#cel writes

As the day approached dusk on your summer vacation you found yourself at the main fairgrounds for the (apparently monthly) rodeo and trying not to entirely mentally check out. You genuinely had no idea what was going on, despite the fact that Mina had spent the hour and a half drive from your university apartment to her childhood home explaining everything that happened at a rodeo. All you could grasp was that there were three events and which ones her friends competed in. One competed in two, while another competed in the other.

The third friend competed in all three events and was recognized area-wide as exemplary in all of them, and by the way Mina described this man he was incredibly attractive. So, you spent your free time on the drive imagining how this man looked. You only knew he had blonde, spiky hair, red eyes, and a near permanent scowl. However, considering he participated in all three of these events you had to assume he was in peak physical condition. Something about Mina’s description of him made your stomach flutter.

As she pulled into the parking lot of the arena you realized just how popular this event was. It seemed as though every person in town was here, and the parking had spilled over from the actual lot onto the field surrounding it. Once you had parked in the closest possible spot, you and Mina made your way over to the competitors’ area.

Since she knew so many of the participants the two of you were permitted past the gate reading “Competitors and staff only.” She led you through a light crowd of men and women, many of whom were decked out in full cowboy regalia. There was also the occasional horse, bull, or steer being led to their pens to await their turn on the arena floor.

Coming to a pair of young men, Mina bounced on the balls of her feet and tapped a red-haired man on the shoulder. He turned around questioningly before lighting up at the sight of your best friend.

“Well look who finally made it,” boomed the man. He towered over you, absolutely built but attractive in a big puppy kind of way. His smile was infectious, and as he pulled Mina into a bear hug, you found yourself smiling as well.

“Eiji, I missed you so much!” Mina practically jumped onto her friend, her arms clinging around his neck. So, this must have been Kirishima. Now that you heard his name you could recall several stories Mina had shared with you about the red-haired giant. She had also shared with you, in confidence of course, that she’d had the biggest crush on him since middle school, but never worked up the courage to ask him out.

“Missed you too,” he murmured, his face buried in her neck. If you didn’t know any better, it would have looked like the two were already dating. The thought had you chuckling, as it was quite obvious that Kirishima felt the same way about Mina. You supposed it was probably easier to see as an outsider.

“God, get a room, will ya?” came a gruff voice from behind the pair. You shifted your attention from the closeted lovers before you to the man standing just behind them. Sure enough, based on Mina’s description of him, you assumed it was Bakugou Katsuki. Only he was so much more attractive than you had expected. His garnet eyes were piercing as they moved from Kirishima and Mina over to rest on you, and you found yourself blushing and looking away under his intense gaze. “And who are you?”

“Oh, guys this is my best friend and roommate Y/N,” Mina supplied, releasing Kirishima from the chokehold she had him in and moving back to your side to prompt you forward. “She finally agreed to come see you guys compete!”

“Wow, that’s awesome. Thank you so much, and it’s nice to meet ya,” grinned Kirishima as he held out his hand to shake yours. He was the picture of gentlemanly perfection, and you found yourself instantly drawn toward him.

“Absolutely, I figured I should come see what all the hype is after this one talked it up so much for three years,” you chuckled and gestured toward your pink-haired friend. “She talks about you guys all the time.”

“Better be good things,” grumbled Bakugou, crossing his arms over his chest. The action had his black, green and red plaid shirt pulling tight over his biceps and chest, drawing your attention to the rest of his physique. His thighs were massive, though you supposed that was from years of training to ride bucking animals. His leather chaps had imagery of explosions down the sides, and flared out at the ends along with his dark jeans to accommodate his leather cowboy boots. Atop his head sat a well-loved black cowboy hat, beneath which his spikes of ash blonde hair peeked.

“Oh, only the best. I hear that you guys are some of the best riders around,” you nodded. His slight scowl didn’t budge, and in that moment, you decided you’d make it your goal to get him to smile by the end of the night.

“Aww, thank you Mina,” Kirishima crooned, throwing his arm around the smaller girl.

“Of course, I’d say good things, ya doofus. You guys are my best friends.” Mina’s cheeks were darkening from the proximity to the “love of her life,” as she had put it so many times. 

You chuckled, watching as the childhood friends caught up with one another. There were two more that joined, named Sero and Denki, and as the conversation continued and the crowd shifted, you found yourself shoulder-to-shoulder with Bakugou after a while. You chimed in every once in a while, but mainly let Mina catch up with her friends. Bakugou seemed to have a similar approach to the conversation, watching as Mina and Kirishima cluelessly flirted and teased one another. 

“Are they always this oblivious?” You kept your words quiet as you directed them toward the blonde beside you.

“Those two have been doing this shit for years,” he sighed. “We keep tryin’ to get em together, tell them that they’re into each other, but they’re about as dense as two blocks of concrete.”

You snorted, “Must be exhausting having to watch that for so many years.”

“You ain’t got a clue.” He let out a puff of air through his nose, and when you peeked up at him through your lashes, you realized it was a chuckle. There was a shadow of a smile on his lips, and you felt your chest glow with pride at having gotten even that out of the stoic man.

“You should smile more,” you said teasingly, bumping your shoulder against his, though it was admittedly more against his bicep than anything.

“That a command, little missy?” He turned those burning eyes on you once again, and you felt something tighten deep within you. Feeling a surge of confidence roll through you as you captured his attention, you reached up and plucked his hat off his head before plopping it down on your own. It was warm and smelled like his shampoo, something deep and spicy. His lips slowly slid into a sly grin as you tilted your head back slightly more than before to be able to see him under the brim of it.

“I think it suits you,” you shrugged, grinning playfully up at him. “Makes you look a little less bullish.”

As you held his gaze for a few more moments, you slowly registered that the conversation around you had quieted. Breaking away from the intensifying exchange, you found the rest of the group skeptically watching your exchange.

“What is it?” You asked Mina worriedly, hoping you hadn’t done anything wrong.

“N-Nothing, it’s just that Kats is kinda protective of that hat,” Kirishima supplied after a moment of hesitant silence from Mina. “Doesn’t usually let people wear it. Says it’s lucky or somethin’.”

So, you had messed up.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry! Here you-” You scrambled to take off the hat and hand it back to the man beside you. However, before you could put it back on his head, he grabbed your wrist and held it, drawing your slightly panicked attention.

“No worries,” he drawled, that sly smile still gracing his lips. “You should wear it during my ride. Wouldn’t want to get it dirty, right?”

“Kats, man,” Kirishima started, a cautious tone to his voice.

“I couldn’t, not if it’s lucky… I thought this competition decided if you went to that big championship or whatever,” your voice trailed off as he eased the hat from your fingers, holding it by the top as he slowly placed it back on your head.

“Then you be my good luck charm, ‘kay?” His hand still gripped your wrist, his skin hot and calloused but his hold gentle and strangely… loving?

“Dude, he never even lets us touch that thing, much less wear it,” whispered Denki to Sero off to the side. That tightening in your core grew as you could only nod.

“O-Okay,” you breathed, knowing you probably looked like a deer in headlights right in that moment. He let the hat go with a gentle shake to your head before releasing your wrist as well.

A tense moment of silence passed before a booming voice cut through and announced that the events would be starting soon and that competitors should head to their places. Blinking a few times to try and focus on anything but the blonde cowboy before you, Mina took your hand and told the others to do their best and approximately where the two of you would be sitting. You dazedly wished them all luck before following closely behind Mina to your seats

As the events began, you couldn’t get that moment out of your head. It didn’t help that the outcome of it was literally sitting on top of it the entire time in the form of a black cowboy hat, but when Katsuki came on for the first event you knew you were doomed. He was spectacular. The horse bucked and jumped beneath him, trying its best to eject him from his seat on its bare back. But he held strong, one hand tethering him to the animal while the other waved through the air as he moved back and forth atop the animal.

