#captainjowl

And fuck Ian for agreeing to this ... whatever the fuck this is. Double date? Casual get-together? No fucking clue. Definitely not a casual get-together, though. Ian made you wear your good jeans and fuck him for that, too.

You shift in your chair and try not to make it obvious. Ian likes this shit and you love Ian. It's that simple. If he wants to go to a nice restaurant with your shitty neighbours, then you go to a nice restaurant with your shitty neighbours.

But when Jill and Alan - seriously, fuck those guys - start talking about Jill's crazy cousin who spent a month in a nut house because she's a fucking psycho ...

Well, fuck those guys.

You literally feel every moment of your body tensing up. You get tight and your hands curl into fists. You want to hit Alan and yell at Jill, but Ian. Ian won't want you to make a scene. Ian doesn't want everyone to know his shit. Ian can fight his own fucking battles.

Slowly, trying to keep your rage from showing, you pull your hands beneath the table and let them curl into fists.

And Ian - fucking Ian - knows exactly what you're thinking and how you're feeling, and his hand follows, reaches beneath the table, grasps one of yours in his own.

Squeezes.

It's not a calm-the-fuck-down squeeze, or a don't-fuckin'-think-about-it squeeze, or even a let-it-fucking-go squeeze. It's an I-got-you-we're-fine-I-love-you squeeze.

It's reassurance and it's grounding.

You grip his hand right back, thankful that the subject quickly changes to some artsy fucking movie Jill and Alan want to see. Ian asks questions about it, his thumb stroking your knuckles the entire time, and it's good. It helps. Ian helps.

You give his fingers one last touch and go back to your food. Everyone else is almost done because you've been too pissed off to eat the shitty portions of shitty food, but you need to catch up. You need to pretend everything's okay.

Kinda hard when Ian's hand stays beneath the table, when it flattens against your thigh, when his long fingers stroke along the inner seam of your jeans.

You look at him, eyebrows raised, and the smile he gives you in return is totally calm, shows nothing but love, and considering the way he moves his big hand to cover your crotch as he does it, it's a fucking contrast.

You turn back to your food, hands gripping your utensils a little too tight, and, for once in this stupid double date bullshit, try to pay attention to the conversation. You listen to the words and take in the subject matter, nodding along at appropriate times, because if you don't you'll focus solely on the way Ian's hand slowly massages at your hardening dick and that would just be - be ...

"Shit," you mutter.

Everyone stops talking and looks at you - Jill with mild disgust, Alan in confusion, and Ian in concern - even as his hand keeps moving behind the tablecloth.

"Everything okay, Mick?"

You swallow and nod. "Yeah, just thought I forgot to do something."

Conversation continues and Ian doesn't stop. He doesn't stop and he doesn't stop, and he continues to just not stop until you grab his wrist and force him to because you're close to coming in your pants like when you were teenagers and would rub up against each other because that's all you had time for. Only then does Ian stop. He lets you breathe. He waits until you've had a sip of your beer and then moves in again.

You glare at him. He ignores you. He moves his hand up and down your hard cock, using his nail to trace the tip through the denim of your jeans, and it's good, it's so fucking good that whatever the fuck yoga bullshit Jill's talking about doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. Because Ian's rubbing you through your jeans and it just doesn't matter.

But then you stop him again. You have to. Fuck. You're literally panting at the table - quietly, but panting nonetheless. And they just keep talking. Even Ian, his voice calm and smooth, and that - the contrast of everything he's doing above the table and the filthy shit he's doing to you below the table is too much and not enough.

He moves back again and you look at him, face slack, eyes wide, because he can't be, he can't -

Fuck.

You still have to get through dessert.

He meets your gaze, and even though his smile is still soft and warm, his eyes ...

You know that look. Jill and Alan won't have a fucking clue, but you recognise the heat and want and command in them.

He is. He's going to keep going. He's going to take you to the brink again and again, right at the table, knowing the risks, knowing you could possibly make a fucking fool of yourself at the shitty dinner table at the shitty restaurant in front of your shitty neighbours, but also knowing that it won't happen because he won't let it. He won't let you come until he's good and ready and you - shit - you won't come until he lets you.

You pick up your beer with shaking hands and down it in one.

