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(fallout 4) → elizabeth “buffie” hartley, sole survivor.
Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless. Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless. Little white flowers will never awaken you. Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you.
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nick valentine, the synth detective, had his entire brainwave/mental structure built off the brain scans of nick valentine, the human detective, who was dealing with grief, trauma, loss, and possible ptsd induced by all three during the time of those scans. this means that nick valentine was built with a mental illness in tact within his structure. this means that nick the synth has been dealing with the existential crisis of being a gen 2 synth on top of the agony of original!nick’s emotional and mental problems.
the game doesn’t outright say this, but it does give you a holotape in the badtfl that has captain widmark ordering nick to go to CIT for treatment. we know the CIT were the origins of the institute, who make these synths in the first place. one and one make an easy two.
nick’s entire personal arc is the agony of trying to separate who he is and what he feels from what his brain has been programmed to feel based on his behavioral structure.
i don’t have any way to end this. this revelation just hurts (and it’s one of the many many reasons why buffy wants to hold the damn man close and keep him happy and safe).
things i loved about fallout 4: a stable fallout on a console that wouldn’t shit its fucking pants every 30 minutes, freezing my system and forcing a hard reset; open ended ideas on humanity and personhood that allow me to dive off into my own headcanons and ideas for my own writing; putting me in the perspective of a mother who lost everything and was desperate to find her child, thereby making me sympathize or outright empathize with her plight and think deeply about what it means to be a mother in a time of war and a post-war apocalypse (are you still someone’s mother if you lose your child? that question HAUNTS ME).
things people hated about fallout 4: THE BABY LOL
and look, i’m not saying fallout 4 was perfect, but it doesn’t take much effort to find things to like about it. as opposed to david cage games, which have nothing to like about them.
@sofialamb tagged me to do this OC tarot card quiz, so I did it for Buffie (my FO4 Sole Survivor), and she got the Hierophant lmao
The Hierophant is a symbol of education, authority, conservatism, obedience to rules and relationship with the divine. You are a person who interprets sacred mysteries or esoteric principles, You are matured enough, quite wise and logical. However, you are somehow associated and obsessed with the past.
Deffo love how it uses the Persona 3 and 4 tarot!
idk who to tag for this but if you have an OC or you RP as someone and wanna do the quiz, go ahead!
tfw you’re minding your own damn business and you get a tidal wave of emotions about your sole survivor and her experiences in the commonwealth and how much it hurts her to be torn from a happy housewife life with a husband and a kid, to being instantly widowed and reverse orphaned and she was powerless to stop any of it, and then sike she’s not, and then she’s left behind again anyway :)))))
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I may not mind the Institute but boy do I hate Father oops
And even when I say I “hate” Father it’s more like I HATE WHAT WAS DONE TO HIM
I HATE WHAT WAS TAKEN FROM HIM
I HATE THAT HE STILL HAS SOME SOFTER PARTS OF HIM BUT HE CAN ONLY EXPRESS IT THROUGH SYNTH!SHAUN
“Do you think you could... love him?” He asks that about the child, but I keep hearing it as “love me”. Plus my heart just CRACKS each time you go the Institute and see synth Shaun slump over :(
Honestly, this is even worse for Buffy, since she’s that whole “housewife, family first” kinda lady. I can easily see her siding with the Institute because emotions rule her more than morality, although that decision would just be a small comfort. Shaun, the original Shaun, won’t come back by siding with them. It’d be in his honor, his memory, more than anything.
This was tougher when I was playing as Clara. Clara wanted nothing to do with the Institute, wanted nothing to do with their plans or even pretending to go along with them. She had to raid the place with the Minutemen because even the idea of lying and being a covert agent on the inside was too much for her to bear. But Buffy? Buffy could be an agent--she could be an agent too well--and get a Stockholm Syndrome-y kind of sympathetic feedback to the Institute because they’ve got her by the heartstrings. They’ve got her son. Her son, who is a man older than she ever saw her husband be--and he has Nate’s eyes!!--who is so stunted in how he knows how to express/ask for support and compassion that it’s filtered entirely through scientific reasoning and experiments.
Man... I didn’t expect it to be this hard to choose where Buffy’s allegiances lie. I planned her to be Brotherhood through and through, but now I’m leaning towards Railroad. But... now that I’m here? I’m finding it hard to justify why she wouldn’t go Institute.
Time to power up those “keep Deacon” mods lol
So I finally recruited Cait and
I’m kinda in love????
Oops? I mean, the “Mars” classical song was playing as I charged in there and mowed down the Raiders, and the loading screen showed the Luck Bobblehead, with the four leaf clover, AND she has an Irish accent, and she said this when I talked to her:
“I see how yer lookin’ at me. Not sayin’ I don’t like it, just thought I’d clear the air.”
So it all just added up to charming.
... How am I gonna work her into Buffy’s story arc? :IIII
