#calendula.

his ren was gone, but the arc would always be their jaune.

so when they reached out to touch him and there was an instance of shock where the marrow in jaune’s spine froze over, it hurt. his hand pulled away, and when he spoke they imagined that this was what frostbite might feel like, numbness and then pain like no other. he hadn’t always been like this. the dragon had fleeting memories of a boy, more clumsy than capable, with sharpened wit and humble charm that incited feelings of warmth in ren. they remembered a smile which could part clouds, a laugh which had made his ren fall over and over again, every time they heard it. they wanted that. just a little. just a glimpse. jaune looked at them like some had taken his moon, and plunged him into eternal night. only then did they understand the mirror of those emotions, because they were coming to understand a life without sunshine. they wondered if it was allowed to want for something they weren’t entitled to.

the first time they’d tried to comfort him, to coax a smile just to see if the jaune in their memories was even the same person, he’d stopped them immediately. he’d said with gentle, melancholy breath : “ you’re doing this for me, not you. ” and he wasn’t wrong. they had been. so from that point on they stifled any urge to touch him, whether it be ren’s instinctive urge to comfort, or something as simple as garnering jaune’s attention. over the coming months it became harder, with memories resurfacing on steady basis they had no idea how much of their desire to become closer came from their past, or the present. their feelings became muddled, and ren found themselves longing, jealous of a person they believed they could never be. living with a version of “ their ” jaune in ren’s memories became harder and harder to withstand. even now, they could hear their own voice say over and over again “ i want to make you happy ” but this jaune, with the moonlight stolen from his eyes, wouldn’t let them.

it was almost a year since they’d lost their memory that ren tried again. by this time, casual touch had become normal, at least to ren. like it always had been, ren kept everyone at arm’s length, but this wasn’t a forced show of trust. as parts of who they were returned, they found comfort in the small, seemingly menial actions. the night had been quiet. take out and movies in the sitting area of the backyard used to be considered a date. ren’s memories confirmed they’d normally gravitate to the hammock and fall asleep to the rocking tide of a star sea. the dragon couldn’t remember watching this movie initially, but the swordsman was animated and enthusiastic about his love of comic book superheroes, and memories from the first time they’d watched this together ( ren’s first time had apparently been jaune’s eighth. )

drowsiness wore into them, affected by the hours of early morning. jaune spoke, but only occasionally now, and each time, ren perked up to listen with rapt attention. they found comfort in his voice. the raspy, sleepy quality of it made their heart beat faster, a thousand small instances of that sound in the shape of their name flitted through their mind. “ i remember you loved this part ” jaune mused, a pleased expression as ren watched the reflection of the laptop’s screen in his eyes. ren leaned forward without thinking, slowly their hand came to rest on jaune’s shoulder. they have his attention, blue eyes widening as a hand came to curl under his chin. jaune inhaled sharply, giving ren enough sign to pause. the question was in his eyes.

are you doing this for you ? or for me ?

‘   please.   ’   ren whispered, when speaking unable to keep the nervous tremble out of their voice. a loud silence stretched between them as he looked over ren’s face, a whirlwind of emotion showing fleeting signs in his expression before he nodded silently. their hands moved to cup the sides of his stubbled jaw, ring finger resting over his pulse, racing despite having not moved for the entirety of the evening. the press to his lips was chaste, fleeting warmth and all the gentleness ren could muster but jaune’s sharp movement, like an instinctive rejection might as well have been a dagger to their heart. all the rigidity in jaune’s body seemed to turn his flesh to stone. ren pulled away immediately, but lingered there with a hairsbreadth between their lips, trying and failing to stop the tightness in their throat from becoming audible. they failed. amaranthine eyes became glassy, hands dropped down to rest in their lap as tears welled and overflowed.

‘   i’m sorry,   for being selfish.   i thought it could be like before, where i could kiss you and you wouldn’t flinch.   ’

i want to make you happy.

it had always sounded like such a selfless statement. the message behind that could be seen as less so, but all the more meaningful. it was like a mantra amongst ren’s memories, hidden but in plain sight.

my happiness is reliant on yours.

