#certified uncles

11:42 a.m. at LeBlanc Café..........

Sojiro: Okay. (Gives Out Three Different Beverages to his Customers One by One) Here's one Frappuccino for the former king of Dreamland......

Dedede: (Instantly Puts on a Deadpinned Look on his Face) Really? This is was we're going back to? Me being ex-king?

Sojiro: (Shrugs) Sorry, De. Your peers said it, not me. (Gives Out the Next Order) Here's one mocha for the former right-hand slugman.

Escargoon: (Happily Nodded at Sojiro) Thank you kindly.

Sojiro: (Gives Out his Final Order) And here's an extra black coffee for the fallen angel.

Rodin: Much obliged. (Picks his Cup of Coffee Up From the Counter and Taking a Sip) Hm. So this is what coffee taste like.

Sojiro: Wait, you never had coffee before now?

Rodin: Can't say that I have. 'Lived my whole life coped up in hell fighting off demonic fuckers and securing my establishment after my exalt, so I hardly ever get the chance to fully experience the outside world until now.

Escargoon: (Turns to Rodin) What do you think if it so far?

Rodin: It's loud and obnoxious. (Shrugs) But I suppose spending time here for the day is better than workin' my ass off at the bar 24/7.

Sojiro: (Smiles a Little) Glad to hear it. Speaking of which, how's Ren been doing there as of late? He hasn't caused you too much trouble, has he?

Rodin: Not at all. In fact, he has been doing hell of a good job holding the fort down whenever I'm off somewhere. Hell, one time he used two of one of my finest drinks and mixed them together to make an intriguing work of art. (Forms a Proud Smirk on his Face) Just like his old man before you.

Escargoon: (Smiles Brightly) Well, that's a great to hear!

Sojiro: (Smiles Proudly) Great? This is excellent! My kid's really growing up into a responsible adult.....

Dedede: And a crafty one too! Which bri.gs to what I want to discuss with you fella today.

Rodin: You wanna get a kid of your own or somethin'

Dedede: Yeah- (Eyes Widened a Bit) What? No! I wanna talk about us forming a unit of our own together!

Sojiro: (Raised an Eyebrow in Confusion) A unit huh? You mean like how the moms formed theirs?

Dedede: (Happily Nodded) Exactly! Like Certified Uncles or whateva'! I feel like we're all here are already qualified as being ones ourselves.

Escargoon: Wait, even me?

Dedede: (Turns to Escargoon) Yeah, man. The kids back home already love ya enough as it is.

Escargoon: (Heart Begins to Flutter in Happiness) Oh my gosh, that's so sweet~ I love them too~

Rodin: Never thought being an uncle to two angels, a pink puffball, and a human would actual give me recognition and brown points. (Smirls a Bit) Lit.

Sojiro: I'm mostly seen as a Coffee Dad if anything. (Smiles a Bit) But it's nice to see the younger generation look up to you every once and a while, uncle or otherwise

A red demonic portal suddenly appears out of thin air where Hades popping his head put of it with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Hades: Did somebody say uncle?

Escargoon: ('Sigh') Oh god......

Dedede: (Rolls his Eyes) Here we go.......

Rodin: The fool is here.

Sojiro Morning, Hades, what brings you here today?

Dedede: Besides being a headache as usual.....

Hades: Ohhh nothing of the sorts!~ (Walks Out of the Portal Before It Disappears Entirely) I was taking a lovely stroll around another dimension and I couldn't help but notice you gents were talking about forming an Uncle only group and I would like to personally sign up for the part.

Dedede: We haven't made it official yet. And even if we did, there ain't no way in hell we'd let your conniving ass join!

Hades: And why not? I care about the kiddies!

Escargoon: (Glares at Hades) Yes, to mess with them every chance you get! Don't think we forgot about what you did to Pitto in the past!

Sojiro: (Raised an Eyebrow in Curiosity) What do you mean by that exactly?

Rodin whispers in Sojiro's ears about all four videos Hades showed Pitto, causing the old café owner's eyes to slowly widens at each detail given to him.

Sojiro: He showed him all of THAT!?

Rodin: (Simply Nodded) Yep. He did all of that for shits and giggles.

Sojiro: (Glares at the God of the Underworld) Damnit, Hades, what the hell is wrong with you!?

Dedede: We've been wanting to know that for years now.

Escargoon: And we STILL don't have a clue......

Hades: ('Sighs Heavily') Alright, alright. Listen, I apologize for traumatizing Pitto more than once, even though it was funny seeing him squirm.

Rodin: (Rolls his Eyes) Of course you are......

Hades: I am! Seriously! I got my ass handed to me by his two girlfriends and the rest of his posse as proof of that.

Dedede: (Let's Out a Heartdy Laugh) Hehehhh! Yoshi told me all of that beatdown! They whooped your ass bad that day!

Escargoon: (Starts Laughing as Well) The Great Lord Hades of the Underworld, beaten by a group of mortal teenagerhehrss!

Rodin: (Starts Smirking Again) Not as bad as what Palutena did to him afterwards. This poor sucker been scared shitless of her ever since.

Hades: (Rolls his Eyes in Complete Annoyance) Yes and now I might possibly will never leave it down for all eternity. P-Plus, Selphie and I DID saved him and Yoshi from being taken from that one eyed prick that day, so....that's SOMETHING at least!

