#bruce wayne problems

It was a slow night at the Batcave. Bruce was going through case files, checking up on Gotham’s most recent criminal activity, when something caught his eye. A small notification popped up on the computer: “New message from Alfred – important.” Bruce paused, stretching his aching back as he reached for the comm.

“Alfred, what’s so urgent that you’re messaging me in the middle of the night?”

“Master Bruce,” Alfred’s voice was calm, but Bruce could detect the subtle hint of something in it, “it appears there has been some... unexpected activity on the Batcomputer. I would suggest you have a look.”

Bruce sighed. “What did they hack now?”

“I believe, sir, you might want to check the files on your own,” Alfred replied, ever the mystery.

Curious and slightly apprehensive, Bruce opened the file. His eyes scanned the screen in confusion. “DC Batboys – Fanfiction Archive.”

“Fanfiction?” Bruce muttered to himself. “I thought we were keeping things secure here.”

Alfred, however, didn't have the decency to mask his amusement. “It appears the Batfamily's... shall we say, 'popularity,' has grown exponentially on the internet. It seems there are a number of creative souls on the world wide web who are, uh, quite enthusiastic about the ‘Batboys.’”

Bruce raised an eyebrow. The Batboys?

He opened the file, and there it was—pages upon pages of “DC Batboys” fanfiction, featuring himself and his children—only, not exactly like his family. The stories depicted alternate realities, some wholesome and lighthearted, others a little... more dramatic. He scrolled, barely able to comprehend what he was reading. There were love stories involving Damian and Tim, romance plots involving Nightwing, and, even more surprisingly, entire chapters dedicated to Bruce Wayne and his sons in... less-than-paternal situations.

It took every ounce of his composure not to slam the computer shut.

He read through a few more lines, noticing the titles of the stories: “Batman and Robin: A Love Untold,” “The Batboys and Their Secret Desires,” “Daddy Bruce and His Sons,” and “Damian and Tim: Forbidden Romance.”

"Alfred..." Bruce said slowly, his voice strained. "What... what is this?"

“Well, Master Bruce, it seems you’re quite the subject of fanfiction,” Alfred answered nonchalantly. “Quite a bit of it, actually. It’s all rather... creative, though it certainly lacks the decorum one might expect of your legacy.”

Bruce’s face was ashen. He closed his eyes briefly, willing himself not to lose his mind. This was too much. But it didn’t end there. To his dismay, there was a folder titled “BTS: Batboy Edition” (which Bruce didn’t even want to know what that stood for), and another called “Batboys After Dark.”

There were plots of their lives, of course—mission scenarios, family moments, but then there were questions—comments from other readers, all about how “realistic” they found these relationships between the Batfamily members. And one question stood out from the rest:

“Do you think Bruce would ever...?”

Bruce stopped reading. He didn’t even finish the sentence. He was already shaking his head in disbelief. Nope. No, I’m not doing this.

“Do you know about this?” Bruce asked, his voice slightly shaken, turning to Alfred, who had silently been standing behind him. The butler simply raised his eyebrow, as though this was all very typical.

“Oh, I was aware, yes. But I thought it best for you to find out yourself. Besides, you’re the one they’re all writing about,” Alfred said with a small smirk. “It is rather flattering, I suppose.”

Bruce stared at the screen. He realized the Batfamily wasn’t just Gotham’s protectors—they were internet icons. He couldn’t figure out whether to be horrified or… impressed?

Jason, no doubt, would find this hilarious. Tim would be amused by the sheer chaos, and Damian would be mortified, just like him. Except for Dick, Bruce thought. Dick would probably just laugh and make a joke about how 'he’s not included in these things enough.'

Bruce decided to leave the Batcomputer, the fanfiction, and the impending “internet fame” behind for the moment. This was a problem for another day.

Alfred handed him a glass of water. “If it’s any consolation, Master Bruce, you are quite... beloved.”

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