#captain hawk

Also, this time: the splash page continues the filthy lie started on the cover but at least it also has a roster of both superteams on the margins. I like that in a book. With the fluid nature of superhero teams I think all team books should have a page like that.

We actually get started for realsies on the Squadron Supreme’s Watchtower Rocket Central, a space station orbiting Earth from which the Squadron can monitor the planet and/or admire themselves in reflective surfaces.

Hyperion, Golden Archer and Lady Lark return from their disastrous outing and regroup with Amphibion (like a more vain Aquaman), Tom Thumb (almost but not quite entirely unlike the Atom), Dr Spectrum (come on, you know this! He’s basically Green Lantern), and Cap’n Hawk (formerly American Eagle, still a Hawkman riff).

The three returning squaddies argue about whose fault the loss was. But they also wonder why the Serpent Crown is so valuable.

But not much time to wonder. The Avengers have been spotted again, this time via highly advanced surveillance equipment instead of by sunbathers.

Its only the other Avengers plus Cap plus Hellcat, not Vision and Scarlet Witch so they still don’t know where the crown is at. But maybe capturing the other Avengers will let them ransom them off for the crown. Y’KNOW, LIKE TRUE HEROES.

Anyway, with a bit of hate speech between Tom Thumb and Amphibion (which probably is meant to be read as gentle ribbing but the Squadron Supreme mini showed that Tom Thumb always resented how the others treated him so...) everyone that hasn’t already gotten beat up runs off to go get beaten up, leaving Hyperion, Lady Lark, and Golden Archer behind to man Rocket Central.

Meanwhile and elsewhere, at the international HQ of the Cadre Cartel in Cosmopolis: the President and the captains of industry sinisterly plot and also complain about Roxxon sending them excess Avengers.

President Rockefeller points out that it was thanks to the crown’s ‘alien brilliance’ that the Cadre Cartel was able to take over the world. And now it wishes to extend its control to the Avengers’ world. So if one of the crown’s pawns in the other universe felt that the Cadre could handle the Avengers better than he could, well that should be taken as a compliment! And also, the Squadron Supreme will be doing all the fighting so stop your complaining.

Leading us into: The Battle of the Century: Part II: Cap’n Hawk, Tom Thumb and Amphibion vs. the Beast and Hellcat.

Back at the rest of the Avengers, the rest of the Avengers have finally realized that Scarlet Witch and Vision have vanished. So lets split up gang, we’ll cover more ground that way.

Captain America and Iron Man will search in the north and east, that way we don’t have two Caps on the same battlefield confusing everyone.

Beast and Hellcat will search the south and west.

While they search, Beast rambles on about universal similarities and differences, wondering whether this universe even has a Scotland or Scott towels. But he calls Patsy Patsy in the middle of his musing and she asks that he call her Hellcat.

I mean, she is in costume. She’s a superhero now. It’s common courtesy.

Beast is in a mood, apparently, because he says he promoted the whole deal for her and knew her when. Which is kind of true in that her fruitless blackmail attempt prompted him to give her the pity ride along and then she found the suit.

So he sort of precipitated the whole thing but also she told Captain America to shove it and put on a suit.

And also also, she’s not going around calling you Hank, Hank. Again: common courtesy. Call people by their chosen names, especially if that chosen name is Hellcat.

Anyway, Hellcat proclaims she’s ready to prove herself any time and any place and as if tempting fate, she aggros a Cap’n Hawk, who swoops down and literally tries to murder her with a mace sort of thing.

Hellcat dodges out of the way and then Beast grabs the mace and kicks Cap’n Hawk in the face. Looks like all those long hours in the Danger Room with Angel learning how to kick winged people in the face paid off in this exact moment when Beast had to summon up all his experience kicking winged people in the face.

But then Tom Thumb swoops down in his Micro Module (apparently its actual name) and tries to blast Beast.

And then Amphibion crawls out of the sewers where he apparently belongs because he immediately tries flirting with Hellcat, telling her he doesn’t like hurting the weaker sex and asks her to surrender while teeth glinting at her.

