#thevampirediaries

“Right, because you had your humanity when you killed people? Ya… I’m not sure that makes it better,” I tap my chin in thought sarcastically, even though she can’t see me. 

Caroline is quiet, clearly butthurt, and I roll my eyes, “Listen, Elena’s a big girl, she can handle herself,” Elijah hands me a plate of French toast covered in strawberries and powdered sugar, and I fight back the urge to moan, “Everyone just needs to give her some space…and stop calling me, I’ve got shit to handle too.”

Caroline goes to argue, but I end the call and throw my phone on the island. 

“God, she’s like a fucking bird,” I mimic a bird’s squawking. 

Elijah leans on the island across from me, and I don’t miss the way his white button-up is rolled up at the arms, giving an ample visual of his veiny arms.

“She’s worried. Elena’s humanity was the biggest part of her, and now it’s gone. I’m sure she’s struggling.”

I give him a look. Elijah Mikaelson, ever the mediator. 

“She’s annoying me. She’s trying to fix things that don’t need fixing. Tyler’s gone, so she needs to focus on someone else’s to forget her own.”

Elijah returns my look.

“Or maybe she just wants her friend back.”

I tap my chin again, “Hmmmm, no.”

I grab a chunk of French toast and stuff it into my mouth and flash Elijah an open-mouthed smile. 

—

“Come on, Theo,” I lean against the brown door of Theo’s new room, “Please just open the door. You don’t have to talk to me, but I just want to see you,” I place my hands in my lap, “I miss you.”

I get the same response I’ve gotten from the past two days. 

Absolute silence.

For the past two days, since I came back from my mountain wolfy trip with Klaus, I’ve spent an accumulation of probably 16 hours eating, sleeping, reading, and breathing by this door. I’m pretty sure it’s gotten to the point where my fucking fatass has left an indent in the wood paneling. 

I’ve spent a chunk of that time talking to Theo, or more likely talking to the air, since I doubt he’s even listening. I’ve told him about, my trip with Klaus, how it felt to turn, how Hayley has tried calling me a few times even though I keep declining her calls, Alastairs current vacation in St. Tropez with a surfer named Rocco, and what Stefan has texted me about Elena, since he seems to be the one giving me unsolicited updates on her, and for some reason, checking in on me like we’re friends again. We’re not. 

Stefan has called me probably 14 times in the past two days, and texted me a bunch more. Most of the time, I don’t respond, but when your only company is three Mikaelson vampires and a grieving Aunt, you kind of start to hope for new company. So maybe I answered back a few times. Now that he’s got his blood diet figured out, he’s kinda back to the Stefan I used to be friends with. Kind of. 

“Hey.”

Rebekah stands at the beginning of the hallway with two mugs and a sad smile on her face. 

I nod slowly, “I’ll go.”

I stand up, and Rebekah quickly jumps in front of me, “Don’t take it personally, okay? You’re still his favorite person in the world. He loves you, Y/n.”

A nasty feeling crawls up my spine. She’s had what two days' worth of fucking conversations with him and is now such a fucking expert???

I’m his fucking sister, the sister that raised him. And she’s telling me not to” take it personally??” 

I shake my head and try to walk around her, but she intercepts me again.

“Y/n-”

“Get out of my way, Rebekah.”

“Sister, let her through.”

Klaus stands behind Rebekah now with a sarcastic look and makes a dismissive gesture towards her. 

“Don’t be a dick, Nik.”

Klaus rolls his eyes, and Rebekah huffs like a child and then walks into Theo’s room. I try to peer past her to get a glimpse of my brother but she shuts the door too quickly. 

“Bitch,” I snarl.

Warm hands run down my arms, and I glare up at Klaus, who looks at me knowingly.

“You’re jealous.”

I shove him away from me, “And you’re in my fucking space.”

I turn the corner and start walking down the staircase, Klaus on my heels. 

“Y’know most wolves after they shift are much more, how should I say…relaxed.”

I glare at him over my shoulder, “Would you prefer me to book a spa day, or oh, I don’t know, go on a killing spree just like every other person in this town when they need to let off some steam.”

“Blood does bring out the color in your eyes,” Klaus’ response is sarcastic, but I can’t decipher if he’s completely joking. 

Knowing that freak, probably not.

I go to respond, or more like insult him, but an odd smell catches my nose, and I stop. 

“What is that,” I sniff the air. 

From the innocent look on Klaus’ face, I’m guessing he knows exactly what I’m talking about. 

“I have a present for you,” Klaus jumps down the stairs, grabs me by the shoulders, and leads me towards the dining room. 

“Klaus, what the hell is-”

Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

—

“Hayley, here said you weren’t picking up your phone.”

I glare at my…well, whatever the fuck she is to me, “Ya, that’s what happens when someone doesn’t want to talk to another person.”

A look of hurt flashes over Hayley’s face for a moment, but she quickly masks it with a neutral look. 

“I know you don’t want to talk to me, but you can’t keep denying that we’re connected, Y/n.”

I blink. 

“The only person in this room I’m connected with is this fuckhead right here,” I point at Klaus, “And I curse fate every day because of it.”

