#chapter thirty three

When the outside world finally darkened, he struggled to his feet and dragged himself out of the leader’s den and into camp. His paws trailed along the ground, unable to lift any higher than it took to move them in a vague copy of a step. He was sure that, if his eyes weren’t too blurry to see, he was leaving carvings in the sand.

No attempt was made to find breakfast. Firestar simply let his back legs collapse under him once he was at the meeting stump and started grooming himself as well as he could. Dots and rings swirled around in his vision.

It was still a little while before anyone woke up; Dustpelt, of course, was the first to leave the warriors’ den. Firestar blinked hard and rapidly until his eyes cleared enough to see his deputy more clearly—that is, he wasn’t just a blob of brown.

“Evening,” Firestar said, marveling that his voice didn’t sound like he was dead to the world.

Dustpelt blinked in surprise, like he’d just noticed him. “You’re up early.”

“I usually am.” Firestar scrubbed a paw over his ear. “Are you going to RiverClan tonight?”

“Er… yes, but are y—”

Firestar fixed him with a narrow-eyed warning stare.

Dustpelt wisely clamped his mouth shut and nodded quickly. “I’ll have a warrior come with me to the border, just to be safe. I can set up the patrols, too, if you’d…”

“I can do it,” Firestar said, yawning. “I don’t expect to go anywhere tonight. Whoever you want to take, go ahead.”

His deputy’s eyes flickered between spots in Firestar’s face, half-lidded eyes to folded ears to tight mouth. Whatever he wanted to say, he replaced it with, “I’ll wait for the rest of the Clan to wake up.”

Firestar flicked his tail in acknowledgement. His muscles were sore from a day on stone. He ignored the aches and continued grooming.

As Dustpelt padded over to the prey-pile, soft breaths and grumbles warbled out of the various dens. One by one, the Clan stepped into the sandy clearing with stretches and yawns. Firestar had to blink again several times to see his Clanmates clearly, nodding blankly at their uneasy greetings.

Bramblepaw was the first out of the apprentices’ den, his soft amber eyes wide when he caught sight of his brother. Firestar had to look away. His ears lifted as he heard Bramblepaw murmuring something, to which Dustpelt responded with a murmur of his own, before raising his voice and calling for Cloudnose. Firestar focused on picking at a piece of soil on his front leg that was stubbornly clinging to his fur.

“Emar?”

Firestar looked up, not having the energy to jolt at the sight of Bramblepaw standing right in front of him with an anxious face. Those massive paws shuffled nervously.

“Um, sorry…” Bramblepaw lowered his head like he expected to get hit. “Dustpelt told me he’s going to be busy tonight, so I’m allowed to stay in camp, but, um, he wanted me to hang out with you. Is that okay?”

Dimly, affection prodded through the murk of exhaustion in Firestar’s head. He creased his eyes at his brother and said, “That would be nice, thank you.”

Bramblepaw sighed in relief and straightened up. “Okay! Are you hungry? I can get us both food.”

“That would be nice too.” Firestar lifted his tail-tip just as Bramblepaw was about to turn around. “Get whatever you want, but I need to set up patrols before I can eat.”

“Oh– right.” Bramblepaw nodded with a mood somewhere between eagerness and meekness. “I’ll wait for you, then.”

Firestar didn’t pay attention to what he said back; he simply walked past Bramblepaw and through the growing crowd. He picked a few cats at random, requested that they hunt or check the Houses to be sure that Fury wasn’t around, and left them to their business once they agreed. Some of them said something extra. He didn’t pay attention to that, either.

He had the energy to join Bramblepaw at the stump and no more. He almost collapsed onto the sand, pulling his mouse closer to him. At least, he was half-sure it was a mouse. Maybe it was a vole. His eyes were blurring again.

Bramblepaw was kind enough to let the admittedly tense silence linger until Firestar finally took one mouthful of prey he didn’t taste before saying in a low voice, “Mira’s been worried.”

Firestar’s ears flattened. “About me, I’m assuming?”

“Yeah, that, but…” Bramblepaw peeled back some of the skin of his rat. “About Squirrel, too, and her mom. She’s been keeping Squirrel close to her a lot. I tried to talk to her and Mira asked me to go do something else, so I know she’s, um… ‘on edge’.” Bramblepaw’s pine tree of a tail tapped the ground thoughtfully. “I get why, but it’s hard, not having someone to talk to about things.”

Firestar had a faint sense where this was going, but he asked anyway. “What kind of things?”

“You know, just…” Bramblepaw patted the sand with a paw, his blurry face twisting a bit. “About Fury, and the Aulmir cats, and, um, you, and… and…” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “And Arpam.”

It was at least a blessing that no one else was close enough to hear them. Firestar checked the nearly-bare camp before responding with a quiet, unsteady, “Have you been thinking about Arpam a lot?”

Bramblepaw nodded. Funnily, the rest of his face looked ashamed, but his eyes were bright with curiosity. “I remember you said we could ask you questions, when I was little. I tried with Tawnypaw, but she said she didn’t want to talk about him.” He sighed quietly. “And all this stuff going on, I didn’t think it was the right time to ask, but, well, maybe there isn’t a right time to ask. I’m not even supposed to.”

In a macabre sense, Firestar was almost grateful for the chance to talk about something else that was still painful, but in a different way. He leaned his head in closer. “What do you want to know about?”

Bramblepaw tilted his head thoughtfully. “I guess a lot, but… mostly, what he would’ve been like if I got to meet him. If he really was kind and loving, like you said.”

