#btr rewatch

We begin at Rocque Records, where the guys arrive (on roller blades) just in time for a meeting.

I feel like the show overall really kind of forgets that the guys are such dedicated hockey players. Sometimes, even I forget until we get a little scene thrown in as a reminder.

I wish the series had leaned into this part of their lives more. I don't even think we ever actually see them on the ice, do we? That would have been cool. Hey, shout out to BTR On Ice. I guess that was the closest we'll get.

I wanted to go to this so bad.

Anywho, Kelly is surprised and slightly alarmed at their punctuality since they've evidently never been on time for a meeting before. Kendall provides the explanation of, "Well, it's amazing how much you can get done when you've sworn off dating girls."

The guys are evidently sick of all the heartache and confusion the world of dating brings and decided to just not do it anymore. They're immediately informed that they're part of Pop Tiger's "Win a date with BTR" contest, and are (naturally) unhappy about it. Kelly and Gustavo tell them about what an important opportunity it is to be featured in the magazine, and that the next goal is to continue to "climb the cover." Kendall and James share a look that I had to gif because you can see James smirk at the end like he's about to break.

The boys are not impressed by all this talk of climbing the magazine cover ladder and once again reaffirm that they are DONE with dating. We then skip to one month later, where they're thrilled to be going on dates again. They're introduced to the contest winners.

James's date is a girl named Jeanette, who he's initially excited to spend the day with until he sees Carlos's date, Tiffany. He then looks at Jeanette with an expression I can only describe as horrified.

Kendall is told his date is named Bobby, and he leans over to Logan and says, "sounds cute." I guess Kendall just assumes that he's destined in life to always date girls with traditionally boy names, so he doesn't even consider that Bobby might be a boy.

Not only is Bobby a boy, Bobby is a child who is brought in on a leash.

Logan's date is Rona. She is fabulous.

Rona is absolutely delighted to meet Logan, and she pinches his cheek and calls him a "boy-man," which is a descriptor both accurate and weird.

After a very awkward group photo of the guys with their dates, we follow Kendall and Bobby up to 2J.

Bobby takes a ride down the swirly slide (and declares that he could live in it) and then jumps onto Kendall's back for a horsey ride just as Katie enters the room. Young Bobby is smitten by Katie and immediately asks Kendall to hook him up with her, which Kendall has no interest in doing.

Down by the pool, James is ignoring Jeanette in favor of staring at Carlos's date because he woke up that morning deciding to be a lowlife creep, apparently. He drags Jeanette over to the table where Carlos and Tiffany are, then drags Carlos inside to tell him that they have to switch dates. Carlos is upset but unsurprised, and his response lets us know that this is apparently just the norm in their friendship.

Carlos says he doesn't want to switch, but we all know that James isn't going to let this go.

Over at the park, Logan is having his very strange date with Rona, who, after studying him a while, says, "I don't get it. I mean, you're cute, but you're no Bobby Sherman."

I remember when I was younger, thinking that she was just referencing an old boyfriend she had growing up. But lo and behold, Bobby Sherman was evidently a musician and teen idol in the 60s and 70s.

We then learn that Rona has never even heard of Big Time Rush before; she just enters every contest that she comes across, and she's using this trip to L.A. as an opportunity to visit her sister.

And also to have Logan do her taxes.

That's a very nice cardigan he's wearing, btw.

We return to 2J, where Bobby is telling Kendall over and over again that he wants to go to the park to meet Katie. Kendall replies with, "Look, you said my sister was 'schmokin' hot', and that upsets me, so now we're gonna play Big Time Rush's favorite video games."

I love Kendall so much.

Bobby will not accept this redirection though, and starts throwing a fit just as the woman in charge of the Pop Tiger article walks in. So, off to the park Kendall and Bobby go.

James and Carlos, meanwhile, have reached an agreement regarding the whole date-switching thing. Carlos agrees to swapping girls as long as James agrees to these things, which are outlined in a contract:

• James has to wax Carlos's helmet every day

• Carlos gets first dibs on any genies, leprechauns, wish-granting amulets, and magic rings James finds

• Carlos also gets dibs on any of James's organs should he ever need one

All very reasonable, but Carlos should have also added that he gets to eat whatever he orders at restaurants from now on without James taking any of it from him.

The guys return to the pool, make up a story about the magazine accidentally mixing up which of them was supposed to be with the girls, and make the switch. Carlos asks Jeanette what she wants to know about BTR, and she tells him she'd love to know what he uses in his hair because she's obsessed with hair and hair products. The regret on James's face is instant and obvious.

Kendall, Katie, and Bobby are at the park playing horseshoes.

I like that the Knight siblings both went with the plaid look that day. Very cute.

Katie does NOT want to hang out with Bobby, but Kendall tells her it's just for the day so that they can "move up Pop Tiger's cover ladder mega something." Katie, always the reliable little sister, agrees to suffer through the afternoon as long as Kendall doesn't leave her alone with Bobby. Ten seconds later, Bobby asks Kendall to go get smoothies (and promises to tell the Pop Tiger lady his day was awesome) and so Kendall leaves her alone with him.

Logan, meanwhile, got Rona a $2,000 tax return, which she is elated about, and we head into a montage of how they spend the rest of their afternoon together.

Rona is great. What a diva.

They return back to the apartment after their fun-filled afternoon, Rona asks Logan to help her get her boots off, and he decides that this is his breaking point. This boy SPRINTS full speed all the way to Rocque Records.

That was the longest gif I've ever made. Had to compress it so much to get the file size down.

Logan falls to his knees in front of Kelly and begs her to help him get out of the date.

At the park, Kendall returns with the smoothies but finds Katie alone. She tells her brother that Bobby tried to kiss her, she threatened to punch him, then he tried again, so she did punch him and then told him to get lost. The Pop Tiger lady shows up then, and Kendall asks her what would happen if, hypothetically, one of their dates was lost. She tells him that Big Time Rush would be banned for life from their magazine.

The Pop Tiger lady says she's going to go get photos of the other guys and asks Kendall and Bobby to meet her back by the pool.

James is trying to attempt to convince Carlos that they need to switch again and return to their original dates. Carlos, of course, is against it and points out that it's mean, but seeing as James wears the pants in their relationship, he's powerless to do anything but go along with it.

They switch back and make a date with the girls at one of their favorite hangout spots. James is excited to get to talk haircare with Jeanette, and I must say that for as much of a sleazebag as James is being, it is kind of nice (for lack of a better word) that his motivation for pursuing the girls has switched from looks to mutual interests. It's kind of sweet that his attraction right now is being driven by a desire to gush about hair products, because that's very James of him. He still needs a hefty time out for all this nonsense, though.

Ok, wait, I let the rest of the scene play out, and James changes his mind about Jeanette immediately after Tiffany reveals that her father owns a "combination yacht club, roller-coaster park, ski resort."

Yeah, no, he's a shallow jerk.

On the flip side, Carlos stays winning as the most respectful, kindest guy of the group. He's been taking such a genuine interest in both of these girls' lives. What a catch.

We hop back to Logan and Rona. Kelly must have really stepped up to help because Pop Tiger lady is there putting an end to the date and explaining to Rona that the typical Pop Tiger reader is under 18. Rona accepts the explanation with grace and tells Pop Tiger lady to make sure readers know what a "sweet, kind, handsome" guy Logan is.