Hellcat makes a big point that she’s not some big women’s-libber (because I guess she doesn’t like voting so much? or because the only feminist women allowed in comics at this time are ridiculous caricatures so other female characters have to make a big point that they are not ridiculous caricatures?) and that Amphibion is handsome but also she’s going to beat the shit out of him for his comment.

So she kicks him in the face and plays leapfrog when he swears by his mother’s human heritage that no one does treats the king of the seven seas thusly.

And thusly does Amphibion launch himself straight into the window of a fish market, knocking himself out in a pile of dead fish. Where he belongs when he isn’t in the sewer.

Anyway, Hellcat is having a time. Making jokes and beating up misogynists. Her life has gotten 1000% better since getting this suit. Why, she would even go far as to say “I swear -- with this suit, I can’t lose!”

And then Tom Thumb pastes her.

And there’s probably a joke there but I’m more impressed that Tom Thumb remembered that he’s a superhero and probably shouldn’t just murder someone. CAP’N HAWK.

Anyway. Hellcat may have been SPLOOO’d but she’s not giving up. She launches her claws (which she can apparently do and apparently knew how to do despite the suit not coming with instructions) and hooks them onto Tom Thumb’s Micro Module.

Now, hypothetically, Tom could just increase thrust and tear the claws and/or Patsy’s arm loose (he seems into ripping her limb from limb now, so much for good guy Tom Thumb) but there’s a big butt. A big blue butt.

Beast who before wasn’t able to get to Tom Thumb because of his Micro Module all flying and darting around now has a convenient tether conveniently tethered onto the Micro Module.

So he grabs the claw tethers and yanks down, hard. KBAM! There goes the Micro Module.

Tom Thumb is aggrieved that six months work designing and building the thing just became a pile of scrap and tries to fisticuffs Beast.

And Beast just does the thing where he holds a littler guy’s head so he can’t get within swinging distance and then BONK!s him on the head.

You Tried, Tom Thumb.

But Cap’n Hawk isn’t done yet. And now he’s angrier at them for hurting his good pal Tom Thumb. They hurt Amphibion too but eh. Also since Beast got his mace broke, he just pulled out a katana from who knows where. And now he’s going to carve Beast like a big blue turkey.

And Beast just dodges out of the way so Cap’n Hawk flies into a building.

That’s two Squadron Supreme members taken out by jumping head first into a building. 

I’d make fun but I remember Quicksilver and his habit of running into walls, sometimes on purpose.

Anyway. With three opponents, Beast and Hellcat each beat one (by tricking him into running into a building) and I’m going to give them a shared teamwork victory over Tom Thumb.

And thus did they equally contribute to this fight at one and a half victories each.

Meanwhile, its time for a half page of Thor and Moondragon, to remind you that they exist and also because there’s a continuing arc that we have to advance a little.

Remember last time how Moondragon said she wanted to real talk with Thor?

Well, she wants to know why he remains an Avenger.

Thor: “Eh? What an odd question! I am an Avenger because my hammer must ever strike for justice and honor!”

Moondragon: “Terrans call this ‘slumming,’ do they not?”

Thor: “What?”

Moondragon: “Well, a god ‘seeing how the other half lives’? Why else would you leave a realm of immortals to surround yourself with men and women nowhere near your strength? Even Iron Man --”

Thor: “SILENCE, WOMAN!”

Savage af, Moondragon.

More on that next issue.

And now its time for: The Battle of the Century, Part III: Doctor Spectrum and the Whizzer vs Capain America and Iron Man.

Apparently, the city was ordered to stay out of the Avengers’ way. Which sounds fake. And also sounds like missed opportunity zipping by. The cover of last issue promised a sort of Avengers vs not only the Squadron Supreme but their whole universe. An Earth which sees the Avengers not only as bad guys but also alien invaders.

Instead, they’ve been leisurely strolling through a quiet city.