Firestar gave his thoughts a moment to circle the question and find its answer. At the very least, he was more awake now. He closed his eyes, letting the image of the deputy stand before him, looking down with affection and pride, leaning against Goldenflower as she announced her pregnancy.

“He…” Firestar took in a breath and let it out in a sigh. “I think he would’ve been about as good of a father as someone like him could be.”

Bramblepaw leaned in even closer. “Like, if he hadn’t done all those things?”

Firestar nodded. “He wasn’t well, mentally, and a lot of cats died because of him. But he cared. I know he did.” He lowered his chin onto his paws, melancholy. “He wouldn’t have saved me from being hurt if he didn’t.”

“Oh…um…” Bramblepaw’s eyes darted over to Sandstorm, who was just leaving camp with Tawnypaw. “Sandstorm told me you nearly got caught in his trap, once.”

Firestar blinked. “How’d you get that out of her?”

It was amazing how such a large tom could shrink to kitten-size as he meekly shifted his paws and mumbled, “She heard me talking to Tawnypaw, is all. She, um…she said we almost lost you from ‘that whole debacle’. And that I needed to stop talking about it when I asked for details.”

With a soft sigh, Firestar stared down at his prey, a single bite-mark in its side. “Yeah. I went to find him by the Houses and the rogues that killed Thornclaw were nearby, waiting for Bluestar. Arpam found me and escorted me home so I didn’t get hurt.” 

Bramblepaw’s voice was even smaller than usual. “Oh.”

“He did care,” Firestar repeated, more for himself than for Bramblepaw. “It was like he was refusing to kill me, despite everything.”

“‘Everything’?” Bramblepaw tilted his head. 

Firestar’s eyes slid to Bramblepaw with grim wryness. “I did a lot of things that he was against. Helping the other Clans and talking to kittypets, specifically. Two deputies and nearly Greystripe died for that. And the amount of times he tried to kill Bluestar indirectly…” Firestar shut his eyes again. “Cinderpelt, too. She just got caught in a trap for Bluestar. But I did– well, in his mind, I did so much worse than them. I guess he just liked me too much to do anything to me, even when I stopped him from choking Bluestar.”

“Um…” Bramblepaw’s voice was a little farther away now. “You sound… bitter about that. You didn’t want him to kill you, did you?”

“I didn’t even want him to die, Bramblepaw.” Firestar’s eyes stayed more forcefully shut. “I don’t want anyone dead. But life out here is… cruel.” Unconsciously, his claws unsheathed. “It seems to find mercy and kindness funny.”

Bramblepaw did not respond to this. But a motherly murmur from across camp made Firestar attempt to retract his claws. He didn’t succeed; instead, he lifted his head, eyelids clenched as tight as they would go, and inhaled slowly to cool his rapid heartbeat.

“I don’t feel much like talking about him anymore, either,” he said to his brother, opening his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Bramblepaw opened his mouth—probably to protest—then closed it again and nodded, looking away shamefully. He did manage to mumble, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Oh, I’m always upset.” Firestar waved an apathetic paw. “You didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“…You are upset a lot recently.” Bramblepaw’s next words, infuriatingly, were, “I mean, I know the Scourge issue is—”

Firestar stood up fast enough that his head spun with dizzy exhaustion and he almost tilted and fell onto his side. His voice was quiet, but Bramblepaw flinched away anyways when he said, “I think I’m going to take a walk.”

A voice flittered in his ear. He walked out of camp, not bothering to see who had spoken.

His rapid pulse only did so much to clear his vision. Everything around him wore various shades of green and brown, and he tripped more than once on some root or twig or whatever. He forced himself to slow down just enough so that he could see what was in front of his feet.

Oh. His claws were still out. Huh.

He paused and shook a front paw. Clumps of soil had caught between his toes and the inner curves of his claws, and they seemed reluctant to let go. He shook more angrily, and only succeeded in a few specks dancing through the air away from him.

Caught up in this, ears foggy and vision swimming, he didn’t notice soft, yet heavy footsteps approaching him. He jolted when a voice behind him said, “Honeymouse.”

He looked back like he’d been caught eating prey before bringing it home. Goldenflower loomed over him, her eyes unusually stern and ears slightly turned back. Dread crept up his stomach and into his chest as he tried and failed to meet her gaze.

She must have seen something in his face, because her own expression softened and she nosed his ear, saying, “Take a walk with me.”

Firestar could have protested. He knew exactly where this was going, and everything in him screamed to run to the leader’s den, lay down and refuse to see anyone. Anything to avoid this conversation.

He hung his head and mumbled, “Okay.”

Goldenflower stepped up to his side, her cloud of a tail curled around his back legs, gently guiding him along as they walked. Firestar didn’t look to see where they were going; his eyes were firmly on the ground, jittery ice dancing around his gut and knots fighting to crawl up his throat.

At some point, however long they walked, they stopped. Goldenflower sat down and Firestar followed, silently looking up. They were sitting just below the Great Sycamore, close to where Whitecloud had been buried. The tree’s branches carried an abundance of leaves, and with how grandly spread they were, Firestar had no hope of seeing the stars. He was oddly grateful for that.

It was quiet for a long moment, before Goldenflower turned to Firestar, her voice gentle. “You need to talk about Scourge.”

Firestar shivered. The knots wanted out of his mouth now.

“I know you don’t want to.” Goldenflower touched her nose to his forehead. “I can’t imagine how painful it is. But this is killing you from the inside, and we can all see it.” She pulled back, head tilted as she regarded her son sadly. “When was the last time you properly slept? Or ate?”

He couldn’t even open his mouth to answer. Something near delirium was spinning his head around. Nothing seemed real save his mother’s voice.

