned to wash the dish in the sink. “I don’t need you to say anything and I don’t have anything to say to you.”
“Oh bullshit,” Maya spat, putting a hand to her forehead now, “You’re mad. Okay, I get it. I’m sorry. But I still get to go and do things, Paul.”
Paul turned to face her now, his eerie calm was more frightening than when he was shuddering to keep his cool. “I asked you to do one thing, Maya. Don’t leave the rez. And what did you do?”
“I left the rez,” Maya replied, annoyed.
“So, what do you want me to say?” Paul said his arms crossed now.
“I don’t know. Tell me you’re mad, tell me I fucked up, tell me anything just not...whatever this is,” Maya motioned to him. He shook his head.
“I yell, you don’t listen. I ask you to do something, you do the opposite. It doesn’t matter. You don’t fucking listen to me. So I’m done.” Paul said definitively.
“You’re done?” Maya confirmed. She paused and looked down at her feet. When she looked back up at him there were tears in her eyes, “With me? You’re done with me?” She suddenly felt like a toddler about to throw a tantrum. Paul gave a sigh and rubbed his eyes and then said slowly.
“No, Maya. I’m not ‘done with you.’ I will never be done with you. You’re my imprint. Like I’ve told you a thousand times, you’re it for me. So no, I’m not fucking done with you,” the anger was starting to leak through the calm facade.
“So what are you done with?”
“I’m done trying to get you to listen to me. You’ve made it clear you don’t care what I have to say or what I ask, so I’m—”
“That’s not why I did this and you know it. I do listen to you.” Maya interjected.
“No, you fucking don’t!” Paul said, his voice rising. He was losing his sense of calm. But Maya much preferred this to the resigned, measured coldness from before. “I tell you what we’re hunting, something that probably fucking wants you by the way, and I almost kill myself trying to keep you safe and the pack safe and you decide that whatever you fucking want is more important, Maya. Not what I need, not what the pack needs, what Maya needs. It’s fucking selfish.” He wasn’t quite yelling, but his voice boomed across the kitchen. Maya was mad now, too.
“How dare you. I’m selfish all of the sudden?” Maya clenched her fists. “Me? I’m selfish. Okay, Paul.” She scoffed.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he shot back.
“Ever since you imprinted, my life has started and ended with you!” She shouted across the kitchen at him. He watched her carefully now, “Everything revolves around you! I have to tell you where I am all the time, vampires or not, I have to ask permission to go over to my best friend’s house, or to go to Port Angeles, or to do anything that I want to do alone. I’m not used to that. I don’t...want that. It’s suffocating!” Paul was still watching her, the anger clear in his eyes but he was listening, “And then…” Maya looked at her feet, trying to hold back tears, “And then when I do ask you about stuff, you’re a closed book. Or we just have sex and forget. You want to control every part of my life that you can, but it took you weeks to tell me what was going on with the pack. You never even told me that you were technically in charge.”
“I’m trying not to—”
“Not to complicate this, I know!” she interjected, her eyes wide and frantic, “But Paul, when I ask you what’s going on, I want you to tell me. I don’t want you to treat me like some little kid you have to protect. I’m your girlfriend. And if you really mean forever, then that means I’m your partner. For life. I want you to treat me like that. And I want you to fucking trust me.” Maya was amazed that she had delivered such a determined speech. The more she talked, the stronger her voice felt.
“I want to trust you, Maya,” Paul said after a long pause, “It’s hard though...I feel like whenever I pull, you push. Or when I ask you to stay, you run in the completely opposite direction. This isn’t coming as easily as it does for everyone else and that...fucking scares me.”
“But it all feels...one-sided. You get to make the rules and I just have to obey them. That’s not a relationship, that’s just control.” Maya said, defeated. Tears were falling clearly from her eyes now.
“My,” he said gently, taking a step toward her but she took a step back.
“Hold on,” she said, trying to get herself together, taking deep breaths. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I went to this party tonight. I didn’t tell you because I knew you would say no. I’m not sorry that I went though. I’m sorry I put you through the stress of finding out the way you did and then that guy—” Maya choked up on that part and she heard Paul make a sound in his throat that indicated he still wasn’t over her being touched. “If we can’t figure out a better way to do this...I don’t know how this is going to work.”
“Don’t do this again.” Paul interjected and Maya stopped him.
“I’m not breaking up with you. I’m saying that if this is the kind of relationship we’re going to have, it won’t work. So we need to figure it out because I don’t plan on this being over anytime soon.” Maya looked at him, fire in her eyes, fists still clenched. “I’m going to bed.” She said suddenly exhausted and letting her hands relax. “Just..think about what I said.” She said softly before turning and walking slowly up the stairs. She closed the door behind her and placed her back against it letting out a soft huff of air.
Somehow, Maya felt relieved. But in her relief, she also felt the overwhelming grief that came with fighting with someone you cared about. Her eyes lingered around the room and fell on the intricately detailed dresser that sat next to Paul’s dresser. He had finished it for her.
Maya walked over to it and ran her hand across the buttery soft surface. The dresser pulls were gold suns, her name sake, and he had carved intricate winding patterns down the wood that reminded her of the Quillayute River. Her hand wound down the front of the dresser following the path of the carved river as tears fell in earnest now from her eyes.
She quickly turned to tear her eyes away from the dresser as she walked over to lock herself in the bathroom and take the longest, hottest, shower she could manage.
Maya woke the next morning to an empty bed. Paul had never come in last night and while she was sort of grateful for the space, the imprint made her ache to be near him. She leaned up, still groggy and rubbed her eyes.
