#cel.txt

im a pisces. im a maladaptive daydreamer. i dont have a sense of reality and i dont want a sense of reality. have you ever seen me without this manic pixie dreamgirl hat on?

i’m gonna write

we’re renaming the grammys to the yixings thank you

looking at how killing stalking is going rn ill probs catch up... the storyline seems to become again what i started reading it for in the first place hmm...

the thing about i love my computer by ninajirachi is that you can't just listen to the song you have to listen to the song before it to hear the transition except that song has an amazing transition from the previous song and suddenly you're just back at london song listening to the entire album

my psychiatrist finally gave my adhd diagnosis a couple of days ago. as validating as this is, i think i'm experiencing what i feel like is some sort of ego death and it's fucking me up so bad. like i have medical proof that i'm living in a world that isnt suited for people like me, and that instead of getting the support i should have gotten as a kid i was met with years long shame from my family for just simply existing and not knowing better. there's so much shame, guilt, anger, sadness that idk how to deal with. i don't know how to talk to my family now that my entire core being feels like it's being uprooted from the ground, because to them nothing has changed. and knowing them i feel like they'll never truly listen to me and my struggle coughing it up to just "push through" or "praying the sadness away" as if i wasnt literally suicidal from pushing through. i'm struggling so bad with all these feelings and the separation of who i once thought i was gonna grow up to be, it's genuinely so disarming and idk what to do