Alright, so this story is one of the main reasons I made this blog and I figured I'd explain it.
First, some context: So I was born in one state but moved to another state with my close family when I was young, and every so often (usually for Thanksgiving or Christmas) my family takes trips over to my birth state bc most of the rest of my family lives there. In recent years, my family has rented out houses to stay in during our trips, usually hosting parties there for whatever reason we were there, so the houses were pretty big to accommodate a lot of people.
While we were there one night (I believe this was Nov 2020) while scrolling through doing whatever on the internet, I stumbled upon the channel of kittydog, through a video of hers in my recommended where she animated the last song from Bo Burnham's "make happy" show. I had previously seen kittydog's channel and watched her content, but I decided that because I had a lot of free time while I was there, I would watch a bunch of kittydog's animations, a lot of which were animated to songs she had created herself. Putting this all together, with the large, empty, yet unfamiliar room I was in, and the animation memes and original songs from kittydog, created an emotion I had never felt before, a strange, ethereal calmness that permeated everything. The feeling was repeatable too, but for some reason I could only feel it in large empty rooms, at night, where I knew I was alone, and usually while listening to kittydog's music (or at least, her music made the feeling stronger). I still don't exactly know what this feeling is, but it's so strangely interesting to me, that I take almost every chance to pursue feeling it. I've even made it a tradition to listen to a short playlist I made of kittydog songs on the final night of every vacation in the largest room I can find in whatever place we're staying at (although one time I just went outside, it was a nice night then).
Anyways, that brings me to recently. Within the last few days I've gotten back into kittydog's songs and realized how much her songs reflect how she's feeling in the moment, almost like a snapshot of her being (as cliche as that sounds). That gave me the idea to watch all of her animations in the order they were released, which I'm not sure was a good idea? My reasoning was that'd I'd be able to get a better idea of who she was through her works, and through that be able to figure out the origin of that ethereal feeling, but instead I just sort of absorbed the emotions of each video as they went by, so now I'm just feeling a giant jumble of every emotion, although mostly sad and/or angry since her vent animations have a lot more emotion in them I feel. I still think this could be useful, but just... ugh.
Anyways, I'm not even done with all the videos but I'm gonna take a break for now. If anyone who happens to be reading this has any idea what this feeling could be lemme know, cause honestly I have no idea.