Carefully opening the door to the hallway, she listened for any sound of him, but there was nothing. She walked down the stairs quietly and rounded the corner to the living room. Empty.
“Paul?” she called out tentatively. The ache in her grew and she realized that he wasn’t here. Her eyes fluttered to the kitchen table where a piece of paper lay. Her heart hammered in her chest as she walked over and grabbed it.
My,
Gone to Seattle for work. I wanted to give you and me some space to think and figure this out. Michael has booked you a flight for Tuesday to come out here with me. Call him if you want it changed to sooner.
I love you so much Maya. And I heard you last night. I don’t want this to feel one-sided or like you’re being controlled, I want to try and make it better. You mean so much to me, so when you’re ready, come to Seattle and we can talk about anything. The pack, us, anything you want.
-Paul
Maya breathed a sigh of relief at the letter. This felt good. This felt better. And even though the imprint in her ached to follow him immediately, the old Maya welcomed the space to get her head clear so she could come to him anew.
The next couple of days, Maya spent at home with her parents. She felt like since she and Paul had gotten together that they barely spent time together. Maya spent an entire day with her dad outside in the backyard fixing up his old shed and then helped her mom cook dinner for some elders in the community. This was the Maya she remembered and she was so glad she was still there.
But, despite getting back to basics with Paul away, Maya knew she was forever changed and she realized that she was ready for the next step if she was really going to dig into this life and make it work with Paul.
“Mom,” Maya said over dinner a couple nights before she was meant to leave for Seattle. “Dad. Can I run something by you guys?” They perked up at her question.
“Of course, baby. What is it?” her mother replied. Maya stared at her dad and he nodded in confirmation.
“I’m...I’m gonna move in with Paul,” she said sure and confident. Rish’s eyes lit up with joy, but Maya kept her eyes on her dad. He was watching her carefully and Maya knew that there was some sadness there. “I think it’s best to do it now, during the summer, so we can have as much time as possible together before I leave for Columbia. But...that doesn’t mean I won’t ever be over here. I’m just….ready,” she sighed. And she was. Her dad looked at her for a long time before Rish said.
“Of course, honey. It seems the natural progression of things. Oh...I’m gonna miss you so much,” Rish was up and wrapped her arms around Maya’s head, tears in her eyes as she leaned down to kiss the top of her hair.
“You’re sure about this?” her father asked.
“Tom!” Rish exclaimed, but Maya looked at her father serenely.
“Yes. I’m sure. I’ve thought about it a lot and I need to take this next step. He’s it, dad.” she said decisively. Tom nodded and with one final look of sadness, he smiled and said,
“Okay. Then we support you.”
Maya beamed, “Thank you. That means a lot...really. I’m going to have some of the guys from Sam’s group come and move some stuff tomorrow, but it’s really just clothes and some books.”
The next night, Maya was fitting the rest of her clothes into her new dresser and hanging her dresses in the closet. She threw her old throw blanket from her bed over Paul’s bed—their bed— and smiled.
She had made this decision without him, but she knew he wanted this. He’d told her more than once. And this, she hoped, would be a good faith gesture to show him she was serious about their life together despite her leaving in the fall.
The next morning, she boarded a small biplane to Sea-Tac with the fancy leather weekender duffel bag that Paul had clearly purchased for her weeks ago.
When she deplaned and made her way to the terminal, she was unsurprised but overwhelmed to see Paul, standing tall above the milling crowd with his hands in his pockets and smiling the biggest grin she had ever seen. She rushed toward him and threw her body at him, which he gladly caught. Her arms were wrapped around his neck as she pressed her lips to his, his hands easily holding her around the back. She fit well in his arms as if she was made for him. When she pulled back to look at him, he rubbed the tip of his nose against hers.
“Miss me?” he teased. She nodded enthusiastically before pressing her lips back onto his for a moment.
“I realized something.” She said, still held in his arms. Her eyes bored into his and he looked at her curiously, “While you were away I mean,” she said. He chuckled and didn’t dare set her on the ground.
“What’s that?” it felt like there was no one else around them, and Maya feeling everything like she was just feeling it for the first time put a hand to his cheek, and said:
“I love you.” His smile faltered for only a second as shock washed over his face. A strangled sound of joy barely escaped his throat before his lips came crashing down onto hers again and Maya squealed. Her whole body exhaled at the admission and as he spun her around, she couldn’t help but laugh. When he finally set her down, he said, joy painted clear on his face,
“I love you too,” his face was elated and Maya never wanted that look to fade away. He whisked her away to his car, taking the bag from her shoulder and keeping her hand firmly in his. The rush of Seattle air washed over Maya as she rolled the window down.
They spent the afternoon in the loft above his studio reconnecting. Maya was thrilled to be under him as they made love, the look of claiming in his eyes echoing into her brain with each thrust. She had never felt more complete than he when he moaned out her name before coming between her legs, shuddering and holding her body tightly to his.
There was nothing but peace between them. Maya made it a point after their third time making love, as he rested his head on his bent arm above her, letting his hand wind down her slick with sweat body, to tell him that they still needed to talk about things. She smoothed the stern look on his brow and with a giggle said, “Oh come on, it won’t be that hard.”
“I’ll tell you everything you want to know if you let me do that thing again,” he said, mischief glimmering in his eyes. She burst into laughter, throwing her head back against the pillow and before she could even tell him yes, he quickly flipped her onto her stomach as she yelped in surprise.
Later that evening, Paul insisted on taking her out to dinner.