Sojiro: ('Sigh') I suppose that was good of you two to do that.....Just don't pull that crap ever again or else.

Hades: (Gives Sojiro Smug Smirk on his Face) Or what, Sojiro? You're gonna call Goddess Paulie on me?~ Well, unfortunately, for you, she's in an important God related meeting right now, so you're not a allowed to call her!

????: Maybe so, but you're gonna have to answer to me!

The gang turns around to see Futuba Sakura standing in behind them with both of her hands on her hips.

Futuba: His Coffee Daughter!

Hades: Good 'ol Four Eyes! Good to see you. (Snickers a Bit) But really now? What makes you think you could take on without your little group of friends to back you up?

Futuba: (Walks over to Hades) By doing this~ (Place a Hand on Hades and Says the Following.....) Vanishea.

Hades: (Raises an Eyebrow in Confusion) Vanish-AH!- (Suddenly Vanish into Thin Air)

Dedede: (Quickly Gets Up From his Chair in Shock) WHAT THE FUCK!?

Escargoon: HE'S GONE!

Rodin: (Lowers his Shades Down in Genuine Surprise) Did that girl made the literal God of the Underworld disappeared just now?

Futuba: (Smiles Brightly and Proudly) Yep! I was reading Lavvy-Chan's spell book as of late, and I've been dying to give one of these spells a test run. Can't believe it actually worked!

'Ahem'

Futuba's smile goes down real quick once she sees Sojiro glaring at her in a fatherly fashion.

Futuba: ..........You're disappointed in me again, aren't you?

Sojiro: A little bit, yeah. Why would you make Hades disappear like that?

Futuba: I-I was only looking for you is all! I saw Hades being a jerk again, so I decided to take matters to my own hands. No one messes with Coffee Dad and gets away with it!

Sojiro: (Let's Out a Light Chuckle) Appericate it, kid. (Frowns a Bit) But you can't go around using that spell on anyone so recklessly like that. Even if it is Hades.

Futuba: ('Sighs in Defeat') I knoooow....I'll make him reappear right away!....After a few minutes or-

Everyone (Except for Rodin): Futuba!

Futuba: I'm on it, I'm on it! (Quickly Takes Out the Spell Book From her Book Bag and Quickly Skim Through the Pages) Okay!....Rainsparcis....Tornadospection......Hellfire.....(Gasps as She Puts her Finger Down on the Page) Found it! ('Clears Throat') Reappearadyne!

And just like that, Hades reappears to where he was standing.

'Pop'

Hades: AH! Wha- Wha- (Quickly Starts Looking Around the Café) What the hell happened to me just now!?

Futuba: (Shyly Turns her Head Away While Twisting her Upper Body Around and Twiddling her Fingers) I....may or....may not have made you disappear from existence a minute ago.......

Hades: (Eyes Widened in Genuine Surprise) Well shit. I knew you were smart, but I didn't think you had THAT much potential in you....

Futuba: (Starts Smirking a Little) Yeah, well, I am the Oracle of the Phantom Thieves after all~

Sojiro continues to glares at his daughter in silence.

Futuba: (Quickly Lowers her Head to Hades) T-That...still doesn't excuse me for what I've done. I'm sorry.....

Hades: (Simply Shrugs) Eh it's fine, don't dwell on it. It's a whole lot better than getting pummeled by that nut case goddess that's for sure....In the meantime, I just remembered I have a few errands to run, so I'll see you lovely people later! Is my membership of the Certified Uncles still on the table?

Dedede/Escargoon: (Rolls Their Eyes) We'll think about it.......

Rodin: Assuming you won't get the hell off our backs by then......

Hades: Alright, alright, I'm going. Hades out. (Disappears Once Again But in a Red Portal This Time)

Futuba: Wait. You guys are forming a Certified Uncles group?

Dedede: (Happily Nodded to Futuba) Yep! Just us uncles against the universe.

Sojiro: And I'm classified as one apparently.

Futuba: (Turns to Sojiro With a Bright, Excited Smile on her Face) Duuuude! You gotta join the crew, you'll fit right in!~

Sojiro: You think so? I feel more like a dad figure if anything.

Futuba: Yeah, but uncles are just as cool and responsible as dads are, so-

??????: Futuba Sakura!

Futuba turns around to see Lavenza glaring at her.

Futuba: Oh! Uh...(Chuckles Very Awkwardly) H-Heyyyy Lavvy-Chan!~ H-How's it going?

Lavenza: I do not know, Futuba? How does it feel to use my all powerful spell book without PERMISSION!?

Futuba: Un....necessarily powerful?

Lavenza: (Raises an Eyebrow in Silence)

Futuba: You're not too happy with me right now, aren't you? It's written all over your cute face.

Lavenza: Yes, well, let's just say that you are hereby banished from ever setting your lurking four eyes on my spell book until further notice! (Snatches the Book Away From Futuba's Hands Before Storming Off)

Futuba: (Follows Behind Lavenza) C-Come on, Lavvy-Chan, you don't really mean that, right? Lavenzaaaaa!~

Rodin: ......Hm. Sp that's one of Igor's daughters....

Dedede: (Raises an Eyebrow in Confusion) Igor?

Escargoon: Who's that?

Rodin: Let's just say he's an old friend of mines from way back.

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