After I finished school I decided - fuck it, I’m learning German and moving to Germany. And then I did it x) Now I live in Hamburg with two lovely roommates and I’m very happy about it. Last year I finally got my degree in history, which was fun but probably not very smart cause I have no idea what I’m gonna do with it. But now I can talk to people about medieval astronomy, so that's pretty cool imo. What else… I’m very passionate about reading and nature. I try to avoid drama and conflict as much as I can in my life. I like to think of myself as a friendly and open-minded person. Let’s stop here :)

GT: Wow, that was very brave of you to make such a big move! I'm glad it paid off! Was it weird seeing "your name" on a TV show? I expect it's not something you're used to.

J: Thank you! ^^ And yes, haha, it's not a rare name in Russia, but I didn't expect to hear it in Shameless x) I remember laughing at Mickey saying "The fuck kind of name is that?" after Svetlana says it for the first time. Fucking rude! :D

GT: So rude! Lol

What did you think of having a Russian character on the show? Usually when we see Russians is as villains because of the Cold War reference. 

J: True x) I'm kind of used to this, Russians are always the villains everywhere, muahaha. Or sex workers :D Overall, I'm not too mad at the representation in Shameless, considering the stereotypes. The Russian was mostly not bad, sometimes even hilarious if you know what they're saying :D It's definitely not the worst I've seen on screen. Putin's Paradise was a reach though, oh my god, no one in their right mind would want to call a bar that way! x) That was very bad.

GT: Well, considering it's Shameless, the bar isn't too high.

Tell me about your experience with fandom. Do you remember how you first discovered fanfiction?

J: Oh, it was a long time ago. I think I was nine and it was some extreme dubcon in HP fandom I've stumbled upon, it wasn't a great introduction I'm afraid. But it gave me an impression of what fanfiction is and that it's your responsibility to pay attention to what you're consuming.

Sorry, it went dark pretty quickly x) Honestly, my experience with fandoms later on was very positive.

GT: Oh, no!! That wasn't good at all! At least you learned something from it.

What about writing, when did you first start?

J: I was writing a bit in 2008-2009, when I was around 12-13. It was still in Russian and for a fandom I'm not longer a part of, but the fics are still out there x)

There was a looong pause after that when I didn't feel the craving for creative writing, probably cause I was doing enough academic writing. I started writing again in 2018 for this fandom, for the first time in English.

GT: How do you find writing in English in comparison to writing in Russian?

J: Both harder and easier. Harder for obvious reasons - English is not my mother language and even though I'm pretty fluent - it slows me down, of course. In Russian I wouldn't need a beta :) Easier, because ...it's hard to explain, I'm sure multilingual people will understand it, but sometimes writing in your own language feels too... raw? Like, you can take more liberties with English or be more vague. I know it's a weird answer, I'm sure someone could explain it better than me. But I prefer writing fanfiction in English, especially for a show such as Shameless that is so American, any other language seems wrong :)

GT: I know what you mean, it sounds almost out of character, right? At least to me when I'm writing, the scenes are happening in my mind already in English, because that's the language I watch the show in. Also, smut in my mother tongue? No, thanks. I'm not sure why it flows better in English, but it just does.

J: Exactlly, especially the smut, brrr.

GT: Do you still read in Russian though, or really only in English?

J: I don't really read fanfiction in Russian at the moment, unless someone asks me to look at their stuff. I have no idea what's going on in the Russian part of the fandom and I'm not really interested.

GT: How did you discover Shameless?

J: I was looking at different fan videos on youtube and got recommended a Shameless edit. I really liked the badass-ness of it all, just up my alley, I thought :D I went looking up other edits and stumbled upon these two long Gallavich story compilation videos.... I never knew I'll be a different person when I was clicking play.... Three hours later my life was changed and I was officially lost :D

GT: Was that in 2018? So season... 8?

J: I didn't start writing right away, I joined the fandom in 2017, but it was right after S7 ended, yeah. Hard times....

GT: That doesn't sound fun at all, I'm glad you stuck around.

What did you think of the latest seasons?

J: Oh boy. Well, it's obviously a caricature of the show it once was, but I'm so glad we got to see the development of Ian and Mickey's story, I wouldn't know peace if we hadn't :')

GT: Did you like their ending?

J: I... I think I didn't care for the ending of Shameless as a show. The only thing I cared about was that the last we see of Ian and Mickey would be positive. And it was and their open ending made me very happy. The writing was pathetic, but as someone from the fandom said, now I can write fanfiction with less aggression in my chest.

GT: Very well put.

How do you imagine their future?

J: It can go many different ways, but I'm sure they'll stay together ^^

They definitely will be getting into a lot of shenanigans and their future won't be that calm and domestic (as many people like to think :P), but I believe that they will get their happily ever after.