“It’s almost your birthday,” he said as Maya pulled the sheet around her naked body.
“Yeah, I know but we can just celebrate by ordering take out and you can just fuck me on your workbench,” she waggled her eyebrows at him. He leaned down to kiss her forehead as he buttoned his pants.
“Such a lady,” he laughed. Maya huffed as he put his shirt on and beckoned her out of bed. She threw on a fitted t-shirt dress and threw on some boots.
“Nothing fancy,” Maya said as she quickly brushed out her disheveled hair. She pulled on some underwear and Paul took the chance to slap her exposed ass as she shimmied into the dark blue thong.
“Right,” he said. “Come on,” he held his hand out to her and she took it with a smile.
They ended up eating down by the pier, facing the water and tucking in over some po’boys and fries. The warm lamplight spilled over the high-top and dripping hyacinths hanging from planters. Maya brushed her hands together to clear crumbs and looked at Paul. Her leg was propped up on his lap and every so often Paul looked down and to his left.
“What are you so jittery about?” Maya called him out. She could feel the nervous energy pouring off of him. “What?” she said when he looked at her seriously.
“Don’t freak out,” he said. Maya’s eyes widened momentarily and she took a deep breath to steady herself.
“What?” her eyes were glued to him as he fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a velvet box, setting it down next to her basket of fries. “Paul.” she gasped.
“It’s not what you think,” he said when he saw her go tense. “This is just me saying...I’m in this with you forever. It’s a promise of all of the things we’ve yet to talk about, but I’m preemptively saying yes to it all with this.”
Maya looked at the box now, her heart thumping so loud she knew he could hear it. “A promise?” she breathed.
“A gesture. Open it,” he almost begged. Maya’s trembling fingers reached for the box and when she popped it open a simple ring lay within. The band glittered with alternating diamonds and small delicate raw pearls. The gold laced around the stones evenly and she took a deep breath.
“A gesture.” she said, looking back up at him.
“It doesn’t fit on your ring finger for a reason,” he said as he took the ring from the box and fit it neatly onto her middle finger on her right hand. “It’s a promise of things to come.” He looked at her now, waiting nervously for a response.
She stared at the ring as it glittered on her hand. A promise. She looked up at him now, her eyes brimmed with tears as she said, “I love it. I love you. Thank you,” she breathed before leaning in ecstatic to kiss him. He kissed her back eagerly resting his hand gently on her neck. “Wow.” she breathed when they parted.
“Wow.” he said, staring at her in the warm light.
As she lay in bed that night beside him wearing nothing but the ring, the soft lull of his breath a welcome sound, she held her hand above her head, staring at it. Though they often thought they were out of sync, Maya and Paul seemed to know what the other needed just at the time they needed it most.
And as the soft moonlight filtered across their bodies, Maya gently took the ring off of her middle finger and placed it gingerly on her left ring finger, just to see what it looked like, what it felt like. A wide smile stretched across her face in recognition as she brought her hand to her chest now.
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TITLE OF STORY: Exceptions to the Rules
CHAPTER NUMBER/TITLE/ONE SHOT: Chapter Twenty-Five
AUTHOR: teacuphiddlesfics & cheers-mrhiddleston
WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: Twin AU - Jag!Tom & Exec!Tom
GENRE: Angst/Drama
FIC SUMMARY: A year after the events of What’s Yours is Mine, identical twins Thomas and William Hiddleston have fully acclimated to each other’s lives; William becoming a larger part in Thomas’s cartel, Thomas lending a hand in the family Hiddleston Corporations. Another important, albeit unexpected part of their shared livelihood is the inclusion of a bit of happiness in the shape of a woman: their employee, Amanda Tremaine.
Running out of hope that Thomas could ever be fully invested in a relationship with her, Amanda turns elsewhere, leaving Thomas with feelings that he cannot fully describe. But her new relationship brings out unforeseen circumstances that Thomas and William can’t ignore, leading all three of them down a path that will test each of them in their own way.
RATING: M
WARNINGS: explicit language, violence, drugs, sexual content
AUTHOR NOTE: This is a collaboration between myself and cheers-mrhiddlestonand the sequel to What’s Yours is Mine. We’ll be alternating writing the chapters again, so make sure you’re following Madison if you aren’t already and stay up to date with the entire twins universe here
William was furious as he stormed through the doors of his and Thomas’ go-to bar. He knew the moment Thomas took off where he would go to. When things got tough, Thomas turned to his two vices - alcohol and drugs. He just hoped he hadn’t spiralled in the short amount of time since leaving the house.
A quick glance around the bar and he located his twin, sitting at the bar and drowning away the unexpected news. Without a word, William crossed the distance, grabbed Thomas by the arm, dragged him off the stool and shoved him against the bar counter.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Thomas tried to push him away.
“Trying to knock some sense into you, apparently.” William gripped Thomas’ coat lapels. “What the hell are you doing, Thomas?
Thomas tried to brush him off again. “Figuring shit out.”
“By getting drunk?”
“I’m not drunk.”
The alcohol was pouring off of him, however. “No, but you’re nearly there. God, brother, come on.”
“I just need a little time.”
“You’ve had enough time.” William looked over at the empty glasses. “Enough drinks, too.”
“I need a little more.”
“Tough shit, big brother. Time to get your head out of your ass and deal with this.”
Thomas stared at him for a long moment. “I can’t,” his voice cracked.
“You can.”
“No, William, I really can’t.” Thomas turned his head away.
“What are you do afraid of.”