“I’ll try not to be offended by that, Luv.”

“I really don’t care if you are.”

Klaus sighs deeply and then walks over to the table, drops down into a chair, and starts pouring himself a heavy glass of wine. 

It’s 10 am.

“Look, Y/n, you don’t have to like me, okay? Most people typically don’t. But, at least get to know me? I’ve searched for my family my entire life, and you can try to keep denying it, but I know that you are what I’ve been searching for. I can feel it,” Hayley says with an almost hopeful look. 

A part of me wants to tell her to fuck off, that my life is already complicated as is, and I don’t need any more family just so they can go and die on me. But another part of me wants to know her. Wants to know why whenever I’m in the same room with her, it just feels…right. Like a part of me knows that I can trust her even though I know she’s a traitorous bitch. 

“If you think we’re going to be braiding each other’s hair and talking about boys, you’re dead wrong,” I glare at her, and her shoulders lose tension. 

“First, I’m not that type of girl, and second, I’d rather pluck my eardrums out than have to listen to anything involving that,” She points a disgusted finger at Klaus. 

“How do I keep getting insulted in my own home,” Klaus mutters dramatically.

I look between the two suspiciously for a moment, “What exactly are you two conspiring?”

Klaus smirks and looks at Hayley, “I told you she was smart.”

Hayley rolls her eyes and then turns to me, “I made a deal with the wrong person, and now people are trying to kill me.”

I narrow my eyes at her as a feeling of unease settles in me, “Who’d you make the deal with?”

 Klaus’ annoying laugh fills the room, “This is going to be good.”

Hayley looks uneasy as she answers. 

“Katherine Pierce.”

—

I pinch the bridge of my nose at the idiots around me, excluding wonderful and beautiful Elijah, who is currently my favorite soulmate. 

And now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t think Klaus has ever been ranked number one. Fuckhead. 

“So let me get this straight,” I point towards Hayley and Klaus, “You,” I point my finger at Hayley, “Made a deal with him,” Now Klaus, “For protection against the cronies Katherine Pierce sent after you, after you helped her get the cure. And now Katherine is gone somewhere with the cure…and you made a deal with Katherine, aka the devil herself, why?”

Hayley sighs and gulps down her wine, “To find more about our family.”

I tap my finger on the table, “And how exactly did that go?”

Hayley sighs, “Not well.”

I nod and lean back, “Obviously.”

Hayley rolls her eyes, “I was desperate, sue me.”

I feel my eye twitch, “I’m sure Elijah has plenty of lawyers for that.”

“They’re indisposed at the moment,” Elijah mutters as he looks like he’d rather be literally anywhere else. 

“So, why exactly did you protect her? You’re not exactly kind.”

I narrow my eyes in suspicion at Klaus, who leans back, looking insulted for a moment before smirking. 

“She has information I need on Katherine, who, if you don’t remember, is the sole owner of the only thing on this earth that could turn me mortal.”

“And because I’m her family,” Hayley replies, exhausted, and Klaus shrugs. 

“Oh…ya…sure that too.”

Elijah rubs his temple at his brother’s words. 

“Brother, please. And Ms. Marshall,” He turns his attention towards Hayley, “What can you tell us about finding Katerina?”

Hayley thinks for a moment, “I don’t know where she is, like I said…But I think I can get in touch with some of her contacts.”

Klaus claps his hands together, “Splendid! Now that this has been figured out, I have things to do that don’t concern family reunions and grumpy brothers.”

—

“Is he always so…stoic?”

I nod slowly, “Around most people, ya.”

Hayley smirks, “I’m guessing you’re not most people, though?”

I lean back in my chair in the living room, where Hayley and I relocated to have a “family” chat whilst Elijah and Klaus go off and handle whatever world domination plans they currently have. 

“Not really, no.”

Hayley eyes me for a moment before laughing, “Two Original vampires for soulmates. That must fucking suck…no pun intended.”

“Well, it hasn’t been a picnic; they’ve started to grow on me, though, kinda like how a bacterial infection does.”

Hayley snorts and makes a disgusted face, “Ew. When I first heard about the poor human girl who was mated to the two baddest vampires in history, all I could think of was how fucking unlucky she is…who would’ve known she would’ve been my cousin,” She smirks, and I narrow my eyes at her. 

“Cousin?”

Hayley nods and leans forward on her elbows, “I’ve thought about it, and it seems like the right thing. I mean, we aren’t twins, and I don’t think we’re half-sisters because the resemblance isn’t that similar, but given the fact that some things are, I’ve decided on the fact that we’re cousins, close ones at that.”

I lean back in my chair, “You’ve given this a bit of thought, clearly?”

A look of embarrassment hits her face, “Ya, maybe. Sue me for finding my first family member, ever, and wanting to know how we’re connected. I never had siblings like you, I’ve never had that familial connection, so I guess I just want this,” She gestures between us, “To be true.”

In that moment, I don’t see the backstabbing bitch werewolf that Tyler brought to town, but an orphan girl who has never felt the feeling of home, and call me a sucker, but I start to feel a bit bad. 

