#channelingerk

Yep I'm in San Antonio now... With Matthew and seeing if we can try this living all over again.

My glasses were stolen from me in my sleep. I got pissed but I believe in karma. Stealing is wrong. Yes the prescription was a little off but they were purple and they looked good on me! This asshole got crafty and swapped my glasses for a banana....A BANANA! 🤯

So now I have to worry about my contacts and how am I supposed to buy a new pack with the zero.99 dollars I have. At least I will get my disability check next year but in all honesty, I am blind. 🙃 It's very uncomfortable to be without glasses or contacts. Everything is so blurry.

My novel is in the works.

But I'm a bad writer. It's hard to dedicate time, energy and patience to pounding a chapter a day. I don't like extensive writing like that from a cell phone or tablet. So this is frustrating because I know I have a decent "story" to tell. 🤦‍♀️I'm just overall very tired and worn out in every way imaginable.

Erik is helping or "helping" and we still do our thing. Being able to channel Erik in my conversations with my close friends and my brother is commonplace. It's some times easy to break out in to laughter at what appears to be out of nowhere. We have our own inside jokes. To my concern and surprise it's great I haven't accidentally mistaken Matt or Erik.

OoooOOOooooO.... Creepy.

Seriously I try to make a conscious effort to NOT hit a kind of Freudian Slip.

😘❤️ Have a great weekend!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin 🔥 Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog run by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

Based on this very blog

Running Backwards is about a woman, Monica Wright who comes from a family line of psychics. She discovers what she ran away from for years; The truth about the disappearance of her ex-boyfriend and what it really means to have an extraordinary gift. Can she rekindle her relationship with a dead man? This is a question she asks herself often all while realizing the power of love that transcends literal time and space.

So I've compiled an example of how my spirit/higher self as "Vanessa" looks. Did my very best but this comes close...

Loves flowers and keeps a garden. DO NOT TOUCH THEM!

Very giving and forgiving but don't push your luck.

Loves love and has many "boyfriends".

Hair is curly and blonde, eyes are gold and delicate hands are her "best" features.

Her bark is worse than her bite.

She grows gold apples which she uses often to help out as part of her "job".

She helps women around conception of children.

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin 🔥 Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog run by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

I love that song...

Anyway Matt and I got split again. It's nearly impossible to stay together but I'm kind of pissed at him anyway. 🙄 My intuition hinted he wasn't being completely honest with me. Turns out he really wasn't so when I saw the texts between him and his ex I wasn't surprised. I know he's sorry I saw it. 😑 Makes sense of course if a friend doesn't want you to see their phone. Chances are higher that there is something on it he don't want you to see like porn or texts with someone he supposedly stopped talking to weeks ago.

I told Matthew that if he needs a break that it's fine. I don't care. There's a huge reason I've kind of backed off. 😑 I know he's not over his ex and he's looking for closure he's never going to get from her. She's a real piece of work. She treated him like shit and didn't talk to him. I know because we hung out as friends a lot. All he did was complain about her. 😒 So well when she found out about me, she did a full 180°.

I'm used to getting my heart broken.

Being completely honest, I told Matthew that if he needs some time to get over this... Girl, it's cool. We can go back to being friends. No big deal. But he insisted that he wants more than that. Well then I told him I don't feel comfortable being his girlfriend if he's going to continue to text her. Matthew insisted over and over that he doesn't need time. But now after the shit I saw I feel I'm being lied to and I hate liars. If he wants me to believe him, he better come up with a real explanation and honesty about what's going on.

Going back to Florida 🤔 is an option but I honestly want to see this through. My guides and God keep telling me to work with him. Like at least help him. Be a friend to him because he's not almost no one. 😅 If we end up working through things like adults that's great but judging from the past year and how everything has gone to shit, I'm believing more that I'm not good enough for him. 🤦‍♀️ Oh well...

It was a rough month.

I tried to look through some old stuff with Erik to remember what happened. 😔 A psychic told me there was nothing I could do to stop my boyfriend from "leaving" and he was sorry for my loss. I knew I was psychic back then. However still borderline skeptical. My oracle and tarot card collection wasn't as big but I still used them on occasion. After the phone conversation with the radio psychic I crawled in my closet that spring and cried my eyes out.

It was a long distance relationship with Josh. We're still friends and we talk. 🤦‍♀️ Only I left the relationship and it was sort of mutual. He was nowhere near suicidal because he was expecting a kid by a girl he cheated on me with living with us. I was crying in bed one day after moving back home when a flower on my windowsill flew clear across my room toward my door! I put it together... 😞 The man who died was my Twinflame and from the time I noticed that flower to the present, it was Erik trying to get my attention. From then on there would be handfuls of supernatural stuff happening around me and in my dreams. I knew for a long time what it was.

As long as I'm honest...

I hate my life. Everything about it seems like a joke to me. Everything from Erik, my past, being homeless to Matthew. I feel like one day I'm going to find I was dead the whole time and this is my "eternal punishment". 😅 I definitely feel dead inside.

🙃 Don't get me wrong, I've been seeking help for everything and I'm in a program specifically for crazy homeless people. I'm just sick of the stigma too. 🤣👌 I don't have any problems besides the mental bullshit I go through everyday. But it seems people pass judgment just because I'm homeless. It's bullshit.

😘❤️ Good night ya'll!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin 🔥 Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog run by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

I can't list all of my triggers. Some bring me back to remembering some of my past lives but most bring me down to remembering Erik. That he's dead.