“You can get it out here.” Goldenflower rested a huge paw between her son’s shoulders, adding softly, “Please talk to me, honeymouse.”

It was so hard to understand his surroundings now. Everything blurred and spiraled, and for a moment a small white shape stood in front of him, silent and rigid and leaking red. The weight of Goldenflower’s paw and the scent of motherhood were the only things connecting him to reality.

Deep in Firestar’s core, walled in by towers of guilt and anger and regret… something cracked. It started small, but rapidly widened into a fissure, racing through his body in a spiderweb pattern. His eyes began to burn, and his body began to shake.

Self-control broken in half, he leaned hard into his mother, buried his face in her fur, and croaked in a tiny voice, “I didn’t mean to kill him.”

Goldenflower’s soothing purr rumbled through his body, and she moved her paw lower onto his side to pull him closer to her, until he was almost completely swallowed by her long fur. Like a newborn kit, he pressed into her as hard as he could, no longer having the strength to keep himself upright.

“He—” Firestar’s voice was pathetically wobbly, pitched up and incredibly difficult to force out of his throat, which was nearly closed up with the flood of emotions. “He had my neck, and– and I remembered the dog– I just– I panicked, I fought back– I didn’t know it was him, I really didn’t, I was just terrified, and…”

Goldenflower began grooming the top of his head, still purring. Firestar’s mouth trembled.

“I can’t do anything,” he whimpered into her fur. “I dream about killing him. I can’t– I can’t focus, I can’t think– everyone’s scared to upset me now– I didn’t want him to die, Mira, I didn’t want anyone to die.”

“I know, love,” Goldenflower murmured.

“And now—” He cut himself off to swallow thickly. “And now everyone in the Aulmir is suffering, and they’re suffering because of me. They’re being taken away, and everyone’s lost without a leader, and… and I ruined all of their lives.” He grit his teeth. “Because I panicked. I killed them, Mira, everyone they’ve lost after the battle—”

“None of that is your fault.”

Firestar didn’t have it in him to meet her eyes. “How can it not be?”

Goldenflower rested her chin on his head. Her words vibrated through his body just like her purr. “Did you tell the humans to catch cats and cut them?”

“N-no, but—”

“Did you tell Scourge to try to kill you?”

“…No…but…”

“And did you look at the Aulmir after everything and say, ‘Well, too bad for them, I guess it’s not my problem anymore’?” She lifted her head.  

Firestar dared to look up at her. Her expression was that of a matriarch gently correcting a sullen kitten.

Quietly, reluctantly, he said, “No…”

Goldenflower’s eyes half shut in sympathy. “You couldn’t have possibly predicted how any of this was going to go. The Blood came at us, honeymouse. The humans made their own moves, and they just happened to be after the battle.” Her voice, somehow, went even softer. “And you have spent every waking and sleeping moment since then trying to find a way to help the cats who want you dead more than any other warrior in the territories. It’s been driving you to an early grave. And that terrifies all of us so much more than any attack from Fury and her crew.”

Firestar said nothing. He couldn’t speak. He just stared up at his mother blearily.

“I know it’s in your bones to take on responsibility,” she continued. When he could make himself meet her eyes, they turned fond. “You’ve carried more weight in your two years of life than most of us three times your age have ever been capable of. But that doesn’t mean everything bad that happens is your fault.” Her gaze turned in the vague direction of the Aulmir for a moment. “Nor is it your burden to fix problems you had nothing to do with.”

This, at least, he could respond to, weak though his voice was. “I can’t sit here and let them suffer, Mira.”

“You can’t let it destroy you like this, either,” Goldenflower replied. “How useful can you be to your own Clan, let alone strangers, if you haven’t slept or eaten in days?”

Firestar opened his mouth and shut it again. He looked down at his feet.

A tongue rasped over his left ear, and his mother’s gentle voice came again. “I wish it hadn’t been you that killed Scourge, honeymouse. More than anything, I wish it wasn’t you. But it was going to be someone. If we wanted to win, he would have to die. Brick said it himself, even after the battle.”

“It wasn’t right,” Firestar muttered, “even so.”

“Killing never is.” Oddly, Goldenflower’s voice tightened. “Even with those who deserve to die. It happened, regardless. And it was always going to happen.”

It was silent for a long moment. Firestar’s breathing steadied out, and the knots in his throat slowly settled back into his stomach, dissolving one by one. He still felt like dirt, but at the very least, he could hold himself up again. He still leaned into Goldenflower, absorbing the comforting warmth.

“At the very least,” she said at last, “I want you to understand that none of this is your fault. You did the best you could with what you had. I know you wanted things to resolve peacefully. They just weren’t going to.” Her cheek rubbed against his as she purred soothingly. “But I’m sorry you were the one to resolve it as it went.”

Firestar didn’t respond to this… but, oddly, his muscles slowly relaxed and his stomach calmed, just a bit. He sat up straighter, even with exhaustion sagging his nose to point at the ground.

“I think I need to sleep,” he said eventually.

Goldenflower’s purr strengthened. “Do you want to go home?”

Firestar’s whiskers twitched weakly. “Not… not particularly, no.”

“Then I’ll stay out here with you until you’re ready,” Goldenflower replied.

With this, Firestar’s legs gave up keeping him upright. He slowly sank into a crouching position, which Goldenflower readily followed. He leaned against her again, until he was almost on his side, his legs still tightly tucked into his body.

The flight back to Seattle was comfortable with Paul sitting next to her. Maya slept most of the way home, not wanting to seem like she was trying to listen in on the on and off conversation Becks and Jacob were having with one another. It seemed that they were easily warming up to one another thanks to the magic of the imprint.