“I think it is,” Thinking back to the weird feeling I get whenever we’re together. 

“I feel it too,” Hayley says as if she can read my mind, or just my expressive ass face. 

“I can’t promise I’m someone you’ll be happy to know. Just a warning, my only other living family member won’t talk to me, and I literally killed my father and mother, so… not the best track record when it comes to family.”

Hayley bites her lips in thought for a moment, and I get uncomfortable that maybe I really did scare her off. That is, until she stands and sits down next to me with a small smile. 

“Tyler gave me the SparkNotes about how you broke your curse,” Her demeanor reminds me of an older sister as she places a timid hand on my shoulder, “It wasn’t your fault, Y/n. Especially what happened to your mother. I may not know much about mothers since the last one I had kicked me out when I shifted into a wolf in her living room,” She laughs, but I can see it’s to cover her pain, “But any real mother would never blame you for what happened, and I’m sure your mother doesn’t either.”

A flash of my mother’s green dark eyes fills my vision, and I feel my eyes fill with tears, “She wasn’t exactly the most understanding mother.”

Hayley snorts, “I think that's how mothers usually are.”

I huff a laugh and give her a small smile, which she returns.

“And I’m sure Theodore will talk to you soon, you guys are all you have.”

I shake my head, “He seems to have plenty of people now. He doesn’t need me.”

Hayley rolls her eyes, “He’s clearly mourning, give him some time. Or I can help you break his door down, and we can go from there,” She shrugs nonchalantly and downs the rest of her drink. 

“Ya, you two are going to stress me out when you finally meet.”

Hayley’s smile widens at my comment, and I notice a small blush hit her cheeks. 

“I’m glad I found you.”

I give her a look, “Don’t speak too soon.”

“Sorry to break up this adorable family reunion, but I have news.”

Hayley and I both groan, annoyed as Klaus enters the room.

“What now?”

Klaus smirks, “I got a call from my sister, and she has informed me that Katherine’s little groupie is dead, so you’re in the clear,” He smirks at Hayley, who looks physically relieved.

“Ok,” Hayley nods, “What now?”

—

“Wait, so you let her become a cheerleader for the day, she then fed on another cheerleader, the sire bond is now broken, and Damon and Elena are gone after Elena tried killing Caroline?”

Stefan sighs over the other line, “Ya, I’m pretty sure that’s everything. Wait, Hayley? As in Tyler’s Hayley?”

I snort as I look up at the fading sky from my position in a lounge chair outside near the Mikaelsons’ pool, since, of course, they have an Olympic-size swimming pool. 

“Technically, she’s my Hayley now since we’re related, but ya Hayley’s back and is staying here whilst she helps us find Katherine to get the cure.”

“And how are you feeling about that?”

“I’m not mad about it anymore. But, it’s weird, I guess. It kind of seems like the Mikaelson house has just turned into a shelter for orphans.”

Stefan chuckles, “I definitely couldn’t imagine family dinners over there, or even like a snack. But I’m glad that Klaus isn’t being totally horrible, it’s almost kind of nice of him to let everyone stay.”

“Did you just say Klaus and Nice in the same sentence?”

Stefan laughs, and it makes me smile…slightly, “Ya, I know, hell must’ve frozen over.”

Stefan and I sit in silence.

“I missed this…us. I missed talking to you,” Stefan says, and I instantly tense up. 

“Listen Stefan, I’ve got to go-”

“Y/n, please just wait!”

I unfortunately do. Due to the lack of hanging up, Stefan continues. 

“I’m just sorry, okay? What I did when I was…not myself was unforgivable. But, I do want you to know I’m sorry. Your friendship was one of the highlights of my immortality, and I regret ruining that.” 

I clench my hand around my phone, “I trusted you, Stefan.”

Stefan sighs, “I know. Many people did.”

Once again the line is filled with silence. It stays like that as I watch the fading sun, the soft sound of crickets fill the air and I close my eyes just taking in the moment. 

“Y/n?”

I don’t open my eyes as I respond.

“Hm?”

“I’ll call you tomorrow?”

He asks the question as if he’s waiting for a negative answer.

“Uh, ya…we’ll talk later, Stefan.”

“Ok, good. Goodnight, Y/n.”

I hang up without saying goodbye.

—

“Rebekah’s going to be gone for a day or two, I heard,” I say to Theo’s door. 

“She told me she told you so I don’t know why I’m telling you but…”

I run an exhausted hand down my face, “I don’t know what I’m doing in general, Theo. I’m so confused. I wish I had you to talk to…y’know face to face. But I know you’re grieving.”

A flash of movement catches my attention and I look up from the floor to see Elijah standing at the end of the hall with his phone in his hand. 

“I’ve got to go Theo, but I’ll be around if you need me,” I stand up and wait a moment. I’m not sure for what…maybe a noise, a response, any sign of life. Nothing comes.

“I love you, Theodore.”

I sigh as I walk over to Elijah who has his normal “somethings wrong” face.

“What now?”

Elijah gestures for me to follow him and I tense up as I do.

