#burnselfs

@ldcnes:   holly,  we’ve killed paul anka so many times,  and we’ve created the sweetest dynamic between our kids.  writing with you is always a delight and i’m so glad we still talk.  i adore you,  and your luke,  and liam,  and our kids,  and all the incredible memories you’ve been a part of.  all the angst,  all the fluff,  all the feelings.

@grcwingstrcng:   nic.  my wife.  you’re a true angel,  i’m not kidding.  i adored you,  and i’m so appreciative of someone who loves max and lorelai as much as i do.  they’re amazing,  and deserve love,  and the verses we’ve built for them are my favorite.  also the father/daughter things we’ve done with richard and lorelai have been delightful and i just???  love you.  thank you for being my friend,  and my wife,  and just one of the loves of my life.  i flipping tables love you.

@lovescoffee:   katie!!!  you’re wonderful.  i remember when criminal minds brought us together,  then gilmore girls solidified our friendship.  you’re genuinely one of my dearest friends and i’m so glad to know you and to be able to write with you.

@burnselfs:   jackie!!  you’ve also been around for so long,  and i appreciate it so much.  your writing is beautiful,  and your jess is *chef’s kiss*.  the fact that we know the truth abt jess and lorelai being such good friends is wonderful,  i love the verse we have with holly and katie where lorelai’s basically jess’ mom and i love you and i’m so glad to have you in my life.

@burnselfs​ (GALE!) said:  “ i wish you would not sneak up on me like that ”

           guilt coils up tight in her stomach because she knows that feeling, knows the way it feels to have someone appear out of nowhere. the memories it brings up, the reaction so deep in the gut that it happens before you can think. “sorry,” she says quietly, sliding her hands up and down his arms as though to smooth the tension away. “i didn’t mean to - - - i thought you heard me.” she didn’t think she had been so quiet as to manage to sneak up on him, the way the door closed behind her, her keys clinking as she’d put them on their hook. her hands pause and she peers around at him, trying to read in his face if anything’s wrong, if this day has been a bad one, or if she had only managed to surprise him. “everything alright?” 

a shift of movement has her glancing over her shoulder at caleb, the wind again pushing against her cheek, drying the wetness trailing there. salty, but not quite salt water. ❝ oh, hi caleb! ❞ she falls back onto her feet, rushing over to pull him to where she stood, looking down. ❝ look at this! have you ever seen anything like it? ❞

it had started as an entirely manageable day, gwen thinks. but now, as night begins to stretch across the sky, and the air grows colder, she finds she isn’t anywhere near as close to being finished her duties as she would have liked. but in the darkness there isn’t much she can do, and if she waits too much longer she won’t be able to find herself a way home. exhaustion has already worked its way in as a companion that gwen cannot shake, and she blinks rapidly to keep herself alert. 

it is in the midst of this rapid blinking that she runs, quite literally, into lancelot. she startles at the collision, and feels herself flush without meaning to. that seems to happen to her quite often around lancelot.

“      are  you      . . .      alright?      ”        slow,     languid  blinking  of  tired  eyelids  as  caduceus  settles  down  next  to  caleb  with  careful  folding  of  long  limbs  under  his  frame.        it  isn’t  that  he  means  to  pry,      rather  the  contrary,      but  he  cannot  help  but  to  wonder.        to  worry.        because  that’s  his  position,      his  place  to  do  so.        and  he  doubts  anyone  to  question  it,      or  at  least  to  question  it  now  in  the  silence  after  dinner.         where  they’ve  all  broken  into  their  separate  places  and  sought  respite.        “      i  know  it’s  been  a  very  strange  time,      caleb.        and  that  we  haven’t  had  much  of  a  chance  to  sit  down  and  talk  about  how  that  affects  us.        affects  you.      ”        their  world  had  changed,      and  changed  again.        each  new  day  brought  enemies  and  friends,      sometimes  back  from  the  dead    -    and  that  in  itself  was  so  far  beyond  his  league;      beyond  the  faith  that  the  wildmother  had  bestowed  to  him.

we have to be  very  careful.  he  had  been  the  one  to  say  that,  staring  at  the  frozen  expressions  of  his  family.  now  that  they’re  moving  again.  alive.  real.  it’s——caduceus  is  still  piecing  together  how  he  feels  about  it.  it’s  not  quite  a  revival,  not  quite.  similar,  though.  which  he  expects  his  family  to  be  thinking  about  as  well  though  they  won’t  say  it.  they  never  will.

there’s  just  something  about  time.  the  time  that  has  passed,  marking  his  body  while  they  remain  untouched.  as  if  the  years  he  had  spent  waiting  were  lost  in  more  ways  than  one.  he’s  glad.  really,  he’s  glad.  it’s  better  that  they  had  no  choice,  frozen  in  the  garden.  it’s  better  that  he  can  cross  the  alternative  off  the  list.  it  just  leaves  him  a  lot,  is  all.

❛ i  think, ❜   he  starts  in  that  slow  way  of  his.  he  likes  talking  like  this.  maybe  it’s  because  he  had  just  been  out  of  practice,  but  the  longer  he  stays  outside,  the  more  he  realizes  that  maybe  it’s  not  a  bad  habit  to  hold  onto.  it  gives  him  time  to  think.  to  consider  things.  strategize.  which,  admittedly,  is  something  new  to  him.  or  perhaps  it’s  just  because  he  finally  has  a  word  for  it.   ❛ i’m  holding  up.  hm.  i’m  thankful  it  turned  out  as  well  as  it  did. ❜