He lasted the necessary 8 seconds, along with 3 more before the animal was finally subdued by both the team of handlers and Katsuki himself. As he took in the raging crowd, waving out at the people chanting his name and cheering him on, he eventually found you, probably thanks to his hat perched proudly atop your head. You stood there cheering for him, but the heat and weight of his gaze was palpable even though you were across the arena from him.

As the next contestant moved into place, you turned to Mina with a sigh. “Alright, what gives? What’s the deal with the hat?”

Mina glanced at you hesitantly, as if she didn’t want to scare you. “Uh, it’s just a thing we say around here that you probably never knew about. It’s nothing, don’t even worry about it.”

“Well, it’s too late for that,” you groaned over the crowd. “You guys all looked at me like I made some fatal mistake when I put the hat on. Then he put it back on and everyone got all weird. So, what does it mean?”

Mina threw her head back and sighed dramatically, “Fine,” she relented. “There’s a saying that if you put the hat on you get the cowboy. That’s why we all got weird. But you obviously didn’t know about that so you don’t have to worry. Bakugou is respectful, he was probably just taken off guard, that’s all.” Mina grabbed your hand, recapturing your attention which had strayed off as you realized what you’d done. “Seriously, Y/N. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’ll beat him up myself if he tries anything, got it? Kiri will too.”

You nodded hollowly, trying to comprehend what was happening. You get the cowboy too? Does that mean romantically? Sexually?? Sure, Katsuki was attractive as hell, and you’d been flirting when you put his hat on in the first place anyway. But would he even be interested in you that way? And besides, you’d only just met!

But as the competitions continued, the possibility of getting with Katsuki grew more and more appealing. As you watched him in the steer wrestling event you were made aware of how powerful and fast he was. As he took down the animal in just over 3 seconds, you found yourself squirming in your seat.

Then, later, during the bull riding, he impressed you even further as he held onto the enraged creature. You held your breath the entire time, hoping against hope that nothing bad would happen to him, and couldn’t hold back your sigh of relief as he made it through the event almost completely unscathed. He had only fallen on the ground after the time limit had elapsed, and for a split second you feared the animal would try to trample him. But the team of handlers quickly calmed the bull, and Bakugou made his way over to it to pat it on the head with the brightest grin on his face before they returned to the pen it came from.

It turned out he had done incredibly well in all three events, and would be moving on to the state competition taking place in two weeks’ time along with Kirishima. As you and Mina made your way back down to meet up with them after the events had concluded, you chuckled as your friend made a beeline toward the red-haired giant. This time she really did jump into his arms, congratulating him profusely as he thanked her over and over.

As those two were distracted by one another, Bakugou slowly made his way over to you. That tightness returned to your stomach, and you plastered a weak smile on your face as he stopped before you. Unable to meet his eyes, you looked down at your feet as you congratulated him.

“You were amazing out there.” You tried to raise your voice enough to be heard above the surrounding din. “Congratulations on moving on.”

Two fingers slipped beneath the brim of his hat and tugged it upward, removing the shield between the two of you as he eased it off your head. “What was that? Couldn’t quite hear ya under there.”

You met his gaze as you felt your face heat up. “I said congratulations on moving to the next round,” you huffed. He had probably heard you, but wanted to fluster you.

“Guess you really were a good luck charm, huh?”

“I know what the hat thing means,” you rolled your eyes. “Besides, it had nothing to do with luck. You obviously know what you’re doing out there.”

He let out a bark of a laugh, reaching up to place his hat back on his head. “I beg to differ,” he grinned. “Seein’ you out there in the crowd, wearing this thing, that had everything to do with why I did so well.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. You’d only met this man a few hours ago, but your attraction toward him was already so strong. Was it his looks? His personality? That damned superiority complex? Or was it something else?

“And if you’re so in the know about what wearin’ my hat means, what are you gonna do about it?” He was closer now, his voice lower and the intensity of his gaze heavier. You could feel his breath on your now-exposed face, and had to fight the urge to look away as he tilted his head slightly to the left.

“Not sure yet,” you shrugged, trying with every fiber of your being to stay calm, to sound nonchalant. Inside, however, that desire for him was burning hotter than ever, that tightness in your core growing toward an unbearable pressure. “What should I do?”

He smiled again at that. “You should let me treat ya to a drink and let me get to know ya better.” His proposal was so smooth it had you floundering for purchase as he reached up to tweak your chin between his thumb and the side of his forefinger.

This is really happening, you said to yourself. This god of a man was really asking you out for a drink, and you would be an idiot to decline, especially with that pool of need growing in your stomach.

“Sounds like a plan, cowboy,” you shrugged before reaching up. “I get to wear this though,” you smirked and lifted the hat from his head once more.

“By all means, be my guest.” He seemed to want to devour you as you placed the item on your head again, and that made your inner goddess preen with delight.

“Hey, Mina,” you called, looking over to your friend where she stood chatting with Kirishima. She looked over toward you before an expression of surprise crossed her features at the sight of you and Bakugou. “We’re going out for a drink, that okay?”

She slowly developed a wicked grin as she realized what was happening before she nodded. “Absolutely, have so much fun.”

“Thanks, I will,” you nodded. Bakugou slid his hand into yours and started leading you out of the venue, but not before Kirishima called out after you.

“For the love of god, use protection!”

Your face exploded into flames at his shouted words, as they brought numerous people's attention toward you. It didn’t help that everyone seemed to know that the hat you wore belonged to the man beside you. So, in an attempt to escape their prying eyes, you turned down your head and tried to hide behind the brim of his hat.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Bakugou chided as you neared the exit. “I want ‘em to see how pretty you look in my hat.”

“You’re not helping,” you hissed, wishing people would stop whispering about how they’d never seen you around and how surprised they were to see someone wearing Bakugou’s hat.

He simply chuckled beside you as he led you toward his pickup truck. It was ginormous, and he had to help you up into the passenger’s seat. But once inside and when he had turned the air on, you found it was far comfier than your own car. It looked well-maintained and the interior was surprisingly clean, considering he was a farm hand.

“You really do look good in it,” he remarked as he pulled out of the parking lot. “But please don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do, alright?” Though his voice was still gruff like it always was, it had a sincere softness to it that had you looking up at him instead of down at your hands. He glanced over at you as he stopped at a red light.

“Okay,” you nodded, and smiled as he reached over to flick the brim.

“I got it when I was twelve,” he stated after a few moments of silence. “Was a present from my ma. It’s by the same maker as the hat my idol wears.”

“And who’s that?” You asked the question even though you knew the name would likely hold no significance to you. It just made you happy to hear him opening up to you.

“Toshinori Yagi. People called him All Might because of how good he was. The guy’s a rodeo legend. Set the world record for most time on bull-back, and the fastest steer takedown. It’s my goal to break those someday.” He looked out on the road ahead of him with a faraway look in his eyes. There was a wistfulness to his voice as well, and you knew that this hat really did mean the world to him.

“I think you can do it,” you said softly, despite your lack of knowledge.

He smirked, looking at you briefly. “Ya barely know the first thing about rodeo. How do you know I can break those records? They were set over twenty years ago, and people have been trying ever since. What makes you think I can do it?”

“You seem like a really tenacious guy,” you shrugged. “Like you fight for what you want and don’t give up till you get it.”