“Somethings happened with your friends.”

—

I sit with my head in my hands as Elijah tells me he just heard from Klaus who I guess is trying to help Caroline and Stefan bury a bunch of dead witches. Twelve to be exact which means that Silas has his final sacrifice he needs to take over the world or whatever. Fanfuckingtastic.

“I also got an interesting message from a certain doppelganger,” He pauses in the hallway and turns back to me with a hushed voice.

“Elena?”

Elijah shakes his head. 

Oh.

That fucking doppelganger. 

“Why the hell is Katherine texting you?”

Elijah pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs, “How would you feel about a trip to New York?”

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@abeeigrl @faith-alons26

Elijah and Hayley immediately go into panic mode. "Absolutely not, you're sixteen. You're way too young to have a kid or even think about it, " your dad says sternly.

"What? Why?! They're so cute." You attempt to plead with them. Kol bursts out laughing, no longer able to hold it in. And of course what he says doesn't help matters in the slightest. "Yeah, why can't the baby werewitch have a kid. It would be spectacular entertainment." You grumble at the nickname he insists calling you before turning back with pleading puppy eyes to your parents.

Hayley bites her lip at the cute face youre making. Though it doesn't last long until Elijah notices and cuts that out right away. "Hayley, you are aware she is sixteen. Much to young to have a kid. There is no exception to you bearing a kid, Y/n. Not until you're at least thirty." He says, making Rebekah scoff.

"Thirty? Oh, brother, you're clearly living in another world. I mean, look what happened when you banned me from men in the past millenia." She crosses her legs and leans back further into the couch. Her seated position showed off her expensive heels.

Your eyebrows scrunch together. "What does men have to do with any of this?" You ask confused and a little disgusted. You're not exactly a fan of the male species. Even if your Aunt Rebekah says all in a matter of them ever since you were old enough to project your distaste of that gender as a whole.

"What do men have to do with this?" Klaus raises a brow, repeating your question. "Brother, little wolf, surely you have given her the knowledge of at least what it takes to create a child," klaus says, a grin appearing on his face.

"Why would they have knowledge about it?" You look between your uncle and parents. "Did you have a farm or something?" You ask.

"What does a farm have to do with this?" Your mother ask. Everyone is confused as of now, not just concerned. "Cause that's where kids come from? I thought you'd at least know, you're the smart one." You turn to your dad.

Kol snorts out yet another laugh, but downcasts his eyes when Elijah's gaze befalls him. "Are we talking of the same thing? You say kid, but you are implying it comes from a farm. And your mother has had the...discussion with you" Elijah looks to Hayley, who nods in answer.

"What does that gross conversation have to do with me getting a baby goat?" You ask, disgusted with what they and apparently everyone else is implying.

"A...A baby goat? That's what you meant" Rebekah is the one to break the silence. You look over to your aunt and nod your head enthusiastically. "Yeah, they're so tiny and cute and I want one really bad."

"Oh, thank god." Your mom almost weeps in relief, your dad not far behind her. "What did you think I meant?!" You ask bewildered.

"That's you wanted a real kid. A human baby." Elijah says with a scowl. "Ew, gross. Never. Babies and men are disgusting." You show your detest for this topic in your facial expression.

"Why would I ever want a human baby?! I'm not even an adult." Your face continues to twist in disgust. "Just the way you phrased it and neglected to mention you meant a goat in the beginning, baby werewitch." Klaus says, standing and wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

"Now, why dont we go find you a baby goat while your mother and father unthaw from their frozen relief stance, hm?" He says with a smirk.

"Yes!" You exclaim. Before Elijah or Hayley, or anyone else could say anything, your uncle vamped you both away in search of baby goats.

And let's just say your parents were less than pleased when you came back with a three pound tiny baby goat that likes to make a lot of sound. The upside though is the baby goat tends to keep you from getting yourself into trouble in the quarter. Of course unless Kol is the culprit- no matter how much they yell at him.

The baby goat in question:

Such a cutie pie!

...

By the time you reached Kai, you'd been walking for over an hour.

Outside the cellar entrance, beside the rusted iron gate, empty beer cans half-buried beneath damp leaves. Some were crushed. Others seemed cut open, strange orange crescents of rust forming on the inner smooth part of the tin.

Figures, you thought.

It was well known that the druggies who used to hang around here had always treated the place like a dumping ground. It only stopped a little after all the 'animal-attacks' started.

But looking at all the mess only worsened your already sour mood.

You knew how much this kind of thoughtlessness hurt the people who truly cared.

You grew up at the Council Historical Restoration Society's luncheons, where your aunts, draped in matching pearl necklaces and pastel sinamay hats, spent entire afternoons trying to preserve some part of the charm they were convinced Mystic Falls was slowly losing. Over chicken salad and sweet tea, they worried about the cemetery, the church, property values, what visitors must think when they drove through town. You remember how diligently they organised clean-ups, fundraisers, restoration projects. How personally they took it when a headstone had been knocked over, when litter appeared along the roadside.

You understood why.