I'm a bit obsessed with the idea of them shaping their life together, sharing the same space. But how exactly will it go down - too many possibilities :)

GT: And that's what fanfiction is for.

J: Exactly!!

GT: So you started watching right after season 7, which you said yourself was not a good moment... Do you have a favorite season?

J: I can't say for sure. I enjoyed their S2 storyline, the development of it all, the discovery. S4 and S5 are very important, since it's the first time we get Mickey's POV and there's such a wonderful dynamic shift...

GT: True, Mickey isn't featured a lot in the first seasons, so S4 is when we start to see more of him and not only through Ian.

What are your favorite episodes?

J: 2x02, there's something about the dugouts <3 4x08, their whole storyline is golden there. 4x11, we all know why :) 7x10, god, that was so powerful! 10x03, just for the moment with the phone, it just makes me feel so much <3 Loved the wedding episode. I also liked 11x10 a lot!

My all time favorite is probably 4x08.

GT: Together 💞

J: Yes 😍

GT: If you could go back and change one thing about them in canon, what would it be?

J: 3x666. As much as 5x12 broke us all, whatever happened in 3x6 was absolutely tragic. Objectively, that conflict was crucial for their story and made the stakes so high, but it was plainly awful.

Ian not turning away from Mickey being chased after in 5x12 is a close runner-up :)

GT: It's incredible there was a fandom left after those two moments.

Let's circle back to fanfiction. Do you remember what was the first Gallavich fic you wrote? What made you want to write it?

J: Oh yes, it was Fiona's POV on Ian and Mickey doing just fine on their own :D [Awakening (Fiona Knows Best)] I guess I was a bit pissed at Fiona back then and her hypocrisy towards their relationship. The scene where she tells Ian that Mickey is bad for him is so funny to me, cause she's the last person who should be giving advice on that topic.

Also, I wanted to see them in their own space, so I put them into their own apartment. I already feel that I'm gonna go batshit about their new apartment after I finish my current project :D

GT: That really was rich coming from Fiona.

Speaking of, have you included any other characters in your fics?

J: I like to sprinkle in some background-noise characters. I like to concentrate on Ian and Mickey, but they both canonically have big families and many people around them, it would be unrealistic to put them in a no-other-people bubble.

GT: What about OCs, do you use them too?

J: Well, yeah, but they're rarely important. The only exclusion is one OC in my latest fic, cause I wanted to give Mickey a buddy ^^ Being honest, I don't get too attached to my OCs x)

GT: Do you base them on real people or other characters? Or do you just invent them completely?

J: Hm, I usually don't have anyone specific in mind when I create OCs. Unless they should play a bigger role, I treat them as a prop, trying to think - what kind of character would help me move the plot forward?

GT: What kinds of fics do you write the most?

J: Heh, two things: smut and overanalyzing the characters, mostly at the same time :D But honestly, I like to dive deep into the canon and search out pieces of substance that touch me the most, and then put them in a context that allows me to zero in on it. And, considering this particular pairing, this context often happens to be smutty. But not all the time :)

GT: So mostly canon-compliant?

J: I wouldn't say my stuff is necessarily canon compliant, I don't really pay too much attention to being accurate, but it's always canon-based :) I don't feel comfortable going too far from canon.

GT: Do you prefer writing long or short fics?

J: Short fics, definitely. My ideal fic length is 4k-6k. I'm writing a long story and I'm Struggling :D

GT: Is that what you read the most too?

J: Oh no, I don't have any borders in reading, almost any trope is good as long as I like the writing ^^

GT: That’s not really short, to be honest. It just so happens that this fandom has some really long fics.

J: Oh. This is short in my brain, but you're right x)

GT: Do you have any favorite tropes?

J: Hm. I love alternative meeting AUs. Basically strangers to lovers, I love seeing the whole process <3 Soulmates AUs have a special place in my heart. They work so well for this pairing :')

GT: Because they ARE soulmates.

What about things you DON'T like? What are your pet peeves when reading?

J: I have tons of pet peeves! I recently wrote a whole list for an ask, so I will just repeat some of it.

- First of all, the brunet/redhead thing (especially if it's written like brunette!) Or when Mickey becomes "the tiny thug" or something similar. Ex-con. Firecrotch. Yes, sometimes you need to use epithets, but 90%(!) of the time it’s better to just say Ian or Mickey.

- Unrealistic dialogue and just extremely unreasonable reactions of the characters, usually followed by some outlandish conflict.