“Well, you aren’t wrong there, I’m definitely tenacious. My friends would probably call it bull-headed, but I like your description better.” He was quiet for a moment before he tentatively reached out to brush his fingers against the back of your hand, like he was asking permission. You looked up at him, only to meet his red gaze, made even redder by the glow of the red light he stopped at.

Taking a breath in through your nose, you eased your hand over and let him thread his fingers through yours. You hadn’t really registered how warm he was when he’d been holding it earlier on the way out, but in the quiet and intimate space of his truck you were honed in on the feeling of his calloused skin against yours. This was his riding hand, the one he used to keep himself from being flung from the backs of enraged animals. It was probably strong enough to break your own smaller hand, but the care with which he held it astounded you.

“I’ve gotta admit, I’ve heard about you from Mina,” he offered as the light switched to green. “Was kinda lookin’ forward to meetin’ ya.”

“Well, I hope I didn’t disappoint,” you laughed nervously. Sure, you’d heard about him, but he had turned out to be so different from what Mina had described. She had told you about a man with anger issues who sucked at making new friends and always wanted to fight others. And while he did seem to be those things, he also apparently had a softer side, one which he only showed to certain people. And you weren’t quite sure how you’d become one of those people, but you couldn’t exactly say you were upset about it.

“Course not,” he grinned. “She told me you were a spitfire, so I was lookin’ forward to having someone to jibe with. Certainly didn’t disappoint in that area.”

“Well good, I’d hate to leave a future record-holder wanting for more,” you giggled softly.

“She showed me pictures of you too,” he added almost hesitantly. “And I must say you aren’t disappointing there either.”

Your cheeks flared up at the compliment, but you fought back the urge to curl up in a ball and insist he was just being nice. “Thank you.” The words were laced with more emotion than you had originally intended, but you found you couldn’t hold it back.

There was a pause in the conversation then, as you both sat blushing in your seats listening to the thrum of the engine. His thumb began stroking the back of your hand in small circles, and you found yourself relaxing into his touch.

“Would you like to come to my place instead of a bar?” He asked somewhat suddenly. He sounded… nervous. Like he had no idea how you might respond despite the fact that you had given every indication of being romantically interested in him as well. “I mean, that way I’d be able to cook you something. You’re probably starving, right? I know I am…” His words were somewhat rushed, and they faded off at the end as he glanced over at you.

The thought of going home with him had your stomach doing flips and your heart singing in your chest. He was so attractive, and seemingly the perfect gentleman when he was interested in someone, which was something you had always wanted in a partner. And Mina had told you so many times how good of a man he was, despite his gruff demeanor…

So you nodded. “Sure, that sounds nice.”

He let out a nearly imperceptible sigh of relief and resumed stroking the back of your hand, which he had stopped while waiting for your answer. “Alright, it’ll be a few more minutes to get out there since it’s on the far side of my property. In the meantime… Tell me about yourself.”

You told him everything you could think of, about your family, what you were studying, what you hoped to do in the future. And he listened intently, making comments here and there or asking clarifying questions when needed. His attention remained on the road, which had lost its street lights back at the edge of town and was now a dark path cutting through fields of crops. They swayed in the light breeze, and you felt the urge to roll down your window and breathe in the fresh air.

And so you did. You put it down all the way and stuck your hand out into the warm night air, letting it flow between your fingers like water. As you leaned toward it, Bakugou’s grip on your other hand tightened subtly.

“You better not let that hat blow away,” he warned, and you simply smiled over at him and unbuckled your seatbelt. Releasing his hand, you held onto the brim of the hat and leaned out the window. The wind battered you and you could hear nothing else, but the way it felt through your hair and rushing over your skin felt positively divine.

You let out a loud cry of joy into the peace of the country night, atop the backing track of crickets and cicadas and beneath the light of the distant stars. Bakugou simply watched from inside the vehicle, his free hand finding purchase on your hip to stabilize you as you flung your arms out, hat clutched between your fingers. You could almost reach the corn leaves on the side of the road as you rushed past them, and you tried not to get disoriented as the world passed upside down.

As you let out a laugh of happiness, you felt the car slowing and looked in the direction you were headed. Bakugou slowed in order to turn onto a driveway, and you took that as a cue to pull yourself back into the truck, only to find him laughing.

“Your hair’s a fuckin’ mess now, idiot,” he choked out through peals of laughter. Upon inspection in the mirror you flipped down you found he was correct. You giggled at your disheveled appearance and simply placed the hat back on your head to hide it.

“There, all better!” You grinned at him as you felt his hand, which had been situated on your hip, make its way to rest on your thigh.

He simply shook his head as his laughter died down and you approached a house you could now see on a small hill. As he pulled to a stop at the top of the driveway he gave your thigh a soft squeeze and a pat before putting the car in park and hopping out. He made his way around the front and opened your door for you, helping you down until your feet met gravel.

“Welcome to my place,” he said as he led you inside. The parlor was cozy as he turned the lights on and you found that the place smelled of spices and something savory. “I’ve got a brisket slow cooking in the kitchen right now, should be just about ready.” He slipped his boots off and set them near the door, and you followed suit before accompanying him to the kitchen.

“Your house is beautiful, Bakugou,” you said softly as you looked around. It was simply decorated, but the things it did contain were all gorgeous. There were wood carvings that looked to be done by hand, and paintings here and there. It was so homey and domestic, and for some reason you hadn’t expected that from a man like him. But seeing him in the space it made complete sense. He fit into it all perfectly.

“Please, call me Katsuki,” he insisted as he retrieved two wine glasses. “Oh, I guess I should ask what you prefer. Are you a wine or beer drinker? I’ve also got some bourbon, whisky, or gin if you’d like any of those instead.”

“Wine is good, though I will say I’m normally a white drinker,” you smiled as you gestured toward the bottle of red he had out on the counter. He got a look of worry on his face, as if he’d committed some sin by bringing out red wine, and you laughed. “I’m kidding, I love a good red,” you assured him, making your way around the island in the middle of the kitchen.

“Good, dumbass, because I ain’t got any white.” He tried to look nonchalant, but there was relief clear on his face. He deftly opened the bottle and poured two glasses before handing you one. “It’s from the local winery, so hopefully you like it. Cause if you don’t then I’ll have to take it up with Sero since he owns the place.”

As you grinned at his lightly playful tone you tilted the glass to take a sip. It was incredible, the flavor spreading over your tongue and reminding you of autumn nights spent with Mina on the couch retelling stories of how your summers went while getting progressively more wine drunk. “It’s delicious,” you nodded, smiling up at him.

“Good, I’ll let him know he’s got another fan. That guy can always use an ego boost,” he chuckled, taking a sip from his own glass. He then placed it down on the dark marble countertop before making his way over to the slow cooker near the oven and peeking inside. “I’d say this has another 20 minutes before it’s perfect,” he said, mostly to himself.

“So what should we do in the meantime?” There was that tightness again at the thought of having time to kill with just the two of you. It only grew as he slowly turned back to you with a gleam in his eyes, and you distracted yourself by taking another sip of wine.

“Well, I suppose that can be up to you. What would you like to do, little missy?” He stepped back toward you and joined you in drinking from his own glass.

“Now why the need for the nickname?” You tried to sound annoyed with it, but in reality it had you clenching at the sound. “I’m not that little.”

“I beg to differ, you barely come up to my shoulder. I’d say that’s pretty little,” he smirked and patted the top of your head.

“Yeah, well I’ve got a big personality,” you defended, trying to look bigger as you rose slightly onto your toes.

“Ya got a big attitude, I’ll give ya that.” Tilting his head back, he finished off his glass of wine, and you followed suit. “Though I’d love to see how tiny you’d look on bull back. Bet you’d hardly last two seconds.” The grin on his face had your stomach fluttering and your breath shortening at the apparent innuendo behind his words.

