My favorite way to feed Cedar, is horizontal. Laying in bed next to you is the most present I ever feel. The most visible. The most valued.

The closer I get to giving birth. The more I dread having so many people around to take her from my arms before I'm ready to give her up. I wish there was a way to not be abrasive and also tell everyone they can't come see her until I've seen her.. I could just cry.. it feels like nothing is in my favor now that I can't have her at home. Everyone is going to assume they can take her and hold her and kiss her face before she's barely even felt my touch.

Bled again this morning so my Seven days in this hospital bed starts over. But on the brightest of sides! We're healthy and able to eat and drink! I couldn't ask for anything else. Besides not being able to go back to work.. I'm happy I have such an amazing support system to help.

It's 630 in the morning. I've been awake since 330 without any feeling of tiredness other than the residual headache hiding behind my eyes and nose and deep set in each of my temples. Being in a hospital bed is the worst. Not only am I uncomfortable because I have these terrible monitors hooked up to my belly and inside my arm but I have these terrible plastic bags that squeeze me every two seconds in order to avoid blood clots while I'm bed ridden and they're hot and sticky. I just want them off. The hospital room I'm in is so stuffy and dry and I can hear nurses right outside my door trying to keep themselves busy by laughing and talking. I just want to be at home with my pets and my love, sleeping next to all of them. Not here. Unexpected bleeding has been quite the experience for fear and has also completely diminished my birth plan. But I have to remind myself that I am blessed that cedar is happy and healthy inside my tummy regardless of the day we've had. We can't wait to eat. Maybe someone will be able to bring me a baconator once I'm able to eat because I can't even fathom life without it right now. 24 hrs without food is the absolute worst especially if you're with child. I NEED to eat. Send positive and sleepy energy my way so we can rest in time for lunch.