#boxandemotions

We have a huge range of emotions of which half is defined as stress and half is defined as passion.  The ultimate “low” is when we are totally distressed. And, the ultimate “high” is when we feel total elation.  When totally stressed out, we tend to feel helpless, hopeless or worthless – three very horrible places to be as our stress-driven emotions tend to enslave our self-image.  When passion totally grips us, our self-image can become vulnerable to feelings of grandeur, invincibility or superiority.  Obviously, those extreme feelings are not what people look to as emotional states of mind to have for normal living.  Typically, we suffer stress and feel passion sometimes. The tendency, therefore, is for society to perceive stress as bad and passion as good.  For the purposes of this discussion, let’s look at stress and passion as feelings – without tagging them good or bad.  In fact, we are going to find out during this discussion that they are both good – our entire range of emotions are wonderful – for they are our radar system.  Just as the radar at an airport identifies the location, flight path and speed of incoming aircraft, our emotions act in a similar way to alert us to things that are happening in and around us that we might otherwise ignore.  Just as the military’s radar is used as an early warning system, our emotional range is our early warning system.  It is built with the notion that the earlier we identify and verify the reasons for the feeling, the better off we are.  Just like a blip on a radar screen, a feeling alerts us to something going on.  This early awareness gives us choices while we still have time for sound decision-making. Unfortunately, in our society, we hate/fear stress feelings so much that we do things to dull our senses so we don’t feel them. We drink, smoke, eat, medicate, party, sleep, watch TV, and search for recreational outlets in order to reduce or eliminate stress feelings.  In moderation, stress relief can be helpful, but getting at the source of the stress and resolving the issue causing the stress is best.  By resolving it, we gain confidence and we reinforce the usefulness of our stress emotions.  By honoring and using our stress we can identify problems before they become unmanageable. We then are able to live without frequent mood swings – and our life feels more stable and we are able to stay away from the typical stress relievers or addictions that tend to cause even more stress in the long run. Passion can work the same way, as the passion itself can begin to own us instead of rational decision-making.  Passion can make us vulnerable to creating a way of life in the pursuit of more and more “highs” – and creating a roller coaster of highs and lows emotionally instead of ever getting high enough.  Just like stress, if we do not honor passion and use it to understand our motives and their corresponding issues, we can become susceptible to artificial means to feel “high”, such as alcohol, drugs, sexual experiences, gambling and co-dependent relationships.  In both cases, with stress or passion owning us, we need to find someone or someway to pull us out of The Box - like hold that our emotions seem to have over us.  Once overwhelmed by our emotions, we have trouble using them as our radar system – we are owned by emotions instead of owning them. Remember - emotional reactions tend to take "rational choice" out of our decision-making and our behaviors and actions. Hence, we need to use emotions as a stimulus to "think before we act". Read the full article

We need to look at the relationship between The Box and our emotions.  When we are being controlled by the will of another person, it sometimes feels like it is not the way things should be.  As that person tells us what to do, offers us rewards and/or threatens us with punishment, and perhaps tries to make it all seems like it will be fun if we do it, we actually submit our will over to doing it.  In a way, we have used our free will in order to give in to another’s.  The decision to do this often happens for one of the following reasons: FEAR: the threat of punishment is great enough, and/or the memory of past punishment is bad enough, to make us afraid of not doing it.  An example is when a parent threatens to spank or take away special privileges (or has done so in the past). DESIRE: the promise of reward or entertainment sounds good, and/or the memory of past rewards or entertain from this person has been really fun.  An example is when a teacher promises a snack or makes the task into a game, or has made it worth our while in the past. HABIT: the relationship we have with this person, and the use he/she makes of The Box, are familiar enough that we have created a coping strategy to deal with their requests and demands.  An example is once we have learned how a boss operates, and know when and where to question or resist him/her, we often submit without thinking. RULES: the person using The Box has set clearly defined rules, backed up by previous uses of The Box, that we are to submit to their requests and demands all the time .  An example is when our spouse has issued the general demand that we “never” again do what we did, or when a parent says that we are “always” supposed to do something. TRUST: when we trust the person using The Box, we are more likely to submit to their requests and demands.  An example is a close friend or family member who we feel has our “best interest” in mind, and/or has always “come through” for us, hence we trust him/her even when he/she uses The Box. UNHEALTHY DEPENDENCY: when we cannot function without The Box – when we cannot motivate ourselves nor rely upon our free will, we are too dependent on it and the person using it.  It works the other way, too – when our relationship with someone is based on our using The Box to control him or her.  Abusive or long-lasting uses of The Box tend to cause unhealthy dependencies and corresponding unhealthy coping strategies.  An example is when a battered wife cannot break away from the abusive husband and creates excuses for the husband’s behaviors and tries ways to keep him from being displeased. For us to release ourselves from The Box that cages us, there is a great need for us to understand The Box and our emotions. In so doing, we attain the two goals of this book with ease. So, remember the reasons enumerated above, and try not to submit your will to someone who boxes you in.     Read the full article