They loved this place. They wanted it cared for. They wanted it to keep its traditions. Treat it with the same respect they did.

Your mind went immediately to Jeremy Gilbert. To that once sixteen-year-old boy leaning against the back wall of the high school car park in a faded My Chemical Romance hoodie, cigarette hanging from his lips while Vicki Donovan laughed beside him. Handing out pills and packets and cartons of something.

God. You hated that you still thought of him in that way. That you hadn't really moved on.

He'd been clean for years now. Elena had told you as much.

You'd seen it for yourself. He was a completely different person now at twenty-two.

And yet the second you saw the bottles, your mind had reached for him before anyone else. It wasn't fair. It wasn't even logical. It was just...you didn't know.

Childish, was the first word that came to mind. Childish and embarrassingly petty. As though some part of you had refused to let Jeremy grow up, even when he had.

You pushed open the metal gate and started down the concrete steps. Poorly graffitied penises covered the walls, layered over old initials and faded spray paint. You barely looked at them.

You'd always thought you were more discerning than that. Better at seeing people for who they were instead of who they'd been. Apparently not, you sighed as you dipped your head and made way deeper into the cellar.

...

Inside, a single camping lantern threw pale amber light over the dirt floor without doing a thing to warm the air.

Kai had redecorated in his own frantic way. A sturdy oak table had appeared in the middle of the cellar, dragged in from somewhere, along with a handful of mismatched chairs. The tabletop was buried beneath maps. Your nice marker pens (the ones you'd bought last week and assumed you'd misplaced) sat neatly gathered in a glass you recognised.

When you stepped off the bottom stone stairs, he was sitting on an overturned crate, shuffling a greasy deck of cards. A picture of Saint Peter stuck to centre of his make-shift coffee table.

He glanced up once.

"You look disappointed."

"In what?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "The world. Yourself. Pick one. I don't really care."

"Liar." You smirked as you sat down in front of him. "I know that it's actually killing you not knowing what, and who, has most recently pissed me off."

He looked up smiling. "I love gossip. The floor is all yours." He said with an earnestness that was genuinely jarring.

He placed three cards in front of you, face up. Adding another one to the top as you made yourself comfortable. He looked very pleased with himself. Though there was a shyness to it. Like he didn't want you to know you had done something to please him. It was strange.

Though it was always strange watching him smile these days, watching him respond almost...positively to affirmation, conversation, all the many forms human engagement came in.

Before the merge, his smirk had been effortless, mostly because there was nothing underneath it to anchor it down. It was all teeth, entertainment, and a hollow sort of cruelty that meant nothing cost him anything. Any normal person would feel uncomfortable. But now, there were these pauses. Tiny, jagged hesitations when some kind of soft emotion gripped him, before he had even had the chance to deny it from himself.

Having absorbed Luke, Kai was stuck carrying a dead boy’s capacity for empathy. The magic had come with emotions that clearly didn't know where to live in a mind like Kai's; they wandered through him like strangers in an empty house, opening doors that should have stayed locked. You saw it in the way he sometimes stared at you too long, trying to figure out what he was feeling. In how he apologized halfway through a sentence, looking thoroughly irritated with himself a second later.

Sometimes he laughed at something you said—like, really laughed—and looked surprised that he'd meant it.

"So is this why you look terrible," he said, clearing the table of cards and then redealing. You got three sixes, all in different suits. Kai looked up at you confused, as if you had been the ones who placed the cards down.

"I appreciate the honesty."

"I wasn't trying to be honest. I was trying to insult you."

You let out an exaggerated sigh. "Well, hate to break it to you, Kai, but you've lost your touch. 'You look terrible' doesn't exactly have the bite your earlier work did. You just sound like a mean eight-year-old. "

"I know," he muttered, sounding almost disappointed with himself as he let the cards fall into a crooked pile.

You let yourself sit beside him on the edge of the table; not close enough to touch, but close enough to notice the faint scatter of freckles disappearing beneath the collar of his Henley, the fresh scab on his upper arm, the small tear fraying at the neckline. You caught yourself wondering whether he'd let you take him shopping for a new one, then quickly pushed the thought aside, unwilling to examine this unfamiliar tenderness growing inside you, this quiet desire to care for him. 

Neither of you spoke for a while. Outside, the sky finally broke, and rain began to tap a dull, rhythmic pattern against the small, high cellar windows. Not completely unexpected for a Virginia autumn.

"I had a fight," you finally admitted, the words tasting sour. Childish.

"I know." “You know?" You sounded more incredulous than you were.

"Yeah." He turned to you, smiling. "I watched Elena leave your house crying. It wasn't hard to put together."

You reached out, your fingernail picking uselessly at the peeling label of an empty beer bottle left on the table. "Yeah, well. It was her own fault. She shouldn’t have gotten in the middle of it.” “Middle of what exactly?”

“Caroline and her big mouth."

"What happened?"

"She went about on her little tirade. Convinced that she just had to tell me how to live my life, and what she would do if she were me, and why I was in the wrong for being pissed at Stefan and-."

Kai cut you off smoothly, leaning in a little closer than he usually would.