‘   i miss you.   even when you’re right here,   i still miss you.   ’

unprompted. ( always acc. ) @becomeshield.

the traffic on the way back from the airships was chaotic, making ren’s promise of a half hour wait into two full ones. they hadn’t been thrilled about it. three whole weeks had gone by without seeing jaune and their patience was dwindling. tired and jet lagged, all they wanted was to eat, cuddle, and sleep. it startled them sometimes how jaune could think on the same wavelength despite them being miles apart.

a quiet breath of laughter curled their lips into an affectionate smile as they stumbled into the living room, propping luggage in the hallway. the dragon stood there for a moment to really immerse themselves in the feeling of coming home, to remind himself how instantaneously safe and warm they felt despite their precious person not even knowing they were inside.

they scooped up the bowl to reheat it in the kitchen, settling on the coffee table to eat but not waking jaune up yet. they’d had little tifs before about not waking one another up the moment they came home but ren’s mate look so peaceful sidled up next to knight like that. they finished their meal in near silence, washing up the dish and only then kneeling next to jaune’s side.

their movements were gentle, a quick scratch alone knight’s ears woke him up but he didn’t do more than raise his head, the other hand moved to run gently through jaune’s hair. when breathed out a quiet coo it was with a small cloud of happy smoke. they familiarised themselves with their mate’s features again, thumb moving gently over cheekbone and temple, eyes following the curve of blonde lashes and falling in love all over again.

unprompted. ( always acc. ) @becomeshield.

the puppy’s very presence was an exercise in temptation, one ren knew had it not been for jaune they could have won over. they could find the dog a home that would love and care for him, one that wasn’t theirs. because despite being an old man in a young adult’s body ren had doubts about whether their level of responsibility was enough. ren was perfectly aware the dog was there, but stopping themselves from staring at it was just so hard. it’s so cute. it reminds them of the akita puppy they had as a child, in addition to that ren had always had a weakness for the earnest and trustworthy nature of dogs. huh ... familiar.

it was comical, the way ren slowly closed their book, staring the puppy down as if they might win something from this staring contest. they placed the novel down, looking left and right before slipping down to the floor. even when sitting down like this, the puppy still needed to look up to stare at ren’s face. ‘ you know you can’t stay with us forever, right ? just because jaune wants to keep you. ’ to that question, the samoyed placed two paws on ren’s legs, proceeding to lie in ren’s lap and twisting his head in that damnably adorable way dogs do. ‘ you can’t. we can’t always be here to take care of you. you need to be wormed, and neutered. the average cost of dog in the first year of ownership is around one thousand lien — ’

it was futile. the puppy made a small whine in response to ren’s increasingly negative tone, and they stopped immediately, hands coming down to grasp either side of the canine’s face to scritch and scratch at it. why ? it was in ren’s nature to acclimate, to comfort, and soothe over any wounds whether physical or emotional. the dog leant into their hands in a way that was familiar and made their heart burst. it occurred to ren why, as they’d seen jaune do the same thing time and time again. ‘ no ... ’ ren murmured in defeat, as they continued to pet the dog. ‘ no, no, no ... ’ they kept on repeating, as they hoisted him into their lap, proceeding to cuddle him until his tail started wagging. ‘ we can’t — we can’t have a dog ... ’

i’m done for.

undetermined.   (   always acc.   )

a comical “ honey, i’m home “ halted on their lips immediately as they stepped into the house. they could sense jaune, but the subtle feeling of drear replaced that of the regular happy reply. ren knelt down to pet knight, scratching over his ears as ren tried and failed not to eavesdrop on the conversation. faunus senses were both a blessing and a curse, but they didn’t have to wait very long until jaune’s words were very well audible through the walls, brows creasing as ren recognised who was on the other end of the call.

magenta hue fell to the floor, and the dragon hugged the dog tighter, uncaring for the white fur now clinging to their black coat. it was made worse by the fact that it was clear who and what jaune was fighting about. the memory of what john pierre had said to ren, the disapproving way he’d looked at them, it was all still fresh in their mind even though it had been weeks ago. the jade promise rings had been resting in their beside drawer ever since then, all because they’d allowed their doubt to spiral.

ren stood from the floor and stepped quietly into the kitchen, pulling out ingredients from the pantry and turning the stove on. when jaune eventually emerged from the room, he’d follow the sweet scent all the way to the back patio, crepes topped with strawberries and whipped cream waiting next to chilled watermelon juice. ren and knight sat on the outdoor sofa and coffee table to welcome him. the dragon reaching out one of their hands for jaune to take, when their mate complied they brought his hand to their lips. a silent thank you.

‘ i missed you. come here. ’

drabble prompts.   (   not acc.   )

‘ can you feel my pulse ? ’

they felt more at ease by light of moon, by silent night. when awake at the very least the night time gave way to a world of its own, darker and more mysterious than that guided by sunshine. but when asleep they gave way to the shifting terror that was their own nightmares. held by jaune’s post terror grip the dragon held fast to their calm visage as they gently used their free hand to stroke up and down their mate’s neck, tugging gently at hair, running fingertips along his jawline to establish any kind of sensation.