At the pool, Katie saves Kendall's butt by telling Pop Tiger lady that Bobby is playing hide and seek. They get some pics of Kendall searching for Bobby.

I recently came across a post somewhere (maybe on insta?) with a BTR clip from an episode, and there was a comment from someone who prefaced it by saying that they had never seen the show before but were absolutely fascinated and baffled by the facial expressions Kendall made. They said something to the effect of, "How is that guy doing that with his face? His expressions look like something out of a cartoon."

They were not wrong.

James and Carlos take their dates to get some coffee at a nice little place, and though James tries to get Carlos to switch again, Carlos puts his foot down. He tells James to just go get them some coffee, and what follows is my favorite moment of the episode so far. James's reaction is phenomenal. I have never seen someone pack that much sass into a moment of such anger.

James and Carlos eventually end up privately discussing the matter, and James gets Carlos to cave with the promise of getting him a monkey butler.

Carlos, babe. You were doing so well.

Rona is standing outside the Palm Woods, awaiting a taxi so that she can go to her sister's house. Logan pulls up in a van and tells her that he's going to take her to all the other places she wanted to visit, then drive her to see her sister. What a guy.

Back at the park, Carlos is being a sweetheart and giving Jeanette a full tour, even picking a flower to give to her. She does an adorable little sneeze, which makes James run over because he's apparently into cute sneezes.

James needs, like. So much therapy, I don't even know. The way he navigates relationships is deeply disordered.

But the way he acts while Carlos is trying to be the voice of reason is so freaking funny.

The girls come over to inform the guys that there's been another mix-up, and that they're both supposed to spend the day with Carlos.

Yesss. Sweet and respectful king.

We go to Rona's sister's house then, where she breaks the news to Logan that she won't be attending the date wrap-up party with him later. She tells him that he can take her niece instead.

A frantic Gustavo and Kendall return to 2J, still Bobby-less. Pop Tiger lady demands Kendall tell her all about their day, so Kendall recounts everything they did, then remembers what Bobby had said about wanting to live in the swirly slide.

Woohoo! Kendall found Bobby. Except Bobby is miserable after being put in his place (rightfully so) by Katie.

Kendall tells Bobby to apologize, which he does, and Katie promises Bobby one dance with her at the party. All is well, and BTR won't be banned from Pop Tiger! We then skip ahead to the party, where Carlos is happily dancing with Tiffany and Jeanette, Logan is enjoying Rona's niece's company, and Kendall is making sure Bobby is being physically restrained via his harness from getting within touching distance of Katie.

And James is eating his weight in meatball subs and learning the wonderful lesson of "be a massive jerk and end up all alone."

We then go to one month later, where we see the cover of the magazine. The guys have officially made it one rung higher on Pop Tiger's cover ladder :)

This was a really funny, enjoyable episode. I always like it when James and Carlos share a storyline, and this was a fascinating glimpse into their relationship dynamic. Is there such a thing as couple's therapy but for best friends? Because that's what they need. Logan and Rona were very sweet, and for as annoying as Bobby was, watching Kendall trying to wrangle him was funny. After this experience and his babysitting one back in BTJobs, I can see Kendall lying awake at night questioning whether he ever wants to have kids.

Kendall pep talks: none

We're at Rocque Records, where the guys are finishing up recording "Blow Your Speakers Out" for their second album, which is finally complete. They're all psyched to have reached this important next milestone in their career! What could possibly go wrong for them??

Remember Hawk? Because I totally forgot about this guy. He's made parole, but judging by his maniacal laugh and "caaawww!" once he leaves the correctional facility, I have my doubts that he's been legitimately rehabilitated. Hmm...

Gustavo, Kelly, and the boys all gather around the computer as the files for their new songs upload. They celebrate and then start making their way toward the digital storage room to grab the hard drive, but are stopped in their tracks by Hawk, who has the hard drive clutched in his talons. This exchange got a good laugh out of me.

Hawk is out to get his revenge by holding their second album hostage. James pulls a bandana from his pocket and dramatically says, "This looks like a job for...him," but Kendall shoots the idea down right away. Hawk soon calls on his henchmen and promptly disappears in a puff of smoke.

Meanwhile, in 2J, Mama Knight hears a strange sound coming from the sink and peers in to find a horrifying black goo rising up from the drain. She screams, and we cut to Buddha Bob and Bitters investigating.

Buddha Bob ominously declares, "It's back," but Bitters won't let him elaborate when Mrs. Knight asks what he means. He does NOT want his residents to know that the danger that lurks in the piping of his apartment building.

Back at Rocque Records, a sassy and sarcastic detective basically tells the gang that he's going to move the investigation along at a leisurely pace because he's got other things to do than get a hard drive back for a boy band. He tells them to just download their backup files if they need the songs so badly. They run to the control room to search for the files on the computer, but Hawk has also hacked into the files and removed them. Instead, they find a link to a website for a new artist promoting some familiar-looking songs.

Hawk has found a new star and is using him to record and release all of BTR's songs. Let me tell you, Hawk may be crazy but he works very efficiently. It's been like an hour since he stole the hard drive, and he's already got a hot new artist and album ready for preorder.

We hop back to the Palm Woods, where Katie demands answers for whatever it is that her mother is being so secretive about. Buddha Bob tells her that Super Clog is back and he wants her, Mrs. Knight, and the boys to all leave town for a bit. He explains that, five years prior, a similar clog nearly destroyed the Palm Woods and sent residents running for their lives. Katie doesn't quite believe the tale until she catches a glimpse of the terrifying goo herself.

Over at Hawk Records, a small child is recording "Blow Your Speakers Out."

Love how Hawk hasn't bothered to change out of his costume.

The boys and Gustavo and Kelly arrive at Hawk Records, still unsure of what their game plan is. Well, James has a game plan. He once again says that it's time for "him", and starts spinning around, but the other guys stop him before he can undergo whatever transformation was about to take place.

Kendall has come up with a more realistic plan than becoming crime-fighting superheroes. He thinks they should just break in like normal people and steal their hard drive back. They divvy up tools and head off toward the building to commit a crime.

Buddha Bob and Katie, meanwhile, attempt to defeat the Mind Flayer Super Clog with a dinky plunger, but it just gets sucked into the sink. Buddha Bob says that the (apparently sentient) blob of grease and hair will retreat back into the pipes now that it knows it's being hunted. This leads to a horrifying little scene up in 2J.

This episode is insane so far, but it makes more sense once I saw it premiered on October 29th and was the Halloween episode.

The gang breaks into Hawk Records. James does a beautiful somersault into the room.

They search around for a minute but can't find the hard drive. Gustavo tells them, "That's because you're not thinking like an evil producer, and I do because I sorta am one." Great line. Gustavo is evil producer adjacent.

He quickly locates a button inside one of the awards on Hawk's shelf, which opens up a secret compartment in the wall, where their hard drive is being hidden.

Just as all seems to have worked out nicely, Hawk appears with the police and accuses BTR of stealing his stuff. The gang says to just play what's on the hard drive, and the cops will see who it really belongs to. Instead of being filled with BTR's recordings, though, the hard drive contains a video of Hawk performing a new song he's written called, "I Love the Police."

Hawk is HYSTERICAL.

This guy thought through every angle.

The boys and Gustavo are tossed in the slammer.

I remember that Logan yelling, "This is so bad!" was included in the commercials for the episode.

