#bsd meta

“I’m gonna give ya a choice, kid,” the boy told him, hands still in his pockets. “Die now or die after givin’ me the information I want. What’s it gonna be?” “I like those two choices. Both very tempting offers,” Dazai replied unflinchingly, despite having been hit in the torso and knocked through several buildings. “Okay. Kill me now.” The boy in the biker jacket fell silent for a brief moment, then looked down at Dazai as if realizing he’d finally met a person of character.

That last line truly is the crux of the Soukoku partnership. They have such a pull towards one another because, prior to this, they had never truly interacted with someone that could be considered their equal. Dazai is bored. Everyone knows this. He whines about it to anyone that will listen.

“Give that back! I wanna die!” Dazai flailed his arms. “Life is so boring; I’d rather just die! But I want it to be quick and painless! Help me out, Mori!”

But something that gets overlooked is the fact that Chuuya is bored too.

Perhaps it's harder to notice because of how reactionary Chuuya normally is but his baseline emotional state tends to be rather dull. Especially throughout Fifteen and Stormbringer. Like Dazai, Chuuya is struggling deeply with a detachment to the world around him. Dazai has no reason to live and Chuuya has no clue what or who he is. It causes almost this haze around his mind that leaves him untethered from everyone else.

And yet Chuuya had no interest in money or power. They brought him no happiness because he was missing something far more important: a past.

Chuuya gains nothing from his power as he finds it isolating. Nobody is ever on his level which just adds to his level of detachment.

“Hey. You wanna know why I always fight without using my hands?” Chuuya asked as he approached Randou. Numerous pebbles vibrated by his feet and floated with each step. “I’ve never lost a fight in my life. I’ve never even been in real danger… But that’s no surprise. After all, I’m not even human. My identity is a safeguard, like you said. Nothing more than a little pattern etched on a colossal furnace of power. Hey… Do you know how that feels?” Chuuya stepped onto empty space, using the floating debris to walk in midair. He took another step forward with his other leg. And just like that, Chuuya slowly approached Randou as if he were ascending a staircase. “That’s why I kept my hands in my pockets. I figured I’d one day feel like I was about to lose, no longer enjoying the fight but just doing everything I could to protect myself… I thought maybe that way I’d start to like myself as a person—me, a little pattern without a body of my own.”

Like Dazai, this same detachment leads to Chuuya considering suicide. It's also why when Chuuya is at his mental worst and these suicidal thoughts start to emerge, they do so by stealing Dazai's voice and image.

Obviously, I’m gonna never gonna give in. I can keep this up forever. But for what purpose? “I told you, Chuuya.” He looked up in the direction of the sudden voice. It was a familiar voice, one that belonged to the person he hated most in this world. “Your birth itself was a mistake. We’re the same. Is there really a point to suffering through all that pain for a life that isn’t even real?” The voice was taunting him. “Shut up,” Chuuya spat, but even he knew he was talking to himself. He was most likely hearing things due to the drugs he was given. There was nobody there, but his mind was scattered, and the voice wouldn’t stop. “Screw you, Dazai.” “That’s the best comeback you could come up with?” Chuuya wanted nothing more than to slice off the ear the voice was whispering into. He could see Dazai’s wavering shadow by his side, and he wanted to gouge out his eyes. “That’s just proof that you at least somewhat believe what I’m saying. Because deep down inside, you’re the same as me.” “Shut up, shut up, shut up! I’m me! I’m not some piece of shit like you!”

Chuuya hates the fact he can understand Dazai. He views it as a reflection of his worst parts. His worst fear is becoming so detached that he ends up on the level of Dazai, someone who is apathetic towards almost everything. Dazai, on the other hand, views Chuuya as human BECAUSE of this.

“You sound like you’re certain he’s human.” “I am.” Dazai sighed, smiling. “There’s no way I could hate a man-made character string this much.”

Dazai gets enjoyment out of his dislike towards Chuuya as Dazai tends not to feel much intense emotion about ANYTHING. Even in the earlier chapters of Fifteen, it's shown that Dazai is bored and exasperated by Mori. Chuuya is the first truly interesting "thing" he'd been exposed to in who-knows-how-long. At the end of Fifteen, there is a conversation where Dazai explains he wants to live. I know that it's well beloved by the SKK fandom but I want to dissect the parts that are overlooked a bit more.

