#chakal

Steven Universe Recast

Retelling Steven Universe using CGI characters with a theme of magical creatures instead of gems. This is going to be a lengthy one, so you might want to sit down.

We have…

The Main Humans:

Antonio Madrigal in the role of Steven. In this world, fairy/ human hybrids are called changelings. Aside from talking to animals, he also has the powers of other Madrigal members, such as healing, enhanced strength, growing plants, affecting the weather, and best of all; Mirabel’s power of listening.

Felix Madrigal is the role of Greg. I guess he’d have a different surname in this story. Or maybe he was married to Peppa, and she passed away. I’ll leave that up to you.  

The Crystel Gems:

Nimona the pucca in the role of Amethyst. Pucca are shapeshifters who serve as foot soldiers in the Fay army. But Nim would rather play and cause mischief.

Mavka the tree nymph in the role of Pearl. Nymphs, like pearls are cultivated to serve whoever possesses their soul plant. But Mavka was emancipated to cultivate her own path.

Sweet Dream the fusion in the role of Garnet. She’s a fusion of Branch the scout troll (in the role of Ruby) and Poppy the wood troll (in the role of Sapphire). Fusion between different species, even different ranks of magic creatures, is forbidden.

Supporting Protagonists:

Nora aka Anansi in the role of Bismuth: Well-intentioned overzealous butch warrior. Spider people are used for manual labor in the Fay world, but they rebelled and went on the lam, with Anansi as their leader.

Mike the cyclops in the role of Peridot. Cyclops are bred to be soldiers, but since Mike was born “defective” he works as a scout.

Celia the gorgon in the role of Lapis Lazuli. Gorgons are architects with stone powers. During the war, Selia was petrified by accident and left behind when the Fay left.  

Sophia the First in the role of Connie. This was a hard role to fill out, and Sophia’s the only character I can think of whose young enough to be matched with Antonio. I think they’re a good couple.

Chunky the death cat in the role of Lion. He was bred to be a war mount, but he ran away from the battlefield.

K-Pop pretty boy Merlin in the role of Lars. Wizard wannabe who (spoiler) is eventually turned into a dwarf and becomes a rebel leader.

Sweet precious Snow White in the role of Sadie. Badass with a heart of gold.

The Off-Colors:

Terry and Terri as the Rutile Twins. They’re conjoined cyclops twins who were deemed “useless” at birth but were rescued by Cory.

Pomni in the role of Rhodonite. She’s a fusion between Gnomeo and Juliet.

Oh in the role of Padparadscha. He’s a goblin bred for clean-up duty, but he’d rather play in messes than clean them.

Cory the Manticore in the role of Fluorite. She’s a fusion between a vampire, a were-lion, a scorpion centaur, and a satyr. She rescued the other off-colors from being killed by the Fay.

The Antagonists:

Chackel the vampire in the role of Jasper. He’s an assassin who loves his job and can’t stand letting his prey get away.

Lou the siren in the role of Holly Blue Agate. Self-righteous control freak. Male sirens are rare, so they get special ranks, usually as instructors or enforcers.

Manon aka Puppeteer in the role of Aquamarine. A pixie retriever with the power to paralyze people (plus she kind of looks like Aqua) 

Laverna the pixie the role of Emerald. She’s an inspector in charge of hunting down dissidents.

Elves Velvet and Veneer in the role of the Zircons. Veneer is the blue one, Velvet is the green one. Elves are in charge of upholding the law and seeing if it’s been broken. These two are very bad at their jobs.

The K-Pop Quintet in the role of the Ruby Squad. Scout Trolls similar to Branch who seek out missing VIPs.  

The Diamond Authority: They are based on legendary Fairy Queens.

The Director as Gloriana the White Diamond. Creator of the Law.

Mayura as Mab the Blue Diamond. Interpreter of the Law.

Style Queen as Titania the Yellow Diamond. Enforcer of the Law.

Then there’s Sun Yi, who is based on the Celestial Weaving Maid of Asian lore.

CosmoBug (my favorite variation of Ladybug) as Pink Diamond and Sun Yi as Rose Quartz. There’s lots of symbolism in this transformation; she goes from a racially vague unsure teenager to a fully Chinese-coded mature grown-up.

Queen Bee in the role of Yellow Pearl. She’s a daffodil nymph.

Miraculer in the role of Blue Pearl. She’s a tulip nymph.

Raggatha in the role of Cracked Pearl. She’s a rose nymph whose right eye was replaced with a button. Long story.

Finally there’s Anxiety in the role of Spinal. She’s a personal companion brownie assigned to Sun Yi. But she kept freaking out over everything, so Sun left her with the nymphs.

Joaquín

“I need everybody, all day long, to like me SO MUCH.”

“There's a HORSE loose in a HOSPITAL!”

“Hey, can I walk ya home?”

“My grandma died oVeR tHE SUMMER!!”

Manolo

“I love saying 'my wife', it sounds so adult....‘That's my wife! No one talk to my wife! I didn't kill my wife!’”

