#captain blackbeard

Round 3 Part 4 Poll 2

Propaganda

Ed's a master tactician! He's a terrible flirt! He's got the eyes, the beard, the fit, and the sexy lil voice! Tummy and arm! He's gay and has daddy issues! What more could you want from a man???

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday ...

Another tick tock Tuesday in Tuesdayville being tested by time ...

Morple doesn’t work. Morple is my OAP clock and retired from swinging his arms around quite some months ago. The twice a day where his timing is spot on, he gives a nod in my direction and seems to say ‘Told you so!’ before settling back into his noncommital status in life. I found him in a charity shop. At that point he worked quite well. However, during the indeterminate amount of time he has resided in my cottage, he obviously feels I am no tyranical taskmaster and can therefore absolve himself of all time keeping responsibilities ... and who can blame him?

Keeping him company is Captain Blackbeard who has taken up his new favourite position in the best seat in the house. Sat atop a cosy blankie (now a round little bed) he is perfectly placed for comfortable viewing of all TV programmes, slumbering and (of course) for putting in frequent food requests seeing as I (his hooman) am usually very conveniently placed for such a thing. He and Morple have regular discussions pertaining to the passing of time. During one such discussion he sat bolt upright and seemingly became frozen. Morple is holding close countenance, but I very much feel that he may have had something to do with this.

The clocks changed this weekend and Morple had much to say on the matter. “Time will move on an hour for a third of the countries in the world causing a mild form of jetlag. Government’s will declare that they’re doing it for the farmers. Highly dubious!” I agree with Morple. The farmers don’t actually like it either ... after all, it’s not like the cows care what time the clocks say it is.

Every year the same poll goes up enquiring as to whether the public have had enough of this practice. Every year the majority of the public says “Stop it!” ... and every year the practice carries on regardless.

One of Morple’s favourites is Dr Hannah Fry. He says that according to her, the whole time problem discussions began in 1784 because of a satirical letter written by Benjamin Franklin to the Journal de Paris. In it he declared that the French were using too much candle wax and oil. He didn’t suggest changing the clock times, but suggested that if only the French would get out of bed earlier then this would resolve things. He therefore humorously proposed a tax on people with shutters, limiting the amount of candle wax and oil each family was granted and that canons should be fired on all the streets of France to ensure everyone got up at sunrise.

Then, in 1895, a New Zealander entomologist and astronomer called George Hudson did suggest changing the clocks as he loved collecting bugs, but was very annoyed that by the time he finished work it was too dark for him to go out and carry out his beloved hobby. He suggested changing the time by 2 hours but this was not implemented until 1928.

After that, in 1907, a Freemason called William Willett was out on his horse one morning and was disgusted to see everyone’s blinds were still drawn. William was an entitled little shit and loved playing golf and was pissed off that his evening games were cut short by the sunset. So he wrote a pamphlet entitled “The Waste of Daylight” in which he suggested changing the concept of time itself (pretty much just so he could get another 9 holes in.) His suggestion of British Summer Time was eventually implemented around 1916.

A bit of a potted history courtesy of Morple, the now ‘defrosted’ Captain Blackbeard and Dr Fry, but the fact is that titting around with time like this achieves nothing other than making for a 6% increase in the number of fatal car accidents the next day and there being up to a 24% increase in heart attacks, plus a huge spike in workplace injuries and it messes up everybody’s circadian rhythms.