I had an interesting night for my 3rd time caucusing.
I'm Bernie or bust, so we walked in and immediately sat down at the Sanders table. The caucus started and they asked each table if they wanted to send forth someone to speak on behalf of their candidate. When they got to our table, everyone turned towards me and Kaitlin urged me to get up. But I was too afraid. As I sat there though, listening to the next person speak with my head increasingly pounding, I realized that I had to. If no one else could, I should. It came to the last candidate to speak and no one from the Steyer table wanted to give a speech either.
And at that moment, I jumped up and stopped the proceedings to give my few words. It was the most terrifying thing I've done (which is no small feat). Yet, with my heart jumping out of my mouth, I told my story. In 2016, I caucased for Bernie Sanders for the same reason I was there tonight, he's been fighting for ALL of us for his entire life (like that photo of him laughing while being dragged by cops for protesting segregation). And when Hilary won the Democratic nomination, I wrote in Bernie for President in the general election. Because my principles couldn't allow me to vote for either people in good conscience (and because I was naive enough to believe Trump couldn't do that much harm). Which is why I was there deciding to speak in front of all of them tonight. If he can fight for us, I can do it too. I even inspired Ralph Saunders from the Steyer table to speak up too after I had finished. And in turn, he inspired me with his efforts. Stand and deliver.
So it came time for the 1st viability round and our Sanders table only had 11 people when we needed 12. But none of us could bring ourselves to go over and solicit others to join us. It seemed it wasn't in any of our personalities (for me it's a matter of talking to people. Despite what you might think, I'm crippling autistic and it's one of the hardest things in the world for me. So to go over and try to sway someone is waaaaaay outside my wheelhouse. The speech was hard enough.) And as I watched the other Bernie folks spread off to other candidates and had people from the other candidates come over to talk to me, I knew what I had to do.
"I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant is faithful, 100%"
I planted myself like a flag of solidarity and laughed to myself as even Kaitlin changed candidates (she's an American too. We don't have to vote the same 😉). It was even funnier seeing that Ralph had done the same too. We both sat their with our principles and beliefs, standing solid in the face of peer pressure and adversity. And by George, it felt like the most American thing I've ever done. I even give props to Heather Ann Moore on the Warren side for understanding what I was doing and choosing not to sell me on anything. Also, a huge high five to the Joe Biden speaker who came over just to tell me how cool he thought it was that I decided to get up and speak without knowing what to do.
Not to mention that I got to do the coin toss for the extra delegate at the end because of my chaotic neutrality. Though I did drop it on the first try. But hey, at least it made everyone laugh.
Now though, as I sit here and see the numbers come in from all over the state, I smile. There's a part of me that knows that Bernie Sanders will take Iowa tonight. And if he does, every single person in that gym is going to think back at what we did. They'll remember Ralph and I, sitting there alone, scared yet strong and saying something anyway. Even when we had no words to say it. As I sat there, smiling at Ralph alone at his table too across the room, I felt like we were the most powerful Americans in the country. I can't wait for everyone else from that gymnasium tonight to realize it too. All it takes is one person to start change in this world.
And they say democracy is dead.
