#busting stereotypes

Dear Nicole Arbour,

Watching Nicole Arbour's video titled "Dear Feminists", I was left extremely conflicted, as she seemed to have a specific idea of what made a "modern day feminist". As a feminist myself, I struggled to understand how these stereotypes were in any way related to feminism today. Nicole began with stating the dictionary definition of feminism - "The social, political and economic equality of the sexes", saying that she agreed with "women supporting each other" and telling men that "she is not their bitch". However, she then went on to say that she is not a feminist (even though what she described herself as is a feminist). Nicole could not class herself as a feminist for many reasons.

One of these reasons was because feminists - according to Nicole - did not care about their appearance, "didn't shave", and "enjoyed the smell of their own body odour". So, what classes as not caring about our appearance? Not wearing makeup? Not spending an extra twenty minutes curling our hair? Women, and men, are entitled to look however they want, and do whatever makes them happy, whether that is shaving every part of their body or not shaving at all. Personal appearances have nothing to do with opinions, and the only people that have to live in our skin are ourselves. What about Emma Watson? One of the world’s most successful women, both for beauty and brains, is also known as the United Nations #HeForShe campaigner. Beyonce, a self-proclaimed feminist and gender equality advocate made millions on various perfume lines. Audrey Hepburn, an inspiration to myself and many, is a fashion icon all over the world and penned some of the most memorable feminist quotes.

Another of Nicole's opinions was that women were "only good for saying no". She referred to sexual favours for men and how it was a woman’s duty to do this. Nicole has obviously fallen a few centuries back and thinks that the only sexuality that exists is straight! This throws every LGBTQI person further back. It also throws back the idea that women are only sexual objects and live to please men, rather than themselves. It encourages rape culture and for someone with such a large audience, Nicole suggests to young girls that going through things like this is something that every girl has to go through.

Dear Nicole-you are entitled to your opinions, but please realise what you are saying has consequences. I for one, would rather be told I am "too strong" than too weak. I would rather be called "bossy" than a pushover. I would rather my voice be "too loud" than not heard at all, and I would rather speak out and and live a life I am proud of, than keep my mouth shut out of fear of being called these things. Because having to keep your mouth shut is not the debt you pay to live as a woman, and I for one am extremely proud of my "crazy" views.

From a feminist.

 (Gabrielle, 17)

Nicole Arbour is a girl who posts controversial videos on the internet such as “Dear fat people” and most recently “Dear feminists”. Her most recent video includes numerous false assumptions and statements that have no factual foundations and are sexist, heteronormative and simply, just incorrect. Throughout her video Nicole seemed to stray from the definition of feminism. Feminism is the belief that men and women should be treated equally. While Nicole acknowledges this definition of feminism at the start of her video, she then contradicts this by arguing that the issues are being diluted by “feminists” who hate men because they cannot get a date and because they believe all men are pigs. This is a reoccurring theme throughout Nicole Arbour’s videos. She constantly refers to feminists as women who hate men. First of all, feminism, by its very definition, is not a movement against men, it’s aim is not to reduce men’s status in order to raise the social standing of women. To be a feminist, you must believe in men and women being equal. Misandry-the hatred of men-has nothing to do with feminism. Secondly, this comment- as well as the whole video- insinuates that only women are feminists. Again this is untrue, any person who believes women and men should be treated equally, and works to achieve this,  is a feminist.

Another statement that Nicole made accused feminists of actively making themselves unattractive to men and stated that all feminists do not want a man. Again ignoring this heteronormative sweeping statement that also assumes all feminists are women. Being a feminist and having a partner are completely unrelated however, feminism does include the belief that a woman does not need a partner. This is a social inequality where a woman’s worth and success in later life is often determined by whether she has “settled down” with a husband and has children. Not only is this belief archaic, assuming there is only one family type with a women, a man and children (which is obviously not the case families come in all shapes and sizes and there is no standard combination that makes up a family) but it is also extremely sexist. There is a clear double standard here where a man who is unmarried in later life is a “bachelor” which comes with the connotations of a choice to stay single due to being able to carry on a fun commitment free lifestyle. On the other hand, an unmarried woman is branded a “spinster” or more recently a “crazy cat lady”. This comes with the suggestion that rather than choosing to remain unmarried, the woman has instead been unable to find a partner, it implies that there is no way a woman would remain single by choice and that a woman needs a man to be fulfilled. Which is, of course, nonsense.