“Get away from me,” Chuuya spat. “You’re not gonna convince me to do anything.” “I know.” Dazai glanced at Randou. Then he whispered quietly so that Randou couldn’t hear: “Let’s beat him. Together.” Chuuya stared at Dazai in bewilderment, seemingly uncomprehending. “…Are you being serious?” “I have a plan, but I can’t do it alone. It needs both of us to work. Do you trust me?” Chuuya held Dazai’s gaze for a brief moment and demanded, “Tell me what made you change your mind. I thought you wanted to die.” “I just felt like it. Is that not a good enough reason?” Dazai smiled, perplexed.

Dazai is perplexed by Chuuya's demand for an explanation. Dazai, up until this point, has been reconstructing his view of Chuuya. He isn't used to be questioned about his intentions as he often has very surface-level ones (because he wants to or because it's directed at some goal). Most people would simply accept Dazai's answer of "feeling like it" as trying to unravel Dazai's thoughts and feelings seems like an impossible thing. Chuuya doesn't deny TRUSTING Dazai nor think he's lying - he's "bewildered" by the statement. Instead of backing down though, Chuuya wants to know WHY. More importantly though, Chuuya believes that Dazai's explanation will be enough for him to UNDERSTAND where Dazai is coming from.

“Working for the Mafia has piqued my interest, albeit slightly,” Dazai began. “In the outside world—the world of light—death is kept separate from everyday life. It’s swept under the rug. People find it unpleasant. But the Mafia’s world isn’t like that. Death is an extension of everyday life. It’s a part of life. And I tend to think that’s more accurate. Death isn’t the opposite of life but merely a function of it. We breathe, eat, fall in love, and die. And you can’t get the full picture of living without observing death up close.” Chuuya quietly stared at Dazai’s expression as if he were searching for something human deep inside of him. “So you’re saying…you want to live now?” “I wouldn’t go that far,” Dazai replied with a resigned smile. “Maybe I won’t find anything, but I figure I’ll give it a try. Once I successfully complete this mission, I’m going to join the Mafia. Gotta defeat him first, though. Besides…” “‘Besides’…?” “I got a new dog—you. And I still haven’t given you any commands,” Dazai said with a smirk. Chuuya snorted.

Chuuya, in this moment, still doesn't fully understand. He's trying to though. This is going to seem like a super random segue (just stay with me as I promise it's not) but also in the beginning of Fifteen is this description of Dazai. It's from Mori's perspective.

Dazai’s expression was unchanging, which made reading his thoughts nigh impossible. His face was as still as the frozen surface of a lake.

Why do I bring this up? Because Chuuya gets a similar moment about reading Dazai's face at the END of Fifteen. You would think that based on how Dazai's face/expressions/mannerisms are usually described in more serious moments, that Chuuya would get frustrated because he can't read Dazai or would once again be confused by Dazai's. The term "expressionless", "bored", "empty" are all the main synonyms used to get across how apathetic Dazai tends to be seen as. In this case however...

Chuuya glared at him, still breathing heavily. Despite his trembling legs and the sweat pouring down his face, he didn’t take his eyes off Dazai for a second. He quietly stared at Dazai as if all the answers were written on his face.

Chuuya has only known Dazai for a few days at this point. Yes, they had defeated Rimbaud together, but Dazai is his enemy in this moment - he's actively threatening the Sheep. Still, Chuuya is confident in his ability to read Dazai. The defeat of Rimbaud shifted something in their dynamic. Whatever happened in that fight created a connection between the two of them that led to an understanding on Chuuya's end that nobody else (excluding possibly Oda) has of Dazai. This might get me a lot of flack but I don't think Dazai comes to that same understanding of Chuuya until the end of Stormbringer. Yes, Dazai cares for Chuuya and is confident in his humanity but I don't think he GRASPS who Chuuya is as a person until their fight with Verlaine. Dazai is downright GIDDY when Guivre appears. It's the most interesting thing he's ever seen. It offers him both a new experience AND an opportunity for death...

Dazai looked up at the creature. “This is a singularity? Did this power really come from a skill?” He sounded downright ecstatic. “It looks like the end of the world.” Even his lips unconsciously curled with euphoria.

But when Dazai's about to give up, he chooses otherwise because of Chuuya. I won't cite the infamous "ANYTHING BUT THAT" scene with Mori as everyone is already well aware of it but instead a later moment...

“What do you want to do, then? Grow big, too, and have a fistfight with it?” Dazai’s icy gaze met Chuuya’s. “It’s hopeless. Isn’t it obvious just looking at that thing? A singularity’s like a loophole in the rules. That monster is a manifestation of something that shouldn’t exist in this world. Humans don’t stand a chance against it. There’s nothing we can do.” “You’re wrong about that,” Chuuya said, sternly holding Dazai’s gaze for several seconds. He then let go of Dazai and stated firmly: “There is something we can do about it. I’m sure of it.” Dazai listlessly dropped to the ground in a seated position. “Ha-ha-ha. This is getting interesting. And what are you basing that on?”