He obviously wanted you, and you wanted him. So why were you so hesitant? It’s not like you were a virgin, you’d had several partners in the past, and had even had a few one-night stands. Was it just because of how attractive he was? How intimidating his aura was? All you could think about was having his hands and mouth all over you, having him buried inside you to the hilt and riding him like he rode his bulls. But something was holding you back, and you couldn’t for the life of you figure out what it was.

He took a step closer, leaning down to speak right into your ear. “I’d love to see how tiny you look riding me, too,” he murmured, his breath hot against your skin. There was a growl to his voice that hadn’t been there before, a depth that threatened to pull you under and drown you in him. And you found yourself wanting to dive into his depths, to be pulled under and never come back up for air. But you realized in that moment what was holding you back.

Fear.

Fear of losing yourself. Fear of falling in love with this man, only to leave tomorrow and never see him again. He had a magnetism to him which pulled so strongly on you that you found yourself daydreaming of leaving behind everything you’d worked so hard for to settle down with him. To be his little housewife who stayed at home and took care of the children and sacrificed her own dreams to support him and the family you’d have together

But you wanted a life of your own. Wanted to pursue your passions and make your own dreams come true. You didn’t want to settle for a life in some small town where you could never make something of yourself. You didn’t want to only be known as Bakugou Katsuki’s wife and the mother of his children. You were scared that if you let yourself drown in his depths that you really wouldn’t come back up for air, that you’d sink into the murky waters of obscurity and never be seen again.

But as he took hold of your chin again with that thumb and forefinger to tilt your head back and get your eyes to meet his, you felt more seen than you ever had before. There was a fire inside those carmine eyes that said he wanted to fight the world with you by his side. That he wanted to see you succeed in whatever you wanted to pursue, and hoped you felt the same.

So you took a deep breath and plunged in.

“I think I’d like that,” you whisper, before grabbing the collar of his shirt and tugging him down to meet you as you rose once again on your toes. His lips were just as hot as his hands as they met yours tentatively, but they were soft, and more supple than you had expected. They moved slowly against yours before his tongue peeked out and ran over your bottom lip before you granted him access. His hands came to clasp your waist while yours slid behind his neck, using it as an anchor to keep your knees from buckling.

He eventually turned you so your lower back pressed into the countertop. Then, in one swift motion, his hands slid below your ass and hoisted you up onto the counter. You hadn’t even jumped up to help him, making you realize just how strong the man you were ensnared with really was.

With this new height you were slightly above him, no longer having to worry about his hat bumping into his face. Your fingers delved into his hair, and you groaned into his mouth as he kneaded the fat and muscle of your thighs, between which he had wedged himself. He pulled you closer to the edge so your core was pressed up against his belt buckle, and you squirmed at the feeling of him slowly grinding into you.

Breaking off for air, he rested his forehead against yours, eyes closed as he softly panted. “Do I have your permission, little lady?” He spoke in a voice so soft you barely heard it.

“F-for what?” You had never been asked to have sex before, it had always just been implied once the kissing and touching had started. So it took you off guard that he would ask now that things were getting heavier.

“To fuck you, to make love to you, whichever you’d prefer. I just know that I need you, so fucking bad,” his eyes opened to look at you before you nodded, mind in a daze at the courtesy he was portraying. “I need a verbal response, little one. Can’t do with just a nod,” he grinned.

“Oh just fuck me already, you idiot,” you groaned, pulling him back to your lips. He chuckled against them, before slipping his hands back under your thighs.

“Hold on for me, yeah?” He said between kisses. You wrapped your arms and legs securely around his neck and waist, and he slid you off the counter. You assumed he would bring you to the living room where there was a comfortable looking couch. But instead he made his way back through the parlor and up the stairs with you hanging on like a monkey.

“God, so strong,” you murmured against his lips, feeling yourself growing wetter at the idea of his strength.

“Gotta be strong to be a rodeo champion,” he grunted against the skin of your neck. He made his way down a hall and into a bedroom which you assumed was his due to the dark décor and shelves worth of trophies.

He made his way over to the bed and leaned down to lay you atop the comforter. It was soft and you found yourself sighing at the feel of it against your hot skin. He released you with a final kiss, and you let your legs fall from his waist before releasing his neck with one final tug at his blonde locks. He straightened and began to undo his shirt, which had gotten dirt and dust on it from the ring but had remained in good condition. You were glad for that; the colors suited him.

“That the only reason you got strong?” You tried to put a little tease into your tone, but he seemed to see right through it to the need lying beneath as he continued to undo buttons, about two thirds of the way down. You propped yourself up on your elbows, hoping you didn’t look too desperate for hi

“Course not. Got strong so I could help others too,” he replied with a smirk. “I volunteer quite a bit in town and on the local farms when I’m not tending to my own.”

“Uh huh. Any other reasons.”

He undid the final button and pulled the shirt from its place tucked into his jeans. “Are you insinuating that I got strong so I could manhandle you?” A single brow raised sharply as he let the shirt fall from his arms to land in a pile on the ground.

“I’m not not insinuating that…” You were hard pressed to disguise the need bubbling up in your voice as you slowly scooted back up the bed to where the plush pillows lay. “All I’m saying is that it wouldn’t hurt in the bedroom.”

He looked at you questioningly, before unbuttoning his pants and climbing onto the bed above you. “Well then you’re not great at hiding your intentions,” he whispered loudly, as if his words were meant to be a secret, but he wanted to share it with the world.

“Maybe I just don’t want to be good at it. Ever thought about that?” You murmured, even as his fingers brushed against the bare skin of your waist where your shirt had ridden up, sending a shiver through you.

“Then I guess you’d be succeeding.” His voice was a true whisper now as he said the words directly into your ear, before pressing his lips to the soft flesh of your neck. He had situated himself fully between your legs, your knees bent, and feet pressed against the soft material of his comforter.

“Exactly, I’ve got you right where I wanted you.” You tried so valiantly to keep your voice from warbling, but as he kissed down the column of your neck you couldn’t help the sigh that slipped through your open lips.

“Not yet, you don’t,” he tutted against your collarbone. You screwed your brows together and opened your eyes to look down at him as he paused to get your attention. “I’ve got your permission, right little lady?” Something about the tone to his voice had your skin heating up like never before.

“Y-yes,” you stammered, remembering his need for verbal consent.

And with that, he descended.

He had your shirt up and over your head in what was probably record time, your bra following shortly after and leaving you both in nothing but your jeans, underwear, and his explosion-studded leather chaps. Everything was a whirl of touch and tongue and teeth, moans and groans replacing any lingering words either of you may have uttered.

His lips wrapped around one pert nipple, while his fingers tweaked the other one. His free hand worked its way to your jeans button, slowly but deftly undoing it. He looked and sounded like he wanted to devour you right then and there but was waiting for something. The feeling of his tongue against your skin had you moaning, and he chuckled into your skin at the sound. The hand at your waist yanked your zipper down in one swift motion, before he eased his fingers beneath the waistband of your now-undone jeans.

“Fuck, you’re soaked,” he groaned, his fingers stroking your sex over your lace panties. He wasn’t wrong, you could feel the fabric cling to your folds with arousal as he made quick work of finding your clit.

“Mnh, m-more,” you huffed, grinding your hips into his hand as you searched for increased pressure.

“Now, is that any way to ask for something?” Bakugou tutted from his spot just above you, but his voice was strained with need as well, something he was decent at masking but not immune to.

“Please,” you whined, “just fuck me already.”

