Hey yall, if you haven't noticed and reading anmoe (to see how i was writing and portraying those little shits)
this means that ill be live blogging my reactions as time goes on, so if you don't wanna see it you can blacklist "ned reads anmoe" or if you never want to see my little text posts you can do the same with "ned talks"
basically what i'm saying here is that anmoe might be continuing whether it's the fic itself or a sister fic that happens later because this universe has started to yell at me loudly again
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are you going to continue updating anmoe? I fell in love with it and i saw that you haven't updated in a while. please consider updating, its so good!
Aw, thanks dearie!  I will, at some point, be updating anmoe!  I've just sadly lost my writing spark at the moment.  I'm reading things and trying to get my writer's spark from them.  And if I can just get the spark back then I'll be back in full force!  I still know how everything will play out, so even if I don't actually finish, I'll still write a summary of what was going to happen!
Though before anmoe updates there will most likely be other, shorter fics and possibly even some original works! Â So I suppose that that's something to look forward to!
And if ever you feel a lack of writing from me, go ahead and check out my writing blog or my AO3, both of which have stories that I didn't originally post here! Â Sadly neither has been updated in a month, but there are a few different pairings and even more Cronkri if that's what you're after! >;]
can i just say how much i love anmoaoe? like, at first i read it as a joke because i didnt really ship cronkri and nsfw makes me uncomfortable but now its my otp and anmoaoe is my favorite fic out of anything ive ever read and every time it updates i literally squeal in excitement?? i dunno this is dumb... i feel so weebish.
Oh my gosh!! Â I'm so glad that you love ANMOE so much!!! Â I kind of started shipping those two the same way tbh And now look at me wow a veritable insane lady with them so much! Â I'm sorry that I haven't been updating like I used to. Â I mean seriously it used to update like twice a DAY and now it's MAYBE once a month =/
And to make you feel better, every time I get a comment from some little lovely like you, I squeal in excitement too!  I've got a few other long fics to keep you busy if the lack of updates has you down, though!  If you'd like I can link them to you!  Just shoot me another message (off anon if you're not feeling too shy!) and I'll be sure to get them to you with a summary and everything =]
Holy shit. Â Holy shit you guys. Â I can't believe how long this took me. Â I'm so sorry. Â There's really no good reason I can give you for why this hasn't updated in so long except that I haven't been able to think for it. Â I hope you enjoy this chapter. Â I did my best.
Chapter Sixty-One
He sat with his legs drawn to his chest and looked at Cronus. He was afraid of what this question could mean. And of what his answer could do. He knew the answer. He was the only one that knew the answer. He didn't like this question, though. It pried. It was just so... personal.
But why was he so nervous about it? This man had had his penis in his mouth and down his throat. He'd seen him more vulnerable than anyone else.
So he took a deep breath. He just had to tell the truth. And to ask some questions of his own.
He kept his gaze on Cronus. “I...” He swallowed. “I've tried to... In the past month. On occasion. But it never felt right.” His face flushed darkly and he hid it behind his knees. “I don't see why you need to know this! In fact I feel highly triggered that you would even ask if I have as that's incredibly personal information!” He could feel himself crying a little.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Kan! Kanny! Kankri! Babe!” Cronus had a hand on his back, rubbing circles. “I just... I needed to know if you'd done anything like that so if, like, we get caught up in the heat a the moment and you decided that you wanna do it? I mean it'd be horrible if you didn't like what we were doin' yeah? I don't wanna hurt you, so I had to ask.” He swallowed hard.
“I suppose that makes sense...”
“Babe, are you okay?”
He sighed and pulled his knees closer. “I'm perfectly fine.”
Cronus leaned in and quirked an eyebrow. “Babe you look about as far from fine as I've ever seen you.” He reached out to touch him, but drew his hand back.
Kankri sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. “I'm just not sure why exactly you need to know. Explain.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “Babe, like I said. I gotta know so that, like, when you're ready, I know how much we gotta, like, prepare you. Cause if you ain't done nothin' like it before then it's gonna fuckin' hurt. And I don't wanna hurt you, babe.”
He swallowed hard and looked back up at Cronus. “Prepare me?”
“Uh, yeah, I gotta like... Stretch you.”
“Why?” His brow furrowed.
“To, uh, to be able to actually have some full on sex? I mean we don't fuckin' have to, but you said that you wanted to earlier so I thought maybe like doin' some research on how to do that might not be a bad idea.” He let out a deep sigh and Kankri could feel him as he leaned back into the couch. “I don't fuckin' know, babe. Just fuckin' forget I said anything and we'll go on our way. Have some sloppy make-outs, give some killer blow jobs. We both seem to like that.”
He took a deep breath and let it out. “I suppose that I hadn't thought about it that way. It just felt... Dirty.” He glanced over at Cronus to seem him looking back at him inquisitively.
“Babe. If it feels dirty then you don't gotta go through with it yet. I mean yeah, I'll be a little disappointed, but that's just the way it goes. I'm willing to wait until you're ready.”
