#cgi cat

I’m a fan of Henry Cavill so I was looking forward to seeing his new movie “Argylle”. I didn’t know much about the plot, except what was revealed in the trailer. And I decided not to read any reviews or check its Rotten Tomatoes score before buying my ticket.

I saw it last night at an early screening (I was one of only three people in the theater). I guess everyone else read the reviews.

For Cavill’s sake, I wish I could say I loved it. But… to cut to the chase… “Argylle” is a mess… a convoluted, tonally uneven bloated mess.

In the fictional world of the movie, Bryce Dallas Howard plays a writer of spy novels. But somehow her plots contain details about a real spy agency. When her life is threatened, Sam Rockwell plays an agent sent to protect her and guide her to safety.

Meanwhile we are given glimpses of her fictional spy called Argylle, played by Henry Cavill (with his much talked about, over the top, hair cut).

Early in the movie there are some fun sequences where Rockwell’s spy is fighting assassins on a train, but Howard sees Cavill doing all the stunts and giving her an occasional wink.

Cavill’s fictional Spy was over the top. So you might think Rockwell would play the real spy more seriously. Nope. Rockwell’s entire performance was played for comedy, with irritating quips sprinkled throughout. So the “real” world was more unbelievable than Argylle’s make believe world.

After Cavill disappears about half way through, we are given an incredible plot twist only to be followed by two more incredible plot twists. What happens is not worth repeating here other than to say director Michael Vaughn decided to turn frumpy 42 year old Howard into an action star. Sorry… not buying it. (The only believable thing she did was to take off her high heeled shoes before running away?)

BTW, the cat featured in the trailer spends nearly all of the movie in a plastic backpack. Cat lovers might worried the cat didn’t have enough oxygen to breathe. But don’t worry about it, I strongly suspect that most of the time the cat was CGI.

Throughout the film, many times I had the sense that the actors were standing in front of green screens, as the backgrounds had an artificial quality about them. Has AI already taken over Hollywood?

“Argylle” was produced by Apple’s film studio, so if you’re planning to see it, don’t bother buying a ticket… it will be released later this year on their streaming service.

A movie about Henry Cavill’s fictional spy would have been so much more fun than the convoluted mess Michael Vaughn shat out.

(“Argylle” as a 35% score at Rotten Tomatoes.)