Maya was trying to do what Paul told her and let Becks take the lead on this but something continued to gnaw at her long after the frowns and irritation ebbed from Jacob’s demeanor. The question still hung in the air for her: Why did he leave with the cold ones? It made her worry for Becks, and worry what Jacob was capable of in the future.

Paul kissed her forehead and squeezed her arm to wake her once the plane started to land. Maya rubbed her eyes and looked at Paul sleepily. He extended his broad hand and cupped her cheek, caressing it softly with his calloused thumb.

“Just one last bit and then we’re home,” he said. Maya nodded and yawned. She looked over her shoulder and saw that Becks was asleep on Jacob’s shoulder and his head was leaned gently on top of hers, his eyes closed in apparent sleep. Maya let a nervous shiver run through her and threaded her fingers through Paul’s. He was looking out the window so he hadn’t seen the frown pull over her face when she watched Jacob and Becks for a moment.

After they had taken the short biplane back to the Quileute local airport, they were greeted by Embry and Quil. Maya couldn’t help but smile at the two men who had eager smiles stretched over their faces.

Embry had brought Paul’s forerunner and Quil had brought his refurbished land rover to help get everyone home.

“Keye? You need a ride?” Maya asked as Paul climbed into the driver’s seat. Keye shot Embry a look and he grinned back wildly.

“Nah, I’m good,” she shrugged and walked over to Quil’s car. Jacob was giving Becks a quick hug and tugging off his shirt as he and Quil jogged off toward the edge of the woods. Maya pursed her lips and sunk into the passenger seat, watching Becks through the windshield. Becks gave her a small wave and then climbed into the backseat of the land rover as Paul reversed and steered he and Maya toward home.

Maya leaned her head against her hand and stared out the window. Paul’s cell rang and he glanced at Maya, lost in her thoughts, before he answered.

“Hey Michael. Yeah, we just got back to La Push. Maya and I are headed back to the house. Did you get the estimates from Henrikson yet?” he asked.

As Paul started talking business with Michael on the other end, Maya let her mind wander as she tried again to figure out what Jacob’s motivations were to leaving La Push for so long.

Had it been love? Desperation? He’d broken off from Sam’s pack which had isolated him, but for what purpose did he want to leave in the first place? She couldn’t place why he even would have needed to break away from his pack. They were stronger together. And then there was Leah Clearwater. Maya had never met her but Seth and her seemed close enough. He never avoided her as a topic of conversation at pack dinners. Still, she and Seth had joined Jacob and only Seth had come back. What did that mean for Leah? Maya glanced at Paul and tried to conceal any emotion that would give her away. She wondered if Paul would tell her what the deal was with Leah, let alone Jacob.

When they arrived at the house, Paul was still on the phone with Michael. He gave Maya an exasperated look and nodded her toward the front door while he went around to the trunk to grab her suitcase for her. Maya unlocked the front door and breathed in the familiar smell of her home. She pulled off her sandals and let out a sigh as she walked upstairs to their bedroom. She plugged in her phone and immediately lit up with a new text message.

Emily: Welcome home! Pack dinner is this Thursday. Can you and Paul make it? :)

Maya let a small smile creep over her face and checked her and Paul’s calendar. He wasn’t leaving for Seattle for another week so they could easily swing it.

Maya: Thank you! And yes, we’ll be there. Good to be home.

She tossed her phone on the bed and wandered toward the shower. After relaxing her tense muscles under the hot water, Maya finished up. She was surprised Paul hadn’t come in to join her but upon entering the bedroom, she saw him propped up against the headrest, his broad muscled chest on display and his laptop on his lap. Maya plopped down on her stomach in the bed next to him only wrapped in a towel. He glanced at her and then quickly back to his screen.

“Just a second,” he said quickly. Maya groaned and laid her head down on the mattress.

“Pack dinner is this Thursday,” Maya mumbled into the mattress. For a moment all she heard was the clacking of his computer keys and then,

“To welcome the new imprint,” he said easily. Maya’s eyes shot open wide and she leaned up on her forearms to look at him in shock.

“I didn’t even think about that,” she said, stunned. Paul glanced at her worriedly.

“Don’t think about it too much,” he said, perturbed. Maya made a sound of annoyance and dropped her head back onto the mattress. Becks was the new imprint. That was such a weird thing for her to grasp. It was true but the last two weeks felt like a weird dream to Maya. When Paul finally slapped his laptop closed Maya leaned back up resting her chin in her hands.

“So what’s his deal?” Maya bridged. Paul rubbed his eyes and then looked at her, a tired expression on his face.

“What do you mean?” he finally answered with a sigh.

“Jacob. What’s his story? Why did he become a one-man pack?” Maya probed. Paul looked at her carefully and then shook his head.

“It’s a long story,” he answered. Maya frowned. “Not tonight, please. I’d love to talk about literally anything else other than Jacob and this mess of an imprint. Please,” he said. Maya rolled her eyes dramatically.

“Okay, like what?” she shot back. Paul leveled her with a wanting stare. Maya felt the heat rush to her cheeks and he gave a little smirk of triumph.

“Like...how great your ass looks in a bikini. Or how we still have to get everything together for your move in less than a month. Or how Keye is definitely sleeping her way through the pack,” Maya laughed at that last one. “Anything else.” Paul said sarcastically. Maya sighed and looked at Paul with narrowed eyes for a second sizing him up.

“But like, he just left?!” she said. Paul groaned loudly and before Maya could laugh, he lunged for her making her shriek. He grabbed her by the forearms and pulled her up toward him, yanking the towel that covered her damp body off of her.