He swallowed and nodded slowly before finally relaxing a little. “It's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, love. I'm just not sure if I really am ready. I was so caught up in the heat of the moment before...”
“And that's fine. I don't want you to do nothin' that you don't wanna, but you gotta tell me. I ain't a mind reader.”
He smiled and gave a little laugh. “I know that you're not, Cronus.” He moved over to him and wrapped his arms around him softly. “And I greatly appreciate that.”
Cronus sat for a few moments before returning the hug, being careful not to embrace him too tightly. “I just want you to be happy, babe.” His voice was soft as he nuzzled against him.
Kankri turned his head a little pressed a kiss to his lips. “Thank you.” He tightened his grip on him and Cronus did the same.
“I just love you so much.” He laughed weakly.
“I love you, too.”
Cronus's grip tightened and he pressed another soft kiss to his lips. “Then do you just wanna forget about what I said?”
He thought for a moment. “No. No I don't think that I do.”
“Really?” He pulls his head back and stares intently into Kankri's eyes.
“Of course. It doesn't make sense to forget about it. It's a very real step in our relationship and I'd like to have a few days to think about what it could mean for us.” He pressed another soft kiss to his lips. “I'm a little nervous about this step.”
He chuckled and kissed him back. “Yeah babe I'm a little nervous about it, too. But I think we'll both like it.”
He took a deep breath and hummed. “I hope you're right.”
He pressed another kiss to his lips. “If you don't like it I'll stop. If you don't like anything I'll stop, babe.”
“I know you will.” He nuzzled against his shoulder and smiled.
The two sat in silence for a few moments, listening to each other's breathing and heartbeats.
Cronus spoke first. “Do you wanna maybe just go to bed? I mean I know it's early but...”
“Yes. Let's just go to bed.” He leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before standing and moving back to his room. Cronus followed behind him closely and they both stripped down and got into bed. They wrapped their limbs around each other, saying their good nights and I love you's before closing their eyes and trying to sleep.
After a few minutes Cronus began to laugh. “Babe it's like eight thirty, what the fuck are we doing?”
He laughed with him. “We're getting a good night's sleep.” He pressed another kiss to his lips.
“How can I get a good night's sleep when the most beautiful guy in the world has his arms wrapped around my chest?”
His face flushed and he chewed on his lip. “Cronus I'm not beautiful.”
“Yeah you are.” He pressed another soft kiss to his lips. “Now let's pretend to sleep for a while.” He laughed again.
“All right, love. Goodnight.” He nuzzled back against him.
As they lay together, he thought about what he'd been asked and whether he was really ready. He knew that he wasn't just yet, but soon. Someday soon.
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First real critique for ANMOE on AO3 and it's made me realize that I'm not sure how much I want to keep writing it... Â All of the ideas are still stirring up in my brain, but I feel like my style of writing has shifted so much in the past four months that trying to go back to writing the way it's written might just be painful for me. Â It's part of the reason that I haven't been writing for a while since nothing that I write for it feels right. Â So for all of you reading it, bear with me. Â There might be a wait for some of my older works (or any works for that matter; I'm on a bit of a down swing that has nothing to do with the critique. I just work in cycles). Â I hope you guys can stick with me for a little while and maybe humor me if I ask for a prompt. Â I'll be asking just to see if I can get my juices flowing properly again. Â Until then, you all have a great time. Â I love you all and, even though I'm not actively working on any right now, my fics are in the back of my mind and being processed.
He sat in the car in front of his building for half an hour before finally willing himself to go back inside. He was still wearing Kankri's sweater and the thing was really starting to itch. He grabbed the bag and went back to his room. He looked at the clock on his desk. Barely four. He stripped down, took out his contacts, and still holding onto the sweater, climbed up to his bed. He set an alarm for five-thirty and curled up to take a nap, holding the sweater to his face so he could feel closer to Kankri.
 He was sixteen, sitting by himself in the cafeteria. Someone had dropped what looked like a fucking heart on his tray. He picked it up. It was still beating.
He squeezed it and felt a pain in his chest.
This was his heart. He was holding his heart in his fucking hands.
He couldn't bring himself to put it down. He put it in his left hand and started eating again, doing his best to ignore the steady rhythm there.
He finished and walked to class. Everyone was staring. Their faces were blank, hollow.
None of them said anything but he could sense that they all wanted to say something.
“Hey look at the freak with his heart in his hands.”
“Look at that nerd; do you think one of stupid spells actually worked?”
“Oh wow don't bleed on my shoes, dude, I just got these.”
He held his heart closer to his chest and sat in his desk. He heard another rhythm that was softer than the one in his hands, but quickly falling in time with his.
He felt a hand tap his shoulder and he turned to look.
It was someone with a face. Someone older. Reddish-brown eyes stared back at him and, although he had it in a box, he realized that the thumping was his heart. The man smiled and opened the box. His heart was wrapped in bandages and covered in scars.
He realized that his heart was going to look like that someday. Torn to shreds by time, but still beating.
He smiled as he pressed his heart to his chest and felt it sink into the gash where he'd tried to rip it out in the first place.
