but the darkness didn’t even echo him back.

that’s when he realized hell isn’t a place —

it’s the feeling of no one hearing you.

“is this really my fate?” he whispered

as blood slid down the wall

from knuckles that were just tired of fighting.

his smile used to be soft.

now it’s something sharp,

forged by the cruelty of people

who never cared to understand.

everything he touches tastes like sorrow.

the last bit of light in him?

yeah… that burned out a while ago.

he keeps wearing that stupid smile,

hoping no one notices it’s cracking.

but hope is just a trembling wick now,

fighting the dark like it’s already lost.

and every breath hurts.

every word feels borrowed.

“i don’t want to escape anymore.

i just want to be myself…

but who the hell is that now?”

it’s terrifying

when the person you miss

The hardships left the door

open, and I cannot seem to leave

just an never ending scene

of broken glass and black souls.

Somewhere mine left to be alone

but... there was no place to be free

only stiff boxes and empty glee

holed up traffic of non stop talking

about lost, or was it just desires

forgetting the wrongful criers.

They cannot see, a life and a hole

a grave with burried gold

It was in there that they

told me, sold the laughter

deep within me... replaced it

or perhaps filled it with lonely

now I am just empty.

I don't want to talk about it anymore

They slit out our tongues, and sold

it to the whole ones.

They deserved it after all

And... it's cool! I like the progression. I guess after telling JST or BST they're stupid for the 984th time you want to try something else for a change. The theme of the role-play reminds me of the War of the Roses. Royalty, marriages, violence, struggle for power, and intrigue. It's like that, but only with 39% more murder and a 100% more confusion. The story is becoming more cohesive, so good job people!

I like venting, learning, and discussing ideas. On some days I'm just vibing and even I can't make sense of what I'm doing here. Interacting with the showerfam has been great. There are a lot of really cool people in this corner of the internet. I'm not saying there aren't a few bad apples in the basket, but with the sheer number of responders that's something to be expected. 99,5% of them are smart, kind, and witty people. That's you *points at you* so give yourself a pat on the back. You're amazing.

Well, that’s another year done and dusted. It hasn’t been a smooth ride for me, as it hasn’t been for many of you I’m sure. My mental health has for sure taken a beating. A familiar darkness tried to take hold of me halfway through the year, but I managed to beat the monster and put it back in its cage. See you not so very soon, I hope.

It wasn’t all bad, I made this blog in 2020! Unsure if it was a temporary thing to vent some frustration or a journey with a destination that I’m still figuring out. I’ve landed into the shower famdom which is filled with some of the funniest, most wholesome people there can be. And some crazy psychopaths to boot. So yes, I felt right at home.

It has been sort of cathartic venting my frustrations, trying out some new jokes, learning new things, being able to learn others new things, and just hang out and be as silly as can be. It was frustration that created this blog, but it is love that made me want to log back in every day.

Thank you followers, shower responders, and everyone else who reads this for this wild ride. I hope that your 2021 will give you the ability to heal your wounds, bring you joy, good health, and all the happiness that you deserve!