I have had the same conversation with a few people recently. I’m not sure how it gets started but what they have in common are the following statements:
I challenge the belief of God because...
The church has done so many terrible things both in the act and in the response
If God was so good why would he let so many terrible things happen
I don’t want to be “hoodwinked”
I would believe in God if
I experienced something that defied all logic that helped a large group of people
I wondered the same things. I was waiting for God to prove himself to me. I was waiting for him to show up. And then with the simplicity of a question and the example of daring faith, my position of waiting changed to pursuit. Someone asked me what I believe, I saw the way they made bold choices because of their faith and I really wanted to find out the answers for myself.
I changed my perspective, I put on new glasses. I began reading more about who God is, I actually read the Bible!? I asked questions and while I have terrible control issues, I tried to be open to what I heard. The result: The world has changed completely for me. I walk in a freedom of being loved, a weightlessness of understanding who I am, a freedom from control because of forgiveness, all from knowing God more.
God pursued me, gave me opportunities to know Him. But until I began to pursue Him, I couldn’t see where, when, how He showed up.
In the beginning I’m not sure I was fully convinced. So I adopted the question: What does it hurt to believe? Did I hate to be wrong so much that I would sacrifice eternity? I was hurt by the church, by people who were supposed to be Christian but did not love well. My walls were way up. But little by little they started to fall.
I changed my glasses to see all those who hurt me in a new light that provided me freedom from the weight of carrying that pain.
If you are reading this and your guard is up, you are worried this is where I begin to tell you to believe. You don’t want to be told what to do. It turns you off and shuts you down.
I know I can’t convince you but please know this, I’m sorry for your pain. I’m sorry for the wall that needed to be built to guard your heart. I’m sorry that it may have been me that caused some of the pain.
While I believe the Holy Spirit lives inside me I can still be selfish and controlling and desire to be “right”. And I am so very sorry. I ask you to forgive me. Not for me, even though I so desire it, but for you. Forgiveness frees you from the burden of carrying the pain and suffering and I want that for you. I want freedom for you.
The greatest freedom happened for me when I changed my glasses. I went from waiting and carrying the weight and pressure of expectation and standards that were beyond me to living in a freedom of being loved and cared for. Living well loved is a freedom unlike any I could have imagined. I want that for you.
I encourage you to stop waiting, change your glasses. Pursue God. He loves you.
