Understanding The Box and Our Emotions
We sometimes disregard the relationship between The Box and our emotions (or range of emotions). In the book, Living Beyond The Box, we learn how people and things seem to “box us in”. We learn that almost from birth we learn to follow directions, seek rewards, avoid punishment, and try to have fun. Over the years we can be under a steady diet or abusive forms of such things. The book lays out these things as The Box. The book then goes on to help readers to better understand The Box, learn how to cope or escape it, and how to use it ourselves correctly as parents, teachers or other authority figures. In addition, it allows the readers to evaluate just how much The Box is impacting their lives. The goal of the book is to Help people to live beyond The Box, and Help people to help others to live beyond The Box.
The Relationship between The Box and Our Emotions
We need to look at the relationship between The Box and our emotions. When we are being controlled by the will of another person, it sometimes feels like it is not the way things should be. As that person tells us what to do, offers us rewards and/or threatens us with punishment, and perhaps tries to make it all seems like it will be fun if we do it, we actually submit our will over to doing it. In a way, we have used our free will in order to give in to another’s. The decision to do this often happens for one of the following reasons: FEAR: the threat of punishment is great enough, and/or the memory of past punishment is bad enough, to make us afraid of not doing it. An example is when a parent threatens to spank or take away special privileges (or has done so in the past). DESIRE: the promise of reward or entertainment sounds good, and/or the memory of past rewards or entertain from this person has been really fun. An example is when a teacher promises a snack or makes the task into a game, or has made it worth our while in the past. HABIT: the relationship we have with this person, and the use he/she makes of The Box, are familiar enough that we have created a coping strategy to deal with their requests and demands. An example is once we have learned how a boss operates, and know when and where to question or resist him/her, we often submit without thinking. RULES: the person using The Box has set clearly defined rules, backed up by previous uses of The Box, that we are to submit to their requests and demands all the time . An example is when our spouse has issued the general demand that we “never” again do what we did, or when a parent says that we are “always” supposed to do something. TRUST: when we trust the person using The Box, we are more likely to submit to their requests and demands. An example is a close friend or family member who we feel has our “best interest” in mind, and/or has always “come through” for us, hence we trust him/her even when he/she uses The Box. UNHEALTHY DEPENDENCY: when we cannot function without The Box – when we cannot motivate ourselves nor rely upon our free will, we are too dependent on it and the person using it. It works the other way, too – when our relationship with someone is based on our using The Box to control him or her. Abusive or long-lasting uses of The Box tend to cause unhealthy dependencies and corresponding unhealthy coping strategies. An example is when a battered wife cannot break away from the abusive husband and creates excuses for the husband’s behaviors and tries ways to keep him from being displeased. For us to release ourselves from The Box that cages us, there is a great need for us to understand The Box and our emotions. In so doing, we attain the two goals of this book with ease. So, remember the reasons enumerated above, and try not to submit your will to someone who boxes you in. Read the full article