He chuckled darkly. “Right idea, but wrong execution. Now you’re just gonna have to wait longer.” And with that, he was gripping the waistband of your jeans with both hands and yanking downward, drawing a yelp from your lips as he rid you of the cumbersome fabric. You raised your hips to help him, not that he needed it much, before plopping unceremoniously back onto the bed.

He grinned down at you before reattaching his mouth to your heated skin. You groaned at the feeling of his lips dusting against the plane of your stomach as he made his way down your body. When he finally reached your panties, you were nearly gasping for breath. You had delved one hand into his surprisingly soft locks, allowing yourself to stroke them like you wanted to stroke a different part of his body, but you weren’t quite there yet.

He slipped his fingers beneath the lace which barely covered you, pulling it down your legs with what could only be considered reverence before tossing them to the ground somewhere behind him. The way he looked at you when you were completely bare before him had you wanting to cover your face as it burned beneath his gaze.

“What a beauty,” he murmured, before kissing the skin just above your core. “Betcha taste even better than you look.”

Then you were being devoured. His tongue quickly found your clit as his breath was hot against your pussy, making you squeal in pleasure. He varied his technique, switching from flat, languid strokes that had you moaning to pointed, quick circles which had your toes curling. When he slipped a finger inside, you nearly lost it. The combination of stimulation and penetration was driving you closer and closer to the edge, and it was driving you crazy.

“K-Katsuki,” you groaned, fingers tightening in his hair as you felt your stomach tightening.

“I know, sweet girl,” he replied, words muffled as he continued to eat you out. He added another finger to keep up the stimulation as his mouth was partially occupied by his words, though they were muffled by your folds which he kept constant contact with, whether through tongue or lips. “You’re doing so good for me. Just a little longer.”

His constant licking and kissing on your clit, and the curling and scissoring of his fingers deep inside you had your thighs coming up to close around his head as your own was thrown back on the pillow. Katsuki moaned loudly against your core at the pressure, sending a new wave of pleasure rushing through you that almost had you bursting at the seams.

Then he did something you weren’t expecting. He ran his top teeth ever so lightly along your heat, stopping just before your clit as you cried out desperately. At the same time, he curled his fingers right against the gushy spot inside you which so few lovers had found before. Perhaps one or two had managed to hit it, but the combination of sensations had you falling apart within seconds.

“F-fuck! Katsuki,” you nearly screamed, tugging on his hair so hard he groaned at the feeling. You came harder than you ever had from oral sex, and he loved every second of it. He lapped up every drop that escaped before pulling his fingers from the sheath of your body. Directly after those same gooey fingers were slipped into his mouth and sucked clean of your essence.

“Damn, you taste divine Y/N,” he sighed, crawling atop you and pressing his lips gently to yours. You could taste yourself on his tongue as it ran along your teeth, strong and earthy and slightly sweet. He wasn’t wrong.

Your chest heaved as your hands came up to unsteadily undo his belt. They fumbled slightly, and he chuckled before standing again to quickly undo both that and the button of his jeans. Pulling them down, he stood before you, unabashed and glorious in his nakedness. His length and girth had you swallowing thickly as you readjusted on his bed, moving back to lay against the pillows.

“You’re staring,” he chuckled, lifting a knee to free his foot from his pants and briefs to place it on the bed near yours.

“Am I not supposed to appreciate what’s in front of me? When you look like that?” You smiled, trying your best not to let your voice quiver with leftover ecstasy and anticipation. Kicking his other foot to free it from the fabric clinging to him, he made his way up the bed, body lithe and solid between your legs as he came to cage you between his muscular arms.

“Then I guess by that logic I’m allowed to stare as well?” His voice was soft and low as he leaned down to press his lips to yours. He threaded his fingers through your hair, which still held the remnants of the wind-swept knots, and you sighed at the feeling. You tried not to lose yourself in the feeling of his rock-hard length coming to rest on your lower stomach, but your hips reflexively lifted slightly off the bed to grind against it.

“Patience,” he murmured against your mouth, his hand slowly making its way down from your hair along the curves of your naked body to rest on your hip, which he eased back down onto the comforter. “Let me treat you right.”

His words had you tightening once more. The idea that such a gentleman had taken an interest in you, and after so little time together, had you nearly vibrating with need. The hand which held you down gave your hip one more squeeze before coming to grip himself. The low grunt that slipped from his lips had your stomach doing flips before he eased the tip into your folds.

He ground his length through the slick which had gathered there, taking his time to make sure he was fully coated in order to ensure not only his own enjoyment but yours as well. So many of your lovers in the past hadn’t been considerate enough to do that, hadn’t taken into consideration your pleasure and only focusing on their own, that the action made your heart ache with desire.

Once he slipped through your heat with no resistance, he lifted his face from where it rested against your neck to look at you. “Are you ready?”

Your voice caught in your throat as desire and passion threatened to choke you. All you could manage was a nod and a wordless, desperate moan. Thankfully, he was losing himself to desire as well and took that as permission to continue, because you didn’t think you would have been able to form a coherent response in that moment even if he had demanded it.

Nodding, he placed his free hand on your inner thigh to spread your legs slightly farther apart. Looking down at the spot where the two of you met, he guided his cock to your entrance and slowly pushed inside. The sound you released was one of pure ecstasy, and he followed suit with a groan that had your toes curling. He moved carefully, pausing as he was halfway inside to not only give you a moment to adjust, but to give himself a chance to take a deep breath before continuing. The feel of your tight walls constricting around his fat cock and the way you looked and sounded beneath him nearly had him coming undone, and he couldn’t look bad in front of you now.

“Shit, so tight princess,” he muttered through gritted teeth. His brows were drawn together in a look of pleasure so attractive it had your core tightening even further as he resumed his plunge into your core. The breathy moans and soft mewls of pleasure spilling from your lips had him even more eager to really start pounding into you, but he had to fully submerge himself first. Leaning back, he looked at the way you sucked him in, and he used the fingers that were previously wrapped around his cock to come draw tight circles around your clit.

“F-Fuck, Kats,” you moaned sweetly, eyes unable to keep from screwing shut as he bottomed out, pelvis resting soundly against you as you wriggled your hips experimentally against his. The feeling of his pubic hair against your sensitive core, along with his calloused thumb directly against your clit had one of your hands coming to grasp his forearm while the other tangled in the sheets by your head.

“That feel good, little one?” Katsuki’s voice was slightly strained as he pulled out slightly and pushed back in. You couldn’t stop the almost pitiful sound that slipped from your throat as you nodded vigorously. He chuckled shortly, seeming to have a hard time getting out coherent thoughts himself. “Can I move a little more?”

“P-Please,” you begged, needing more: more movement, more stimulation, more friction. More of him.

“Then hold on, ‘kay?” He came to situate himself above you once more, leaning on one elbow as his thumb remained glued to your clit. Your arms wrapped around his neck, fingers threading through his hair, before he began to move.

It was slow at first, almost gentle, as he tested to see how far he could go. Each time he increased the speed or pressure with which he moved, you craved more, cried out louder. It was a gradual increase, but soon his headboard was banging against the wall and your tits were bouncing and the wet slaps of his balls against your ass were accompanied by cries of pleasure that spilled freely from your lips. His teeth sank into the flesh of your neck as he groaned, the sound vibrating through his chest which was pressed against your own.

“Katsuki!” His name fell like a prayer from your lips as you neared your climax once again, and the sound of it had him following suit. But he’d forgotten a condom, forgotten to use protection in the heat of the moment with someone he’d met only that day. So, he’d hold out. He wouldn’t ruin this moment by making you worry. He would make this perfect.