- Wonky characterization. I try to be open to different interpretations, but there are some things I can’t handle. Especially infantilization of Mickey. I can deal with many things, but as soon as I see Mickey being babied (not only the nickname but babied in general) - I close the tab.

- Overuse of the word baby!! It just takes me right out of the scene. I will die on this hill - the whole “check out this bed baby” moment was more of a “yeah baby!” moment than a pet name. But of course people decided to use it as an excuse to put it in every second scene. It can be okay, but it should fit the characters!

- Lack of paragraphs and many typos.

- When the characters make out right after they wake up. Ew.

- And separately the smut pet peeves: Cheesy OOC sex. OOC name-calling. (If I see a “Sir” or a “good boy” or a couple of other words used unironically – you lost me. I’m closing the tab.) No lube unless there’s a reason for it. Questionable hygiene choices while performing rimming. And my personal pet peeve – screaming each other’s names during an orgasm. You just… don’t do that. It’s a big no from me x)

Other than that, I don’t do major character death, terminal illnesses, major angst or unhappy ending. But it’s cause I can barely handle sad things. I have enough stress in my life already x)

GT: You do have a list! And I think you're not alone in many of those.

Can you recommend any authors or stories you've enjoyed?

J: That's a very scary question for me cause there are tons of stories I've read and loved. Tons.

Let's see... I love all of pink_ink's works, it's hard to choose, anything. Our Stubborn Love by TheWaywardBride is one of the masterpieces of the fandom. @loftec's fics. None the wiser has my whole heart, I'm staring at my None the wiser stickers and mugs as I'm typing this x) Many fics by anomalously [@jellovich ​], especially Promised Land and Iron and Blue. Two of Your Earth Minutes by @the-rat-wins ​ <3 Many fics by devovitsuasartes, especially Maintenance. Someone To Ride The River With by 09cityskylights, a criminally underrated story. Miles Between Us by statichearts; Moonlight Sonata by @annansmith. Southside Forever series by proval. Many works by andchaos. J_Q's works...

I can go on and on. This fandom has the most wonderful authors and amazing stories I regularly reread <3

I'm a very passionate reader x)

GT: It truly does. And it used to have more, but some of us were too disappointed to stay, unfortunately.

J: Oh yes, I definitely mourn all the deleted works and the authors that left the fandom. But I can't blame them :) We went through hell as a fandom.

GT: Didn't we? *sigh*

Back to writing, what's your writing process like? Do you outline or do any research?

J: I'm not big on planning. When I get a random idea (usually when I think really intensely about canon moments) - I just go and write it down and then go with the flow. You won't see me outlining the chapters and planning the dialogues. I just dive into it head first and then wrestle my mental images in place and on paper until I like what I see. Many of the scenes that received compliments were written on the spot.

Usually, I daydream about a fic I'm currently writing a lot, and when I manage to think of something good, I write it down in the notes on my phone. It's a big mess, cause I can take notes about different fics in the same document. I'm not saying that it's a great strategy, but this is how my brain works for now x)

GT: Where do you find the inspiration and the motivation to write?

J: This is really hard to answer. I think a lot of it happens when I read other people's stories, or even when I think about canon, it's like it resonates in my head :) One tiny piece of dialogue will make me think "But what did that character really mean to say or do here? What would happen if I put them in a situation where they have time and space to act on it, to show their perspective?" I'm not sure if it makes sense, but I just want to get under the character's skin because I find them fascinating I guess hahah x) That sounds creepy x) And then I want to share it with whoever is ready to have a dialogue with me about it.

GT: Do you ever have to do any research for your fics?

J: Mostly cultural and linguistic. It's a bit of a struggle to come up with nicknames while writing Mickey :D I grew up in a totally different culture with very different pop-culture references, so I'm often clueless when it comes to this. And well, urban dictionary is my friend when I'm trying to get some slang going on :D

But I'm not that kind of person who will research streets or real apartments/restaurants for the characters to go to.

GT: Well, that's mostly something people writing AUs do, I guess, so figures it doesn't apply to you.

I totally get the cultural references problem though, I struggle with that as well.

Do you have a preference for writing Ian or Mickey?

J: I think I can do Micky's voice better, I'm still figuring out my Ian ^^ So my fics mostly in Mickey's POV. But the funny thing is, often when I write Mickey's POV the focus ends up on Ian, because Mickey thinks about him a lot. And the other way around. When I write Ian, the focus is on Mickey. So, sometimes I deliberately choose Ian's POV if I want to concentrate on Mickey.

