#cagedfreewill

The box is the culprit of self-destruction of highly victimized persons. It forces them to compromise damagingly until they hurt themselves or continue to allow other to hurt them. This is a harsh truth that people often overlook. An understanding of The Box and our emotions alleviates the suffering. The problem intensifies as feelings of being a victim begin to overcome us from being steadily or horribly abused by The Box.  We begin to set up rules in our mind about who or what we can and cannot trust.  Sometimes these rules are so broadly defined that we can begin to have one or more of the following senses of victimization—when we are owned by certain hatreds or fears such as the list below: Hate/fear all men or all women Hate/fear school or teachers Hate/fear bosses or all authority figures Hate/fear the dark or anything like it Hate/fear giving speeches in public Hate/fear social settings or certain kinds Hate/fear doctors or hospitals or dentists Hate fear parent mom, dad, or both Hate/fear physical pain or things that cause it Hate/fear money or lack of it Hate/fear tests or quizzes Hate/fear certain animals or insects Hate/fear being alone or being with others Hate/fear certain places or activities Hate/fear of being criticized or found out, and etc. (the mind can create many hatreds and fears) Why We Develop Hate and Fear? You might be thinking that at one time or another we all developed such fears or hatreds–and that can be true.  But, what we are talking about—in the case of victimized thinking or victimized feelings—are thoughts and feelings so interwoven that a person is owned by this web-like hold rather than approaching things in a healthy way. Victimized persons are in The Box almost constantly—and they help keep it in place when it causes them to rely on coping skills that (most times) are not normal behavior strategies.  In fact, when highly victimized persons are present we tend to wonder why they act in such ways. Their choices for reacting to things can be categorized into the following: too emotional, not emotional enough, not appropriate for the situation, or happening far too soon or far too late.  Remember, they are owned by The Box in some kind of complex and strong way, and have become victims of corresponding (deeply held) thoughts and feelings—their own Box. The feelings associated with victimized thinking are often so robust that the victim develops a need to create ways to offset them.  Self-medication is a strategy whereby a person uses food, drugs, or alcohol to drown out the feelings. Self-destruction is another strategy whereby a person tears himself down, places himself in situations to fail, or gravitate to causing mental or physical harm to himself—sometimes suicide. Also, drawing attention is another strategy whereby a person knows things are not right (perhaps unconsciously) and does things to cause people to pay attention to them.  Hiding out is still another strategy whereby a person becomes reclusive or shrinks from building social relationships, even to the point of pulling away from family members and friends.  Remember, highly victimized persons lost control of their lives—as others controlled them frequently and abusively. The Box trampled their free will. Now they are simply trying to survive as comfortably as possible, even if they rely on strange ways of dealing with things. Therefore, we need to help those who feel or act like victims – not ridicule them or add to their woes.  If they are truly overwhelmed in this way, they need professional help – and our compassion.     Read the full article

We need to look at the relationship between The Box and our emotions.  When we are being controlled by the will of another person, it sometimes feels like it is not the way things should be.  As that person tells us what to do, offers us rewards and/or threatens us with punishment, and perhaps tries to make it all seems like it will be fun if we do it, we actually submit our will over to doing it.  In a way, we have used our free will in order to give in to another’s.  The decision to do this often happens for one of the following reasons: FEAR: the threat of punishment is great enough, and/or the memory of past punishment is bad enough, to make us afraid of not doing it.  An example is when a parent threatens to spank or take away special privileges (or has done so in the past). DESIRE: the promise of reward or entertainment sounds good, and/or the memory of past rewards or entertain from this person has been really fun.  An example is when a teacher promises a snack or makes the task into a game, or has made it worth our while in the past. HABIT: the relationship we have with this person, and the use he/she makes of The Box, are familiar enough that we have created a coping strategy to deal with their requests and demands.  An example is once we have learned how a boss operates, and know when and where to question or resist him/her, we often submit without thinking. RULES: the person using The Box has set clearly defined rules, backed up by previous uses of The Box, that we are to submit to their requests and demands all the time .  An example is when our spouse has issued the general demand that we “never” again do what we did, or when a parent says that we are “always” supposed to do something. TRUST: when we trust the person using The Box, we are more likely to submit to their requests and demands.  An example is a close friend or family member who we feel has our “best interest” in mind, and/or has always “come through” for us, hence we trust him/her even when he/she uses The Box. UNHEALTHY DEPENDENCY: when we cannot function without The Box – when we cannot motivate ourselves nor rely upon our free will, we are too dependent on it and the person using it.  It works the other way, too – when our relationship with someone is based on our using The Box to control him or her.  Abusive or long-lasting uses of The Box tend to cause unhealthy dependencies and corresponding unhealthy coping strategies.  An example is when a battered wife cannot break away from the abusive husband and creates excuses for the husband’s behaviors and tries ways to keep him from being displeased. For us to release ourselves from The Box that cages us, there is a great need for us to understand The Box and our emotions. In so doing, we attain the two goals of this book with ease. So, remember the reasons enumerated above, and try not to submit your will to someone who boxes you in.     Read the full article