“Enough,” he said softly, giving her a charged look. Maya tilted her head in challenge and the mischievous light in Paul’s eyes ignited. He could tell now that she was messing with him but instead of letting her go he tightened his grip on her forearms and brought her face close to his, letting his lips lightly trace across her lips. “Get on your knees and face the headboard,” he said softly with a growl. Maya shivered trying to move her face closer to feel his lips press onto hers, but he held her at bay, “Now.” he loosened his grip on her arms and Maya shuffled her body so that she sat up on her knees and faced the headboard. Paul got up and took his briefs off before coming up behind her. Maya felt him hard against her ass cheeks. He pressed his chest to her back letting his length rest between her legs as he wound his arms around her stomach. One hand came up to take her breast in his hand, rolling her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Maya opened her mouth in surprise and let out a gasp of air. His other hand snaked down between her legs and spread her folds. Maya let out a relieved groan and Paul's mouth came to her shoulder biting gently.

“Let’s just focus on us for a bit,” he demanded. Maya nodded and when he tugged at her nipple, she let out a cry of ecstasy. Maya opened her legs wider for him as he dipped a finger into her. She threw her head back against his shoulder and he sucked at the pulse point on her neck gently. Maya bucked her hips against his hand and when she begged for him, he wrenched his fingers from her and leaned her forward so that her upper body and face were pressed into the headboard. He lined himself up with her center and slid inside of her with a pleased groan. He steadied her with his hand on her shoulder and another on her hip as he guided her forward and back onto himself. Maya squeezed her eyes shut as pain and pleasure simultaneously shot through her. He’d only ever been this deep inside of her once before. As he slapped against her, his grunts becoming more feverish, Maya braced herself against the headboard.

“Cum for me, Maya,” he said in a gravelly voice as he edged himself. Maya sucked in a breath and said,

“I don’t think I can, you’re so deep.” At this, Paul slowed his pace, wrapping his arm around her chest and pulling her up so that her arched back was pressed against his chest.

“Of course you can, baby,” he said gently, kissing on her neck now. The hand that had squeezed and pulled at her hip floated between her thighs again and started to expertly rub at her sensitive nub. Maya, thoroughly overstimulated, placed a hand behind her to rest on Paul’s thigh. He stilled his thrusting and worked gently at her now. “Move when you’re ready,” he commanded. Maya could feel him twitch inside of her and after a couple of minutes of his hand stroking her, Maya raised and lowered herself onto him at a slow and steady pace. He groaned when she started to move but didn’t move his hips forward, letting her set the pace for them.

Soon, Maya was panting, rocking and rolling her hips against Paul’s as she finally reached her end. When she did, she collapsed forward onto the bed, the side of her face connecting with the mattress. Paul, still behind her, gripped her hips and started to thrust into her again so he could finish too. It didn’t take him long with her in this position and with one final thrust that made Maya’s eyes roll into the back of her head, he filled her.

When he pulled out of her, Maya collapsed flat on the bed, panting, and letting the aftershocks of pleasure ripple through her body. Paul laid down on his back next to her and immediately pulled her body halfway over his, wrapping his arms warmly around her and kissing the top of her head. Maya nestled her face into his neck and planted a soft kiss there eliciting a hum of satisfaction from him.

“You and me, My,” Paul said in a low voice. Maya’s breathing evened out and she felt sleep take her slowly.

“You and me,” she said barely above a whisper before she drifted off to sleep. The last thing she heard was the click of his bedside lamp as he turned it off, washing them in darkness.

The next morning, Maya sat with her feet tucked up under her on the bench seat at the kitchen table, sipping her coffee as Paul made them breakfast. Maya was scrolling through the messages in her group chat with Becks and Keye but neither of them had said anything. Maya glanced up at Paul’s naked back for a moment as he busied himself over some eggs before she typed a message directly to Becks.

M: Everything okay?

Maya stared at her phone until she saw the three little dots appear from Becks. She took forever to respond to Maya’s text and when she did, she hit her with a simple, Yes. Maya scoffed audibly and her eyes darted to Paul’s form. He didn’t turn to look at her though so Maya continued.

M: Yes? Are you coming to the pack dinner on Thursday? Pretty sure Emily’s throwing it for you…

Becks: Yeah, I’m going.

M: Are you free today? Do you want to go to Port Angeles and pick out dorm stuff?

Maya wanted to believe Becks when she said she was okay, but without her in front of her, there was no way to know. Still, even if she wasn’t okay, Maya wasn’t sure what she could do about it. The imprint had decided her fate, both of their fates, but she hoped the Becks hadn’t given up the course of her life just yet. Maya stared at her phone waiting for Becks to answer.

“My,” Paul said, snapping her from her laser focus. He was standing next to her, holding her plate. Maya looked up at him and gave him a small smile. She leaned back and he set the plate down in front of her before sitting across from her. Maya checked her phone again. Paul glanced at it too and then watched her face. “What are you up to today?”

Maya sighed and picked up her fork, pushing her eggs around her plate, “I don’t know yet. I was thinking about taking Becks to Port Angeles to look for dorm room stuff.” She glanced up and saw Paul was actively not looking at her, an unreadable look on his face.

“Why don’t you ask Sadie or Keye to go with you instead?” he said cryptically, clearly keeping his voice as even and calm as possible. Maya narrowed her eyes and put a scoop of scrambled eggs in her mouth.

“Because I asked Becks to go,” Maya said stubbornly. Paul looked at her now, that cool mask still in place.