His years of training and fit physique came in handy not only for the rodeo, but, as you’d insinuated, for lovemaking as well. He used those powerful thighs to drill into you, those muscular arms to not only hold himself up but to bring your chest up to his as well, the arch of your back making him hit even deeper than before. Your moans and cries had only grown louder and more explicit as he continued, and soon he had you falling apart beneath him.

“Fuck!” You couldn’t hold back a scream as the coil which had grown so infinitely tight within you snapped, and you came harder than you ever had before. Tears slipped from the corners of your eyes as your vision went white, and your breath stilled in your chest, trapped by your constricted throat as Katsuki fucked you through the best orgasm of your life.

He grew quiet above you, and as your vision returned, you saw he had his eyes trained on you with more focus than ever before, all while his jaw clenched so hard you worried for his teeth. He pulled out, collapsing on his back beside you as his erection stood tall and flushed against his stomach.

“W-What are you doing?” You asked with a shaking voice, trying to catch your breath as you turned onto your side.

“Fuckin’ forgot a condom,” he forced through those tightly gritted teeth, before taking his length in his hand and starting to pump it.

“So?” You raised yourself onto one elbow to look down at him.

“I can’t ruin this by making you worry about that,” he admonished, breath growing even shorter as he closed his eyes forcefully.

“I never said you should stop, Katsuki.”

He froze at that, eyes flying open as he looked at you in surprise. The words had spilled from your lips before you could stop them, taking you off guard as well, but you didn’t make any move to take them back. You eased your fingers around his length, replacing his own calloused ones before shifting above him, thighs coming to straddle his own.

“Y-You said you wanted to see how I’d look riding you, right?” Your voice was soft, but excited. His hands hesitantly came to grip your waist as you lifted yourself to hover over his cock. “Then why don’t I show you.”

With that, you lowered yourself onto him. He slipped inside, aided by your creamy release which still coated your insides and the apex of your thighs. You couldn’t help the sigh that fell from your lips as you came to sit atop his thighs, and the groan that he released had you tightening for the third time that night, much to your surprise. You were lucky to get even one orgasm with your past lovers, much less two. Three? That had never happened before. But you were eager to see if this god of a man could make it happen.

“Dammit, Y/N,” he muttered, his hips thrusting up into yours as his grip on your hips tightened. “Think ya might kill me at this rate.”

“Well, you can’t do that,” you huffed, moving atop him as you placed one hand on his stomach to steady yourself. It was solid, a wall of muscle which had you clenching around him at the feel. “You’ve got a championship to win.”

He chuckled beneath you, the sound choked and breathless as you ground down into him. “And you’ll-” He broke off with a moan that had you grinning above him. “You’ll be there, right? Need my g-good luck charm, after all.”

“You gonna get me front row seats?” Your over sensitive cunt squelched as your chest heaved. This man was really about to get you to cum three times in a fucking row, wasn’t he?

“Darling, I’ll get you pit tickets if you want ‘em. Y-You can watch from the damn sidelines if you’ll just be there.” One of his hands made its way up your side to come and cup your breast, thumb circling your pebbled nipple as the other hand gripped your hip so hard you were almost sure it would leave finger-shaped bruises.

“F-Fuck!” You cried as he thrust particularly hard, nearing his climax as you leaned down to kiss him fervently. Your thighs burned and your breath came in shallow pants as you neared your own end, falling over the edge as he gave one final push upward, hips pressing up off the bed as he came hot and hard in your soft, warm insides. You fell apart moments later, hardly anything left within you but cries of pleasure and a clenching core that had him pumping you full of more release than he’d ever given before. 

It felt right, like you’d found a piece that you hadn’t even known was missing. As you collapsed atop his heaving chest, buried your face in his neck, let your fingers trail over his skin and through his now damp hair, you felt more at peace than you ever had. As his hands soothed over the areas he had gripped so tightly, as his lips pressed feather-light kisses along your hairline, he realized that maybe he really had found his good luck charm.

He doesn’t listen to the tail end of their conversation and instead puts his hands on his thighs and looks at his reflection. This probably means he’ll have an interesting week. He smiles to himself and resumes fishing for the rock another youkai had requested he find.

He’s in the middle of class, standing up to read a passage, when he sees an object hurtling down past the window. He pauses his reading.

“Natsume-kun, please continue.” His teacher says, so he does.

The bell rings for the end of the day and he’s out the door and sprinting down to the garden. There is a pile of cloth nestled in a small crater. He reaches toward it and opens it gingerly to reveal a small sleeping rabbit.

“What’re you doing, Natsume?” He turns quickly to see Tanuma and he sits back on his heels. The creature in his hand squeaks and he notices Tanuma squinting at the palms of his hands. Youkai, huh. He clasps it closer to his chest and he smiles in greeting.

“Youkai, huh?” Tanuma asks, and Natsume laughs fully from his chest.

“Yeah, I’ve got to get back home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow!” He shoulders his bag and gets to his feet.

He makes it home without incident, he says hello to Touko-san and she tells him that dinner is going to be ready soon. He goes upstairs and opens his bedroom door to find Nyanko-sensei rolling around on the floor.

“Sensei, have a look at this,” he says and sets the bundle of cloth and fur onto his table, “it fell from the sky.” Nyanko-sensei waddles up to it and gives it a sniff.

“Aah, I haven’t seen one of these for a very long time. Although, they do come down every ten to fifty years. I missed the last few while I was occupied. They live on the moon, they’re harmless little things,” he says, poking it with a paw. It snoozes peacefully despite the prod, “they wake up at night and they bring luck to homeowners that look after them while they stay down here. Lucky you, Natsume.”

Sensei tells him a bit more about the moon species while they watch it sleep. The rabbit youkai that live on the moon are talented at cooking. They’re good with utensils and have high quality expectations in food. They sleep without waking during the day and

He’s called for dinner and he eats it quickly when he sees the sunlight fading. He thanks Touko-san and excuses himself, rushing back upstairs — sensei hot on his heels.

The rabbit rustles and shifts in its sleep, Takashi smiles to himself and settles in to wait for it to awaken.

It takes almost twenty minutes for the rabbit to roll into wakefulness, it startles when it sees Takashi.

“Natsume Reiko…” It says, “I have come to take back my name, I have heard rumours from Earth youkai that you have been giving them back. I have come to take my name. Please give me back my name.” It lowers its tiny head in a bow and repeats ‘please’ five times.

Takashi waves his hands in a placating way and agrees, “Give me a minute, I will return it to you.”

He kneels in front of his table and holds the book open in his hands, he closes his eyes and he pictures the rabbit in his mind. He rips the page that it stops on out and places it into his mouth.

“Babe? What’s wrong?” I heard him rustling around in the blankets, the squeaking of the springs on the bed, alarms rang in my head. He was coming into the bathroom.

My eyes blew wide, running to shut the door as soon as I could, locking it.

“Nothing! Nothing’s wrong, hun!” I try to play it off, but the shakiness in my voice was evident that I wasn’t okay.

“Sweetheart, just let me in,” he tries, knocking on the door softly. I hear a soft thud as he places his head on the door. “Why won’t you let me in?”

“I don’t want you to see me right now, I’m a mess-”

“I’ve seen you worse than a mess, Y/N, you know that.” He sighs, trying to open the door again, to no avail. I turn around to flush the toilet, placing the toilet seat down. I twist my feet to face the door again, unlocking it with slight hesitation.

He wasn’t wrong, he’s seen me through a messy breakup, food poisoning and the mental breakdowns I can never quite explain. He was there for me through everything, being my best friend and now boyfriend, I wish I knew how to repay him for everything he’s done for me.