Dazai is surprised by Chuuya once again and is willing to shift gears because of it. He's actually relatively "comforting" of Chuuya in this scene and shows concern for him up until Chuuya activates corruption. When Chuuya DOES, it's when we get this line...

“Incredible,” a dumbfounded Dazai muttered as he watched from the top of the gas tank. “So this is the power of Arahabaki.”

Dazai does the one thing Chuuya needs him not to do - consider him as a separate being to his own power. But then...

“So that’s Arahabaki’s—that’s Chuuya’s true form,” Dazai muttered feverishly as he stared up from the surface.

He ends up correcting himself after a few more moments. Dazai really only got it in that moment, I think. Ironic considering this is the same scene that discusses the loneliness of Verlaine and Chuuya. It shifts the narrative of Chuuya being completely detached to having formed relationships and friendships. It calls out Verlaine for having wanted the same things. It also reinforces the fact that Chuuya STILL does have a connection with someone that he can rely on.

This second sun that lit up the sky eventually vanished, quietly and delicately. After limply floating in the air for a few seconds, the wings on Chuuya’s back vanished, and he slowly began to fall. Until Dazai caught him.

my theory on what it could be…

i think that Higuchi’s ability will be called “Takekurabe” (Growing Up/Child’s Play) after her most famous work, and i believe it might have something to do with reincarnation. here’s why…

In the first chapter, Atsushi has a flashback of the orphanage staff kicking him out, but they do not have individual identities. The first apparition of the headmaster as himself is when Atsushi is under the influence of Dogra Magra, in chapter 25, "Q":

His next apparition is in chapter 28, when Atsushi is being held in the Moby Dick, right before Lucy comes in and chooses to help him (note: that scene also compares Atsushi's abuse is to another person's, Lucy's.)

After that, there's chapter 39, "Portrait of a Father", where Atsushi doesn't hallucinate him, but we learn about who the man was to Atsushi, and witness his funeral.

His next hallucination is in chapter 52, at the very end of the Cannibalism arc. He explains to Akutagawa that the headmaster has been been haunting him less since (the final fight on) the Moby Dick, but has been silent since the funeral.

There are a few more mentions of the headmaster that I haven't mentioned, but a very notable one is that Atsushi saw becoming stronger and his upcoming fight against Akutagawa as a way to free himself from the headmaster's influence, much like Akutagawa saw it as a way to gain Dazai's approval.

I don't think we see Atsushi hallucinating the headmaster after this until chapter 122, but the Dazai hallucinations start showing up in chapter 63, so really not that long after the previous one. The next Dazai ones I could find were in chapters 78, 105 and 121.

The conclusion is therefore that Atsushi hallucinating the headmaster has been a very active and purposeful part of his journey as a character since very early on. It started manifesting after Atsushi's breakdown while under the influence of Q's ability, and it's taken various approaches as Atsushi faced different struggles, but it's always been there.

While wearing Dazai's face, the hallucination was given more credit in Atsushi's eyes, but its words were barely less sharp and hurtful. However, they did tend to push Atsushi into acting, rather than cowering and giving up.

Because it's the kind of worry you'd never expect from a character as gruff as Chuuya, who had displayed nothing but hostility towards Dazai so far. Usually, characters that are labelled as "angry" or "anger issues" (which Chuuya is much more complex than that but you get my point) act more as a tsundere type of way when the one they "don't care about" gets hurt. And show their care in very, very subtle ways (ex. their eyes widen, their mouth parts and closes again, etc) before putting up their front once more.

Chuuya, however, is open, and vocal about it. His worry is clear not only to us, but to Dazai himself, the one he shouldn't be displaying the concern to (as per the cliche). Shouldn't it be some sort of secret that Chuuya does care? Isn't that what skk's dynamic has been shaping up to be until now?

I'm telling you- the way my mind blanked when Chuuya just casually.... showed concern not once, but twice, was a sight to see.

Besides, the context makes it much more confusing, because Dazai isn't some rookie, and Chuuya knows that more than anybody. He was the youngest executive in Port Mafia's history, of course he can handle a hit or two. Of course he'd seen him handle a hit or two, sometimes without batting an eye.