“Becks should probably stay on the rez for a bit,” he said. Maya set her fork down with a clatter.

“Why?!” Maya said already amped. Paul sighed and tucked into his food more. When Paul didn’t answer, Maya pressed, “Paul?”

“Jesus, My,” Paul said with a tinge of annoyance in his voice. Maya raised her eyebrows at him in surprise and he looked at her apologetically, “The council wants to meet with Jacob and Becks today.”

“About what?” Maya asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice. Paul shrugged, “Oh please, you know.” She pushed away from the table, leaving her food mostly untouched and Paul followed her with his eyes.

Maya climbed the stairs to their bedroom and tried to calm down. She was so thrown off by everyone’s calm resignation to Jacob and Becks’ imprint, but something about it irked Maya. Was she projecting? Or was it just intense worry for Becks? Her friends had watched her go through the turmoil of her imprint with Paul and she just didn’t want that for Becks. It had been enough for Maya to go through it. Plus, Jacob felt so unpredictable to Maya that it worried her even more.

She needed to get some distance from it, at least for a little while. Becks hadn’t texted her back and she took that as her answer. Maya donned some cuffed jean shorts, a black lace bralette and a loose fitting cropped cardigan that buttoned at the front. It was a little more revealing than she would normally opt for to visit Port Angeles, but if she was being honest, she didn’t really care. After pulling on her sneakers and grabbing her bag by the front door, she scooped up the keys to Paul’s forerunner. The house was quiet, which meant Paul was out in his workshop. Maya stomped out to the car and slid into the driver’s seat determined to get the hell out of here just for a little bit, just to clear her head. Once she shoved the key into the ignition, she paused, glaring at the front of the house.

With a groan, she hopped back out, leaving the door open and cutting back around the house. Just because Maya was a stubborn mess at the moment didn’t mean Paul deserved to worry. When she rounded the corner to the backyard, she saw him bent over a piece and hand planing the edges in slow, measured movements. As she crossed the backyard he spotted her and stood straight, glancing down to brush off the excess shavings.

“I’m heading to Port Angeles for a bit,” Maya said. Paul looked at her carefully.

“With who?”

“Myself,” Maya said, her lips in a firm line, “I just need to clear my head.” Paul stepped around the table, dropping the hand planing tool. Maya crossed her arms in front of her, a frown coming to her face quickly. Paul laughed and placed his rough hands on her cheeks.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he said gently, his warm eyes causing her to melt. She dropped her arms and placed her hands on his sides. Maya thought about it for a moment. It would be nice to have Paul as company but she really did need some space.

“No, it’s okay. I won’t be gone for very long,” she promised. He kissed her forehead and nodded.

“Okay. Keep your phone on you.” he said with an edge of seriousness to his voice.

“Mmhmm,” she complied. When he let his hands fall from her face she gave him a small wave and headed back toward the car. She thought she heard him on his cell phone for a brief moment before she was too far away to hear but as she slid back into the driver’s seat and took off down the main road leading out of La Push, she rolled the windows down and let the air blow her worrying thoughts away.

Once she got to Port Angeles, Maya felt an invisible weight lift off of her unexpectedly. She already felt a little better and she was honestly surprised that Paul let her disappear to Port Angeles alone. It felt freeing, like a sign of things to come.

She spent the rest of the morning in and out of home decor shops around town picking out a new sheet set, duvet, lamp, shelving, and some small decorations. Once the afternoon hit, Maya wound her way through some local boutiques, picking up some new pieces for her wardrobe before stopping at the Wharf for some lunch.

When she checked her phone as she sat at the bar of one of the restaurants tucked into a corner of the Wharf, she was blissfully surprised to see no new notifications. She sent Paul a text to tell him she was having lunch and would be heading home soon and thanked him for the space.

Paul: Of course. Can you do me a favor and pick up a part for me? I’ll send you the directions and tell them you’re coming. Would save me a trip.

Maya: Yeah, I’ll grab it on my way back.

Maya had been engrossed in her phone that she didn’t even realize the disheveled looking man who had plopped down next to her. The bar was mostly empty except for Maya, the bartender and an elderly gentleman at the other end of the bar, but this man decided to sit in the seat directly next to her. Maya let out a breath and tried not to internally groan. The man looked like he was in his late twenties and worked down by the docks. He was in light blue coveralls and his face was smudged with grease.

Maya shut her phone and turned back to her beer and food trying to give off as much of a prickly vibe as possible. After he’d ordered a drink, he turned to Maya and gave her an overconfident smile.

“I haven’t seen you in the Wharf before,” he said. His voice was grating with a little rasp like he had a cold. Maya sipped her beer and nodded, giving no verbal answer, and hoping he would take the hint. Unfortunately, this seemed to have the opposite effect. “I’m Rick, but my friends call me Dick.” He gave her a sickening smile and Maya raised her eyebrows trying to hide her obvious disgust. The beer on his breath did nothing to mask the sour smell emanating from his mouth and his constant glance down her cardigan to her breasts made her skin crawl. “Let me buy you a drink.” He said, turning toward the bar.

“No thanks, I’m heading out anyway,” Maya said hurriedly. Her beer wasn’t even half finished and her food sat mostly uneatened. He had ignored her though and already called out to the bartender by name. Maya tried to make uncomfortable eye contact with the bartender to show she wasn’t interested in another drink, but her look went unnoticed.

“Here you go, little lady,” he said in a condescending voice, setting the amber liquid in front of her. Maya started at it as if she didn’t know what it was.

“Thank you but I’m not really thirsty,” she said. He gave a chuckle and placed his hand on her thigh just above her knee. Maya froze, her eyes wide with shock as she volleyed between standing up and throwing the drink on him or punching him in the face. Both didn’t seem like easy exit options.

