#catcurl

ang3lsh1 replied to your post “OH SHIT VICTOR NIKIFOROV AS A MEMBER OF SOLDIER AND YURI KATSUKI AS...”

But would Yuuri truly be the simple chocobo rancher or the obsessive rancher determined to breed the ultimate, elusive, mythical Golden Chocobo for his beloved SOLDIER, on his quest to save the planet.

Yuri would be the simple chocobo rancher who occasionally shows up at the Golden Saucer with a new breed of chocobo to race and leaves a trail of broken hearts behind him. He’s dressed in black. His hair is done. He’s wearing contacts. (Minako said do it or Else, and Yuri is not dumb enough to ask what Else is.) He looks as sleek and handsome as his black chocobo. He’s convinced everybody is wondering why that hick is trying to race with the big boys when in fact his nickname is Eros and there’s serious money on being the first one to prove you got him in bed. General Nikiforov is a big fan of the way his competent hands stroke chocobos as they push their heads affectionately against his chest. 

catcurl replied to your post “OH SHIT VICTOR NIKIFOROV AS A MEMBER OF SOLDIER AND YURI KATSUKI AS...”

This hit me right in the kokoro and sent right back to when I was a trash fangirl who made my first trip to Japan just to buy ff7 doujinshi and reading a million fanfics. Of course yuuri would breed the mythical golden chococbo for General Viktor and secretly dream of raising baby chicobos for the general in his dreams, right up until general Viktor slam dunks a midgar zolom on a handy tree while yuuri is short sightedly wrangling suicidal chicabos out of the swamp.

1. oh god i read so much shitty FF7 fic in my time???

2. yes okay but I submit to u: General Nikiforov going after a Midgar Zolom and it escaping -- and then as he’s chasing after it he hears a CRUNCH. He follows the sound and finds A Regular Normal Dime A Dozen Unspecial Just A Chocobo Farmer covered in swamp muck, draped in chicobos, and scolding a mother chocobo for nesting in the swamp AGAIN. The Zolom is very, very dead. After General Nikiforov picks up his jaw the A Regular Normal Dime a Dozen Just a Chocobo Farmer (whose muddy clothes cling to his muscles) squints at him and says “What are you doing here this swamp is dangerous” and General Nikiforov finds himself being scolded onto the chocobo with the chicobos and taken to the Chocobo Ranch.

 Yuri announces to his sister he’s tired of chocobos nesting in weird places and also, he broke his glasses and needs his spares. He puts his spares on and turns to scold the lost traveler again and promptly tries to die in shame. 

General Nikiforov is ENCHANTED. Then he sees the black chocobo and realizes that this cute soft birb nerd is in fact the mysterious and beautiful jockey of the Golden Saucer and loses his shit. 

Yuri briefly considers moving into a chocobo nest. But he still wants to breed General Nikiforov a golden chocobo even if it does turn out he’s a huge absentminded dingus who is allergic to shirts.

(Item: may make Yuuko a chocobo or at least the triplets into chicobos? For the laffs, of course.)

Anyway it turns out Yuri tried to enter the SOLDIER program and failed out, like Cloud Stife, but unlike Cloud Strife did not have a mental collapse and decide he was his BFF, just moved back to the ranch and then come to find out he just got unnatural strength and reflexes out of it, which is not a bad thing when you are dealing with horse-sized chickens for a living, tbh. 

Then ??? ???? ???? a lot of mutual saving later VIctor is cured from the bad effects of being shot up with pure earth magic and then they raise chocobos together. 

moonbelowsea replied to your post “OH SHIT VICTOR NIKIFOROV AS A MEMBER OF SOLDIER AND YURI KATSUKI AS...”

HOLY WOW HOW THE HELL DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH THE B E S T IDEAS please for the love of all that's good in this world TELL US MORE.

sleep deprivation and injudicious amounts of caffiene :|b