Lynnette is in her old house with her cheating ex husband down the street and I'm in her new one. 😂 Unfernished and on the floor. But I have a laptop, food, and all the comforts. I even got a job interview with the possibility to start working Monday. I'm not sure if I can stomach living by myself right now. With Matthew also in San Antonio it's harder to ignore someone else I love isn't in reach.

This lady must be on a man-hating rage because she acted as though Matthew was nothing but a bum. 🤦‍♀️ So a dead guy is better? What the actual fuck? Because I didn't devolge the nitty gritty on my past with Matthew she's making assumptions that I'm better off alone or with some other guy. She had me ride with him to this impromptu interview. We talked and I felt more like a little sister than anything. He gave me advice. 😑 Basically get my own place asap and don't let this women run my life. She doesn't have any right to judge.

I'm alone again in the house.

Matthew doesn't seem talkative. He was hurt that this women who seems genuinely eager to help also looks like wants to plant unsavory seeds in my garden. I always texting him when something new happens but I feel like I'm in this one-sided. I don't know if it's because he can't get wifi, busy looking for work, or too tired to talk to me. 🤔 Maybe all of the above. He said he felt discouraged. This is a giant test by God to see how we fair out. It's completely obvious. If we fail, maybe I'll just stay alone.

I tried watching a movie and I don't remember the name and I don't want to. This chick was with this dude. She saw a psychic and she asked how long has the girls boyfriend been dead. It was an immediate trigger. The same happened to me ten years ago. But the psychic predicted Erik's death. Like the girl I was confused. To my knowledge the guy I was seeing wasn't suicidal or unhealthy. Josh was happy and in good health and he still is! It's a whole mess I've written again and again. Anyway, 😣 I had to shut it off, take a deep breath and try to think of something else. It's bad enough I'm in Texas. Why the fuck am I here?

I knew from Matthew's accent where he was from.

Back in Florida the first time he spoke to me when I quoted the Adam Sandler Lunch Ladyland song. 😔 From then, I knew who to avoid. But I'm a kind of savior for nights in distress so when he looked like shit I offered to help him and that's how I wound up here. We keep getting separated. Ive come so far I may as well make the best of it. Lynnette is helping me get a Texas ID, get my foodstamp benefits transferred, I may already have a job, and soon have an apartment. *sigh* 😩😤 I still have to ask every day what am I doing here. Eventually I'm going to go back to Florida or Colorado Springs.

😘❤️ Stay warm!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin 🔥 Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog run by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

I met a lady at the hospital about a month ago. It was a religious hospital and very nice. At first we got at each other's throats. She was very improper and loud to me and to her I was uppity and a show-off. We threw passive aggressiveness across group therapy so hard! Lmao 😂

But we kept in touch anyway. At the end of our hospitalizations we hugged. A few weeks later while I was at JRC recovery for the fourteen days, she offered to take me in, get me a job and set up with an apartment. She has all the connections. So yesterday was exhausting.

I moved from San Antonio to Boerne.

It all happened so fast. Matthew is in a program in San Antonio. *sigh* 😥😤 I can only hope he finds a job and saves up. My friend Lynnette is doing the most for me from making sure I'm comfortable and setting me up with all the programs available for me since I don't qualify for anything in San Antonio as I have no criminal history, abuse, or have children. It's hard to get help there but here it's kind of the opposite. I hardly see homeless around here. Oh and I'm going to help her jumpstart her ebay essential oil business. So that's also exciting.

I'm at the gym petalling away the 20 lbs I gathered since coming from Florida. I may as well set up camp here and everything at least for now. I don't really have to go back to Florida. There isnt much there except for family but everyone is still scattered with hope to wind up in Gainesville.

Things are looking up. So far I have good feelings. Erik is excited and happy for me. That's also good.

😘❤️ Ya'll be square.

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin 🔥 Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog run by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

Tonight was bad. Realizing I won't be with family this holiday fucked me up. I was able to work something out with a lady I met at the hospital. She will pick me up in the morning. She will help me get on my feet with a job...

Bawling Odin (Jeffrey late front man of Gun Club) came to see me. Warning me of the dangers of bad strangers, drugs and trouble. It freaked me out enough to nearly panic. But it's okay. I feel good about the help and opportunity I'm given.

I heard Erik say he loves me. I shook my head and said

Right back as you asshole.

😘❤️ Night!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin 🔥 Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog run by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

I saw Matthew today. He came by the center to see me during visiting hours. It was sort of a surprise because I forgot it was the plan. I gained weight so bad that I can't fit into my jeans anymore! 😩 I have to get out of here before they turn me into a whale. It's great that I'm leaving this place on Wednesday. I'm going to Salvation army women's shelter.

Matt found a good job and I begged him to get me an interview. It would be great! 😊👍We just need to work until January, go to Florida and figure shit out from there. Wing it I think. I'm not too concerned as long as we're together. It's been almost 3 weeks since I saw him. It was so awesome. I know we look cute together.

I have to make up with Erik.

Being mad at him isn't productive. But it's just bullshit. I can't explain it. I pushed him away and it sounds like he's alive. Well in a way he's not really gone and it's like we have this long distance relationship where we communicate on this spiritual phone line. 🙄 Hmmph.. I've been in a funk since October. He's upset that I'm refusing to talk to him. He's just around reading my mind and answering back since I won't talk.

I can feel him following me and yelling at me to talk and hear him out and shit.

😘❤️… FuckFuck I have to go.

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin 🔥 Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog run by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.