#caslena

If there was one thing Dean was a master at, it was his ability to not care. Or better said convince himself that he didn’t care.

The night Elena showed up to his apartment, things didn’t exactly go as planned.

-

The night

Feeling that he needed a drink before meeting up with Elena, Dean called his younger sibling to meet up with him at a local bar. The younger Winchester took some convincing, but eventually agreed to meet up with his older brother.

By the time Sam showed up at the bar, Dean had already shot down a couple of glasses of something he figured was on the shelf for a few weeks too long, but he didn’t mind. He ordered himself another glass, while Sam ordered a beer. Sam watched his older brother shoot down another couple glasses until he decided to intervene.

“Dean, what the hell is going on?” Sam questions. Dean was a notorious drinker, but Sam knew he wasn’t big on the heavy stuff unless something was bothering him, really bothering him.

“What? Nothing’s wrong.” Dean replies.

Sam scoffs and grabs Dean’s glass. He takes a whiff and his face contorts in disgust from the stench. He places the glass back on the counter.

“Yeah, nothing’s wrong.” Sam says.

Dean considers telling Sam what was going between Elena and him. He knew he could trust his brother, but he also knew what his brother would say. He would tell him what he already knew. Elena was an amazing girl, she was good for him and that he’d be stupid to be questioning his relationship with her. But Dean didn’t want to hear that.

He already knew these things and that’s why he was at a crossroads. He didn’t deserve her. He saw the love she had for him and he knew she deserved more. Someone who could provide her with the future she would want. Elena was in school, studying to become a pediatrician. Dean worked an 8 to 7 job fixing up busted vehicles. His money went to fast food, alcohol and he still struggled month to month with his rent.

He knew Elena well enough to know that these things didn’t bother her. She wasn’t that type of girl. She cared for him no matter what. But that didn’t change the way Dean saw her. He knew in the future she secretly would want more from him. Stuff he wouldn’t be able to provide. She deserved more.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice works to break Dean’s train of thought. Dean turns to his brother. “What?” He mutters.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?”

Dean takes a sip from the beer Sam had ordered for him. “Yeah…” He pauses for another moment, to consider once again if he should tell his brother what’d been going on or not. Ultimately he decides not to. “Just the normal, rent, job’s killing me… I just needed to go out and do something fun.”

Sam looks at his brother incredulously, not fully believing his story. “You sure?” Sam insists.

“Yes, Sam. Jeez, is it wrong of me to want to hang out and drink a little with my brother?”

Sam sighs. He could tell Dean was keeping something from him, but he wouldn’t be able to get any information out from him tonight; so he drops it. “Fine.”

-

The two spend about an hour chatting about when Dean’s eyes begin to roam around the bar. With the alcohol running through his stream, Dean began to feel like his normal self again. He wasn’t thinking about Elena anymore. His mind was simply focused on the present.

He’d been eying a girl for quite a bit of the time that he’d been there. Reaching the point to where one of them just needed to give the signal. The young blonde takes her lip between her teeth and gives Dean the look. And with that he takes another swig of his beer and plops it down on the counter.

“Looks like I’ve got an invitation to attend to, little brother.” Dean pats Sam’s back. “Catch up with you later?” He says as he shrugs on his coat.

Sam scoffs. He should have figured Dean would do this to him, always ditching. Sam finishes his last sip of beer and soon after is leaving the bar as well.

-

Slamming him against his apartment door, Dean struggled to peel himself away from her as he tried to unlock the door. The girl Dean had picked up had no intentions on wasting any time.

“Hold on, sweetheart.” He says between the kisses. “Gotta open the door.” She lets out a sigh and releases him.

Letting out a breath of relief, he inserts his key into the keyhole and opens the door. She walks in, eying the place, noting the simplicity of it all. An old couch, a t.v, empty beer cans scattered in various places. The record player caught her attention.

“Wow, I’ve never seen one of these in real life. These things are like ancient.” She says.

“Yeah,” He chuckles. “Was sort of a hand-me-down from my father.”

She rolls her eyes. “Ugh, I wouldn’t have taken it. It’s big and bulky. Takes up a lot of room.” She says eying the place once again.

Dean bites his tongue, fighting back the urge to tell her to go screw herself. He didn’t want to ruin this night with her. He didn’t know why, but he had the need to just have this night.

“Yeah,” He fakes a laugh. He then grabs her by her waist and spins her around to face him. “Now, where were we?” He asks with a smug smile.

