9) how do they hide their pain when they’re upset? do they try to hide their pain?
okay so we know they're both master compartmentalizers. it's very natural for them to hide pain when they're upset to the level that it can take them some time to even realize that they are hiding any pain, even longer to admit that they are doing that, and even longer to process the pain.
katherine overworks herself when she's upset. she feels most comfortable working, being in control of a project, thinking about and juggling whatever's on the company's plate, so she doubles down when she's upset. we also know she puts up a very confident, collected, and cheery front when she's going through stressful events but ultimately has a massive meltdown that resets the clock for her. i don't think the meltdown fixes anything, it just enables her to continue hiding. and i think she just, generally, hides pain by being Extra with everything - extra cunty, extra selfish, extra loud and arrogant. she externalizes all the feelings she is most comfortable experiencing that way, so she can keep whatever vulnerability pain might cause inside. it's like she's making space for it by pushing everything else to the front. i think even more so with tgirl katherine: she would be the cunt you work for and she would rather you call her that to her face than show any weakness. she knows how to respond to being called a bitch, knows how to respond to being hated for her arrogance and her crudeness; she doesn't know how to respond to someone seeing her pain, doesn't know how to respond to someone possibly hating her for feeling that pain. i put 'there are worse things i could do' on her playlist just for the 'but the worst thing i could do is to cry in front of you' line because i think that's how she operates in the world.
sadie's similar in that she would also be Extra about stuff, but she's not as composed about it - she laughs too loud, she speaks in a weird voice, she makes jokes that are so bad they actually make people stare at her. she's hyper-aware of her every move when she's in pain but that doesn't mean she has complete control of her every move. she also lashes out, unexpectedly, about the most minor things, tries to divert the focus away from herself so she doesn't have to think about it. and with tgirl sadie i think even more than canon sadie: she shuts down. she blocks everything and everybody out. she's embarrassed and scared about it all, about having those feelings, so she, like katherine, also turns to the only thing she trusts: the job, and nothing else matters. she is also a workaholic who is a workaholic because if she wouldn't be one she would just be sad, like katherine is. she also loves working, like katherine does. so that's when she's all over the place with having a million ideas, and having a million ways to actualize those ideas, and talks too fast, and stims, and tries so desperately to prove her worth through the job. when being upset makes her feel worthless, being good at something is the only way out of that for her.
of course they notice that they are similar in that regard pretty quickly. they recognize themselves in each other. and of course it scares them. and of course it brings them closer together.