"You know, this isn't exactly unusual for her. This is Caroline we are talking about."

"I know." You snapped.

"So why are you blowing a casket over a rerun?"

"'Cause this time Elena was practically falling over herself to agree with her."

"She would." There was the faintest softness to his voice. "Miss Gilbert's got this weird compulsive need to make herself everybody's collateral damage."

"Okay, but she can be somebody's collateral damage when the person she's defending is actually in the right. I'm a grown adult. I have every right not to want anything to do with either Salvatore. Especially after what happened to Bonnie because of them—"

"Neither of those two are going to see it from your side long enough to start behaving rationally." He gave you an amused look. "Considering they're both sleeping with the enemy."

"Hush." You pressed your palm against his cheek and pushed his face away. "I'm being serious, and you're making jokes."

He caught your wrist before you could pull back and drew your hand into his lap instead, his thumb settling absently against the inside of your wrist.

"You know I'm right." You said plainly.

He looked up and sighed. "I know." He said. Almost tired sounding.

"They don't want to admit it's only going to get worse from here. We're not teenagers anymore. We can't keep blaming the big, bad vampires every time someone gets hurt just because we're afraid of what it might mean if we don't. We're complicit. Ever since Klaus cleared out, every bad thing we've done has been because we thought it'd be easier.

"And I told them what would happen if Bonnie tried to cross into the Other Side. I told them what those other witches would do—how they wouldn't forgive her, how they'd come after her—and..." You sighed. "They thought that because it was for the greater good, it'd be okay."

You swallowed.

"God, I don't know what I was expecting. I guess I just wanted someone to stand beside me this time. Pick my side. Just once. Without worrying about keeping the peace with their boyfriend."

Kai looked down at your hand in his. His thumb traced the curve of one of your nail extensions before drifting over your fingers. He turned your hand over gently, laying it against his own.

You watched him compare them. His hands were long-fingered, roughened from weeks in the woods, his thumbnail still missing from some forgotten fight he refused to explain.

"I would've," he said.

You frowned.

"Chosen you, I mean." He rubbed his thumb absently across the back of your hand. "Picked your side." His voice dipped lower. "Even if you were in the wrong."

He didn't look at you after he said it, as though meeting your eyes would somehow make him take it back.

But he didn't.

The words stayed where he'd left them.

Your throat tightened.

"You're just saying that." Your words were quiet.

"You know I'm not."

You tried to pull your hand back into your own lap, but he wouldn't let you.

"They won't come around. But don't take it to heart."

You sighed, tapping at the Saint picture in the middle of the table.

"Girl, were you practicing voodoo in here?"

He smiled sheepishly, and redealt the cards.

.....

Half an hour turned into an hour. And you found yourself still in the cellar. Laughing at something stupid Kai had said.

"God." You rubbed your hands over your thighs, trying to coax some warmth back into them. 

"You know..." Your voice took on that familiar, theatrical lilt; the one that always crept in before you admitted something you probably should've kept to yourself. "I'd really like to get high right about now."

Kai blinked. "Like, seriously?"

You shrugged.

"Huh." He frowned, considering it. "I've never actually done drugs."

You turned to stare at him. "What?"

"Nothing. Not even in high school."

"But Kai, you've literally committed multiple felonies."

"So?"

"The FBI has your face on a poster?"

"Those weren't recreational felonies." He sounded mildly offended by the comparison. "Completely different category."

You laughed. "I keep forgetting how much you love your little distinctions."

"I'm just saying, I was an excellent student in high school." He lifted a finger, as though presenting evidence. "Homework handed in on time. Extra credit always done. You're looking at a reformed teacher's pet, you know."

You snorted. "There's no way. I want to see a report card."

"Get Bonnie to conjure it up for you."

"I'm serious." You playfully pushed his knee with yours. 

"I know."

He leaned back against the log, studying you with an expression that made you suddenly aware of yourself. "My turn." He tilted his head. "I collected enough information about you this week that I start a very concerning scrapbook. I left it in your kitchen."

“I didn’t see it.” 

“Typical.” He put on a mock voice of hurt.  “It confirmed the suspicions I had about you though. All my evidence in one place like that.”

“And?" You were trying not to laugh. 

"And I've concluded you peaked at seventeen. And that I also find scrapbooking to be quite fun."

"Excuse me?"

"Relax." A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. "I was careful with your glittery pens."

"Kai."

"I’m kidding! But you were just...like, absurdly popular. Like, scary popular. Honestly, talking to people about you felt like I was interviewing former cult members." He gestured vaguely with his hands.

"Everyone was completely fascinated by you." He gestured vaguely with one hand. "What you're doing, what you're wearing, where you've been. Apparently you're always travelling now—which, by the way... how do they even know that?"

“Did you include that in your scrapbook?”

“Yep. On page 15.” He smiled. “Anyways, apparently you’ve always been the kind of girl who walked through the halls expecting people to move out of your way, which was nice to see. I have to admit I was a little afraid you picked that up from me.”

"Firstly, I most certainly did not."

"You did too."

