What I Wish I Could Say

Hey Nice to meet you,

Im obsessed with art.

Creating is the reason I live.

That and binge watching the same 5 tv shows over and over is my favorite thing to do.

Im a caffeine and adderall addict by day

And a partyier by night

Or I’ll spend the whole night reading

Depends on my mood

I prefer to sit on the floor

I love texting with friends

Friends are one of my top priorities

I value loyalty because I’ve never really seen it

Sometimes I spend 3 days creating without sleep.

Or food.

Only to spend the next week recovering

I’m driven by passion and adventure

And that’s how I like it to be.”

So why am I so sad now that there is?”

But, as much as I talk about hating it here,

For you I would return in a second.

You are one of the only reasons I would ever come back here.

You are one of the only reasons I don’t want to leave.

You are one of the only reasons I don’t regret my time here.

But, you won’t ever realize that.”

But, I’m glad I never told you that.”

I love feeling not lonely with you.”

Because I’m afraid!

Don’t love me because I won’t even know what to do.

Don’t love me because that is all I’ve ever wanted.

Don’t love me because I won’t even know how to accept it.

Don’t love me because it will hurt so bad when we say goodbye

Don’t love me because our goodbye is inevitable and I don’t know if I’ll survive it if you love me first.”

When I love you so very so?

But, how can I say yes

When I have nothing left?”

Someone who might protect and care about me.

But the person in front of me had only ever been my abuser

And never a brother.”

I love you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you

Despite how hard I tried.”

Maybe we will never talk again this time.

But you are engrained in me

I will never forget

I will never not love you

I will never not pray to any god who will listen

For your happiness

For your safety

Please live well even if it is without me.”

and soon after learned that I shouldn’t at all.”

Even if they are not his.

I want more marks on my body

As if I am wanted.”

Preserved on my skin

As a shadow

A echo of your lips lingering

plainly displayed.

Why do I love to see it?

Why do I hope it takes forever to fade?”

My personality is a mask built from traits I collected from those I admired.

I may be awkward at times when I fumble my mask and words

But, the mask I wear is a emulation of the traits I value the most.

So, you will never make me question it.”

If you had just not held me as if you were mine.”