James attempts to break them out by using his bandana to pick the lock, leading to one of my favorite lines of the episode.

I hope this isn't the first time Logan, or any of the other boys, has brought this up. I hope there have been multiple other instances of James doing something utterly bonkers, and then the rest of them later quietly discussing how to get their buddy into therapy because Something Is Clearly Not Right.

You know, when I made my headcanons post a while back, I didn't mention anything specific for James mental health or diagnosis-wise like I did for the other guys, but his relationship with reality is pretty tenuous now that I'm thinking about it. There's the whole talking to himself in the mirror, using a different voice thing like he's got a Norman Osborn/Green Goblin deal going on. There's the complete denial when they go back to Minnesota in BTConcert ("I am dreaming. You are not real. The concert's in one week! *unhinged laughter*"). And now whatever superhero delusion he's got going on that makes him believe a bandana can unlock a jail cell.

Something's going on with that boy. This is the type of thing 2011/2012 era BTR fanfic writers would have grabbed onto and ran with. Probably would have written a 35-chapter saga about James slowly descending into psychosis or something. For all I know, a fic like that does exist out there somewhere. There was a fic for everything back in the day.

Anywho, Kelly bails them out, and the police commissioner tells them to stay out of his way and away from Hawk Records. We immediately cut to Gustavo asking how they're going to get back into Hawk Records. Suddenly, Hawk appears on a monitor nearby and tells everyone his new singer is already onto song 6 of the album he stole.

With the stakes even higher now, Kendall finally relents and gives James permission to transform into his superhero persona: Bandana Man.

What is this episode.

James tells everyone that the "Supertastic Super Six" are going to defeat Hawk Records. Gustavo thinks this is a ridiculous plan, to which James asks if any of them have a better idea.

James ignores every single raised hand.

We briefly return to the Palm Woods, where Super Clog continues to cause chaos and terror. As residents flee with their luggage, Bitters finally gives Buddha Bob permission to do whatever he needs to get rid of it.

Back at Rocque Records, Kelly compiles every article of clothing they have so that everyone can put together their superhero costumes. We get a fun montage while "Blow Your Speakers Out" plays.

Evidently, James has some pretty strict superhero attire standards, because he shoots down Kendall's option with a single look.

Soon, everyone finds some appropriate superhero wear.

It's all literally just the outfits they were wearing back home in BTConcert.

Kind of boring, if you ask me, boys. I feel like you could have been more creative.

The Supertastic Super Six is officially assembled. (Kelly is Bowl Head)

They head to the van to defeat Hawk.

At the Palm Woods, Buddha Bob, Katie, and Mama Knight defeat Super Clog.

The Supertastic Super Six arrive at Hawk Records and get into a cartoony fight with Hawk and his henchmen.

It's episodes like this one that make me sort of understand why my mom could not STAND this show. Like, she wouldn't even be in the room if I was watching it because she found it unbearable. Now, I obviously (STILL!) find the show very enjoyable, but also. I get it. I can see how someone might feel like they're losing brain cells watching this show.

The commissioner and other officers soon show up, and Hawk initially tries to act all innocent again and says he was attacked. The commissioner, though, orders Hawk to be arrested. He and his team looked into who recently bought a hawk costume at the local costume shops, and they found some clear evidence.

Hawk paid $142.62 for that ridiculous costume!

Oh, and he also helpfully left a comment card stating that his reason for buying the costume was for revenge.

They take Hawk away, and Zwagger hands over the hard drive, which is returned to our superheroes. They get nervous that the commissioner is going to arrest them for interfering with the investigation, but they're instead given a job helping out with disasters the commissioner is too busy to handle himself.

(They're saving a cat from a tree)

End of episode.

Gonna be real: don't love this one. It's fun enough for a Halloween episode but pretty blah as an overall episode. In fact, I'm gonna go ahead and decide this isn't canon because it is WEIRD even by BTR standards. Let's pretend that this is all a dream one of them is having after eating too much sugar before bed. Or maybe it's a wild story Carlos comes up with on Halloween Eve during a storm that knocks the power out, and they're all sitting around bored.

Kendall pep talks: none

When we last left the guys, they were hiding out in Chinatown and debating what to do regarding the whole anti-gravity device situation. Carlos wanted to dive straight into his dream-inspired spy fantasies, while Kendall, ever the voice of reason, wanted to hand the matter off to the police and be done with it.

Before they have a chance to try to get on the same page, this frightening fellow from earlier in the movie shows back up.

This leads us into a little chase scene while BTR's version of "Can't Buy Me Love" plays.

I absolutely love the way Kendall runs. He's so delicate.

As they emerge from the alley, the guys are stopped in their tracks by the girl who had come crashing through the window of their hotel room. She tells them to get in the van and then shoots Logan in the leg with a dart when he questions her order. Poor Logie.

Though the van leaves the hammer-hand guy in the dust, the two Swedish guys from earlier start chasing the van on a little scooter. These Swedes remind me so much of the Minions. Maybe it's their goggles in this scene, maybe it's the fact I can't understand anything they're saying, maybe it's just the general vibes they give off.

I mean. You see it too, right?

Anyway, the van can talk and also has Mario Kart weapon capabilities. It sprays the Swedish guys with oil and sends them flying off their scooter.

We learn that the girl is named Penny Lane, the daughter of Agent Simon Lane (the guy who ran through the airport with the original backpack). She wants to rescue her dad, and she wants BTR's help to do so. Absolutely bananas decision, but okay.

Kendall wants no part in it. He just wants to get to their soundcheck. Unfortunately, an article pops up on one of the van's screens, revealing that the boys are wanted criminals and are to be arrested on sight if found.

Penny says that if they help save her dad, he can then help clear their names. Kendall agrees to this if Penny then helps them get to their soundcheck on time.

The police set up a barricade of cars, officers, and agents, which Penny plans to plow through using the van's battering ram. Just as it looks like there's about to be a horrific crash with multiple casualties, Kendall presses the button on the silver device, which makes the van fly.

In such a tourist-heavy area, there had to have been, like, tons of people taking pictures and video. At least a handful of them probably caught footage of a flying van. I want to see the debates and conspiracy theories that flooded the internet after this was inevitably posted online.

We jump over to Atticus Moon next, and he's waiting for the arrival of a helicopter. Let me tell you, this scene with the wind from the helicopter got the biggest laugh from me thus far in the movie. The cat going flying, his jacket being torn from his body, and then his henchmen being blown away had me snort-laughing.

Hammer-Hand is in the copter, and Moon tells him that he needs the backpack by tonight in order to start his revolution. He also orders Big Time Rush to be destroyed.

Over at MI6, one of the agents brings information to whom I assume is the director, informing him that documents were found on Moon Industry servers detailing "Project Beetle", which involves an anti-gravity device. The director has a phenomenal reaction to this piece of information.

This is honestly my brand of humor. It's in the same category as Kendall's "Gustavo, we both know that I'm wearing a tie" line from BTStrike.

The female agent suggests that Lane might have stolen the beetle to prevent Moon from being able to go through with some evil plan. The director suggests instead that Lane sold it to BTR so that THEY can take over the world. Sounds very silly until a video clip of Gustavo from earlier in the hotel is pulled up, in which he tells the guys, "All you're gonna do is crush London tonight, conquer the rest of Europe, and then we will rule the world!'

