Based on @art-the-f-up BuzzFeed au
BuzzFeed Paranormal: Woodland Investigators.
Marinette stood in front of the old, creaky house as Adrien came beside her holding a high-tech camera and aiming it where she shone a flashlight. He turned it on her.
‘Adrien, are you ready for this? We’ve had reports of strange noises, inexplicable drafts, and even… shadows.’ She could barely hold in the smile as she spoke. Sometimes it was so hard to be serious when you were doing such a shit job.
Adrien, in his usual comical, over-serious voice, dramatically moved the camera from her to his own face. ‘Marinette, you know I was born ready. Tonight… we face the unknown.’
‘Right. Or maybe it’s just the wind.’
‘Don’t ruin the suspense! It could be anything.’ Adrien grinned. He shut off the camera and looked at her. ‘Do you ever think we could be doing more with our lives than this?’
She shrugged. Of course she did, but then she wouldn’t spend all her time with him, not that she would tell him that of course.
They entered the house, the floorboards creaking beneath them. The house was dimly lit, the only sounds were those of their footsteps and the occasional spooky creak.
Adrien turned the camera back on and turned it to his face. ‘We’ve just entered the house. The air is cold. The atmosphere? Heavy. The spirits? Unsettled.’
She snorted. ‘The only thing unsettled here is your hair from all that gel. Calm down, Agreste.’
They walked through the house, and as they headed up the stairs, a loud thud came from the ceiling above them. They froze, both of them slowly looking up at the ceiling
Playing to the camera, as he always did, Adrien gasped. “DID YOU HEAR THAT?”
she grinned, using a finger to turn the camera to her. ‘What, your heart skipping a beat? Or was that the creaky old ceiling?’
‘She mocks now… but soon, we will uncover the truth. The truth that haunts these walls,’ he whispered dramatically, pulling an unladylike snort from her.
They reached the attic door, the thumping now louder, accompanied by faint scurrying sounds. Marinette narrowed her eyes at the door.
‘This is it, Adrien. This is where the ‘ghost’ must be. You ready?’
‘As ready as I’ll ever be. If I get possessed by a ghost, just… make sure I still look good on camera.’
Marinette rolled her eyes and pushed open the attic door. Inside, she couldn’t see much but outlines of objects scattered around the attic. It was dark and cluttered. Dust floated in the air as they stepped cautiously. Suddenly, something moved in the corner.
‘SPIRIT,’ Adrien bellowed dramatically. ‘REVEAL THYSELF!’
As though answering the call. A rustling from the corner was joined by the faintest shadow stretching across the floorboards. Then the scratching started. Faster and faster, the tapping grew right until it was in front of them.
A raccoon scurried across the floor, followed by two squirrels that leap from the rafters, narrowly missing Adrien. He stumbled back, wide-eyed letting out an ear piercing scream. She couldn’t help the laughter escaping her mouth as she snorted, loud and hard.
‘Oh no! The spirits of… woodland creatures!’ she said, grasping her stomach to try and ease the pain.
“I— I can’t— Marinette! We’ve been haunted by… raccoons?!’ He had barely recovered From his scare, which only made Marinette laugh more.
Tears formed in her eyes, her thumbs pressing hard under her eyes to stop the mascara running and making her one with the raccoon. ‘The ghost of trash pandas past!’
Her laughter, unbelievably, intensified as Adrien started to laugh beside her, moving from slight chuckle to full guffaw in the matter of seconds and causing her to collapse into her knees.
‘How— how did we even get hired for this?! Who calls ghost hunters for animals?!”
Marinette took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself down. ‘I don’t know, but I think we’re going to need a different kind of expertise to deal with these “spirits.”’
The raccoons continued to scurry around as Adrien collapsed onto the floor beside her. As soon as she met his eyes she could hear his shriek play on repeat in her mind causing her to start laughing again, both unaware the camera was still rolling. She fell backwards, leaning against a dusty old trunk as they both dissolved into uncontrollable laughter.
Adrien crawled across the floor and picked up the camera, bringing Marinette’s attention to the red light still on. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we have uncovered the truth. The noises in the night… were just raccoons trying to open a snack bar.’
‘Next time, let’s make sure our haunted houses don’t come with actual tenants in the attic.’
Adrien snorted, standing up and holding out a hand for her. ‘I’ll call the exterminator… you can call the ghostbusters just in case.’
Adrien turned off the camera just as the raccoon chased the squirrels across the attic, sending them both into a spiral of laughter again. This week they had completely failed to maintain any sort of professional composure—again.