"I absolutely didn't."

"You still do."

You opened your mouth to fire back, then closed it again.

A slow, satisfied smile crept onto his face. "Like when we go out to eat—you’ve got this whole 'don't bother me, pleb' vibe going on when guys or randos come up to you” He shrugged. “I dig it. It's very hot."

"You're spouting nonsense."

"It's only nonsense if there are no facts to back it up," Kai said smoothly. "And I found your yearbook, so checkmate." He leaned back against the table, resting his chin in his hand. "Cheer captain. Track team. Debate champion. Plus a bunch of scary-looking AP classes. Admit it—you were an evil dictator. Maybe you still are…."

You rolled your eyes. "What I was, Kai, was a busy girl concerned about her future."

Closing the distance between you, you leaned in until your breath brushed warm against the sensitive skin of his neck. His posture locked instantly. The cocky smirk faltered on his lips, his pulse visibly jumping under his collar as his breath caught in his throat.

"Is that what makes me evil?" you asked, dropping your voice into a sultry, dangerous whisper. "My love of education?"

Kai swallowed hard, his dark eyes darkening further as his gaze dropped to your lips before snapping back to yours. The casual, teasing air evaporated, leaving something far more charged in its place.

"More like your terrifying desire to win," he murmured, his voice a gravelly beat lower than before.

"Tomato, tomatoe."

"You were worshipped." 

"I think that's a stretch," you said, leaning back. Rolling your eyes.

"Is it?" He looked at you for a long moment, the pale amber light of the lantern catching the sharp angles of his cheekbones. "Mystic Falls isn't exactly subtle. I’ve noticed that it likes to sort people into neat little boxes so that the old money knows who to smile at at the Founders' Day parade. No one here has moved on from anything ever." 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked, leaning back against the cold stone, your voice dropping into that quiet, defensive space.

"It means you spent four years at the absolute top of the food chain." His gaze drifted toward the rain beginning to pool by the cellar steps. "Explains a lot."

"Like what?"

"Like why every conversation somehow ends up being about you, Elena, or Caroline." He shrugged. "You'd think there were thirty people living in this town instead of a few thousand."

You frowned.

"But I guess nobody ever actually leaves high school here, do they? You all just get older, and pretend the hierarchy reset at graduation.” He smiled to himself.

You opened your mouth to push back, but Kai cut you off before you could start.

"Caroline still measures herself against Elena," he said smoothly. "But she measures Elena against you."

"What?"

"Like I said, I notice things." Kai shrugged, a faint, private smile tugging at his mouth. "Kind of unavoidable when you're always the one standing outside looking in."

He glanced at you. "Caroline watches you."

"Not all the time. Just enough." He rubbed his thumb absently against his palm. "If you compliment her, she'll think about it for the rest of the day. If you disagree with her..." He gave a small shrug. "She starts explaining herself before you've even said she's wrong."

"That's not—"

"It is."

He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. His voice clinical. 

"And then she gets mad."

You blinked.

"Not at you." His mouth twitched. "At herself. Because for a second she cared what you thought."

"I think…that's what bothers her most." His gaze drifted toward the rain-dark windows. "She wants to be you just long enough to prove she never wanted to be you in the first place."

He looked back at you. "It’s not that she dislikes you. Girls are weird. She actually loves you. That much I am certain. You’re her best friend. Better than Bonnie, or even Elena, sometimes. But…” He looked almost amused. "Every time she starts feeling good about herself..." 

He shrugged. "...you walk into the room.”

You stared at him, the damp cellar air suddenly feeling much colder against your skin. "She doesn't do that."

"She does." His voice was soft, devoid of his usual mockery—just stark, cold truth. "She laughs a little louder when you laugh. If you tell her a shirt looks ridiculous, she’ll never wear it again. And every time you give her an ounce of genuine approval, she carries it around like a trophy for the rest of the week."

He leaned in, his forearms resting on his knees, closing the distance between you until you could see the dark specks in his irises.

"I don't think she even knows she's doing it," Kai murmured. "It’s muscle memory for her. She can become a vampire, she could go on to organize every charity gala in Virginia, she could act like she runs the world... but the second you walk into the room, she's back to being fifteen years old, desperately waiting to see if the prettiest girl in school thinks she's worthy of sitting at the same table."

Silence settled heavy between you, thick with the smell of wet earth and ancient pine outside.

"That's just Caroline," you said quietly, looking down at your hands, at the manicured nails picking at the edge of your sleeve. "She overthinks everything." 

A low laugh escaped him as he caught the flicker of recognition across your face.

"No." Kai's gaze met yours, sharp and unwavering. His eyes flicked—just once—to your mouth before returning to your own, almost as if he'd caught himself.

The room seemed to shrink.

He leaned forward a fraction, close enough that you could hear the slow pull of his breath. His voice dropped. "I bet you know it too. That's why you get so irritated when she fixates on the little things. You know she's just acting out." He tilted his head. "A sad, exhausted attempt to claw back some control over how you make her feel. How you make them all feel. It must be overwhelming, having to constantly be conscious of how your existence makes others feel small. How you've got to manage yourself, lest someone get upset or something.”