Not a good look for our BTR gang. Also, there was a huge missed opportunity for the director to also pull up a clip of "If I Ruled the World" as additional "evidence" that this boy band has been plotting world domination right there out in the open.

We briefly go to Gustavo and Kelly, who are trying to convince the tour promoter not to cancel the concert. Gustavo promises the guys will be there in one hour. The tour promoter agrees to wait one hour, drives off, and then an MI6 agent arrives and shoots Gustavo and Kelly with darts.

There's a quick scene then with the Mrs. Knight, Katie, and Duke of Bath plotline, which is, quite frankly, boring. Not much happens aside from Katie continuing to try to convince her mother to be a gold-digger. We also learn that the Duke has over 4,000 staff working for him, owns 17 castles, and has thousands of thrones. It's funny because I don't remember the majority of the plotline involving BTR, but I do somehow remember that this guy isn't a real duke at all and just sells toilets or something.

The guys and Penny are now all wearing disguises to try to evade the multitude of people trying to capture them.

We then get the Abbey Road pose before the guys go into their version of "We Can Work It Out".

Love how alarmed and bewildered they look as they begin their involuntary performance.

I'm still maintaining that this entire movie is a dream Carlos is having. They better not bring the events of this up in the next season like they did with the whole Logan's name is Hortense thing that I briefly headcanoned wasn't real until they confirmed it in BTInterview.

By the end of the song, the guys make it to their soundcheck and impress the tour promoter, thus avoiding having their tour canceled. They sing for like, 10 seconds, btw, then are chased by a mob of fans. I guess that's enough for the promoter.

Penny then lays out the plan for getting her father back. The guys are going to exchange the anti-gravity device for Agent Lane, and Penny is going to hide and take Moon out as he leaves. Moon arrives in his fancy helicopter, and we get a cool shot of the guys as they arrive (in slow motion!) to take out the bad guy.

Unfortunately, looking tough while walking through fog is as successful as the guys are. As soon as they meet up with Moon, he surrounds them with his goons, and then the guy with the hammer-hand captures Penny.

Things are looking pretty bleak, but Carlos is still being fueled by his spy dream and takes matters into his own hands. He whacks a goon with the backpack, Lane kicks another goon (who shoots Logan with a dart for the third time in the film so far), and the scene devolves into general chaos. Lane manages to take out most of the men, and he, Penny, and the remaining guys who are still conscious grab Logan and run. They take refuge in a bathroom, where Lane then punches in a code to make the floor open up, and everyone then tumbles down a slide into a secret, underground MI6 facility.

Kendall, James, and Logan, who have been in denial about Carlos's warnings that they're in a high-stakes "save the world" scenario, learn that he is, in fact, spot-on about everything that's happening. The device is called "The Beetle", which means that the only thing from Carlos's dream that has not come true yet is needing to save a princess.

Lane assures the boys that he has everything under control, and the only thing they have to do is hide out safely in the underground lair while he takes down Moon and sets everything straight. Fantastic news! BTR can just relax until their names are cleared and then kick off their world tour without any further shenanigans.

Except, tragically, Logan picks this exact moment to play around with a pen that's secretly a dart gun.

He shoots Agent Lane. :(

Keep in mind that, at this point, he's already seen Kendall blow something up with a weapon that looked like an ordinary cell phone, and he's seen Carlos destroy things with another weapon in the room. Now is not the time to be pressing buttons on ANYTHING located in this lab. But I will excuse this impulsive, toddler-like behavior from Logan on account of he's been shot three times with darts, and his reasoning skills are being impacted from the drugs still in his system.

Agent Lane is out for the count, though, since the effects from the knockout pen last 12 hours.

We then briefly return to the main MI6 headquarters, where Gustavo and Kelly are being harshly interrogated and tortured (Gustavo is being aggressively poked in the stomach) until they reveal their plans to take over the world. When they won't break, the chief MI6 agent suggests that perhaps some "Japanese torture" will do the trick.

Immediate cut to this, which caught me so off guard that I cannot even describe my reaction.

Absolutely insane.

Back at the hotel, Mama Knight and Katie are getting ready for an evening with the Duke. Mrs. Knight goes into the bathroom to get ready, and Katie catches an interesting commercial on TV.

Yeah, the Duke of Bath sells toilets. Bummer. Now in Lancasterminsterboroughshire cracks me up. Very accurate to what places in England are really called.

But! Not to worry, because Katie formulates a quick plan to fix things, which is, "I just tell the Duke that Mom's a dude, then I tell Mom the Duke has a meeting with the Queen."

HELLO??? WHat is happening???

This movie is bananapants.

Katie exits the hotel room and is met in the hallway by Moon and Hammer-Hand Guy. Carlos had said the only thing missing from his dream was the kidnapped princess, and Katie sure does want to be a princess.

Moon explains that the problem with the world is that it's run by too many different people with different ideas. He wants to be the only one running it, and I'm gonna be honest here...I'm not sure what his anti-gravity device has to do with his world domination goals. Is he planning to turn off the Earth's gravity unless they make him King of the World?

Moon makes a video call to the secret MI6 lair that the boys, Penny, and an unconscious Agent Lane are in, revealing that he has Katie and demanding The Beetle in exchange for her freedom.

Before Kendall can spiral too much, Carlos reassures him that, in his dream, they all save the princess. Penny reminds him that Moon isn't going to do anything to Katie since they have The Beetle, and Logan chimes in to add, "Listen, we hold all the cards as long as we hold onto the backpack."

The backpack is immediately stolen out of his hand by the Swedes, who then drive their little scooter directly into one of Moon's trucks and are promptly driven away.

Logan is fumbling every single step of their spy adventure.

Meanwhile, at MI6 headquarters, Gustavo and Kelly manage to outlast the Japanese Karaoke Torture when the man collapses after 147 songs. The director speaks with them, confirms that they are not attempting to take over the world, and then puts bags over their heads and drops them off in the middle of a sheep field.

Back at Moon's evil lair, he sets up a big ol' laser on top of his castle and starts an ominous countdown clock.

We return to the guys, who go over their options, which are all terrible. The one that makes the most sense is for them to follow the events outlined in Carlos's dream and take down the bad guy themselves. As they formulate their plan, the talking van returns with all the gear they're going to need.

We then cut to them in the van, all dressed up, where a deeply baffled Logan has this exchange with the others

With ten minutes left until Moon's plan is complete, he gets the ball rolling by activating The Beetle. We swing back to MI6, where they detect a large power surge and trace it to Moon's castle. Before they can contact the Royal Air Force, their system goes down and jams. This is, of course, because Moon is repeatedly pressing a "jam" button.

We then learn about his true plans. He's going to channel The Beetle's power into the laser, shoot it at the moon, and pull it out of orbit. With oceans rising out of control and natural disasters running rampant as a result, governments all over the world would need to surrender to Moon in order to get him to set things back to normal. The MI6 director asks in a grave voice if there's anyone out there who can stop Moon. Cut to Carlos and Logan fighting about the dart pen in the van.

Seems like these two fight the most out of all four boys? I'm thinking back to Photoshoot, where they were arguing and slapping each other around, Terror, where they argued (and also smacked each other) about the ghost, and the little storyline where Logan is annoyed by Carlos's helmet.