“What-what if I turn out like him?”
William paused before sighing. “You won’t.”
“But how do you know that?”
“Because, Thomas, you know what it’s like to have that as a father? You won’t be anything like that to your own kid.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know YOU, big brother.”
William loosened his hold until his arms dropped to his side. Thomas sighed as he raked a hand through his hair. “I never wanted a kid. I’d fuck them up, William.”
“You won’t”
“I’m a fucking drug dealer!”
William hissed as heads started to turn towards them. Grabbing his arm, he pulled Thomas out of the bar. “You run a cartel, not quite the same thing.”
Thomas snorted. “My apologies, I secure drugs for higher profile clients. That’s not exactly father material.”
“Our father was a CEO, and he wasn’t exactly father material. A job doesn’t dictate that,” William pointed out
“But the fact that I’m fucked up does.”
“You’re not fucked up.”
Thomas shook his head as he walked a few paces away. “Get your eyes checked, little brother. I can’t quit cocaine after over a decade. I kill people. Torture them. And I don’t even bat an eye at it. I’m. Fucked. Up.”
William fought rolling his eyes. “You have enough common sense to know that has nothing to do with raising a child.”
Thomas was frazzled as he paced back and forth. “Fuck. God. I don’t know what to do. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
“Neither does she, Thomas.” William caught his gaze. “She’s freaking out, just as you are. She’s panicked and she needs you.”
“But I don’t know how to be there. I don’t know how to do any of this.”
“And she does? No one knows. You learn.”
“What if I can’t?” Thomas asked so earnestly. “What if I can’t learn and I just end up hurting her and...and our kid?”
“You’re not someone that just gives up.”
“I can’t.” Thomas shook his head in refusal. “I can’t, William.”
William’s eyes narrowed. “Then maybe you’re not so different from father.”
The change in Thomas was immediate, just as William predicted. “I’m nothing like that scumbag,” his jaw clenched.
“Then prove it.”
They glared at each other, waiting for the other to fold.
“Prove you’re nothing like him. Prove that you’re the caring man that Amanda and I both know that you are. I get you’re scared, big brother. Most people are. This is different. This is new. But you’re not in this alone.”
Thomas stared him in the eye for the longest moment before hanging his head. “Is she okay?”
“She’ll be better once you’re back.”
“I don’t know how I’ll face her.”
“Like a man. Like the brother I know.”
“Fuck.”
“I know.” William walked up to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, you can’t face her smelling like you do. There’s a diner around the corner, you’re getting a coffee and a burger. I’ll sober you up if it kills me.”
“You’d both be better off just letting me get drunk and leaving.”
William looked him directly in the eye. “I let that happen once before and I’m not going to let that happen again. Neither is she. Have a little faith.”
“I don’t deserve her.”
“She loves you, Thomas. Enough that whatever your decision about the baby will be, then it will be hers too.”
“How am I supposed to even make a decision?”
William chucked. “You talk.”
“I’m not exactly a talker.”
“You are with her,” he reminded. “You used to lie awake all night talking. Never with anyone else. Only her. That’s still true. Talk with her. Make a decision together.”
Thomas started to argue and William held up a hand to stop him.
“This isn’t just you. The two of you are a team now. You have to deal with this together.”
The expression on Thomas’ face shifted. “Maybe you should just do this. You want a family. You know you can do it.”
William looked at him in shock. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Thomas.”
“What? Our DNA is the same. No one would question it.”
“Fucking hell,” William muttered under his breath. “I’m going to punch you in the goddamn face if you don’t walk to the car right fucking now.”
“I thought the diner was around the corner.”
“Forget the fucking burger. We’re going home right now. So you can see her, touch her, and remember that she wants you. She’s always wanted you, Thomas.”
“Is that really the best…”
“One more word and you’ll be going home with a bloody nose.”
Thomas raised an eyebrow and his hands.
“Car. Now.”
The ride home was quiet as William drove. With every glance over, William saw the worry, the fear, the terror.
“It will be okay, big brother,” William said softly. “You will be okay.”
“This wasn’t planned.”
“Hate to break it to you, but a lot of times it isn’t.”
Thomas sighed. “I never...god I never expected this.”
“Neither did she. She was panicked when she called me. She was so afraid.” William caught his eye quickly. “She was afraid to lose you.”
The pain was evident in Thomas’ face. “I didn’t want to hurt her. I just...I just shut down. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t feel. I just had to get out of there.”
“I know. I get it. She will too once you talk to her,” William pulled into the driveway. “She’s in your room. Hasn’t left the bed.”
“Do you want to do this for me?” Thomas asked hopefully.
“Nope,” William chuckled. “I’ll give you some time to talk.”
“What?” His eyes were wide. “You’re not coming in?”
“You’ll be fine, big brother. Just be honest with her. Be with her. That’s all you need to do.”
“If you say so.”
“Go.” William all but shoved him out of the car.
Thomas stood before the house, the sounds of the car backing back out of the driveway behind him. He didn’t have anywhere to run this time. The front door creaked as he opened it. As did every stair as he made his way to the second floor.
Amanda laid in bed, her back to the door, her knees pulled up to her chest. Thomas thought she was asleep at first, but the soft sniffs proved she was awake. He took a step, and then another, but stopped before he could get too deep into the room.
“Amanda,” his voice cracked. “Manda.”
Her entire body tensed as she pulled further into herself.
He had done this. He caused this.
“Manda I...I don’t know what to say.”
Her arms wrapped tighter around herself. “Y-you didn’t have t-to say anything a-at all.”
