As the days go by, I realize that this is my only escape. Waking up at 5am sharp to help my father's caretaker changing his diapers. My dad might be conflicting with his mind at the moment. Wondering why I am still around the house making jokes just to lighten up.

Seeing him is the greatest gift. He's way too strong. