#chapter sixty-one

Chapter Sixty-One

He sat with his legs drawn to his chest and looked at Cronus. He was afraid of what this question could mean. And of what his answer could do. He knew the answer. He was the only one that knew the answer. He didn't like this question, though. It pried. It was just so... personal.

But why was he so nervous about it? This man had had his penis in his mouth and down his throat. He'd seen him more vulnerable than anyone else.

So he took a deep breath. He just had to tell the truth. And to ask some questions of his own.

He kept his gaze on Cronus. “I...” He swallowed. “I've tried to... In the past month. On occasion. But it never felt right.” His face flushed darkly and he hid it behind his knees. “I don't see why you need to know this! In fact I feel highly triggered that you would even ask if I have as that's incredibly personal information!” He could feel himself crying a little.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Kan! Kanny! Kankri! Babe!” Cronus had a hand on his back, rubbing circles. “I just... I needed to know if you'd done anything like that so if, like, we get caught up in the heat a the moment and you decided that you wanna do it? I mean it'd be horrible if you didn't like what we were doin' yeah? I don't wanna hurt you, so I had to ask.” He swallowed hard.

“I suppose that makes sense...”

“Babe, are you okay?”

He sighed and pulled his knees closer. “I'm perfectly fine.”

Cronus leaned in and quirked an eyebrow. “Babe you look about as far from fine as I've ever seen you.” He reached out to touch him, but drew his hand back.

Kankri sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. “I'm just not sure why exactly you need to know. Explain.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “Babe, like I said. I gotta know so that, like, when you're ready, I know how much we gotta, like, prepare you. Cause if you ain't done nothin' like it before then it's gonna fuckin' hurt. And I don't wanna hurt you, babe.”

He swallowed hard and looked back up at Cronus. “Prepare me?”

“Uh, yeah, I gotta like... Stretch you.”

“Why?” His brow furrowed.

“To, uh, to be able to actually have some full on sex? I mean we don't fuckin' have to, but you said that you wanted to earlier so I thought maybe like doin' some research on how to do that might not be a bad idea.” He let out a deep sigh and Kankri could feel him as he leaned back into the couch. “I don't fuckin' know, babe. Just fuckin' forget I said anything and we'll go on our way. Have some sloppy make-outs, give some killer blow jobs. We both seem to like that.”

He took a deep breath and let it out. “I suppose that I hadn't thought about it that way. It just felt... Dirty.” He glanced over at Cronus to seem him looking back at him inquisitively.

“Babe. If it feels dirty then you don't gotta go through with it yet. I mean yeah, I'll be a little disappointed, but that's just the way it goes. I'm willing to wait until you're ready.”

He swallowed and nodded slowly before finally relaxing a little. “It's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, love. I'm just not sure if I really am ready. I was so caught up in the heat of the moment before...”

“And that's fine. I don't want you to do nothin' that you don't wanna, but you gotta tell me. I ain't a mind reader.”

He smiled and gave a little laugh. “I know that you're not, Cronus.” He moved over to him and wrapped his arms around him softly. “And I greatly appreciate that.”

Cronus sat for a few moments before returning the hug, being careful not to embrace him too tightly. “I just want you to be happy, babe.” His voice was soft as he nuzzled against him.

Kankri turned his head a little pressed a kiss to his lips. “Thank you.” He tightened his grip on him and Cronus did the same.

“I just love you so much.” He laughed weakly.

“I love you, too.”

Cronus's grip tightened and he pressed another soft kiss to his lips. “Then do you just wanna forget about what I said?”

He thought for a moment. “No. No I don't think that I do.”

“Really?” He pulls his head back and stares intently into Kankri's eyes.

“Of course. It doesn't make sense to forget about it. It's a very real step in our relationship and I'd like to have a few days to think about what it could mean for us.” He pressed another soft kiss to his lips. “I'm a little nervous about this step.”

He chuckled and kissed him back. “Yeah babe I'm a little nervous about it, too. But I think we'll both like it.”

He took a deep breath and hummed. “I hope you're right.”

He pressed another kiss to his lips. “If you don't like it I'll stop. If you don't like anything I'll stop, babe.”

“I know you will.” He nuzzled against his shoulder and smiled.

The two sat in silence for a few moments, listening to each other's breathing and heartbeats.

Cronus spoke first. “Do you wanna maybe just go to bed? I mean I know it's early but...”

“Yes. Let's just go to bed.” He leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before standing and moving back to his room. Cronus followed behind him closely and they both stripped down and got into bed. They wrapped their limbs around each other, saying their good nights and I love you's before closing their eyes and trying to sleep.

After a few minutes Cronus began to laugh. “Babe it's like eight thirty, what the fuck are we doing?”

He laughed with him. “We're getting a good night's sleep.” He pressed another kiss to his lips.

“How can I get a good night's sleep when the most beautiful guy in the world has his arms wrapped around my chest?”

His face flushed and he chewed on his lip. “Cronus I'm not beautiful.”

“Yeah you are.” He pressed another soft kiss to his lips. “Now let's pretend to sleep for a while.” He laughed again.

“All right, love. Goodnight.” He nuzzled back against him.