#ch 283

i just. it's such a big part of javier's character. he's so careful and protective of the fronteras, he loves them so much, he can't stand the idea of doing something that could hurt them and he doesn't know if he can trust lloyd with them.

he used to. he trusted lloyd more than anyone. he truly believed he wanted the best for his family. and then he finds out lloyd has been lying to him for years, has made him unknowingly fail in his most important duty, has been deceiving the family he loves so much and he doesn't know if he can trust him to do right by them anymore.

but. but it's lloyd. and javier is very, very weak when it comes to lloyd. even if he doesn't quite realize just how much.

he wants to believe in lloyd. he hopes and he wishes and he tentatively lets himself do it but he doesn't really know if he can.

What you think about the family, the lord, and about me. I cannot tell if you are using us. Whether that is why you have been hiding your identity this entire time. I do not know the answer to anything. However... However... Javier had only one wish. I hope I won't come to regret the countless number of times I made the decision to help you in the past and in the present.

but god does he want to.

and then a big part of the rest of their relationship arc is javier regaining the trust in lloyd he'd lost. is him analyzing lloyd's actions and words and deciding for himself that yes, he can trust this man. he can trust him to do the right thing, he can trust him with his most precious people, he can trust him above anyone else despite the fact that lloyd won't tell him the truth.

and it's extra poignant because lloyd has absolutely no idea about this. javier never lets him know. he goes through a crisis of faith, a slowburn of trust and then has a feelings realization without ever telling lloyd a word about it. lloyd manages to gain back javier's trust plus his complete devotion without even really trying because he doesn't even know he has to.

it's an insane character arc and relationship and i love it. it's also a big part of their dynamic later on the novel and i do not understand why they just. threw it away in favor of an anticlimactic revelation with a dash of character assassination.

Atsumu’s biggest blessing isn’t his physical talents or his mental abilities. It’s that he’s got Osamu.

10/5 — HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIYAS!!!