The van picks up the countdown clock and displays it, and Penny asks Carlos for more details regarding how exactly they saved the world in his dream. Carlos tells her that he and Logan took out the henchmen, Kendall saved the princess, and James fell from the sky and took out the villain. He and Penny then have this hilarious exchange.

I love Carlos so, so much.

We're a little under 3 minutes until Moon's world domination plan goes into effect, and alarms start going off informing him of a security breach. He's confused as to who could have possibly gotten onto his castle grounds and pulls up the picture the security camera had taken.

The relief on Katie's face at seeing that her four favorite doofuses are coming to her rescue is so sweet.

This brings us into the Save the World scene, while my personal favorite of the BTR Beatles covers plays: "Revolution."

The boys start kicking butt, but can't take down Moon because he surrounds himself with a force field. The laser activates and starts pulling the moon, and chaos erupts instantly, as we see on video monitors that Moon evidently has set up around the world.

Is all hope lost?? Has Carlos's spy dream fantasy failed them all and doomed the entire world?!

NOPE! Penny kisses James, and he's so stunned that he falls over a balcony, taking out Moon.

Kendall then takes The Beetle from the station, which deactivates the laser.

Hooray!! The world is saved!!!!

Except no, it isn't because Moon is fine, actually, and he grabs Katie again and drags her outside toward his waiting helicopter. Kendall asks if Moon will release Katie if he hands The Beetle over, to which Moon replies, "Would I lie to you?" Unfortunately, Moon hasn't exactly shown himself to be a trustworthy guy, so Kendall isn't buying it. We get some tense music as he ponders what to do, and it's perhaps the best scene in this entire movie.

IT'S SO GOOD. It's so, so good. There is an entire conversation between Kendall and Katie that happens with just a few looks and only seven words exchanged in total. He just says her name with that tone, and she understands exactly what they're going to do!! I just—augghhhh!!! THEM. I LOVE THE KNIGHT SIBLINGS!!!!

Kendall tosses The Beetle, and while Moon goes to catch it, Katie stomps on his foot (a callback to the scene earlier in the hotel lobby when Kendall said her name and she stomped on James's foot!). As Moon bends over in pain, The Beetle lands on his back, and Katie runs into the waiting arms of her big brother.

Moon floats away, presumably where he will meet his inevitable death somewhere in the Earth's troposphere.

MI6 and the London police arrive soon after, where the MI6 director says, "Sorry about thinking you were bad boys. You're not bad boys. You're good boys who are not bad but good."

Kendall's and James's reactions to this apology is funny.

Ok, wait, the MI6 lady said that they're going to get Moon later, so maybe he isn't floating off to his death.

There's still one last problem to be wrapped up, though. The guys still need to get to their concert!

They make their grand entrance via helicopter and open with "A Hard Day's Night".

Gustavo and Kelly stumble from the bushes, having finally made their way back from the undisclosed sheep pasture, the boys sing "Elevate", and all is well once again in the BTR universe. Once the show is over, the boys run off to finally do some sightseeing because the day of absolute stress they've had apparently has NOT exhausted them.

Backstage, Mama Knight (who was told the Duke sells toilets) tells the Duke that she hates toilets, and he tells her their relationship isn't going to work. She's then approached by The Earl of Sandwich and his daughter, and Mr. Sandwich does some flirting with Mama Knight. She quickly shoots him down, because she's not about to get tricked again into thinking someone is royalty when they're not. After she walks away, the Earl's daughter says that he should have told her she would be third in line for the throne.

Oh, Mama Knight. Remember that post I made where I suggested a BTR au where Mrs. Knight had actually started dating Fabio and then married him? Well, here's another au where she DOESN'T reject the Earl and BTR's kickoff to their world tour results in Kendall and Katie having the Earl of Sandwich for a stepfather.

As the guys head off for sightseeing, Kendall is once again insisting they go to the ferris wheel first, and when Logan tells him they're going to Parliament, Kendall is clearly not having it.

He's so upset. Logan, just let the boy ride the ferris wheel. His sister was kidnapped twice tonight.

Their bickering over where to go first is interrupted by the Swedes, who return Kendall's backpack and also tell BTR to plan a tour date in Sweden or else they will kill them.

The talking van returns, and Agent Lane and Penny offer to take them sightseeing as long as they don't mind making a few other stops. The boys, who have just promised each other to never be secret agents again (not even at Halloween parties!!) instantly change back into their spy gear and head for the van.

End of movie.

This was a very enjoyable, deeply silly movie, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I still am of the belief that none of this happened, though. And if they ever mention these events in an upcoming episode, no they don't.

I love the guys' covers of The Beatles songs and think they were woven nicely into the scenes. I went through a Beatles phase in middle school, so it was cool to be familiar with the music when this premiered.

Kendall pep talks: 2

We begin in 2J, where the guys are playing "Bio Hazard Battle Blast 5: Crotchy Returns." This must be a new addition to the series, since James references "Bio Hazard Blast 4: Rise of Crotchy" in BTTerror.

It doesn't appear that they're having all that much fun, though. Logan is annoyed that James keeps saying how much he loves the game; Carlos blows up the ammo Kendall was saving; Carlos is upset that Kendall got the platinum controller; and James betrays Logan.

Logan tackles James and Carlos, and the three of them are ready to beat the snot out of each other.

Kendall points out that they've been fighting constantly, and we get a montage of them (Logan, James, and Carlos) antagonizing each other for seemingly no reason. I guess Kendall is managing to stay out of the fray since he's the designated "only sane man" of the group and must fulfill that trope no matter what.

Side note: I like that we can see their usernames for their characters on the paused screen.

Kendall is "Slapshot", Logan is "Logan123", James is "DiamondBoy", and Carlos is "Carlitos42." Logan definitely got fed up with trying to think of a clever name and just went, "Ughhh, I don't care!! Logan123 it is. Whatever!"

James declares that he can't live like this anymore and says he's moving out. He even conveniently has his suitcase packed and ready to go. Logan does as well. This moment is funny.

Of all the ridiculous, impossible things that happen in this show, it's amusing when the characters occasionally take notice and question it.

Carlos also pulls out a bag, says he isn't going to miss any of them, and then the three of them attempt to fight their way to the door and are stopped again by Kendall, who tells them that they're all perfectly capable of spending 5 minutes together without fighting. It's immediately followed by this transition card:

We then see Logan, Carlos, and James angrily exiting the apartment with their bags. Logan's line of "I hate ALL OF YOU" as he runs into the hallway, swinging his suitcase, made me laugh.

They go down to the lobby to tell Mr. Bitters that they want their own apartments, and he tells them it'll be $7,002 each. They stare at Bitters a moment, then yell at each other and go their separate ways. A fancy-looking fellow arrives at the front desk, then, and tells Bitters he's taking a kayaking trip around the world, so he won't need his apartment anymore.

James pops up to snag the keys.

Love how the keychain is facing one way in the shot with Bitters and then the other way in the close-up. I would like a word with the script supervisor for this show, because the amount of times a very obvious difference isn't caught is insane.

We return to 2J, where Kendall is trying to put the apartment back together after it was destroyed by his fighting friends. Mrs. Knight and Katie enter, and Mrs. Knight is exasperated. She's apparently been telling the boys to go outside and play. Kendall points out that they can't play their video game outside, and he also assures her that they'll be fine.

He then collapses onto the couch the moment she leaves.

Katie "helps" by making things worse for her brother and tells him that he and the guys are starting to grow apart due to the intense pressures of Hollywood. Kendall doesn't buy it.