But plus side: Iron Man and Cap continue their talk from earlier, Iron Man confessing that it feels really good Avengering (which is totally a verb) with Cap again.

And then they get interrupted by Doctor Spectrum and the Whizzer.

Like WHOOM!

And the two squadders each pick an Avenger and split them up. Doctor Spectrum grabs Iron Man in an energy fist and flying up into the sky to crush him. 

And the Whizzer speed punches Cap like a Burma-Shave ad again and then runs a tornado around him. Just speedster things.

He could actually keep it up all day and beat Cap easily but that would be too easily. So he gives him a sporting chance. Sorta.

But Cap has a bone to pick with him for that talk of selling out earlier, in #141.

Captain America: “It’s not enough that you sold out your country -- but no! You have to enjoy it, too!”

Whizzer: “The country changed, Avenger -- that’s all! And the Squadron Supreme changed with it! When I told Iron Man we’d sold out, all I meant was that we’d starting drawing paychecks from the corporate men! But the cartel runs the country, so what does it matter? I’m the same super-speedster I always was -- still serving the good old U.S. of A.! So don’t give me any of that ‘holier than thou’ nonsense! We’re every bit as patriotic as you are! Now get up -- and let me finish you off!”

Cap’s Shield: FWAM!

So, yeah. Cap did that thing where he threw his shield at a guy he knew would be fast enough to dodge it and cocky enough to watch out for a rebound and then the boomeranging shield hit Whizzer in the back of his smug face.

Captain America: “My friend, you rely too much on fast feet and a fast mouth, and not enough on tactics! And you rely too much on not rocking the boat! You have your definition of a hero, and I have mine -- and mine includes being a lot more aware!”

Savage af, Captain America.

Although considering he’s unconscious and probably has a concussion I don’t know for whose benefit you’re saying this.

Meanwhile, up in the sky, Doctor Spectrum gets distracted by Whizzer’s defeat and lets the pressure on Iron Man slacken just enough.

By concentrating his will-power (ironic considering he’s fighting the Green Lantern pastiche), Iron Man is able to pull an arm free so he can twist his iron nipples. Or rather, chest controls.

I had wondered what those iron nipples were for.

And the right nipple apparently works the ultra-violet beam, which nullifies the Power Prism by going beyond its spectrum of visible light.

This is a tactic Iron Man has used twice, both on the Squadron Sinister version of Doctor Spectrum. So why he asks this Doctor Spectrum if he remembers the tactic is a bit confusing.

The comic keeps going back on forth on Supreme or Sinister so even the characters are confused now.

Interestingly, the Doctor Spectrums don’t just differ on Supreme vs Sinister. The Sinister Spectrum from 616 is a Ugandan man. The Supreme Spectrum from Earth-712 is a white American.

Presumably they’d have different voices and accents which makes it even more baffling that Iron Man would think they were the same person but there we are.

Anyway, that ultra-violet ended the fight.

And then Beast, Hellcat, Vision, and Scarlet Witch show up.

All the noise of the fights allowed Scarlet Witch and Vision to find Beast and Hellcat and then Cap and Iron Man. Hooray, pointless fight scenes!

Scarlet Witch explains what happened to her re: the crown influencing her and Vision says that before they depart this world they need to do what they can to save it.

But first lets check in on some neglected friends.

What are Wasp and Yellowjacket up to? Still recovering in the hospital? Well yes and then again soon to be no.

The both of them were judged completely recovered and are to be released.

But that development just causes some friction between the two founding Avengers.

Wasp definitely wants to get back into the game of kicking ass and taking names and being a cool superhero. But Yellowjacket? He’s not so sure. And Wasp tells him she’s rejoining the team with or without him so he’d best make up his mind.

Now back to the action and Other Earth. The Squadron Supreme has gone to Capital City to report to President Rockefeller in the White House that Sorry We Goofed. The Avengers bested them.

But they’ll get them next time, swearsies.

But President Rockefeller is in an odd mood.