“None of us really know our fathers. Anyway,”

“And a lot of people think that you like bulls…”

“SiNg, goddammit!”

Maria

“We got married by a friend.”

“Why is that what you think femininity is?”

“I was offended as a woman, who was being pushed around by this chauvinist a**hole,”

Carlos

One Black Coffee™

“God can't hear you.”

General Posada

“[Maria Posada]! Did you bite this nice man's d*ck?”

“You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.”

Xibalba

“My wife is a b**ch and I like her. So. Much.”

La Muerte

“Everyone get out of my way, I just want to sit here and feed my birds.”

Candlemaker

“I am too blessed to be stressed!”

Chakal

“‘It's the One Thing You Can't Replace.’”

“I hAve a nUCleaR BOmb!! And I'm gonna blOw up tHe hOspiTal!!!”

Vodu: Seeds of Destruction/No Way EP (1988/1989)

When I was a teenage head-banger, counting the days stuck in 1980s Latin American purgatory, fledgling Brazilian metal bands like Vodu, Viper, Vulcano, Korzus, Dorsal Atlântica and, yes, Sepultura provided partial relief for my unfulfilled heavy metal dreams.

And I say "partial" because, with a few notable exceptions known to foreigners, most Brazilian metal bands faced insurmountable financial and technical odds when they attempted to record and distribute their music domestically, let alone internationally.

São Paulo's own Vodu (which, as you might guess, is the Portuguese word for "voodoo") were a perfect case in point: barely eking out a living on local club shows and the odd opening slot for visiting heroes like Venom, Exciter, and (don't laugh) Nasty Savage, until they found the means to record 1986's The Final Conflict debut.

A rough, financially-strapped, but energetic slab of Helloween-inspired power metal, the album punched above its weight class, but it couldn't save the quintet from hemorrhaging its singer and both guitarists shortly after its release.

Only bassist André Cagni and drummer Sérgio Facci remained, but they duly recruited new singer Claudio Victorazzo and guitarists Victor Birner (*) and Paulo Lanfranchi to help them carry on, then set to work on 1988's Seeds of Destruction.

Clearly looking to evolve with the times, Vodu embraced a harsher, faster thrash metal sound indebted to a host of Bay Area and Teutonic purveyors, but especially New Yorkers Anthrax, who had just released their breakthrough Among the Living LP.

So, if you can imagine said album at 50% capacity -- in terms of performance, songwriting, production, and yes, plain talent -- then you'll be prepared to sample Vodu numbers like the title track, "What's the Reason," and "Flag of Truce."

That may sound harsh, but it's just the facts ... and those are the highlights!

Moreover, Vodu's occasional detours into hardcore crossover ("Keep (On) Fighting") and classic heavy metal (see the Iron Maiden-inspired "Look at Yourselves") don't fare much better, unless one lowers expectations to accommodate the impoverished conditions of these songs' creation.

Personally, I waver from involuntary cringing to rose-tinted-glasses nostalgia, but I have the benefit of personal experience -- even if I can barely remember it, much as I can hardly remember seeing Vodu opening for Motörhead in 1989 at São Paulo's Ginásio do Ibirapuera.

By then, the group, had followed up Seeds of Destruction with a scattershot EP called No Way, which combined decent live (**) performances like "This is Not Your World" with forgettable new studio material and a rote cover of The Clash's "Should I Stay or Should I Go."

This 2020 vinyl reissue from Portugal's Lost Realm Records conveniently brings both releases together under one "roof," and makes them somewhat more enticing with a deluxe package and booklet with bilingual liner notes.

As for Vodu, they underwent further line-up changes in the next few years and didn't record again until 1993's Endless Trip, by which time they were completely obsolete in a world where Sepultura had rewritten the standards for Brazilian heavy metal.

After a decades-long layoff, the group reassembled for 2020's Walking with Fire comeback, but, following Cagni's death from stomach cancer in 2023, it's more than likely we won't be hearing from Vodu ever again.

* Trivia Time: nowadays, guitarist Birner works as a soccer analyst for ESPN Brazil.

** Including some authentic-sounding (I can vouch for it) sounds of a typical Brazilian '80s metal show, in which half the audience was busy trying to kill the other half, until skinheads pick a fight with both sides, then the cops crash the show and beat up everyone, etc.

bringing back a who knows how old book of life theory cuz im bored >:P

captain mondragon and chakal could be siblings, possibly even one identity. see how similar their faces are? if they were to be one person however, id like to point out some details

their metal sombrero. i dont know why in the world they'd have sombreros made out of metal, but look closely. they both have a black imprint at the front, just different in design (chakal could have possibly made a new one based off his old one, aka mondragon's)

the entire facial structure. they have the same face shape, nose, moustache & goatee, everything matches. chakal has a longer moustache, most likely because he overgrew it, as well as his teeth. his lips also noticeably became more droopy, also likely because of his teeth/emotions affecting his resting face.