Kendall heads to Rocque Records, where Gustavo is stressing out over the BTR "All Over the World" tour that he and Kelly are trying to put together. Kendall explains the situation and asks Gustavo to yell at them so that they can be friends again.

Gustavo agrees, on account of not wanting the band to break up before their first world tour, and also because he just loves to yell. He throws the peel of the banana he's eating onto the floor, and Kelly tells him to pick it up before he slips on it and throws his back out. Gustavo scoffs and says that only happens in cartoons.

Now, you might be thinking, "Oh! He's going to slip on the peel for sure now that he's said that! BTR, after all, is a show based on cartoony principles!"

Well, that's what I was thinking, at least. Instead, Gustavo throws his back out simply bending down to pick the peel up. Way to subvert expectations, show.

Gustavo also can't yell now, so he whispers to Kendall that he has to fix things with the other guys himself. He also tells Kelly to call Doc Hollywood.

We go to Logan, who is hanging out poolside.

Kendall arrives and gets an absolutely insane greeting.

Logan, WHAT ON EARTH. By all accounts, Kendall hasn't been an active participant in any of the ridiculous fighting they've been doing, at least so far in the episode. Those instances all involved Logan, Carlos, and James, and they were the ones who were ready to beat each other up until Kendall intervened. I can only assume Logan is just so out of whack from all the nonsense that's been going on that Kendall is getting his residual irritation.

Logan then goes on to say that he's always wanted a place by the water because it's peaceful and doesn't have any of his "ex-friends." He gives a very pointed look to Kendall during that part, btw. It's just. It's so weird. Why is Logan so mad at Kendall?

I think that Kendall should have shoved Logan into the pool and just walked away, honestly.

Instead, Kendall apologizes for the way they've been fighting and asks what it'll take to get Logan to move back in. Logan says he wants Carlos and James to also apologize. Kendall runs off in search of Carlos after Logan tells him that Carlos has always wanted a place overlooking the park. He finds Carlos living in a little cardboard house.

Kendall tries to convince him to move back to 2J, but Carlos isn't easily swayed. He does, after all, have a view of the park, his own bathroom, and a modern kitchen, apparently. He refuses to apologize to Logan until James apologizes to him first. Kendall says that's impossible since no one knows where James is. Cue James in what is truly one of my favorite moments of the entire series.

When this episode came out, this moment was gif-ed a bajillion times and was everywhere.

I think that, after Kendall, James does the best "face-acting."

Kendall follows James to the apartment he's now staying in. It's a funky, 70s-style place, and James has already made himself quite at home.

His and Kendall's exchange of: "Whose place is this?!" "Does it matter?" "It might!" has always stuck with me. Both of their deliveries are so funny.

James tells Kendall about some of the perks of his new place, which include jazzy music that plays when he claps, hard candies that he doesn't have to share with anyone, and a new buddy he can chat to with the press of his Senior Alert button.

Of all the boys, I wouldn't have guessed James to be the one to fully embrace the life of a senior citizen. That seems like a lifestyle Logan would enjoy, but James is so perfect in this scene. Still, I can see Logan playing this role amazingly well.

Kendall is befuddled and exasperated and begs James to just apologize to Carlos so that Carlos will then apologize to Logan. Unfortunately, James will only apologize if Logan apologizes to him first.

We go briefly to Gustavo and his back problems, but that plotline isn't interesting, so I'm skipping it. When we return to Kendall, he's attempting to play all their roles in "Bio Hazard Battle Blast" by himself. He tells Katie that he misses the guys, but he's also happy because he gets the platinum controller all to himself.

Ridiculous.

Katie tells Kendall that he was too nice, and that he needs to employ some manipulation tactics to get his buddies back together. Kendall takes the advice and decides to try Fixing Things By Lying.

He goes to Logan's poolside cabana (which now has a lawn??) and tells him that Carlos is going to make him a special lunch to apologize. He then goes to Carlos's cardboard abode and tells him that James is making him an apology lunch. Last, he tells James that Logan is making him lunch. Kendall also emphasizes everyone's pride in an attempt to get them all to avoid bringing up the apologies at all.

Cut to the boys and Katie all having an incredibly awkward lunch.

Logan with his gigantic tower of toast. I like how that's dropped in there out of nowhere. "You know how much I love toast."

Has Logan expressed an affinity for toast in any past episodes? Or is this new Logan Lore?

Kendall points out how it's been more than five minutes, and they haven't fought once. To commemorate their friendship being successfully mended, Kendall proposes they play some "Bio Hazard Blast."

We get the "nine seconds later" card again and cut to Carlos, James, and Logan all fighting. Carlos has Logan's laptop, James has Carlos's helmet, Logan has James's comb, and none of them will return the items to their rightful owners. In fact, Logan does this

Licking the comb is so insane. That has been in James's HAIR. That is so disgusting.

This is another one of those moments that really makes me notice how far the guys have strayed from their pilot episode selves. Because BTAudition Logan would never. He would have passed out or puked at the thought of licking a comb.

Anyway, the guys apparently took a moment to tie Kendall and Katie up before fighting.

I believe this is Kendall's third time being tied to a chair so far in the series. He and Logan were tied up in BTJobs, then there was their kidnapping in BTConcert, and now this. How long have they been in LA at this point? Like, a year and a half, maybe a little more? And to end up in situations where you get tied to a chair three separate times in less than two years is wild.

Oh man, now I'm thinking about that BTR fanfic I read when I was younger where Kendall gets kidnapped that I could only ever read once because it was so messed up.

Enraged, the boys storm off, back to their various new homes. Kendall laments to his mom and Katie "I don't know why we're fighting so much", and I must once again point out that Kendall is NOT PART OF THIS.

We just saw, yet again, that it's always between James, Carlos, and Logan. Poor Kendall is running himself ragged trying to fix the rapidly fracturing relationships and yet still uses "we're fighting" as if he has anything to do with it. Poor guy.

Also! This is not related to the actual episode, but I've been noticing that Kendall sounds like he had a cold while they were filming this episode. He sounds congested, and his voice is a tad off. When he says words that end in "-ing", you can really hear it.

Anywho, Katie again tells him that he and the guys are growing apart. She starts to give statistics on the phenomenon but is rightfully stopped by Mama Knight.

Mrs. Knight tries to talk her son into using love instead of manipulation, and she's briefly hopeful that Kendall is taking her advice to heart until he applies it to the silly video game they all love. He says he's going to create a fake gaming tournament to lure them all together.

I'm still mostly skipping Gustavo's plotline because not much is happening there, but his line, "What about Switzerland? They like everything," as he and Kelly are still trying to put the tour together is hysterical.

Kendall sends out the flyers for the Battle Blast tournament, and we see him and Katie standing around and watching the clock later on. He'd told them to be there by 3, and it's 3:05, so he assumes they aren't coming.

Two things:

Katie assuring Kendall that she's going to take him to the mall tomorrow for new friends is so funny and also sweet. She is such a ride or die for her big brother.

I truly do not understand how time works in the BTR universe. Everything in this episode so far has taken place in just one morning and afternoon?? How did they have time for all of this nonsense to unfold?! Playing their video game, the initial fight, moving out and all finding new places to live, Kendall going to Rocque Records to ask Gustavo for help, then Kendall tracking the guys down and going back and forth between them, him going back to 2J to play more video games alone, manipulating them all into meeting for lunch, the other big fight, him making the flyers and delivering them to each of their new "homes," and it's only 3pm???

