Someone who knows more psychology than me and/or is in the aspec community explain what my deal is:
Before, I had a best friend. I hardly ever connect with people so when I felt at home with that person I got, for lack of a better word, obsessive. Over time I developed...some very weird feelings. I wanted them mind, body, and soul, but I still didn't see myself building a house and family with them, it always still felt temporary. I tested my luck, started getting more physical, used more sweet talk. The way in which that ended isn't relevant to my current conundrum, but I did need to add further context.
I've got a new friend, someone who treats me like the family she sees me as. She is my friend, my family, my muse. I want to care for her and for her to care for me. If it weren't for how loaded the word is I would even dare to say I love her. But I'm pretty much socially isolated otherwise (I consider this might be part of what contributed to the first instance). I'm scared of catching feelings, or of projecting my past social relationships onto her. I've been avoiding physical contact out of fear it might contribute to that happening, even though she makes me crave human touch.
So uh what is that all about and should I be scared
