#calysta thoughts

And, then we move on to Albrecht. It's hard for me to draw a solid conclusion, as I only know so much about him. There is a very mixed bag from everything I've unearthed so far. Though, he reminds me of Icarus. Just instead of the sun... We have that asshole in the walls.

We should use that to bring ourselves together.

Honestly? I felt bad for Ordis, and began to dislike him significantly less. Though, I do wish he hadn't given up himself to protect us. If I had my way, I would restore him myself, he doesn't deserve his fate. The Orokin are monsters, and they deserve the fate they received. While not all of them were so comically evil, I do think it's for the best that they've disappeared from the Milky Way. I can't judge Ordis for being a killer. Honestly, I don't think any Tenno can. While circumstances may be different, we have a proverbial; and possibly literal; ocean of blood at our feet. We're all killers in some regard. Even if it's just to protect ourselves.

Bittersweet. Don't get me wrong, his death brings me no shortage of catharsis. But, all of the damage done. All of the destruction he caused. The Narmer are still present, the scars he left across the Sol System and the people within may never heal. Ballas was a monster, and he deserved his end without question. But, between you and me? I'm not convinced he's gone for good. We've all seen some shit, if there is anything we should learn from all of this business with Ballas; the sentients; and our more recent business with The Man in the Wall? It's that nothing is impossible, and things have a tendency not to be what they seem.

All of us carry some kind of weight, some more than others. The weight of our choices, the weight of our words, or even weight brought on by other people. There's some who choose to carry weight for others, who want to bear burdens so others don't have to, and some even succeed in that. But, the reality is, most people can't keep that up for long. I don't even think we're built to carry that weight in the first place, I think we're supposed to share it. I think Fortuna has it right, at least somewhat in that regard. Lifting together, the way it should be. But, what happens when we wind up divided? Or, when tragedy or uncertainty strikes and you're left to carry the weight on your own? Reality is, when tragedy or uncertainty strikes, you're gonna carry some weight if you make it through. And, it most likely won't be only your own. You're going to bear the weight of everyone lost, everything lost, the weight of decisions made, the sacrifices you or others had to make to get out alive... To get as many others out alive as you could. Remember Rell? You were always taught that a clear head prevails, or you at least had it pounded in to your skull over and over again. But, the thing they never tell you? Your head won't be clear in the heat of the moment. You can lie, and you can act like it, but come on: we've all been there before. You can focus on a goal, narrow down a path to that goal, and pursue it. But, don't act like your head is really clear. The panic is there, the uncertainty, the little feeling scratching at the back of your head... The feeling of, you might actually not make it this time. You might not be able to save the day. You might fail. The only clarity there will be, is when you understand reality, and when you come to terms with the lack of clarity itself. So tell me, Tenno; Drifters; whoever's listening. What did you do not to fail? What corner did you cut? What did you give up? Who did you give up? Just what did you sacrifice... Whether it be for the sake of yourself, or the others? Or, maybe you were just following orders? What weight do you carry? Do you use it to push yourself forward? Do you use it to hold yourself down? Do you use it to grow stronger? Do you use it to justify your actions? Do you use as an excuse for inaction? Or, do you just... Push it down? Further, and further... Trying to ignore it until the cracks finally start to surface? Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. But, I will tell you the weight that I carry: "It's never quite been the same since I lost you. I try and fill the void by doing what you would've wanted me to do, by being who you said I could be. But, some days... I only see red. And, I'm afraid that some day, that's all I'll ever see again. I hope that doesn't disappoint you."

What's the matter, kiddo? You look like you've seen a ghost.

Maybe it's a complex, maybe it's how she copes with her own trauma? Maybe it's just out of the kindness of her heart? Who really knows, I can tell you even she doesn't. But, what I do know? She will put her life on the line to protect you. She won't even think about it. She will offer her hand to you if need it. And, she will expect nothing in return. Whether it be the crack of a whip, a hail of bullets, or a bone chilling howl; she will be there for her children. Her brothers and sisters. Her family. There are fewer things more frightening than a mother bear defending her cubs. Now, normally you might say something along the lines of... May the gods have mercy on those who would do them harm. But, no. Those gods better stay out of her way, too.