Not to mention the fact that we get a scene where Logan emerges from his cabana yawning and in a robe, which I assumed meant it was the following morning, but then he and everyone else are in the same clothes. Maybe he was just taking a nap?? I wish I could be one third as productive in an entire day as the BTR guys are in the span of just a handful of hours.

James, Carlos, and Logan stumble into the crib, already fighting, and Kendall reveals that the tournament prize is their friendship. He then delivers a speech where he reminds each of them about the ways they've been there for each other. His points include: Logan tutoring Carlos every night when he was struggling in Algebra, James defending Logan against the wrestling team when he insulted them in Latin, and Carlos running two miles to get James more hair gel when he ran out during the 6th grade dance.

These are all very sweet, but that last one especially gets to me. It is so incredibly Carlos. He would run clear across the country for James if needed. I love their friendship. (Even though I think James sometimes doesn't deserve a friend as devoted as Carlos, but that's another thing)

The guys each return the items they'd been holding onto. Everyone except for Logan accepts the things happily.

With everything fixed, Kendall happily suggests that they play some "Bio Hazard Battle Blast 5", which immediately sets the other guys into fight mode again. As they yell and wrestle with each other, Kendall puts the pieces of the puzzle together and realizes that it's the game making them fight.

We then go into the same initial flashbacks of the fights we had seen earlier in the episode, but this time with more context surrounding the game setting each instance off. Also, I'm just realizing that Kendall is included in ONE of the flashbacks where James gets tackled. I hadn't even seen him that first time. I still stand by my assertion that he's largely innocent in terms of all this fighting and has been the one trying to stop it. He's allowed a pass to tackle James once. As a treat.

Mrs. Knight walks in, sees the guys still seemingly fighting, and threatens to take the game away from them. They hand it over without protest.

Gustavo and Kelly arrive to tell the guys about the world tour and that they need to start rehearsing now. We then go to them performing "All Over Again" out by the pool.

And while they perform, we get some very clear indication of relationship pairing. Camille directs a hand-heart Logan's way, Kendall and Lucy point at each other, 3 random girls hold up signs for James (I'm assuming we can disregard them since relationships never work long-term for James, and I don't recognize any of them), and Jennifer 3 (as she's apparently called according to IMDB) waves at Carlos. I now have a vague memory of him being with a Jennifer, but I can't remember if it actually goes anywhere.

This is a very funny episode. It'd probably make my ranking of top S2 episodes, and there were so many scenes and lines that had stood out to me as ones I remembered from originally watching it. It was also nice that this was a fairly heavy Kendall & Katie episode. Always nice to see them together.

I also can't help but think of how interesting it would have been if the one having to solve their constant bickering was anyone but Kendall. I know that he "had" to be the one to fix it because that's his job as the designated leader and all, but it would have been nice to give him a break from that role every so often and see one of the other guys step up. Picture it: Kendall being more prominently in the fray and getting fed up enough to decide he wants out of 2J. I actually especially like the idea of Carlos being put in Kendall's role and being the one scrambling to patch their friendship back up. I think it would fit his character really well, in fact! Sweet, sensitive Carlos running around, desperate to fix whatever is broken with his buddies is so in line with who he is. And it would have allowed Kendall to appear a little more innately human rather than just serving as the guy whose entire focus of his life is managing everybody else's lives.

Idk. Just something that's fun to consider.

Kendall pep talks: two

We start with a taxi pulling up to the Palm Woods and rock music playing as the taxi's red-haired occupant gets out and heads into the building.

Her intimidating presence makes everyone she encounters scurry out of her way. Even Bitters seems frightened by her.

Who is this scary girl??

Well, we don't know yet, but the BTR boys are instantly captivated (and immobilized) by her.

Katie finds them still frozen like that shortly after and snaps them out of it, at which point they run straight to Bitters for the deets. After some bribery ($4.65 & a half stick of gum) Bitters divulges the basics: Her name is Lucy Stone, she's in LA to become a rockstar, she's 18, and she lives alone.

This information makes them scramble even faster to call dibs on her. Very shallow behavior, fellas.

After being told by Carlos that he's disqualified from pursuing Lucy, Kendall tells the guys that he doesn't need a new girlfriend anyway, since he recently lost Jo to New Zealand.

Just then, Camille comes charging through the lobby, looking quite different than she normally does and pushing past anyone in her way. This does something to Logan's brain.

Logan immediately abandons all interest in Lucy and takes off after Camille. (Guitar Dude informs the guys that Camille has recently gotten a role in the new "Spy High" movie)

James and Carlos then reiterate to Kendall that he's not allowed to talk to the new girl. I love when James and Carlos do their "two people tethered together by a singular shared brain cell" thing. It's one of my favorite traits of theirs.

Do you know how much time you have to spend with a person to achieve this level of synchronization?

Carlos and James head off to pursue Lucy (they've so generously agreed to let her decide which one of them to date) and Kendall heads to the pool.

We briefly check in with Logan, who finds Camille at the park. Except Camille isn't Camille, she claims to be special agent Mila Stark who is helping some rebel group take down "El Presidente." It's all very bizarre and very Camille and Logan is very into it.

Meanwhile, Lucy arrives at the pool and sits in the chair next to Kendall. And before I go on, I feel this is a good point to add that, by the time this episode came out, I was very familiar with Malese Jow already. I knew her as Geena Fabiano from "Unfabulous."

Fantastic show, btw. I LOVED "Unfabulous." That'd be a fun show to track down and do a rewatch of because I remember almost nothing about it aside from that I watched it constantly. It was an adjustment getting introduced to Lucy when I knew the actress as uber girly-girl Geena.

Anyway, Carlos and James arrive at the pool and tell Lucy that they're single but very willing to no longer be. She's got zero interest, though, which James thinks is because she just doesn't know who they are. Except Lucy very much does know about BTR, and she holds this opinion about them:

Kendall becomes very defensive over this comment. He does not want to make "cute" music, thank you very much. He tells Lucy that BTR is working on some new tracks that rock, and she tells him to swing by her apartment and share them with her so that she can judge that for herself.

Kendall storms off, all flustered over the apparently shocking news that BTR's bubblegum pop sound and boyband choreography is not considered rock 'n' roll. Get a grip, Kendall.

Lucy tells James and Carlos she isn't looking for a boyfriend, but she does need help moving in. Carlos is about to happily agree, but James promptly grabs him and drags him away.

James explains that Lucy is trying to friend-zone them, which is "a dark and cold place, filled with ex-boyfriend talks, rides to the airport, and helping her move."

Kendall arrives at Rocque Records and tells Gustavo that he needs the new BTR tracks so that he can prove to Lucy that they do, in fact, rock.

Kelly, ever the brilliant woman, points out that BTR is officially labeled a pop-dance group, which makes Lucy right. You go, Kelly. Slap Kendall in the face with reality.

It doesn't work, though, and Kendall and Gustavo are firmly convinced that everyone else is wrong and THEY'RE right. Gustavo then plays a portion of BTR's new rockin' track, "Pair of Eyes."

I love how Kendall and Kelly are color-coordinated in this scene. Kelly looks stunning in that top.

