Cabrakan

But for two VERY different reasons

Cipactli thinks he’s adorable, and minus licking his EYEBALL-(wtf?!), she just seems to love the big kitty

CABRAKAN ON THE OTHER HAND IS FULL-FATASS AND IMAGINING HOW THIS DUDE TASTES-

“I bet he tastes like kittens!”

The fuck?

Anyway, they both got a VERRRRRRRY different view of Chiapa.

And later in the episode, Cipactli is petting him again(which Chiapa reciprocated this time)

Weird fucking Gods I’ll say that-

Maria walked into a meeting room, with Kukulkan and Ququmatz in tow.

“are you sure about this idea, mija?” Ququmatz asked Maria.

“Sure, I'm sure. I have more than enough authority as an Underworld goddess to make this happen!” She said, confidently.

“I have faith that she'll manage!” Kuku added.

Using her authority, Maria summoned a large stone gate, shaped like a skull, opening up in the middle of the room. Varying gods came out of the gate, gathering into the room.

Suddenly, Maria shifted into a somewhat horrifying appearance, fitting for an Underworld goddess. “GREETINGS MY SUBJECTS! I HAVE SUMMONED YOU FORTH FOR ONE EXPRESS PURPOSE”

All the underworld gods who had been summoned stood in attention to her. Eyes pointed straight at her, with the upmost respect.

“I HAVE SUMMONED YOU- to help me with Christmas!” Mari says, as she turned back into her more standard appearance.

All of a sudden, those summoned seemed to have lost some of the fear and respect they originally had. Now being skeptical and a lil insulting.

“SILENCE!” Shouted Ququmatz, with rageful burning eyes.

The gods stopped their prattling, and stood at attention again.

“You guys know Christmas, right?” Maria asked them.

One of the gods, Xquic, spoke up. “I've heard something about it. Is it like a celebration of winter or something?”

Mari sighed in response, “not exactly. It takes place in winter, but it doesn't celebrate winter. Uh, the history is complicated but there's various things celebrated. Family, love, peace, the winter solstice, this one pretty important Messiah figure for this one religion. That kinda stuff.

Then another god, Chamiabac, commented “Wait, what was that last-”

“Eh, that's not super relevant for us. Instead we have something else to worry about.”

Then the Camazotz of PHH questioned “and what would that be?”

“Santa Clause!” Mari said. “Here in Chaldea, every year around Christmas, one servant gets to be the Santa for the year. Their job is to deliver presents and/or spread ‘Christmas joy’ in some way shape or form. And this year, that's my duty!”

Then another god, Miccapetlacalli also had a question “So where do we come into this?”

“I need someone to help me get ready! This is a big job, and I can't just do everything. I need people to help make the gifts, help with my outfit, and inevitably there will be fighting too-”

Then someone interrupted Maria.

“Oh fighting?!” Cabrakan said. “I can definitely handle that!”

“I enjoy the enthusiasm.” Mari said.

Then the Queen of the underworld raised her hand, and had a question. “Could you give us a few examples of aspects to Christmas?”

Mari thinks for a bit. “Well I have a few things.” She picks up a present “this is a present! Starting with a box, wrapped in paper and ribbons!”

Some gods now had questions. “Oh what's in it?”

“Is it a heart?”

“Is it bones?”

Mari clarified “the point is to not know, but it could be anything!”

“Very morbid of them” Kukulkan commented.

“That's their default setting.” Ququmatz explained.

Mari then picked up a stocking. “Now this is a stocking! We hang it up on the wall, and fill it with treats!”

More gods commented

“Is that where the bones are?”

“Or maybe eyes?”

“Maybe cacao?”

“Maybe some blood?”

“Blood would ruin the sock!” Kuku corrected them.

“The cacao was closer, but only by so much.” Mari explained.

Maria then picked up a Christmas tree. “This is the tree! Covered in lights, topped with a star, and underneath is where we put the presents.”

“That star is kinda small” said Cabrakan.

“It's not a real star” Ququmatz said.

“Don't be so stupid, brother!” Zipacna scolded.

Mari tried to get them to understand. “Very rarely would some of these gifts include things like blood or hearts. Tho, since the purpose is just to make the recipients happy, it could theoretically include those things! Like for all of you!”

Suddenly the gods got excited!

“Hearts and bones?” One said.

“Sacrifices for us! What an exciting festival!” Another commented.

Suddenly Mictlantecuhtli raised himself up, and in a deep and intimidating voice said “as the feared and dark gods of the underworld, we rarely get our pick of the better offerings. Especially after those damn hero twins cursed our lands. If we were to receive such quality sacrifices and offerings, we'd be happy to assist you, Miquitzlicoatl.”

“Well that's amazing to hear.” Maria responded.

Everything seemed to be going great!

Then, after assigning the gods their duties, Mari took Kuku and Ququ somewhere else.

“Everything's looking good Mija!” Kuku said.

“Si! Looks like things will go smoothly!” Ququ said.

“It's good to see things go smoothly!” Mari said “but also I wanted to tell you guys something.”

“What is it?” Kuku asked.

“Well, Blonde Mama had been Santa before. But that was before you two came, and as such you missed out. So I wanted to help remedy that.” She said.

“What are you saying?” Ququ asked.

“While I'll still be Santa, would you two be willing to be my Reindeer?” She asked them.

Simultaneously they both said “OH!!!!”

Ququ said “Oh that'd be great!”

“We’d love to, mija!” Kuku said.

Cabrakan: I dunno. I thought they looked kinda dashing.

Mictlan: I got 24 hours to get rid of this mocosa, or the entire scheme I’ve been setting up for 15 years goes up in smoke. And you. Are wearing. Her. MERCHANDISE?!?!?!?!

Cipactli: (Sips Maya-themed drink. Stops when Mictlan glares at her) Heh heh. Thirsty?

Mictlan: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!