He winced. She was right. His walking away spoke louder than anything he could have managed.
Another step towards the bed, Thomas paused. “I was scared. I am scared.”
That caused a reaction. Amanda pushed herself up, twisting her body so her tear stained eyes could glare at him. “You’re scared? How do you think I’ve felt, Thomas?”
He deserved that. “I know. I know, alright? I wasn’t thinking. I just...I just reacted, and it was wrong. I realize that now.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter when you realized it. It was your initial reaction. To leave. To just walk off. You wouldn’t even talk about it. Talk with me.”
“I’ve never been a talker.”
Her voice was tiny when she responded. “You were with me.”
The second one to remind him of that. His eyes closed as he dragged a hand down his face. “I never thought I wanted this. Not just a...god, a baby. I didn’t think I would be with you.” He looked at her. “You came out of nowhere, Manda. I didn’t expect you. I didn’t prepare myself for you. You barreled into my life and then I nearly lost you. I did, for awhile. Because I screwed up. I’m always going to screw up, Amanda.”
Amanda pulled her legs up to her chest. “You always think the worst.”
“Because I am the worst.” He tried to make her understand. “Look at my job, Amanda. Look at who I am at the end of the day.”
“I do!” she cried out. “I do see you.”
“Then why are you with me?”
She unfolded off the bed and got to her feet quicker than he was expecting. She put herself right up in front of him, poking him in the chest with her long nail. “I see you, Thomas Matthew Hiddleston. I see your heart. I see how much you care about your brother. That you’d do anything for him. I see how you take care of your employees. How you care for Moira and Izzy. I see how to care for Winston when you hate him but he’s mine. I see,” her voice broke as tears slid from the corners of her eyes.
There was a poke to his chest at every other word, her finger shaking more after each time.
“I see how much you love me. How you care for me. How you touch me. How you look at me. How you hold me all night long. How you put a smile on my face even when you’re stressed. Damn it, Thomas, I see you, why can’t you?”
The defiance in her eyes started to crumble. “Manda,” he rasped out, his hand going to the back of her neck and pulling her to him.
She only pushed against him for a moment before melting into his arms. He could hear the muffled sobs into his chest as his hand ran through her hair. It felt like his heart was too big for his chest. It hurt. It hurt.
“Shh,” he tried to calm her. To calm himself.
The shaking in her body slowed eventually, until only a few hiccup sobs could be heard.
“I-I thought if you-if you didn’t want this we could...it’s still early,” she sniffed softly.
Thomas’ eyebrows drew together. “Early?” he took her shoulders, pulling her away enough so he could look down at her. “What do you mean early?”
Her expression twisted, the pain obvious. Her arms wrapped almost protectively around her middle. “T-there’s a clinic.”
His eyes widened. “Fuck, you mean to,” his gaze dropped to her stomach. “To abort -” he couldn’t even finish, his throat thick.
Amanda looked away, arms tightening around herself. “I thought I could. To keep you. To keep this. But I-I don’t think I can. Even if it means leaving.”
He didn’t even hear her. All he could hear was ringing in his ears.
Abort. Abort the baby.
Their baby.
“No.” The word spilled out. “You can’t - we cant- kill our -” he cut himself off when he realized what he said.
Her eyes snapped to his. “I don’t want to. I’ll go. I can do this on my own. Dad did. And I was happy. I can-”
All he could think of was the baby being taken. Aborted. Amanda taking it and leaving. Someone else finding it and hurting what was his.
His.
Fuck. This baby was his.
“We’ll do this together.”
“What?” Her arms dropped away.
His hand had a mind of its own as it moved to her flat stomach. “I-I don’t know what I’m doing. I probably never will. I might not be good at this. Shit, I likely won’t be.”
“Thomas…”
“It might be dangerous. Being who I am. People might want to hurt both of you.” he warns. “I don’t know if being with me is safe.”
Her hand went to his. “Thomas.”
“Are you sure I’m a good idea?” he frowned. “What Groves did to you -”
“Wasn’t your fault,” she whispered. “It wasn’t and you need to let it go.”
“How could I ever? What he did to you -” Thomas shook his head. “I won’t let that happen again.”
“I know.”
“Not to you. Or...or our baby. Never,” he vowed. A promise he wouldn’t break. God help anyone who tried to hurt his family.
His family.
“I-I need you to tell me what you’re saying, Thomas.” Amanda grasped his wrist.
He cupped her cheek, brushing away the last few tears. “I’m going to mess up, Manda.”
“No one’s perfect.”
“My father -”
“Is not you,” she interrupted. “Never has been.”
“Might need you to remind me that sometimes.”
“Always. Just...I want you Thomas. But I, I want this baby too. I wasn’t expecting to, but I do.”
Amanda held her breath as she waited for him to say something. When his expression twisted, her face fell.
“Does this mean I have to get a ‘safer’ car?”
She stared at him, not sure if she heard him correctly.
“I like the Jag.” he sighed. “Can we still keep the Jag too?”
A sob ripped through her throat as she threw her arms around his neck. “You’re an idiot.”
“I’m going to hear that a lot, aren’t I?”
“I love you.”
His arms were tight around her. “Manda. Mine, always.”
“What are you doing in my closet?”
“Where’s that suit?”
Thomas raised an eyebrow. “In case you’ve gone mental, you’ve thrown them all on the floor.”
William looked at the disaster and shook his head. “No there was this one...shit...was it pinstripe? No, black and double breasted. Yeah. That one. Where the fuck is that one?”