Heck, Chuuya himself was hurling Dazai like a ragdoll in their reunion, which was their last meeting. And you could argue that he was going easy on him, but Dazai has mostly withstood the same damage (as far as I could see), and Chuuya was as bitter as ever.

So that kind of contradicts both what we knew of Chuuya so far, and how their dynamic was shaped to be. I mean, that just makes Chuuya a hypocrite, yeah? What makes him care now, all of a sudden? What makes him care at all?

Well, to me, this backasswards reaction implies one (or more) of the following:

- Dazai rarely got physically hurt during their partnership and thus this is an unexpected thing for him to see (during a mission).

- The four years of separation made Chuuya unsure of how much Dazai can withstand physically now. Also the fact that he isn't in the mafia anymore, aka fighting enemy organizations on the weekly, would naturally make Dazai lose his touch in a way, what prompts Chuuya's reaction.

- Dazai getting taken off guard took him off guard which led to panic. Especially since the situation was (momentarily) out of their depth. Seriously wtf even was Lovecraft?

- During the dungeon scene Dazai was an enemy, while in the Lovecraft fight he was as an ally. The difference might be significant to Chuuya.

- This has always been Chuuya's reaction to Dazai getting hurt regardless of the situation.

- "Only I can hurt him like that" ahh logic

- Asagiri was still experimenting with their dynamic and thus there are some inconsistencies.

This scenario didn't play out again (after their reunion) for me to exactly determine which one is more plausible, but it is 100% canon for Chuuya to shamelessly show his concern and run to Dazai to check on him before properly dealing with their opponent, which I find to be such an appealing layer to their dynamic, and a good spin on the type of character he gets stereotyped as.

Bonus: Dazai also becomes a softy when Chuuya's hurt, especially post corruption. Dead Apple alone displays that multiple times.

Hi yes I'm still thinking about these two pages and about how Nakajima Atsushi really is the protagonist of all time.

Nothing could ever justify the orphanage director's treatment of Atsushi. Nothing could ever justify the pain and abuse Atsushi faced at the director's hand. But it is undeniable that the director has played a significant part in shaping who Atsushi is presently and has also aided him in times of need. It ties into BSD's recurring theme of how your past does not define you, but you also cannot flee from those memories because they have fundamentally influenced so many facets of your life — and acknowledging said memories is the first step to healing from them.

The director has been haunting Atsushi all this time and Atsushi so desperately wants to purge his voice from his mind, but he's also never lived a life where the director's presence doesn't plague him. What would he do once the person whose actions have shaped who he is today is finally gone? The director died and Atsushi cried because people tend to cry when their fathers die and now Atsushi is verbalising all of his loathing for his abuser in a way he couldn't for so long and yet he’s horrified by the prospect of being rid of his influence.

And the way Atsushi’s eyes are concealed from the reader until the director tells him that he’ll be gone “as early as today, even”, and there’s so little light in Atsushi's eyes when they’re finally revealed to us. The way they reflect these conflicting emotions within Atsushi surrounding the director's declaration — he'll finally be free of the very person responsible for so much of his pain and trauma, and yet that person has been such a significant part of his life that a world in which his abuser won't haunt him is unfamiliar and terrifying to him.

Beast Under the Moonlight came from his desperate need for survival and having no other way to protect himself. So, a breaking point. A devastating one at that. What was the breaking point for other characters like?

Sigma's main emotional wound comes from having no memories, no knowledge of his past, of his existence, no place to belong. And his ability is to exchange information through touch. Sure, this might have been written in on the book alongside everything else about him, but there is still a poetic element to it.

Or, what drove Kyusaku to manifesting an ability that only works on people who hurt them? A child who has the ability to drive those who hurt them insane. What happened to them?

What was Dazai doing before his attempt that made him end up being able to nullify other abilities, essentially making him impossible to attack via non-traditional means?

How desperate was Fukuzawa for human connection while dealing with his trauma from the war that he manifested an ability that works by bringing people together?

How much love for life does Yosano carry that her ability is to heal and revive people with essentially no limit to it?

How strong is Kunikida's resolve to bring his ideals to life, no matter how impossible they might be in practice, that he can bring objects to reality from a blank page?

What did Oda want to prevent? What did Ango want to find out?

Especially when you consider that these new desirers seem to effect him strongly, with him not giving two shits about Aya until he took over Bram and now suddenly he's yandere levels obsessed with her.

all of the art and breakdowns of how much chuuya was suffering having to hurt dazai and it turns out he chose to shoot dazai like 3 extra times (I don't blame him, i love dazai but he does kind of deserve it)