“Ah, come on, just one drink. I promise I’ll make it worth your while,” he said greedily, squeezing her leg now. Just as Maya opened her mouth to tell him off and yank his hand off of her, a large warm body squeezed into the bar between them causing the man Rick to withdraw his hand. Maya felt the familiar warmth radiate off the man’s arm that barred Rick from her.

“This for me?” the warm voice said, humor dripping from it.

“Hey man!” Rick started as the familiar face reached for the untouched beer and started to heartily gulp it down, “I’m in the middle of something!”

“Ah, no you’re not,” he shot back with a laugh. Rick bristled and stood up annoyed. “I suggest you go sit at the other end of the bar now.” He said with a sharp tone Maya had never heard from him before. She couldn’t see the look he gave Rick but it was enough to have him skittering off down toward the end of the bar.

“Embry, what the fuck,” Maya breathed as he sat in the now empty chair vacated by Rick. “What are you doing here?” She didn’t try to hide the grateful tone in her voice as her eyes washed over the warm and endearing face of Embry Call. He gave her a sneaky smile and a shrug before saying.

“I was in the area picking up a part for my truck.” He said nonchalantly. Maya’s eyes softened and she let out a sigh of relief. “Looks like I made it in the knick of time.” he said, nudging her shoulder with his and gulping down the rest of the beer.

“I would have been fine,” Maya countered, tucking back into her food. Embry sneaked a fry off of her plate and popped it in his mouth.

“Maybe,” he said, taking another fry. Maya pushed the plate between them and held her beer up to her lips.

“This works out perfect for me because I promised to pick up a part for Paul, so we can go together,” she said warmly. Embry shot her a strange look and then nodded.

“Absolutely!” he said back. Maya watched him carefully for a moment and then took a chance.

“You’re friends with Jacob, yeah?” Embry shot her a sidelong look and laughed.

“Yeah, he’s one of my best friends. I’ve known him my whole life,” he said calmly.

“And now?” Maya probed, eating a french fry.

“And now what?” Embry said, confused.

“What do you think of him now after he took off for years? Is he still your best friend?”

“Of course he is,” Embry said but there was a secret edge to his voice that Maya picked up on. “Jake has had a lot of weird shit happen to him in his life. Him imprinting on Becks is probably the least weird thing to happen.”

“What kind of weird stuff?” Maya saw her chance to get answers about this mysterious man who she didn’t trust from an unlikely source and chanced it.

“Well, I mean the whole shifting to alpha when he was 17 was kind of wild to start. Protecting the Cullens. Falling in love with Bella, which I guess wasn’t weird at the time but even after she chose Edward he still couldn’t let it go.” Embry said, not trying to hide anything. It was refreshing. Maya’s mouth hung open in disbelief at the amount of information he just poured onto her in five seconds, “What?” he said, taken aback.

“Nothing, I—” Maya shook her head, “He was in love with her? Bella?” she said the name uncertainly. “Is she a—?” Embry gave a snort and looked at the empty glass in front of him.

“She is now.” he replied darkly.

“Why would he go with them? I don’t get it,” Maya barely whispered. Embry shrugged, clearly hurt by Jacob’s actions as well.

“He did what he needed to do at the time. I don’t know if it was necessarily the right thing or the best thing, but he felt like he needed to do it,” Embry said, “I don’t hold it against him. I’m just happy to have him back.” Maya smiled and put a hand on Embry’s shoulder.

“Of course,” she said, “He is...back, isn’t he? The old him I mean? The Jacob you knew?” Maya seemed to trust Embry’s judgement of Jacob.

“I don’t know if it’s the same Jacob, but parts of him are there. I see small slivers of it when he’s with Becks. So that’s a good sign,” he finished, “Come on, we better get moving, the parts store is gonna close soon.” Maya looked over her shoulder and saw the sleepy light of the afternoon upon them. She set some cash down on the counter and with one more scathing look down the bar at Rick, she followed Embry out.

Embry drove them to the parts shop, knowing the way better than Maya and when they entered the shop, she smiled at the man at the counter.

“I’m picking up for Paul Lahote,” she said sweetly. The man gave her a gentle smile and nod.

“One second, Maya,” he said. Maya smiled at the comfort at which she felt from this stranger addressing her by name, knowing that Paul had let him know she was coming.

“Do you want to tell him what you need?” Maya asked over her shoulder at Embry who stood with his hands on his hips. He scrunched up his face and gave a quick,

“Nah!”

But before Maya could question him further, the shopkeep was back with a box that held the requested part. She gave him a soft thank you and carried it out to the car. Embry climbed back into the driver’s seat and took them off down the road back toward La Push.

“Needed a part huh?” Maya said knowingly as she stared out the windshield. Embry rubbed the back of his neck and threw her a smile.

“Yeah, well,” he shrugged, giving her a noncommittal answer.

“He’s unbelievable,” Maya muttered, referring to Paul. It was clear now that he had sent Embry to watch her just in case.

“Hey, I came in pretty clutch though, you gotta admit!” he teased. Maya rolled her eyes and couldn’t help but smile. “Paul is gonna freak when he sees that that creep touched you though,” Embry said resigned. Maya looked over at him confused, “Wolf telepathy, remember?” Embry answered.

Maya threw her head back against the headrest and groaned. This would definitely confirm to Paul that he wasn’t being overbearing by sending someone to look after her now that something had definitely happened.

When they pulled into her driveway, Embry looked over at her and said softly,

“Go easy on him.” Maya shot him a look of mock shock.