“There’s three on the floor. Seriously, you’re taking them all to get dry cleaned.”
“No no, it’s not there.” William dragged his hand through his hair. “Maybe it’s too formal. Do you think it would be too formal?”
“For a trip to the mental hospital, yes.” Thomas shook his head, stepping over a pile of shirts. “What’s going on with you?”
William hesitated.
“Out with it little brother.”
Sighing, William leaned against the wall. “I have a date.”
Thomas’ eyebrow shot up. “A date?”
“I sort of asked Emma out.”
“And she said yes to the mental patient?”
“Fuck off.” William groaned. “I’m nervous, alright? I haven’t been on a first date in awhile. And I...shit, Thomas, I like her. Really like her.”
Thomas looked at him for a long moment, not saying a word. William shifted at the silence as he resumed searching.
“You’re thinking too much, little brother.” Thomas spoke softly.
William snorted. “When don’t I?”
Thomas chuckled in return. “You always thought too much for the both of us.”
“Someone had to with your schemes.”
“You came up with your fair share of schemes too.”
“We’re getting off topic.” William sighed.
“If the suit isn’t here it’s likely at the dry cleaners.” Thomas shrugged. “It’s just a suit, William.”
“It needs to be right.” When Thomas raised an eyebrow William let out a grunt in frustration. “It just needs to be, alright?”
“Have you asked, Manda?”
Williams eyes closed, his shoulders slumping. “You know that’s not a good idea.”
“Didn’t she tell you to ask her out already?”
“Her saying that and me doing it are two different things.”
“Yeah I know,” Thomas walked further into the closet, sifting through what remained on the hangers. “But William? If I can face being a...god, a father, you can face a first date.”
“Shit, you’re going to use that card now, aren't you?”
Thomas threw him a grin. “It’s my duty.”
“Just help me find a suit, asshole.”
Amanda leaned against the wall just outside of the bedroom, her hand resting on her flat belly. As the twin’s voice wafted out of the closet and into the hallway. Her eyes closed as she rested her head against the wall.
He was nervous. Had she ever heard him this nervous? It hurt, in a way to know he was nervous to go on a date with another woman. But she didn’t have any right to feel that way, especially since she encouraged William to ask this girl out. Especially since she was pregnant with his brother’s child.
She couldn’t be that selfish anymore. William stepping away had nearly torn their little family apart. And now with a baby on the way, she wanted this family as full as possible.
That thought didn’t ease the ache in her heart, however.
“Maybe I should cancel.” William’s voice was muffled.
“You’re not a coward, William. It’s just clothes.”
“Maybe it’s just not right. If I’m thinking this hard.”
“Your problem is that you’re too deep in your head.”
Amanda smiled. William thought too much. He had for as long as she’d known him.
Sighing, she pushed off the wall, her feet taking her down the hallway to his room without hesitation. Her focus was immediately on his closet as she crossed the room, the perfect outfit already in mind. With a quick swish of her wrist, she was pulling pieces off the hanger and setting them on the bed. She admired the outfit for a long moment, picturing how handsome he would be in it.
Hearing the twin’s voices grow louder, Amanda quickly slipped from the room and retreated downstairs. Where she would hide out while William finished getting ready for his date.
It was official. She had nothing to wear.
Emma groaned as she looked at the mess on her bed. She should be able to find something in that mess. But nothing felt right for a first date.
“This is stupid.” she grumbled to herself. “It’s just a date. Just a silly little date.”
With the most handsome man she’s ever seen in her life. Why he seemed to be enamoured by her, she didn’t have a clue. But she was caught up in those ice blue eyes and broad shoulders.
Meow.
“I know I know,” Emma turned as the black cat jumped onto her bed. “He’s just a man.”
Meow.
“Fine, I’m lying to myself.” another groan. “Should I cancel?”
Meow.
“You’re right, that would be the cowards way out. I haven’t been on a date in months. It’ll be fine. Completely fine.” she tried to pep talk herself. “If I could find something to wear.”
Meooooow.
“Well someone’s vocal…” Emma raised an eyebrow. Her eyes widened, however, as she watched her cat maneuver himself on a pool of green fabric, pushing and prodding with his paws until his bed was just so. “Oh Bagheera you’re a genius.” she swept the green wrap dress up underneath the cat before hairs could start migrating.
Meow.
“Here have these.” she pushed the rest of her clothes in his direction, holding the dress close to her chest.
She really needed to get a hold of herself. It was just some silly little date.
Meow.
“Shhh, you’re supposed to be on my side.”
He was twenty minutes early, like an idiot. And he brought flowers. What was he, a teenager? Did anyone bring flowers to their dates anymore? At least he stopped himself from getting the chocolate. But what if Emma liked chocolate more than flowers? Shit, he should have gotten the chocolate too.
“Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” William muttered to himself as he paced in front of the restaurant. She was going to think he had never done this before. Why was he even doing this -
“William?”
That sweet caused immediate reaction in his groin. He stifled a moan as he twisted, finding Emma standing there with her sparkling eyes, her wild curls tamed into smooth waves. He had the sudden urge to his hand hands through her hair, to grasp onto to and pull until she was right where he needed her.
The corners of her eyes crinkled as she let out a little laugh when he didn’t say anything.
“Beautiful. I mean, you’re beautiful.” he stumbled over his words - as usual whenever he was around her.
And she was, with the dark green wrap dress that hugged every curve, the neckline giving him enough of a peak of her cleavage to leave him nearly drooling like a school boy.