“I believe we were here…” She says before leaning forward and letting her lips land on his. The two once again, begin what they’d started just a half an hour prior.  Tongues exploring one another, hands roaming around their bodies, the two were caught in the heat, the lust.

Her hands slowly began to make their way under his shirt. Her long nails, gently scratching against his stomach and that’s when he pulls away. Those weren’t her nails, her hands.

“What’s wrong, baby?” She purrs in his ear.

“Uh…” Dean shakes his head. “Nothing, just…let’s move this, shall we?” He asks, gesturing towards his bedroom.

She nods and begins to pull him towards the room. Upon reaching the foot of the bed, she quickly shoves him onto the mattress and climbs on top. Once again, she wastes no time in leaning down and beginning with her kisses restarting what they’d begun.

Her hands frantically begin to unbutton his shirt and once she’s successful; her hands land on his bare chest. Nails, for the second time; scratch against his skin. She gradually begins to come into his mind again. As much as he tried to fight it off, it was hopeless.

“I can’t,” He says, slightly pushing the girl off of him.

“You can’t what, baby?” She asks before leaning down and putting her lips on his chest.

Dean lets out a sigh and again attempts to push her off. She remains straddled on him and looks down at him curiously.

“Why not? I thought we were having a good time… I thought you wanted this…”

Dean shakes his head again. “It’s…”

The girl rolls her eyes. “Ugh, don’t you dare use the ‘it’s not you, it’s me line.” She says as she climbs off of him. Dean sits up on the bed as she angrily begins to put on her shorts. “Of course I went after one that’s whipped.” She begins to mutter to herself.

Whipped?  

“Sweetheart, I ain’t whipped.” Dean chuckles.

“Oh please,” She sneers. “I could see it in the way you were drinking. But I figured hey, he’s hot. And maybe just maybe it was a work issue, rather than love life. But boy was I wrong.”  

She begins to walk out of his room and he quickly follows behind her.

“I’m not whipped!” He insists.

“Look,” She stops just in front of the door. “I don’t really care. You have no reason to explain to me your love life or your apparent lack of one. But when you’re ready to have fun, don’t hesitate to call. My offer still remains.” She winks at him and turns back to open the door, only to find Elena with her hand mid-air.

Immediately Dean feels a pit in his stomach.

“Oh,” The girl says. “Hi.” She smiles, stretching her hand out to Elena.

Elena’s eyes flicker between the girl’s smile and the shocked looked on Dean’s face.

After a few beats of Elena not responding to the girl’s gesture, she drops her hand.

“Alright then… He,” She points at Dean. “and I are done… so… I guess I’ll get going.” She says and quickly makes for her escape.

Now alone, the two stand there in silence. Elena’s eyes trained on Dean’s unbuttoned shit and disheveled hair. Upon realizing the image she was getting, Dean quickly attempts to cover up.

“Lena…” He begins to speak.

She raises her hand to quiet him. “It’s fine.” She says without looking into his eyes.

“But, Elena…” He attempts again, only to be cut off again.

“I said its fine.” She repeats. “We never said we were exclusive…” This time Dean keeps his mouth shut. He knew nothing he said beyond this point mattered anymore. The look on Elena’s face said it all. He’d destroyed her. And this was much easier for him. She could finally see what kind of man he was.

“I’m going to go…” She says, finally meeting his eyes. He saw the tears were already beginning to well up in her eyes and as much as it hurt him to see her like this, he kept a straight face.

“Okay.” He says.

She closes her eyes for a brief moment and takes in a breath of air. “Okay.” She breathes out and turns to make her way out of the building. And although the tears had already formed, she forced herself to keep them in. Keep them in until she reached her car.

As soon as those doors closed…

Dean fell against his door

Elena gripped tight on her wheel

And the dams broke.

-

Present

“What are you doing here?” She asks him. A part of her felt this moment was surreal. As if he was just an illusion.

“I actually, came to see you.” He admits.

“Why?”

“Because we need to talk.”

“About what, Dean?” She pushes, slightly irritated.

“You know what, Lena.”

“I can’t. I’m here with someone.” She hastily turns away from him, but Dean grabs her by her arm before she gets a chance to take a step.

“5 minutes and then I’ll let you got back to Casper over there.”

She rolls her eyes. “Tiel. Cas-TIEL,” She corrects him.

“Yeah, whatever. You know what I mean.”

She lets out an exasperated sigh. “Fine.”

-

His grip remains on her arm as he pushes through the crowd of people, leading her to the empty dining room. He closes the glass door behind him, making sure they’d have their privacy.

