#bsd chapter 101

i do still quite like the end result even though it's a bit old

But here. we see him, and see how far he is willing to go. We see him stop smiling. He finds out his partner is his enemy, controlled by vampirism and smirks, even if it's more of a 'damn, Dostoyevsky'. But it's important. Because he has ten minutes to make Sigma willing to die for him. Ten minutes to make Sigma willing to die for the agency. And he has to be powerful enough to make Sigma think. Strong enough to shock him, to make him listen. Now, Sigma watches him control time, and drown Dostoyevsky. He has to show Sigma that survival isn't an offer exclusively from the decay of angels.

But here, he sees his partner, it's broadcast on a screen. He sees Chuuya follow Dostoyevsky's orders, pound at the wall, scream and struggle, and then slowly drown. And he stops smiling. Because he can't lie, not in front of his partner.

Something about how the memories load. Something about how Dazai, whose mind works faster than light, takes a moment, because if he thinks about their past, he knows he'll crack and he won't have the resolve for this.Something about needing time to prepare for the heartbreak he's going to inflict on himself. Something about how he's speaking to someone empty, because Dostoyevsky has scooped out Chuuya's soul and turned him into a stranger, and Dazai could never forgive that rat, but this is beyond unforgivable.

Something about a shadow. Something about Dazai blocking himself from the memories where their heart connect. Something about blocking the light because if he's good, right now, he'll destroy what little soul he has.

Something about opening his eyes, and forcing himself to watch, because this is why he came for Odasaku, this is why he wants a double suicide, because he believes that nobody wants to die alone.

Something about listening to Chuuya and how he drowns. Something about a second of silence except for the other half of his soul fighting to live, as Chuuya always had.

Something about the turtle smile, so clearly fake because Dostoyevsky is there, and if he survives (Dazai has every contingency) there can not be a shred of evidence that Dazai cared for his former partner, and something about how if Chuuya was listening under the echoes of vampirism, he would know that Dazai is lying.

Something about there being no chance of ambiguity. Something about the darkness over his eyes, and the pain he's tried to wipe away. Something about shadows, and how you need light to cast them.

My first reaction was sheer panic, and the urge to sob my guts out throw my phone, freak out, etc.

And then I stepped back and did some thinking:

1. Asagiri has no reason to kill Chuuya. Or even Dazai for that matter. No logical reason = he won't do it. He NEVER does something mindlessly. The vampires, Akutagawa, now Chuuya... it's going to get fixed in the end. (Remember the Cannibalism arc?)

2. In the Stormbringer postscript, Asagiri specifically states that Chuuya has a long journey ahead of him. In other words, don't worry, he will be okay. :) He can't be on a long journey with a specific (and as of yet unspecified) destination if he randomly drowns in prison.

3. Dazai pretends he doesn't care about Chuuya, but it's always so obvious that he does, even when he says he doesn't. (Just looks at the flashbacks he has, and his posture.) He has to kill Fyodor, but Chuuya will survive. He wouldn't make a plan like this if Chuuya were to die.

4. Consider how many characters have "died" in this arc: Sigma, Tachihara, Jouno, Akutagawa, Fukuchi... Asagiri does not really kill main characters except in /prequels/, (i.e. Oda, The Flags.) Chuuya will be fine.