The song is a very mellow ballad. It's also terrible. Definitely not going to help Kendall's mission to prove BTR rocks.

Logan arrives at Camille's apartment and is disappointed at what he finds.

Oh nooo, the beautiful girl you have an on-and-off relationship with answered the door instead of her weird, Russian alter-ego.

Logan, you freak.

Camille tells Logan that she was just rehearsing lines from the script for the new role she got, but that she has it down now. Logan asks if she's REALLY sure. His exact words are, "Are you sure you don't need to rehearse more with the wig and that accent and the wig?"

He convinces Camille to throw herself fully into the role and truly become Mila.

Camille puts on her Mila persona and tells Logan that they need to steal the money from the president's safe if they want the revolution to succeed. She then pushes Logan against the wall, kisses him, and leaves him like this:

Katie comes by and snaps him out of it like she did to the boys earlier.

Meanwhile, James and Carlos are formulating their plan to get close to Lucy in a not-friend way. They've come up with a handful of different tactics to try to win her affection. They also do one of their signature fist-bump and spin moves that I love.

We then get a montage of their flirting attempts:

Obsessed that their first two were so normal and then they jumped straight to, "Maybe she's into Mario and Luigi."

I always mention whenever an episode contains a moment or line that has stuck with me over the years, and the Mario moment is one of those. I'm one of those people who will just latch onto a phrase or a line from something and say it out loud on a loop to myself because it scratches my brain just right, and the lines, "We don't a-know. We're getting a-desperate!" is one that I've pulled out at random many times.

We then check in with Kendall, who is still on his own little personal mission (now joined by Gustavo) to prove that BTR isn't just feel-good fluff.

After cranking up the dial on every speaker, they attempt to play a rockin' tune.

Can we talk about how there's the deliberate zoom into the smoking seat where the drummer was moments ago?? Are we to conclude that the poor man was vaporized by the power of too much rock??

RIP to the drummer.

Kendall goes to Lucy's apartment to play some guitar right there for her so she can behold his ability to rock with her very own ears. Lucy thinks Kendall's playing is decent and that his amp is very cute, which upsets him. She then reveals a gigantic amp and plays her own riff, which is noticeably "more rock" than Kendall's.

Kendall is left stunned, but Katie comes by and fixes it.

We return to Logan, who is getting what he deserves for his behavior thus far. Camille has taken her method acting to an extreme and actually stolen money from Bitters' safe.

By the next day, the Palm Woods is swarming with cops, leaving Logan scrambling to figure out how to deal with the consequences he's reaped for being such a wackadoo and making Camille become Mila again.

Back at Rocque Records, Gustavo lets Kelly and Kendall hear another failed attempt at a rockin' song (he changed "pair of eyes" to "rockin' eyes"). Kendall suggests they try something with some heavier guitar and plays a riff inspired by the one Lucy had the day before, which impresses Gustavo. He immediately wants to gather the other boys in the studio so they can put something together.

Once again very intrigued by the fact Kendall can suddenly play guitar in this season and that we've seen him do so a few times now (BTSongwriters & then twice so far in this one). I'll have to form a headcanon around that.

We very quickly go to James and Carlos, who decide to switch their strategy and split up so that Lucy can get some one on one time with both of them.

Logan and Camille are living in a dumpster.

Camille suggests that she and Logan take the $10,000 she stole, get on a flight to Peru, and move there to raise alpacas. This is the second time a BTR episode has had one of the characters suggest they solve a problem by moving to another country and starting fresh to raise alpacas (the first instance was Logan in BTMansion, who suggested they move to Bolivia).

Logan tells Camille to don her Mila persona one more time. She was good at stealing, so maybe she's also good at un-stealing. Camille puts back on the outfit and wig and takes off to fix things.

Kendall again returns to Lucy's apartment, with backup this time.

This girl is just so determined to push every single button Kendall has. This moment is hysterical.

Lucy is still not swayed by Kendall's desperate, pathetic attempts to prove he's A Rockstar, and she presents him with her demo cd so that he can see what the titles of songs that rock really sound like. These include the songs, "Teenage Anarchy", "Eat My Dog", and one that Kendall can't even finish reading past, "Cut it Off and—"

Katie finds them frozen in horror, snaps them out of it with a clap, and asks why everyone keeps getting paralyzed. This gives Kendall the epiphany that "Pair of Eyes" should be changed to "Paralyzed." He, Gustavo, and Kelly run to the studio.

Lucy goes down to the pool to have some fun messing with James and Carlos. She meets James in one of the little cabanas and tells him to meet her in her apartment in one hour and to bring lightbulbs so that she can see his pretty face. James runs off, elated to have been chosen by Lucy.

Lucy then immediately goes to the cabana next door to meet Carlos, where she delivers a similar message, except she tells him to bring extension cords. Carlos runs off to do as she'd requested.

The Logan and Camille plot gets resolved when Logan dresses as Mila and Camille dresses as an agent. She makes a big display in front of the other cops, claiming she caught the thief and can handle him herself. They let her do so without any sort of follow-up questions or checking of credentials. Bitters also somehow doesn't recognize Camille.

Great work, everyone.

James and Carlos arrive outside Lucy's apartment, discover that she'd evidently picked both of them to be her boyfriend, and confront her over how not cool that is. They "break up" with her and are swiftly put where they rightly belong: in the friendzone. As they stand there frozen, Kendall arrives to give Lucy a plant as a housewarming gift and also tell her that BTR will be performing their new song, "Paralyzed" on the news the next day.

I remember LOVING Carlos in that purple shirt.

We go to the next morning then, where a giant truck advertising the new song that was just written the day before has somehow been procured.

The band proceeds to obstruct traffic to perform their song.

Sorry, but I don't approve of this. What if somebody was being rushed to the hospital but they couldn't make it there because of this whole scene? Imagine telling a family, "Sorry your relative didn't make it. There was a boyband singing in the middle of the road."

Lucy, who is watching the footage from her apartment, is (finally) impressed.

Honestly, though? This is still so obviously not a rock song, lol. Lucy should not have been impressed.

Also, I forgot how much slower this version of "Paralyzed" sounds compared to the official one released a few years back. I was SO excited for that; this has been one of my favorite songs of theirs since I first heard it, and I definitely prefer the newer version.

Later on, the guys and Camille are gathered in Lucy's tiny apartment, watching the news.

The newscaster says that no charges will be pressed against the band because, according to the police chief, "Everyone had a good time, and BTR rocks." Ridiculous.

Everyone soon decides to go hang out by the pool instead, because they're really crammed into that apartment.

Remember how I mentioned "dainty Kendall" in my BTConcert post? Well, Kendall reacts very daintily in this scene to something falling over.

I really liked this episode! I've been waiting to get to the Lucy era, and I'm already enjoying her more than I did when I originally watched the show. I liked all the guys' separate storylines too, though I still prefer episodes where they're together for more of it.

Love how Kendall is completely incapable of just letting Lucy have her opinion of the band and makes his entire life's mission to prove to her that she's wrong. That's very Kendall Schmidt coded. In older interviews (and recent ones still, I believe) the other guys have mentioned that Kendall gets very easily fixated on things and then absolutely will not relent if anyone says something to the contrary and will continuously bring it up and argue with them until they give up and agree with him. So Kendall Knight being consumed by the desire to prove Lucy wrong over an opinion she has is fitting lol.

Kendall pep talks: zero