“Okay, what?” She questions once the door was shut.

He turns to face her. He tried preparing for this moment. He’d come up with different speeches, scenarios, but all of that preparation went down the drain. He was frozen, dumbfounded. How to begin?

Mustering up any courage that he could, he decides to start from the beginning. “Lena… that night…” He begins, but is quickly cut off before he gets a chance to go further.

She lets out a sigh and crosses her arms. “I told you I didn’t need an explanation, Dean.”

“Will you just hear me out?” He asks. She clamps her mouth shut and nods. “Nothing happened between me and that girl,”

She scoffs. “You really expect me-”

“Hear me out.” He repeats.

Again she closes her mouth and lets him continue.

“Yes, I’d brought her back with the intentions of something to happen,” He admits, the guilt building up within him. “but nothing did. I couldn’t…” He trails off.

“Why not?” She asks her interest clearly piqued.

“Because of you.”

Because of her? He couldn’t possibly mean… No. No.

“And that, you expect me to believe that?”

“Yes, Elena. Because it’s true. Nothing happened.”

She takes a moment. The sincerity in his eyes told her one story, but her memory of the night told her another.

“Fine,” She begins. “Let’s say I do believe this story. Why didn’t you tell me before? Why did you wait until now to tell me this?”

He shrugs. “It was easier for me…”

“What does that even mean?” She questions.

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m not like that guy you have out there, Elena.” He sighs. She gives him a puzzled look, so he begins again. “I fix cars for a living, barely making the monthly rent. I couldn’t tell you which bone is connected to which bone. I’m not like him.”

“And you think that matters to me, Dean?” Her irritation rose slightly from his assumption of her.

“No. That’s exactly why it was easier for me to end things, the way that I did…”

“I’m not following.”

He throws his head back in frustration. Why is this so difficult? He thinks to himself.

He takes a moment to piece his thoughts together, finding a better way to get to where he needed to get.

He locks his eyes with hers, and begins again. “I was afraid.”

Her brows furrow as she tilts her head curiously. “Of what?”

“Of you, the future,” He takes a few steps towards her. “I was afraid that I wasn’t good enough for you. That eventually you’d see that…” He drops his head in shame.

Having him so close, her heart began to race. She tries to find her voice. “What changed your mind?” She finally says.

He lifts his head back up to meet her eyes.  “I… I’m not sure but,” He takes her hand in his. “I can’t deny that I miss you, Lena.”

Her eyes flicker back and forth between his. Those feelings she thought had gone away rush through the surface washing over her and bringing her back to where she was almost a year’s time. He was so close she could simply lean in and kiss him…

“No,” She shakes her head and takes her hand out of his. She turns her back on him. “You can’t do that,” She then turns to face him again with fire in her eyes. “You can’t do what you did, disappear for months and expect me to be okay with it; for it to be all forgiven.”

“I’m not asking for that, Elena.”

“Then what do you want from me?” She asks, crossing her arms again.

“A chance.” He says calmly.

“You had one.” She spits back quickly.

“Yeah,” He nods his head. “I had my chance and I know I screwed it up,” He takes a few paces towards her, closing the distance between them. He lifts his hand up to her face, cupping her cheek in the palm of his hand. “I know now how stupid I was, baby,” His touch on her skin, the pet name; they sent shivers down her spine.

She raises her hand and places it on top of his. She was letting herself melt around him, around his charm. The magnetic pull they used to share was stronger than ever and she wanted so much to give in.

But she couldn’t. “No,” His heart twinges as she pulls away from his touch again.  “No, Dean. I’ve moved on. I’m with Cas.”

“Yeah, I noticed that, Elena.” He says bitterly.

“I… I’m sorry.” She whispers out before turning towards the door.

“Wait,” He calls out as she reaches for the handle.

She pauses and by the time she looks up to face him, Dean had already closed the space between them and was now only a few feet away. He quickly takes her face in his hands and leans down to crash his lips onto hers. As much as she wanted to fight it, she couldn’t. The shock the kiss sent through her body caused her heart to race. The longer their lips remained lock, the deeper she fell into it. So was no longer fighting those feelings, she’d lost the battle. She couldn’t deny it; she’d never stopped loving him.

When they’ve both become breathless, they finally pull apart. Dean leans his forehead against hers; the pants coming from the two of them are the only sound in the room for a good minute.

“Do you still love me?” He asks, keeping his forehead against hers, eyes closed.