Ben heard the click and his head popped up, testing the door slightly. I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste, putting one on the other. I sat on the toilet seat, wrapping my arm around myself. I began brushing, head hung low - Ben walking in and crouching down to try to see my face. He balanced his hands on my knees, squeezing them in comfort.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He places his hand on my cheek as tears begin to fall down. He gives a small ‘tut’ in sadness, wiping at my tears with his thumbs.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, I’ve been throwing up a lot, I haven’t been feeling well, everything is aching - everything.” I sniff, spitting out the foam of the toothpaste into the sink. I wipe at my own tears. “I haven’t been sleeping well, last night was the only time I slept okay! I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I sob - this wasn’t anything I’ve experienced before.

I place my head into my hands and begun to cry again, unable to stop my emotions. I feel Ben begin to pull me down to the floor as he holds me, rubbing my back and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. He was warm, like a fireplace - I grip onto his back with my fingers, pushing my fingertips deeper into his skin, he lets out a small groan.

“Maybe we should get you to the doctors, darling, see what’s wrong and how we can fix it.”

I let out a choked laugh, “Yeah, probably, that might be useful,” I grab a few squares of toilet paper and blow my nose. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this.” I breathe in through my nose.

“Y/N, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before. I’ve seen you throw up before, I’ve seen you blow my nose in my shirt-”

“I was delirious!” I defend with a small smile on my mouth, “I didn’t know what I was doing! Plus, you still stayed my friend, so who’s the gross one now?” Ben lets out a laugh.

“I also began dating you, so I guess I am the gross one, huh?” I let out a cackle at his statement, immediately regretting it as my head throbbed. He laughs while shaking his head, “It’s okay babe, I don’t blame you. All I’m saying is, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before, you don’t have to worry about me seeing this shit. I love you, very much.” He pauses to kiss my forehead. I let out a weak smile, leaning into his embrace.

I pause briefly, pulling my head up - turning myself around and pulling up the toilet seat. A few shaky breaths leave my lips before I’m vomiting again, I lean against the toilet bowl as Ben pulls my hair up, rubbing my back in a loving way.

“Maybe we should get you into the doctors as soon as possible.” I nod before leaning back down on the toilet seat.

*

“Ben, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me, it’s probably just a small stomach bug.” I try to reason, not liking the doctors' office, the silence is almost deafening, the smell is clean, almost too clean. We sit down on the chairs after we’d checked in with the receptionist. He shakes his head and places an arm around my waist.

“Darling, you’ve been feeling like this for a few weeks, it’s time to get you checked up.”

“Y/N L/N?” The doctor comes around the corner, with a piece of paper in hand. Ben pats my hand as he stays sitting, not knowing if I wanted him in the office with me.

I smile, “I’ll be out in a few minutes, Love,” I kiss his cheek as his hand leaves mine.

She ushers me into her little room, with a desk, computer and examination table. I sit down next to the desk as she sits on her chair, rolling it into the slot.

“What seems to be the issue?” She asks, fingers at the ready to begin typing.

“I’ve- uh, I haven’t been feeling well, I’ve been vomiting a lot, aching everywhere, I barely get any sleep anymore. I’m constantly run down and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I begin to get upset, I don’t know why. “I’ve also been extremely emotional lately,” I say with a sniff.

“Okay, you’ve been feeling this way for a while?” I nod. “Alright, let me quickly check your blood pressure and your lungs, see if it’s bacterial or viral, or if it’s even an infection at all.” She places the black band on my arm and it immediately begins to tighten with air. She asks me to lean forward and breathe heavily to hear my chest. She nods and begins to type on the computer.

“Just a few more routine questions, are you sexually active?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Okay, are you using contraceptives?”

“Uh-” I pause, frowning. “I stopped using the pill because it gave me migraines, we’ve been using condoms, but I-” I stop breathing, staring at the doctor, in shock. “I’ve had the injection, I had it only…” I pause, trying to figure it out. “I had it only a few months ago, I should be in to get it done again soon, right? How long ago was it?”

“You had the needle five months ago, Y/N,” the doctor says, confirming my suspicions, as she’s staring at her computer screen.

“We have been having unprotected sex only a few times, I didn’t realise I had it that long ago-” my voice becomes pitchy. “I asked for the text, to remind me to get it re-done, I- I didn’t get it- I didn’t-,” I pause, letting out a shaky breath, “I’m pregnant, aren’t I?” I ask the doctor, tears forming in my eyes again.

“I can neither confirm or deny if you are pregnant, but we can do tests if that can reassure you.” She says with a sweet voice, I nod repeatedly. I needed confirmation, I needed to know whether or not I was pregnant.

“I’ll need a urine sample - I’ll also need a blood sample, I’ll get you an urgent pathology request.” She hands me a small jar and a piece of paper, opening her door and pointing me in the direction of the toilet. “Talk to the receptionist - she’ll get the pathologist to do your blood test, I’ll also get her to call you as soon as possible with your results if that's okay with you?” I nod, spacing out slightly, the doctor places her hand on my back in a caring way. “It’ll be okay, Y/N, I’ll see you next time.” She smiles, hearing me say a little goodbye under my breath and walks back into her office.

I look at the piece of paper, it was a pathology document - hCG, was the request - URGENT - was written beside it.

Ben stands up as he sees me walk out from the corner, putting his phone in his pocket and rubbing his hands on his thighs. “You okay, Y/N?” He asks, walking up to me slowly. I look up and smile at him with teary eyes, hiding the piece of paper from him.

“Yeah, just need to pee in this jar and get a needle stuck in me.” I laugh, trying to play off the shock I was in.

I walk to the reception, handing the receptionist the paper. He smiles and looks at it - nodding. “Just wait in the room and we’ll call you in.”

“I need to get a urine sample, can I do that first?” He nods and points to the toilets. I thank him silently with a small smile, walking to the toilet. “Ben, wait in the room for me?” I give him a weak smile.

“Yeah, sure, Love,” he nods, confused, giving me a small hug. He begins to walk back into the room. I make my way into the toilets, getting the sample, twisting the lid onto the jar, I look at myself in the mirror.

My mascara was smudged around my eyes, looking like I’ve just slept in my makeup, my eyes themselves were red, veiny and it’d been obvious I was crying. I let out a sad chuckle, placing the jar on the counter, I wash my hands vigourously.

Walking out of the toilets, I hear my name being called once again. I sigh, this was going to be a long day.

*

When Ben and I went home, I’d been distant and almost non-responsive, not wanting to let it slip that I might be pregnant. I’d tried to stay silent, giving short answers, and not looking at him much. I’d sat on the couch in the lounge room, cuddled up in the fluffy blanket while Ben cooked dinner. The T.V wasn’t on, my gaze was on the wall, looking at a photo of me with my nephews and nieces. I felt tears running down my face, wiping them away with the sleeves of my jumper, pondering.

Is this something we’d both want? We were both young, still had a lot ahead of us. I’d always wanted a family, being able to come home to see my children playing around with the dog - Ben coming to greet me, after not long coming home from work himself. I began to bawl, chest heaving and finding it hard to breathe. I couldn’t do this to Ben now, not while he’s doing so well his acting career.

“Love?” Ben asks, coming into the lounge room, immediately by my side. “What’s wrong? What happened?” I found it so hard to look at him, shaking my head as he pulls me into his shoulder. He rubs my back, his nails scratching slightly too. I couldn’t help but notice the pain and hurt in his voice. “What’s happened, Y/N?” He asks, pressing his lips into my hair.

“I can’t do this to you, Ben,” I whisper, beginning to shake, voice faltering.

“Do what?” He asks, calmly.