“You don’t look too bad yourself.” her own gaze perused him, her cheeks growing a faint pink. “Are those for me?” she nodded at the flowers in his hand.
“Right. Yes.” he nearly forgot he had them. He flushed as he held them out. “I realize they’re a bit of a nuisance while we eat. I can just -”
She took them before he could finish, bringing the fresh bouquet up to her nose. “They’re lovely. I love flowers.”
William sighed in relief. He didn’t fuck that up, that had to be a good sign.
“I don’t remember the last time someone bought me flowers.” she admitted, smiling up at him. “Thank you.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” God he hoped there would be other times.
Her smile just grew. “Do you want to go in?”
“Right yes, of course,” he held out his arm. “You really do look beautiful, Emma.”
“My cat picked it out.” Her eyes suddenly widened. “Did I just say that outloud?”
He tried not to grin but failed miserably. “You have a cat?”
“Bagheera.” her cheeks were nearly as red as her hair.
“Like from the Jungle Book?”
“It was my favourite Disney movie.”
“Mine too.”
“Well that’s a relief. If you hated it, I would have to end this date immediately.”
“Well it’s a good thing that won’t have to happen.” he waited until she put her hand in the crook of his arm before leading her toward the restaurant entrance. “I’ve very relieved.”
He held the door open for her, but before she passed through, she squeezed his arm. “Me too.”
Thomas’ hands felt clammy as he knocked on the door. Shit, he couldn’t remember the last time he was consistently this nervous. But ever since Amanda told him about the baby, he couldn’t shake this anxiety. And he didn’t like it. Not one bit.
“Oh hi Mr. Hiddleston,” Beth smiled as she opened the door to his mother’s home. “We weren’t expecting you today.”
“I’m sorry to just drop by. How is she today?” He realized now his mistake. He should have called. With his mother’s condition, he never knew what he was walking into. What if she didn’t even recognize him?
Beth’s smile brightened. “She’s having a really good day, Mr. Hiddleston. She was just saying how she’s missed her sons.”
Relief flooded through him. “Thomas, please.”
“Thomas. Please, come on. Helena will be so excited to see you. I’ll let her know you’re here.”
“If it’s alright, I’ll surprise her myself.”
Beth nodded as she stepped aside for him to step through. “She’s just out on the back patio for morning tea. If you need me, I’ll be puttering around in the kitchen.”
“Thank you, Beth.” he offered a smile before walking through the house from memory alone until he reached the back door. Breathing deeply, he slipped through the doorway and onto the back patio. “Hello mum.”
Helena jumped with a start, but as she turned, the brightest smile was on her face. “Well I was wondering when my sons would remember I existed.” she teased.
Thomas couldn’t help the boyish grin that spread across his lips whenever he was around the one woman who had always been on his side. Before Amanda that was. He had been lucky to find another that accepted him for who he was. He could only hope this child - his child - felt the same way.
“William saw you earlier this week for lunch.”
She rolled her eyes. “And when was the last time I saw you? You’re too busy. You both are. You’re going to miss the life going past you. At my age, you realize how precious every little moment is.”
“I’ll come around more. I promise.” he pulled her into his arms.
“I’ll hold you to that, my love. Now, come, I’ll pour you some tea.” she took his arm and led him over to the table. “And you can tell me why you’re here.”
“Can’t I just come to visit you?”
“I know you.” was all she had to say.
That didn’t calm the nerves. Neither did the first cup of tea. The second didn’t do a damn thing either. Thomas wasn’t sure whiskey would have been any help.
“Just tell me, Thomas.” Helena reached for her son’s hand. “Whatever’s in that head of yours. I know you keep everything so closely guarded, but you came here for a reason. Whatever it is, you know I’m always on your side.”
She meant it, and he knew. But this didn’t make it any easier.
“Mum,” he began, tapping his thumb nervously on the teacup. “There’s um, been a lot of changes as of recent.”
“Is everything alright? How’s William?”
“William is fine. Work is fine.”
Helena frowned. “Has Matthew been disturbing things again?”
He flinched at that name “No, he hasn’t been around.”
She nodded.
“I’ve, uh, met someone.”
Her eyes widened, her lips already twitching into a smile. But still, she didn’t say anything, just letting him find his footing to get it out. She was always good at giving him time, have the patience of a saint.
“Her name is Amanda and I…” he was caught on the words. “She’s become very important to me.”
He could see the excitement in her eyes.
“And we...well…” he scratched the back of his neck. “We recently learned about something big. Something that will change our lives.”
Helena squeezed his hand to encourage him.
“Amanda is expecting.” he blurt out. “What I mean is, well, She’s pregnant and I...I’m going to be a father.”
The breath left him the moment the words were out. He stared at her, waiting for her reaction. Surprise was written all over his mother’s face, but other than that, he couldn’t tell what she thought.
Shit.
Maybe he should have waited. Maybe he should have brought Amanda by first. Maybe he should have just had William spill the beans. Maybe -
“Mum?” Thomas stood suddenly as Helena stood, politely pushing her chair under the table and moving into the house.
He stood there in wonder. She didn’t say a word and then she was gone.
“Great job, idiot.” he muttered.
Of course he would manage to fuck this up too.
Thomas just stood there, not sure what to do. Did he follow her? Did he leave? Was this due to her alzheimer's? One minute she was perfectly fine, but she had switched at a drop of a hat in the past. Had he lost her again so quickly?
Sighing after a few minutes, he pushed his chair in and resigned himself to a failed visit. He would come by again in a few days, see if his mother would even see him.