It seemed to want to be back inside of him, but it hurt. He'd forgotten just how much it hurt to feel.
 He woke with a start. The sweater was still in his hands. He held it close as he sat up, looking at the clock. Quarter after five. Well at least he'd almost slept until his alarm went off. He climbed down and grabbed his things to take a shower. That should help him calm down a little. He showered quickly and did his best to do his hair as best as he could in the time he had left. It wasn't perfect, but Kankri would probably be okay with how it looked.
He grabbed the things he'd gotten earlier and tucked them into his messenger bag with his laptop, a few cords and the red sweater. With another quick glance in the mirror and one last sweep of things he might need, including his contacts case, he left and locked the door behind him. He walked down the hall to Kankri's room and knocked on it
Kankri opened the door and smiled when he saw him. “Hello, Cronus.”
“Hey, Kan.” He grinned. “Mind if I come in?”
“Not at all.” He lead him into the room and Cronus couldn't help but note that he locked the door behind them. “Would you like to watch a movie now then?”
“Yeah, that sounds sweet.”
They walked into the lounge and Cronus set up his laptop and the wireless mouse and keyboard then sat next to Kankri. He used Kankri's leg as a mouse pad. “So what you wanna watch today?”
“Hm, I'm not sure. Perhaps you'd like to choose?”
He grinned. “All right Grease it is.” He closed out of Netflix and went to his movies folder to bring it up.
“You like Grease?”
“I fuckin' love it. You ever seen it?” He raised his eyebrows with an excited grin.
“No.”
“Perfect. Let's watch it then.”
And so they did. Cronus found it immensely enjoyable, singing along with all of the songs and quoting most of the movie. But by the end he couldn't help notice that Kankri hadn't moved. He raised an eyebrow. “Somethin' wrong, babe?”
He shrugged once. “I'm not sure that I enjoyed it.”
Cronus bit his lip. To be entirely honest, he wasn't sure he liked it either. But it just had that great 1950s vibe to it and young John Travolta? He could stand to watch it for young John Travolta. “Sorry, babe. Why didn't you say anything about it?” He leaned over and gave him a soft kiss.
“You were enjoying yourself. I didn't want you to stop on my account.”
“Nah, babe! If you ain't likin' somethin' then I'll always stop.” He pressed another kiss to his lips, moving his own slowly. Kankri wrapped his arms around his neck and returned it with a soft moan. Before they got much further, Cronus pulled back with a nervous grin on his face. “So, uh, speakin' of always stoppin' when you ask... Babe I know you said you were ready right? As in like ready.”
“Yes.”
“Are you really?”
“I... I'm not sure. It scares me to think about it a little.”
Cronus swallowed and looked at his bag. “Well, babe, I just wanted to tell you that like... When you're really ready you gotta let me know, all right?”
“Of course I will.”
“And, uh, just so you're, like, ready I just gotta ask somethin' you might be a little offended by...” He was most nervous about this question. How the fuck do you ask it without upsetting someone?”
“What is it?” He was smiling kindly at him. Fuck it was just getting harder to bring himself to ask when his face was like that.
“Okay, like...” He could feel a dark blush spreading over his cheeks. “have you ever fingered yourself?”
Kankri blinked a few times. “What?”
“Babe you heard me don't make me say it again.” He looked away and scratched at the back of his head.
“Why do you need to know?”
“Because apparently this shit is easier on you if you're like prepared for it.” He looked back up at him. “I mean I could help you and like get you ready, but like... I was told that it's better if you get ready a couple weeks ahead of time.” Kankri pushed Cronus away and stared at the floor. “Babe?”
“Don't speak. Not right now. I need to think.”
He took the hint and moved away some and started to think about his dream. Kankri was the boy with the heart in the box. He shook his head. He didn't really know where that thought came from. Probably his dream. It was stranger than any he'd had recently.
It occurred to him that the scars might have been to more than just his heart.
He turned his head and watched while he thought.
Kankri had his face buried in the neck of his red and black striped sweater and his hands clutching at his hair.. He just wanted to reach out and touch him. To hold him and tell him that it was okay. He didn't need to know about these things. He could wait. He would wait.
He was in love with Kankri Vantas, and now he actually knew it. As they sat there something had clicked. He never wanted to lose this man.
And his stupid question meant that that might just happen. Smooth move, Ampora.
But eventually Kankri looked up at him and his hopes raised a little.
Wow okay so.  If you haven't noticed I write.  A lot.  And I've been neglecting some fics (My Brother's Keeper hadn't updated in almost a month and Hit Fate in the Face is in the same boat wow!).  So today I'm gonna do my best to do work on HFF and maybe MAYBE get more of ANMOE written.  I know that it's been about a week on ANMOE, but really guys you're in the Homestuck fandom.  You've waited longer for less.  Please be patient for me.  I swear that I'm not going to just drop it.  I'm not dropping any of them.  And even if I did I would do my best to give a quick summary of what the end would entail.
The ask box there is open, feel free to request a pairing/kink/au... Anything! Â All of my long fics will still be posted here and any non-request oneshots will be posted there and then reblogged to this blog!
