These past few months have been quite amazing and unique. Is it weird that I had such happy moments ? The summer was really sweet, even after this brisk spring.
I wonder if it was a way of managing my grief, or am I heartless ?
I've discovered a country I had loved from the beginning but not really known. I've found again people I had forgotten in my egocentric, selfish life over there. I've freed myself of some of my prejudices I had towards a certain vision and way of living. I've breathed, I've danced. I have, for once, fully lived.
I have found the path I want to take from now on. I never want to come back where I grew up. I want to live in wide and spiritually rich lands. I want to love people of different background than the people who used to surround me. I want to breathe a wilder nature than I ever breathed back there.
I am grateful for what she left me with. A newborn. A renaissance. A kind of new challenge. I still don't miss her. But I dreamed of her once. She smiled and she seemed happy for me. She was dressed in the same sort of dresses I liked. I was fond of them because that is the way she was usually dressed when she hugged me. When she kissed me. When she showered me with love and protection, and «God bless you, I will always pray for you my child ».
She also wore her familiar headband that I cherished because it gave her an air of wisdom and generosity.
She was wise I'm sure. And even beyond life, she is so giving.