Rockefeller: “Oh, what does it matter, Hyperion? They’re not the real problem anyway! I am -- I and all the other corporate and conglomerate executives who have taken control of this country! We run your lives, and you don’t know it -- since so few of us ever step out from behind the scenes!”

Hyperion: “Mr. President! What are you saying?”

Rockefeller: “Even then, all you see is an image -- a carefully-crafted image, like any other product’s! We talk a lot about honesty, and pride, and team-spirit -- but all we really want is power! The talk’s just to get you to give it to us! And we do! We commit the most outrageous acts -- turn completely around on anything we’ve ever claimed to stand for -- and you go right along, pretending not to notice! That’s what’s so strange! Facts don’t affect our image! You just look away, and wonder why the dollar keeps losing it’s value --”

Hyperion: “Now just a minute! There’s something wrong here!”

Savage af, Mister President.

And then the president does a rad backflip.

Yeah but no. It was Beast, master of disguise, all along.

Y’know, I never did expect Beast’s weird rubber mask hobby to prove relevant so often.

Anyway, he gave them something to mull over so byeeeeeeeeeee! And he flees to where the Avengers and a half-naked captive president are: the trans-universal gate machine room.

You have to admire the power of off-screen moments. The Avengers not only went to Capital City but infiltrated the White House and replaced the president despite a house full of superheroes and secret service. Nice job, guys.

Anyway, dropping some major truth bombs wasn’t just supposed to give the Squadron something to think on, it also gave Iron Man time to figure out the portal machine.

And with Scarlet Witch’s scarlet witchery turning an ordinary houseplant into something that can baffle and befuddle even Hyperion briefly, the Avengers manage to activate the portal and escape through it without having to embarrass the Squadron Supreme in battle again.

Of course, Hyperion is slightly aggravated with how his day has been going and wants to chase the Avengers through the portal but Golden Archer holds him back.

Maybe the Squadron Supreme learned something from Beast’s little one-man show after all. Maybe it was something they shouldn’t have had to learn. But they at least want time to consider it.

So the team outvote Hyperion and decide to stay on this Earth for a while. They’re realizing there’s plenty to worry about here, after all.

And the Avengers fly through space toward the next issue and the Grand Finale of the Brand Saga, I guess. Apparently nobody even wondering where Cap’s sleeves went.

So. Thoughts.

My first thoughts were huh no Batman or Wonder Woman analogue? Or as Marvel knows them Nighthawk and Power Princess.

And there’s a good reason. The roster for the Squadron Supreme in these issues lines up one-to-one with the roster for Justice League the previous month, May 1976.

There’s Aquaman/Amphibion, Atom/Tom Thumb, Black Canary/Lady Lark, Flash/Whizzer, Green Arrow/Golden Archer, Green Lantern/Dr Spectrum, Hawkman/Cap’n Hawk, and Superman/Hyperion.

Not only that, but the issues have very similar titles too. In May we had Justice League in “Skyjack at 22,300 Miles!” and then in June we had the Avengers in “20,000 Leagues Under Justice!”

I know that the Squadron Supreminister was born out of Marvel and DC writers being friends and deciding to do a little unofficial crossover. So I have to wonder whether this was something else like that or just Steve Englehart having fun and taking the piss.

But anyway, that’s why no Batman or Wonder Woman.

My second thought is that I like that Avengers don’t want to leave before trying to help fix the world AND that they leave it in the Squadron Supreme’s hands.

Too often alternate universes are treated as disposable. But also: the Squadron Supreme are heroes, give or take some blood lust demonstrated during this and some clearly villainous dialogue. They can get by with a little help from their friends but ultimately, they should be the ones safeguarding their own Earth.

Even if it will inevitably end in Civil War Before Civil War In Addition To Batman V Superman Before Batman V Superman between Hyperion and Nighthawk and half the team dying.

A bit of a downer ending though because despite Beast and Cap’s speeches, I don’t think we’re better off now than we were then on the very specific topic of corporations secretly controlling the world and politicians being corrupt.

There’s not even a snake crown to blame. Even Marvel is now owned by massively rich and influential Disney.