Something, in particular that struck a chord with me while I was watching this video was when Nicole stated feminist claim that they are “being raped by your eyes”. I assume that she is referring to the sexualisation of women, however, by phrasing it in this way she is completely trivialising this severe issue. The sexualisation of women, particularly in the media is detrimental to women’s physical and mental well-being, and it is something that under no circumstances should be trivialised. Not only do these unrealistic, photo shopped pictures set unrealistic body goals for women and implant the idea that in order to be beautiful women have to meet these unfeasible criteria, but it also puts forward the concept that a woman’s worth is measured by her appearance and her sexual appeal. The sexualisation of women simultaneously contributes to society’s rape culture by depicting women as nothing more than objects.

Additionally, an argument Nicole makes against feminism is that feminist body shame skinny girls whilst also praising overweight girls for being an inspiration. This is an absurd accusation as a fundamental belief of feminism is that a women’s worth is dependant on her size.  Feminists believe in body positivity and that beauty comes in every shape and size.

Nicole also makes different accusations throughout her video about equal pay and opportunity in the workplace. She infers at one point that it’s not acceptable for women to want equal pay and expect a man to pay for dinner at the same time. Yet again, we see the recurrence of a sweeping heteronormative statement that assumes all feminists arestraight women. This statement also makes the argument that women do not receive equal pay as their goal in life should be to find themselves a partner to economically support them. Furthermore, it’s such an old fashioned belief that a guy should pay for dinner when out on a date (again assuming that every date consists of a man and a woman). This is a gender stereotype that feminism stands up against. She furthers this point by arguing that if equal pay and opportunity at work is such an issue for women, that they should just start up their own business. However, this does not take into account everyone’s different lifestyle choices: not everyone has the time; the money or the skills needed to start up their own business. However, that isn’t even the point, the point is that a woman should not have to start up their own business just to get equal pay and equal opportunity.

Another accusation Nicole made that really astounded me was that feminists are “acting more like guys and expected to be treated like girls”. There are so many issues with this small statement that I do not know where to begin. It assumes that all guys should act a certain way and all girls should act a certain way with no variation. Obviously, this is absurd, but it also demonstrates a binary understanding of gender, totally disregarding non binary individuals. It also tackles the issue, that in my opinion, is at the very core of feminism. This sentence states that guys and girls are treated differently to each other. It asserts that there is a certain way girls and guys should be treated solely due to their gender. I think we can all agree that feminists do not want to be treated like “how a guy or girl should be treated”, but would much rather just be treated like a human being.

Nicole also defends the toy Barbie, a doll that is targeted at young girls, saying feminists only hated her “because she was pretty”. Except this is not the issue at all. The issue with Barbie is that there is no variation to the doll, she sets a singular standard of beauty. A standard of beauty that, due to its proportions, is physically impossible for young girls and women to achieve. Another deep routed issue with Barbie is highlighted through a talking Barbie product, that was released recently, and was branded as educational. Except all she talks about is clothes, dancing, cereal and a dream diary. These sexist and shallow topics teach young girls, who look up to Barbie, that this is the way they should act and think. Barbie is clearly sexist and damaging to young girls and it is for this reason that feminist disagree with her.

Nicole argues that all of the points she made in her video are the ways that feminists are take the meaning away from feminism. However, instead she has just illustrated her lack of understanding of what feminism stands for and as a result makes broad generalised statements that have nothing to support them. It seems that rather than having an issue with feminism or feminists, Nicole is attempting to be controversial and create a reaction from the people watching.