“Hey, I’m super chill!” she said sarcastically. This made Embry howl with laughter as he stumbled from the car and deposited the keys in her hand. She pulled him in for a quick hug and thanks before bounding off toward the front door. When she made it through the front door, quickly kicking off her shoes and dropping the keys on the table, she noticed Paul’s massive form blocking the light coming in from the back door as he stood outside on the porch. She walked over and pulled the door open and he turned in surprise.

“Hey,” he said softly. She smiled up at him and then noticed two people sitting on the deck on the patio couch.

“Hey,” Maya let her eyes rest on Jacob and Becks sitting together, Jacob’s arm was thrown casually along the back of the couch behind Becks. Becks looked like she had been crying. “What’s going on?” she asked softly, setting her hand in Paul’s.

“They had a less than pleasant conversation with the council today,” Paul said, controlled anger thick in his voice. Maya looked up at him with a worried look on her face and he gave her a soft, reassuring smile.

“Becks?” Maya said, looking at her. She could see her face was plump and red from crying.

“They can say whatever they want, it’s not going to change our plans.” Jacob said firmly.

“I’m missing something,” Maya muttered looking from Jacob to Becks to Paul. Paul hesitated and then looked down at Maya.

“They asked Becks to stay in La Push,” Paul said gently. Maya’s eyes went wide in shock.

“What?” her voice was colored in disbelief. Becks brought a hand to her face, fresh tears falling now. Jacob leaned forward and grabbed the glass of water that was there holding it out to her. She took it and sipped. “What the fuck does that mean?” Maya said, growing angry.

“Easy,” Paul said, sliding a hand around her waist and pulling her to him tightly.

“It doesn’t fucking matter what it means, it’s not going to happen. She’s going to Northwestern, and I’m going to stay here. That should keep them happy,” Jacob shot back, matching Maya’s anger. Maya looked at him, grateful to have an ally in this at least. She gave him a nod and they shared a look of understanding.

“But why would she stay here? What good would that do?” Maya asked the question to Jacob and he shut his eyes tightly, clearly annoyed. Paul shifted next to her.

“They believe that if Becks stays, her and Jacob’s relationship will progress faster,” Paul continued in a calm, knowing tone. Maya was livid. They were doing the same thing to Becks and Jacob that they had done to her and Paul—putting so much pressure on them to be together at the start for their own weird agenda.

“My dad asked me when the wedding was,” Jacob scoffed and then looked sadly at Becks.

“Jesus!” Maya said, almost pulling out of Paul’s grasp to cross the deck and comfort Becks. But before she could, Jacob was already there leaning in and comforting her, placing his broad hand on her knee, and bending his neck down so he could meet her eyes.

“Nothing changes, Becks,” he said to her gently. Becks nodded at him, holding his gaze before she looked at Maya.

“Do you guys want to stay for dinner?” Maya said hopeful. Becks smiled and Jacob brightened at the look on her face.

“Sure,” she said. Paul leaned down and kissed Maya’s temple.

“I’ll help,” he said, guiding her back into the house to give Jacob and Becks a minute.

They settled on roasting some chicken and potatoes, and while Paul and Maya worked seamlessly together in the kitchen Maya glanced out onto the porch where the couple leaned into one another clearly having an intense conversation.

“Why does the council always think they can butt in like this? It’s fucking weird and archaic.” Maya asked, cutting the potatoes. Paul was seasoning the chicken he had spatchcocked and laid out on a roasting pan.

“I think Chief Black feels like he has more control over Jacob because it’s his son. Whereas other members of the pack defer mostly to Sam’s input.” Maya gave him a sidelong look as realization dawned on her. “Plus, they’re all dying for us to have kids. The fact that just Sam and Emily have only had kids at this point bothers them.” Maya scoffed and shook her head.

“That’s ridiculous. They really need to get out of the baby business. We’ll have kids when we’re ready,” she said. Paul turned his head and gave her a soft look. “What?” she asked, confused.

“Do you want to have kids?” he asked in a curious voice. Maya was taken aback by the question. She dropped the cut potatoes around the chicken on the baking sheet and looked up at him sweetly.

“With you?” she teased. Paul laughed.

“I mean, I hope,” he said. Maya paused and let a smile bloom across her face before she continued.

“Yeah, I do. Only with you though,” she teased. He leaned down and kissed her lips before sliding the pan into the oven.

“Good,” he said simply. But Maya could tell that he swelled up with joy at just the thought of having kids with her. Before she could tease him about it though, he washed his hands and turned to her, resting against the counter and crossing his arms, “I need to run something by you.”

“What’s that?” Maya said, washing her hands and drying them off on the kitchen towel.

“Jacob needs to stay here for awhile. It would take the pressure off of him getting out of his dad’s house while he figures out where to live and gets his garage up and running,” Paul said matter-of-factly. “Would you be okay with that?”

“Of course!” Maya said, “You don’t need to ask my permission, this is your house.” Paul raised an eyebrow at her and crossed the kitchen taking her in his arms.

“This is our house,” he emphasized. Maya chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“Oh right,” she brushed off.

“No, My. This is our house. Yours and mine,” Paul said.

“I know, I know. Our house. You just happened to build it and pay for it and maintain it,” she said, patting his chest. He kissed her forehead.

“Yeah, but you’re on the title so technically you own it,” he let his arms fall from around her and stepped back with a smug smirk as he went to the fridge to grab a few beers, heading toward the porch.

“Wait what?! When did you do that?!” Maya said. Paul shrugged and pushed open the back door. She followed him out with a smile. This man.