I just wanted to say thank you for the well spoken words on the Caiti situation, as a victim myself in almost the exact same way minus the alcohol, the rhetoric going around on this situation is so incredibly harmful.
There are so many obvious logical fallacies that will now just be used on other victims after this in the impact zone of the internet involved.
People saying that if it was actually bad, then someone in the room would have put a stop to it, when bystander effect, normalized bad practices, and alcohol exists.
People saying that since George didnât do it purposefully without consent means it isnât SA.
People saying that if it was serious she would have gotten the justice system involved when most cases arenât going to be prosecutable in a court of law with minimal proof, and in general often damage the victims more without an outcome that helps anyone, and is often morally objectionable due to the inhumane aspects of prison and US punishment without good rehabilitation.
People saying that sheâs either too much or too little traumatized for the experience to be valid, when the incident being morally wrong doesnât require more or less of an impact.
People saying that people supporting Caiti are saying itâs exactly the same as Shelbyâs situation and because itâs not, itâs less valid, when although abuse and SA can have different scales of harm caused, doesnât mean that SA doesnât deserve condemnation. Weaponizing someoneâs lengthy painful experience to say that we shouldnât treat anotherâs seriously is awful. Her story is exactly what Shelby meant to inspire sharing, because this stuff happens in all shapes and forms.
People saying that being emotional or not describing every part in excruciating detail when coming forward for the first time is manipulative and proves bad character or smth.
People saying that because a perpetrator is drunk both sides were equally as wrong and no one can be held accountable.
People saying that cuddling, flirting, being friendly before or after, freezing, not immediately leaving, not saying no, is consent.
People saying that this must be for clout or money because subs are turned on.
People saying that Georgeâs response was a good apology when he said that because the act wasnât extreme for him he didnât think much of it, and focusing on many details not actually related to the incident or on other general hatred for dteam to imply bias against them, and generally implied that he was sorry that she felt uncomfortable rather than for what he did. And accepting the apology for Caiti.
People saying that to come forward (especially while not even naming the person) was only to ruin their life, and that thatâs the only thing you can get out of coming forward publicly instead of support, peace of mind from not keeping something inside so long, and awareness so other people could come forward etc.
People saying that it was wrong to not handle this privately when that isnât a viable option for a lot of cases particularly with powerful people involved, or when what you are seeking isnât necessarily anything from who hurt you, like this is just some petty drama.
People saying that only acts considered more âextremeâ and even more sexual should be taken seriously.
People saying because she angrily laughed in her recent response and was extremely explicit about what happened to her that she couldnât have been shy or hesitant in her first response and is lying.
People actively victim blaming and overemphasizing underage drinking because âshe isnât a victimâ when this exact rhetoric will and has been used in these cases time and again and shouldnât be brought up when SA is even in the discussion, and will be used to guilt people who see it when they become a victim.
People saying perceived consent for other acts or the same act previously is consent for another.
People now believing in an incredibly dangerous definition of nonverbal consent because of dreamâs statement, when nonverbal consent has been promoted for the protection of people who go nonverbal, it has to be as clear and exact as verbal consent, either as predetermined signals with a partner, nods, or moving someoneâs hand somewhere, not just interpreting body language of a drunk stranger. The whole point of the consent movement is to have signs that arenât misinterpretable to avoid hurting your partner or someone. If someone internally does not consent, but these signs prove consent, then what is the point? If I thought the signs I was using with someone I loved or a human I respect as I living being, didnât actually express their wishes, Iâd sure as hell try something else.
People saying that because Caiti expressed these signs that theyâre calling nonverbal consent that she was lying to George.
People saying that because of that, this is a false allegation and is damaging victims, and some victims weaponizing their own experience to say that Caiti isnât a victim and should shut up.
People saying that she just changed her mind, and anyone who isnât reacting absolutely negatively in the moment who hasnât consented is just having self guilt and is projecting.
People saying that anything other than enthusiastic consent is consent.
More real actual victims are going to fall into one of these categories of criticism and false logic, with it being much rarer that a âperfectâ victim comes along by these standards, and an intricate framework for ignoring them has been developed from this incident. If dteam hadnât promoted and encouraged all of these fallacies from the start I think Caiti could have gotten a proper response to help her move on and not be so much more damaged, and many people wouldnât have started to see dteam as so tainted by ugliness. In that way everything theyâve done since Caiti first came forward has done perhaps more long term damage than the act itself.
Because of their bias and falling for these manipulative tactics, this audience would just as easily invalidate me, and that hurts, even as I didnât get as hurt as Caiti and I actually got validation from the people I told and had the confidence to know it was wrong immediately even though I froze and such, all these years later, this fact somehow hurts.
Sorry for the rant, I just needed this off my chest. Thanks again.
Ofcourse it means the world to mean hearing other peoples storyâs and your rant is incredibly well worded. I show my support for victims because I know how hard it is. I was always silent for the longest time but now all I can feel is anger and I want people to understand that is more complex than it actually is and you canât always go to the authorities. When I was 9 I had my 2nd experience this one being me realizing what sexual harassment actually is. I did go to court and I talked to authorities but in the end âI was lying.â I was 9 and they expected me to give full detail on what had happened when in reality all I wanted was to play with my Barbieâs. I didnât understand what was actually happening cause I was a child. The justice system is incredibly flawed. Sad part is I still see him when holidays come around. Itâs sickening. People constantly jumping to blame the victim makes me irritated. To them no matter what youâll do youâre never gonna be considered a real victim. The idea of how our society reacts to these topics deeply upsets me. I speak for victims who are always told be silent cause they deserve to be heard. Saying she just wants clout is ridiculous when she has so much more to lose than George does. This why most of my post are on these serious topics because Iâm not allowing myself to ever be silenced again. Iâm also so sorry that you had to experience something similar, I wish every victim the best healing journey. Itâs important to remember youâre not alone and thereâs people here who believe you and think your story is valid. No matter how big or small your story is, no matter how big or small the impact it had on you is, your story will forever be valid.