“Sorry, I couldn’t quite remember where I had put them.”
Thomas looked up as his mother waltzed right back outside, her hands gingerly holding an object. “Mum?”
“I forget things at my age. But I was able to find it.”
“Find it?” He raised an eyebrow. Did she know who she was talking to? And about what?
Helena smiled, with all the love that she had always showered him with as she took his hand and held it with his palm up. “This belonged to you when you were only a baby. Your brother had a matching one. I thought your child might like it as well.”
His eyebrows furrowed as a small, silver rattle was placed in his hand, a ‘TH’ engraved on it.
“I-I can’t take this.”
“Of course you can. It’s yours.” she closed his hand around it. “And it’ll be your baby’s.”
His tongue felt thick in his throat. “I should have told you about Amanda.”
Helena cupped his cheek. “I know you, my son. And I know your love doesn’t come easy. If this woman is special to you, then bring her over for a pot of tea. I’d like to get to know the mother of my grandchild.”
It felt more real, hearing her say it.
“I’m...worried.”
Her head tilted to the side, hand still resting on his cheek. “You are nothing like Matthew, Thomas. You have so much more in your heart to offer. So much more love.”
“I’m not always a good person.”
“Love, Thomas, love is what you need. And I have a feeling you already love this child.”
He couldn’t say it outloud. He could barely say the words to Amanda. But that fierce protectiveness he already felt over his unborn child, that was something, wasn’t it?
He would clutch onto that for the next few months. He couldn’t be like his father. He’d rather walk away before he put Amanda or their child through that.
“You are such a good boy,” Helena patted his cheek softly before stepping away. “Did you want to join me for something to eat?”
“No I, I should head to the office.”
She nodded in understanding. “Don’t make it such a long time before you come to see me again.”
“I won’t.” he vowed.
“I can’t wait to meet her.”
“Soon, I promise.” he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Thank you for understanding.”
“Always, love.”
“How did your meeting go?” Amanda smiled up at him as Thomas approached his office.
“Better than expected.” he leaned down for a kiss. “Meet me in my office? There’s some...things I want to go over.”
“Sure, just give me five.” worry flickered in her eyes.
Kissing her lips one last time, he passed her desk and into his office. The rattle sat in his suit jacket pocket, almost as if it were on fire. He was more aware of it now that he was so close to Amanda, so close to their child.
“Sorry about that, had to send off an email.” Amanda walked in, iPad in her hand at the ready.
Thomas shook his head, pulling out of his thoughts as he pushed back in his chair and patted his lap. “Come here, sweet girl.”
Her eyebrows furrowed but she set down the tablet on his desk before rounding it to him. “Is everything okay?”
“Don’t worry so much.” he pulled her down onto his lap, careful to be gentle. He would have to remember that now more than ever. His eyes dropped to her flat stomach, amazed that something could be growing inside of her.
“It’s the hormones.” she admitted. “My emotions are all over the place. That’s a valid excuse, for the record.”
Thomas chuckled. “I’ll take that under advisement.”
Her hands came to rest at the base of his neck. “Thomas, talk to me. You were vague when you said where you had to go this morning.”
He sighed. “I went to see my mum.”
Amanda frowned. “Why did you keep that a secret.”
“I...I haven’t told her about you. I was scared what she was going to say. I was scared she wouldn’t even know who I was.”
“Oh Thomas.” her thumb caressed the side of his neck. “How was she?”
“Good. She was really good. Completely lucid.”
Relief was evident on her face. “I’m so happy. Did everything go alright?”
“More than alright.” he pulled her tighter against him. “She wants to meet you.”
“I want that.”
“Maybe for brunch.”
“I’d like that.”
“There was something else.” he pulled his hand away, reaching into his jacket. “Something for you. And the baby.”
Her head tilted to the side in confusion. “What is it? Is everything -”
He pulled the rattle free, holding it tightly in his palm before opening his hand. Amanda’s gasp went straight to his heart.
“That’s so beautiful.” she whispered.
“It was mine.” he flipped it over so she could see the engraved initials. “William and I both had them.”
Her finger glides across the small toy. “It’s special.”
“I’m hoping it will be special for someone else too.” he was hesitant at first, but his hand came to rest on her stomach.
Her eyes widened. “It’s for the baby?”
“For our baby.”
Her eyes glistened. “Oh Thomas. I...I don’t know what to say.”
“Well don’t cry.” he grumbled gruffly.
She laughed, slapping his chest. “Good luck with that, you’re stuck with crying for the next couple of months.”
He sobered. “It feels so far away. But so -”
“Close,” Amanda nodded. “I know. It still doesn’t feel real.” her frowned returned. “Is this...are we okay? I know this wasn’t in the plan. I know this isn’t what you wanted -”
“Manda,” he took her by the back of her neck, pulling her to him. “I want - need - you, more than anything. This was unexpected but…” he looked at the rattle. “I think we can do this. I know you can, but I think I can. At least, I want to be able to.”
“You can. I know you can.”
“You have more faith than I do.”
“That’s okay.” she stole a quick kiss. “But we are going to be okay, right?”
“All three of us.” he nodded, his hand still on her stomach. “We’ll be okay.”
“And William.”
“Yeah I guess him too.”
Amanda giggled. “This is going to be weird. We’re having a baby.”
“You’re telling me.” he snorted. “Another mouth to feed.”
“Says the richest man I’ve ever known.”
“Yeah I guess we’ll be just fine then. All of us. Our family.”
A tear slid down her cheek as Amanda smiled so brightly. “Our family.”