“I mean what else could have you running to a formerly homicidal murderer for comfort—"

“Kai Parker. Are you trying to empathise with me? Because, right now, you sound kinda like a dick–”

He looked away embarrassed. “I’m not wrong.”

“It’s not about being right or wrong Kai.” You felt something warm in your chest. “Your attempts at camaraderie are clumsy at best, and mildly manipulative at worst. But I think I understand what you’re saying.”

“You don’t.” He replied curtly. To any other person the complete change in mood would give them whiplash, but you understood. You’d embarrassed him.

You sighed. Pressing the heels of your hands into your eyes until little bursts of colour bloomed behind your eyelids. For a moment, that headache you felt on the horizon of your mind dissipated. 

When you lowered your hands, Kai was already looking at you.

"I don't think drugs work the way television says they do," he offered carefully. "They don't turn off your brain. They just make the noise louder in a different key."

You hummed, pleased he was willing to move on.

"They won't fix your friends."

"I know."

"They definitely won't fix me."

You looked up, confused. "I wasn't trying to fix you."

"You should probably start," he muttered, though there was no real bite to it. "We could all use the help."

"You need more than just my help Kai." You leaned your head back against the cold stone wall. “You know what strange....they all think you’re so dangerous. Just a real hazard.”

"I generally am."

"And yet,” you said, turning your head to look at him, "lately, you’re the only person I find I can sit with and not slowly lose my mind next too.”

Kai stared at you. For a second, he looked completely blank, as if you were speaking a dead dialect he hadn't learned yet.

"I don’t think you shouldn't say things like that," he said slowly.

"Why?"

"Because..." He frowned, his jaw tightening as he searched for the words, visibly frustrated by his own sudden lack of vocabulary. "...because I don't know what I'm supposed to do after."

"You don't have to do anything." You said softly.

"But I feel like I should. Isn't that what people do? When someone says something nice, you're supposed to... trade? Like you’ve come here to unburden yourself, and then I’ve got to like, confess something too so that we are equally emotionally exposed?" 

His honesty was almost painful to watch. 

For a moment your mind flashed to the Kai you could almost remember Kai from before the merge, when he’d hidden behind levity because nothing could touch him. When he wouldn't ever let you see his confusion over such things. Now, raw and unbuffered, he had no armor left to wear. For some reason, it made you ache. You wanted to kiss him.

A few moments passed in silence. 

"I think," he said, the words coming out measured and deliberate, "I like you."

You looked at him, taking in the nervous, slight twitch near his eye, the way his hands clamped tight over his knees.

"I know," you said softly.

"No." He shook his head, looking almost annoyed by your answer. "I don't think you do."

"So what am I missing?"

Kai leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, closing the small distance between you until you could feel the slight radiate of heat coming off him in the freezing room.

"You think 'liking someone' means I want to take you to a diner and buy you a milkshake," Kai said, his voice dropping into that quiet, hyper-focused tone he used when he was siphoning. "You think it's sweet. It's not. I don't know how to do sweet. Luke's feelings are in here"—he tapped his chest hard enough to make a dull thud—"but my head is still mine. And my head is a mess."

He held your gaze, refusing to let you look away.

"When I like something, I get obsessed with it," he continued, a faint, sharp edge returning to his voice. "I track it. I want to hoard it. If Stefan Salvatore likes someone, he writes in a diary about how much he respects their boundaries. If I like you, it means if Caroline Forbes ever speaks to you like that again, I'm going to rip her tongue out through her throat and hand it to you in a box. And the bad part is... half of me knows that's wrong now, but the other half still thinks it's a great idea."

He paused, breathing a little faster, searching your face for horror.

"So," Kai said, leaning back just an inch, his shoulders tense. "That's what you're missing. I don't like you like a normal person. I like you like a sick person who just found the only thing that stops the ringing in his ears."

The cellar was dead quiet, save for the steady drum of rain outside and the low hiss of the lantern's flame.

You didn't flinch. You didn't move away.

Slowly, you reached over and picked up the deck of cards from the table, sliding them out of their battered box and squaring the edges against the oak wood.

"Well," you said, keeping your voice steady as you split the deck to shuffle, "at you know what you want."

Kai blinked, taken aback by the lack of panic. "That didn't scare you?"

You looked up, trying not to grin, lest he thought you were making light of his openness. "No, I think it’s hot. And, for what it's worth, I like you too, maybe not like 'I am going to stab the next Salvatore that does me wrong', but...I don't know. I like you too."

“What?”

“Look, Caroline really irritated me today," you said, bridge-shuffling the cards with a crisp snap. "Elena made me feel like a project that failed. You're telling me I'm the only thing keeping you sane." You looked up, meeting his wide, dark eyes. "Right now? I can live with that. Matter-a-fact, I welcome it."

A slow, genuine smile spread across Kai's face—not his old, jagged smirk, but something lighter. Relieved.

"You really are terrible for my character development," he muttered, though he reached out and casually slid his crate closer to the table, his knee bumping against yours.