#brokeness

But your words are so heavy,

and my soul is already weighed down.

You have power in your hands

to heal every part of me —

the cracks, the darkness,

and this ungodly disease.

But you just wait by my side.

You’re always here.

You deserve better,

a perfect picture.

You are so kind and so good;

I’m not, and even misunderstood.

I can take nothing from you —

I gave you everything that I could.

Nothing to show but ashes and holes

in my worn-out clothes.

I’m sorry I’m so far away.

My heart — it always aches

for things I can’t have.

I just want to surrender to you,

but it hurts too much

to face that I let you down,

that I broke the picture

and dropped it to the ground.

I still call out to you with my last breath:

Save me… would you save me still?

Courtesy of AmikArtest for my wattpad book Seri@l

I wish I could write exactly how my mind worked, visualize how my thoughts pour into my mind and never leave. 

I wish I could run my thoughts onto the pages, spewing them into the lines with the exact overthinking nature I think daily.

 I wish I could write with 14 streams of consciousness rushing through it, allowing the silence to fade as it does each day my eyes are awake. 

I wish I could explain the made-up situations and broken ideas that live within my mind, the unsaid words and begs, and the creative ideas I trap within a box out of fear.

 I wish I could immerse those who read my stories into my mind so that the feelings of hunger,

desire, 

desperation, 

need, 

brokenness, 

and undoubted joy could be felt on their skin. 

I wish everyone could see how my mind spirals into pain caused by my imagination and the truth caused by the love around me. 

I would write myself into panic attacks and the hurting ribs you get when laughing too hard.

 I would write myself into fairytales and daydreams that break off from movies and television. 

It would never be a never-ending silence, an experience I know nothing of. 

And I would write the truth about myself;

You; and everyone else.