“I can't! I won't-”

“Y/N- what happened?”

“Ben, I think-” I pause, hearing my phone ring, a small sigh left my lips. I answer it, trying to sound okay. “Hello?”

“Hi, is this Y/N?”

“This is she.” I look at Ben, a frown on his confused face, a look I’d seen too many times today.

“Hi, this is Annie from the Medical Centre, how are you?” A chirpy voice rang through my ears, I almost flinch at the happiness in her tone.

“I’m doing alright, I guess,” I pull my head down. Annie kept talking, letting me know the diagnosis, setting an appointment to see the gynecologist, sending a congratulations my way too. “Thank you.” My voice is weak again, tears strolling down my face once again. I hung up the phone and let out a loud sob.

“Y/N, what is it?” Ben says with a stern voice, a concrete expression on his face.

“I’m so sorry,” I pant, beginning to shake again, placing my hand on my chest - I’m struggling to breathe.

“I can't breathe- I can't-”

“Babe, calm down, calm - breathe in through your nose, out through your nose.” Ben places his hand on mine, lacing his fingers between them. His voice is calming and soothing, compared to my thoughts right now. I do what he says, trying my best to speak, I need to tell him. I need to tell him now, otherwise, I won't be able to. Ever.

“I’m pregnant.” I manage to choke out.

Ben doesn’t say anything, his face is unreadable. I knew he’d be mad, I knew he wouldn’t want to keep it, not while he was so successful. I didn’t know if he wanted a family with me. We hadn’t discussed the possibility of children, not even in our life plan.

“Please, say something,” I beg, pulling myself closer to Ben, placing my hand on his face, bringing him to look at me, my eyes searching his green ones. He doesn’t say anything, I just see tears begin to form in the corner of his eyes. “Ben.” I plead, bringing my other hand to his other cheek. Tears are already all over my cheeks, splayed out in anger. He let out an exasperated sigh, closing his eyes, a tear falls.

“I don’t know what to say.” He murmurs, picking at his nails. I let out another sob. “I'd figured it was something like this.”

“Look, I might just leave the house, I’ll give you some time to think about everything, I’ll stay with my mum, I’ll call you in a few days-” I sigh shakily, going to stand up and walk out of the door. I didn’t know what to do, except give Ben time to process this. He immediately grabs my arm before I could walk away.

“Don’t you dare leave. I’m not letting you outside in your state right now. You’re vulnerable and easy to manipulate at the moment.” He says, pulling me back down to the couch, next to him. He places his hands in mine, placing them into my lap. His voice is stoic - I’m still unable to read his face. “You’re not leaving. I’m just-” He pauses and looks me in the eye, his eyes full of fear. “Confused.”

“About what?” I raise an eyebrow, tears and mascara cloud my vision.

“How’d this happen?”

“Well, when people have sex a lot, especially unprotected-” Ben cuts me off, his hand placed on my shoulder.

“But you were on contraceptives - the injection? The depo shot?”

“Yeah, I got it done apparently five months ago. I’m supposed to get them every three months, to get rid of my periods, the contraceptive was just a plus. I didn’t get the text to come back and get it done again two months ago.” I feel ashamed. I should have remembered to have it done again, it’s not always the doctors' responsibility to remind me to do something. “It’s my fault,” I whisper, fresh tears making their way down from my eyes. I lick my lips, tasting the hot salty tears. “I can’t believe I’m so fucking stupid!”

“Hey, no” He looks up at me, tears clouding his eyes again. “To get pregnant, you need two to tango,” Ben defends, bringing me into his shoulder.

“If I had put it in my reminders and not relied on the fucking doctors, we wouldn’t be in this situation!” I scream, crying in a violent sense, dread was my main emotion right now. Ben pushes his hand into my hair, whispering calming ‘shushes’ into my ear.

“How far along are you?”

“They don’t know, they set me up with an appointment. But I’m guessing 5, 6 weeks?” I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, trying my best to calm myself down again, referring myself back to Ben's calming words. Ben trailed a hand down to my stomach and rubbing lightly.

“We’ll get through this, Y/N,” he presses a kiss to my forehead.

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” I whisper again, placing my hand on his. “I’m sorry I’m so stupid.”

“You aren’t stupid. You’re kind, beautiful, intelligent. You are far from stupid.” He mutters, leaning his chin on my head, closing his own eyes to calm himself down.

*

We’d both fallen asleep on the couch last night, too tired to move from the cushioned space. My arm was around my stomach and the other, around him when Ben woke up, he heard the soft snores from my lips as he examined my face.

My eyes were still puffy from last night, the mascara was smudged - remnants of yesterday's makeup also stayed on, my lip was scabbed because of how hard I’d bit my lip in hopes of trying to go back in time.

He sat up, placed the blanket over me. I’d snuggled into it immediately, a trembling sigh leaving my lips.

Ben felt horrible, he felt he hadn’t treated me right last night, from what he told me, that he didn’t bring me closure. He would be okay with the decision I’d make if I wanted to abort it or keep it. ‘It’. It’s not an ‘it’, it’s a person, a baby, a child, someone that he helped make. He made this child, this baby that’s growing inside of me. It’s probably not even the size of a strawberry. It’s young at this point, so young.

But, he’d be okay with my decision.

It’s my body, not his, he said.

He snaps himself out of his trance, taking one more look back down at me. I’d cuddled into the blanket and the corner of the couch where the cushions met the back pillows. I’d looked peaceful, as if none of what happened last night, happened.

He felt like he needed to make it up to me, no matter how small. He said he’ll keep trying to make it up for me because he loves me.

I tossed and turned, not being able to keep trying to sleep. I rolled over to find myself at the end of the couch. Frowning, I sat up and looked around.

“Why am I in the lounge room?” I asked myself, not particularly looking for an answer.

“We fell asleep there last night, we were too tired, I guess. Didn't even eat dinner.” Ben had walked in from the kitchen holding a tray. It was a tray of fresh fruit and toast. I smiled sadly at him, feeling terrible that he felt the need to do this for me.

“You didn’t need to do this, Ben,” I saw a single rose propped in a glass with a small note saying ‘I’m so sorry.’

“Yes, I did. I felt horrible about how I reacted last night. I feel terrible, Love.” Ben places the tray on the coffee table and sits next to me on the couch. I sighed - leaning on Ben’s shoulder.

“I still feel bad about it too,” I whisper. “I just feel kind of stupid.” I shrugged and looked to him, he looked at me with love in his eyes, something that didn’t seem to be present last night.

“Don’t feel stupid, Sweet.”

“I’m not going to get rid of it, hun, so if you don’t like that decision, it’s best I leave now,” I said to him, a firm look on my face as I lift my head from his shoulder, almost getting ready to leave. He places his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in.

“That’s fine. That’s great. I’m glad you made this decision, but just know that I would have supported you either way.” He pressed a kiss to my lips, a simple thing that made me putty in his hands, a simple thing that I craved from him constantly, a simple thing that makes me aware how much he loves me. “It’s your body, I don’t own your body, well - only in some ways.” I hit him his chest with a smile, he lets out a delightful laugh, something I’ve missed this past day. He gives me a kiss on the cheek, trailing it to my neck. “I love you, so much, princess.” He’d muttered into my neck. He lifts his head up and looks me in the eyes again, love and adoration filling his soulful stare. “I love you so much, you don’t even know it.”

“I think I have a clue,” I say with a smile and press my lips to his again, in a quick chaste kiss, his lips chasing mine with a small pout. “Thank you.”

“For what?” He asks, placing his hand on my cheek.

“For loving me.”

It was going to be a tough journey, a long journey but with Ben by my side, I could do it.