GT: Which of your own fics holds a special place in your heart?

J: I say it a lot, but Almost There is just something I'm especially happy with and especially attached to. It's set in S4, and as I mentioned, I'm really fascinated by their dynamic at that time, all the new things they are able to explore together.

I'm very enjoying my current kind of AUish Big Bang fic now too [let the bodies do the talkin’], but it's not done yet, so it's too early to tell :)

GT: What else do you have planned? Any other fics you'd like to write?

J: I have a lot of writing plans and a lot of little notes I want to turn into fics. I feel like I'm still processing S11, and I will have even more ideas after I manage to do that x) For now, I have some fill-ins for the previous seasons brewing in my head.

I think I will be one of the people who will make content for years on for this fandom. I'm very loyal with my interests and I'm also super slow hahah, so I'm ready to be a fandom grandma :D I'm sure it'll take me a long time to put all of it on paper, also because I have some other fandom-related things going on, like reading other people's fics and managing the Gallavich fanfic library x) It takes a lot of time :D Fandom is a full-time job when you're deep enough :D

GT: Tell me about it! Lol

Tell me a bit about what your story with the fanfic library.

J: God, I can only imagine how much of a full-time job it is for you :D

@gallavichfanficlibrary ​ was created by Morgan (@milkymickeyway​), she was managing it alone for some time but then last year in March we started talking about fics a lot and she offered me to do it together. We both have very similar tastes and understanding of what we want to do with all that, so it's been a great experience!

Of course, it can be very draining :) We have to answer a lot of similar questions and look at fics that we would never read otherwise. We always try to include fics that go along with our personal tastes, but some asks force us to go out of the comfort zone :D

Still, I'm extremely happy that I have an outlet for my need to shove interesting fics down people's throats :D Thanks, Morgan <3

And we can contribute a little bit to the fanfiction community in our fandom. This is pretty great too ^^

We're on a bit of a break now for personal reasons, but we don't plan on giving up on it any time soon :) As I said, it's all about juggling the responsibilities :)

GT: I think you probably have more work than I do to be honest, heheh.

Since you're well versed in both writing and reading, tell us a bit about comments on fics. How important are they? What are your favorite kinds to get?

J: Comments are very important, and I'm glad I understood that before I started writing! I've been a lurker for a long time, mostly because I spent years in Russian speaking fanfiction places, and I only got familiar with AO3 in 2017. Took me some time to make an account and get comfortable with getting in touch with people, but I'm so so glad I did.

Big thanks to pink_ink (@palepinkgoat​) who was one of the first authors I had a dialogue with. She was so nice and welcoming, and that really set my mind at ease about talking to the authors who I thought of as celebrities before hahah ^^

And of course you get a whole other perspective on commenting when you start writing. Yes, it's a little bit about validation, but also, it's about being able to have a conversation, getting feedback on your ideas and thoughts. And so, as much as every comment is important even if it's a simple emoji, my favorite kind of comments are always the longer insightful ones. Write someone a mini-essay on their fic, and they will love you forever, trust me :D

I beat myself up a lot, because I simply don't have time to leave big comments on all the fics I read. I have a long list of fics in my head that I still need to revisit and comment x) But this is the price of reading a lot.

GT: How did you choose your username, captainjowl?

J: Ugh x) The year was 2013 and I was playing Minecraft with my friends :D I needed a nickname and I was obsessed with owls at the time, so I wanted to type in "Owl", but it needed to be at least 4 characters long. So my friend suggested to put "J" in the beginning, like in Jane. We had no idea that "jowl" was a word in English back then :D And my friends started jokingly calling me Captain Jane Owl like Captain Jack Sparrow... So it stuck and I started using it everywhere, including Tumblr. Many years later I found out that jowl is a word -.- But it was kind of too late? I was used to it, so I went along with it. It's very silly but so am I :D

GT: Oh, no, I love it!

J: People told me that it's unintentionally funny heh x)

GT: Ok, that was it! Thank you so much for agreeing to participate and for all the work you do for this fandom! Wanna leave a message for those reading this?

J: Oh! My message would be - please keep participating in the fandom and interacting with the content creators. The show is over and it's all on us now :D The fandom will be active as long as you're active ;)

And one more thing - I'm very grateful for all the people I've met over these years :) I made some good friends and I'm having a very good time in this little community, so keep it going ^^

Of course, big thanks to you for doing so much for all of us <3 This whole Writer Spotlight thing was a great idea and I'm very curious to read all the other interviews!