Some things are worth sharing

But new kittens make everything better, right?

At least she liked me better than she liked my ex...

Single and ready for some self love. 💜 Finally able to do what I need to do to make myself happy and meet my goals without the weight of someone else's crumbling world crashing down all around me on a regular basis. Bolder by bolder.

I'm proud of myself for being able to make the call, however difficult, to end a relationship that just wasn't working for me.

A relationship with someone that lied to me more than once and lost my trust just a few short months into our year long romance.

A relationship with someone who proposed because he was afraid of losing me, he couldn't let me get away. (A realization that came a little late.)

A relationship with someone who constantly hid his true emotions from me, causing problems due to resentment for things that I was unaware had occured until months after the fact. (Until our relationship was crumbling right before our eyes, to be honest.)

A relationship with someone who couldn't process their negative emotions that overwhelmed them so much it caused him to take his pain out on me by using hurtful words and causing confrontation over the slightest error in my thoughts or actions.

The reasons why I left.

The reasons he doesn't understand and no words I say could possibly make him.

He's hurt that I've left him. He thinks that I've just given up on our relationship and that I've just given up on him.

But he doesn't know how hard I worked to make things okay, to be the woman he needed. I had to prove myself to him, through no fault of my own, because of all of the women of his past that had wronged him before. Yet I had the most patience, understanding, and non judgemental view on him, his past, his views and lifestyle.

But I left him. So I'm just the bad guy in his eyes.

What hurts the most, I think, is the fact that he told me he's losing who he thought was "the one," his "forever," yet he is already looking for conversation with other women. Wherever he can find it. Admitted to me he messaged a couple of his exes to "make amends and catch up." (Which sounds more like rekindling an old flame if you ask me...) But he is also on tinder and it hasn't even been a full week since the breakup and I'm not even fully moved out of our home.

It's hurtful. It's disrespectful. It's trashy. It's wrong.

So I'll take my hurt and write about it here, where I may know no one, but I can feel more heard than I ever did when I tried to speak to him.

I'll take my hurt and I will find the happiness that I've got somewhere deep inside.

What is wrong and what it right

I don't know what I'm doing

I wish I could book a flight

On the first plane out of here

I just want to run

From all of my doubts and fears

I feel too fragile to face the truth

So I hide under my covers

Cause if you cant see me, there's no proof

That I'm still here and so confused

Mind reeling with streams from my eyes

Waiting to find out

“I love you”

and

“I’m in love with you”

are almost the same

But the meanings are quite different

Allow me to explain

“I love you”

Is exactly what everyone wants to hear

What they don’t know is

This applies to all whom you hold dear

Now I know that this isn’t quite what you’d expect

The phrase “I’m in love with you”

Has a different effect

It’s more than feeling butterflies

When they walk into the room

It’s more like a known feeling

Something you can’t choose

If loving doesn’t come easy

Then perhaps it isn’t true

Because being in love

Shouldn’t be some ruse

Being in love comes naturally

Is effortless if you will

It shouldn’t feel difficult like

A battle fought uphill

It isn’t always easy 

to see the difference between the two

It’s worth some introspect

One moment all is well

The next may feel like hell

All we can do to go with the flow

Take life one moment at a time

When it rains it pours

almost every single time

If we’re lucky there’s a break in the clouds

A single ray that shines

Something to hold onto