#ceo aus

i tried to do a few CEO aus but i also put some general office workplace aus in there as well :^)

we’re rival CEO’s and jeez is it hard to ram your business into the ground when you’re so attractive

how on earth did they get promoted to CEO and not me??? they haven’t even shown up to work this morning!!!

turns out the company’s going under so they put you as the CEO to put all the blame on you, ah shit i gotta help them haven’t i

you’re always at the photocopier when i am and we haven’t done anything except nod at each other in passing but my brain is determined that something else is happening

“i hate my job.”“but you’re the CEO of one of the must successful businesses in the world, how could you hate your job?”“exactly. that’s the reason! no one sees me as anything other than this successful CEO, sometimes i think i’d be happier working in a coffee shop.”

“secretary?”“well i could call you ‘glorified personal assistant’ if you’d like?”“okay fine. secretary it is then.”

you’re the CEO yet you act like a child, honestly i don’t get paid enough for this

“…you bought a bean bag… for your office”“i thought it made me look more approachable”“it makes you look like an idiot.”“close enough.”

it’s hard trying to keep your relationship a secret, especially when your significant other is the CEO at your company

“what are you two doing in the supply closet?!” (Person C)“i needed some…advice on office supplies..yeah, see i don’t know if i want to use a stapler. but how durable are paperclips when it comes to keeping stacks of very important papers together— okay they’re gone.” (Person A)“you know, this could go two ways. they could either be so freaked out they tell everyone in the office or they could be so traumatised that they don’t say anything and let it haunt them for the rest of their days.” (Person B)“i’m hoping for the later option.” (Person A)

so, let me get this straight: you’re telling me that my superior, the CEO might i add, the one who constantly sets me ridiculously huge projects with the shortest deadlines in history, the one who enjoys ridiculing me in front of my coworkers, the person who has trapped me in this terrible job for years and refuses to give me a promotion despite all my hard-work…is in love with me?!?

my new job is so weird, i barely do any work at all! my boss constantly insists that i sit back and relax, and then when i do do ‘work’ it normally just includes me running errands with them. it’s really strange, one time they even bought me lunch! man, i wonder if they treat all their employees like this?

“honey…they’re obviously in love with you.”“what makes you think tha—ah shit.”

“we’re both overly competitive to get the top job, i’ll admit, constantly trying to sabotage each other’s work and ruin each other’s reputation. i hate them!”“are you sure it’s not something else?”

“no offence, but i liked our last boss a lot more than you”“don’t worry, i do too.”

“yeah, hi, i randomly got promoted to CEO and i have no idea what i’m doing. i need some help but i don’t want anyone to know that i suck at my job??”

“you’re lucky i like you, otherwise you’d be screwed.”

okay, i’ve had enough of their bull. they treat their employees like shit, we barely get enough money to get by, they set us ridiculous deadlines while they sit on their ass all day! im gonna charge into their office and give them a piece of my mind!!

“yes, what is it?”“i - uh - we wanted to - um … say thanks! for being such a great boss, of course and uh - yeah! that’s all i had to say. bye!”

“so, did you give them a piece of your mind?”“what? oh.. yeah! i did! totally!”“…you got distracted again didn’t you.”“yeah. listen, i’d totally give them a piece of my mind if i didn’t find them attractive.”

“they’re totally dating their secretary.”“you think so?”“obviously they are! i mean, just look at them together! it’s fucking adorable!”

“do you even need a secretary”“i need the company and you’re about the only person in this building you can stand me”

“where’d you hear that from”“…”“i’M KIDDING”

hope these helped!!

- jess