#bronzeface

Pete: Huh, well that explains that.

Claudia: Why do you even have it on to begin with? And so much?

Steve enters the kitchen, stops and stares at Pete.

Steve: Who won an Oscar?

Claudia laughs, pointing at Pete.

Pete: Ha ha very funny.

Claudia: It was.

Pete: Hey, leave the jokes to a professional, okay? Of which, I am.

Steve: Not at all shockingly, you truly believe that.

Pete: It's the first day of October. I'm just trying out a few costumes before the 31st, to see if I can get H.G. back into the spirit of Halloween.

Steve: I wish you were lying.

Claudia: Do we want H.G. back in the spirit of Halloween? I recall the last Halloween that she was into being a bit too spirity.

Pete: Of course, we do--

Steve: Not. We absolutely do not. Do you not remember what happened?

Pete: Yeah, we all went on an amazingly awesome adventure in the Warehouse, together, as a family. We fought off animated Halloween decorations that stalked us in the dark. Myka used the zip-line upside-down like a bad ass to save her wife from encroaching darkness. And then we blew up every light in the warehouse to level an army of murderous, soul-snatching plastic skeletons--

Steve: That took us days to clean up...

Claudia: I'm still changing lightbulbs...

Pete: --and I'm not so sure all of those skeletons were plastic.

Claudia: It was kind of fun blowing up the Warehouse. You know, in a not-destructive kind of way.

Steve: No, no. It was destructive. It was a very destructive kind of way.

Claudia: Right. Sure. But we didn't have to artifact it back.

Pete: What's another warehouse explosion amongst friends, huh?

Claudia: I mean, I do still have some light bombs stashed away in my room. Don't tell Artie.

Pete: That's the spirit!

Steve: I just want to drink hot tea, read a book, and watch the weather change from the comfort of my own bed, in my own room. Is that so much to ask?

Steve does not wait for an answer. He turns and leaves the kitchen.

Abigail enters in his place, she stops and stares at Pete.

Then bursts into laughter.

Abigail: I really thought Myka was pulling my leg when she said you'd lathered yourself up in bronzer, just to play a prank on Helena.

Pete: It wasn't a prank. It was encouragement. She loves Halloween!

Abigail: She loved Halloween. I think the soul-snatching skeletal remains of a Spirit Halloween clearance sale sucked that love right out of her.

Pete: Well. She liked my costume.

Abigail: That's not what I heard.

Pete: Then you've heard nothing but dirty, rotten lies.

Abigail: Did she seem amused when you revealed your costume?

Pete: She didn't seem entirely unamused.

Abigail arches a skeptical brow at Pete.

Claudia: What was the prank?

Pete: Not a prank.

Claudia: What was the not-a-prank?

Abigail: Apparently, when Helena questioned him about (Abigail gestures toward Pete with her hand) this, he said, very enthusiastically, that he'd been bronzed.

Claudia: Peter Jenkins Lattimer.

Pete: That is not my middle name.

Claudia: The woman has trauma!

Pete: It was inspiration!

Claudia: Fueled by nightmares!

Abigail: I don't think the woman who spent a century encased in bronze needs to be inspired. Like, at all.

Pete: That was a century ago.

Claudia: No, it started a century ago. She's barely been free for one decade.

Abigail: You do know she remained conscious the entire time.

Pete: I know she remained conscious the entire time.

Claudia: And was so fucked up when she got out, all she wanted to do was destroy the world and everyone in it.

Pete: I mean, I was there. So yeah. I do recall her attempting to, at one point in time, destroy the world and everyone in it. Thankfully Myka's hotness saved our asses.

Claudia gasps.

Pete: What?

Claudia: You did bronzeface!

Pete: What? No. That's not a thing.

Claudia: You're doing it right now!

Pete looks to Abigail.

Abigail: Don't look at me. I was born this way.

Claudia: I can't believe you did bronzeface at H.G.

Pete: Stop saying it like it's a thing.

Claudia: People from the bronze sector do not deserve to be mocked in your incessant quest for validation and frights.

Pete: They are literally criminals.

Abigail: Wow, Pete. I really thought better of you.

Pete: You know what, I'm just going to go take a very long and very hot shower until either the bronzer or my skin comes off. Whichever happens first.

Pete exits.

Claudia, laughing and calling after Pete: Hey, maybe try painting yourself blue tomorrow instead. Pretty sure none of us has ever been Smurfed.

Claudia and Abigail fall into a fit of laughter.

Somewhere between the kitchen and the upstairs bathroom, Pete retrieves his phone from his pocket and says, "Hey Siri?"

She appears.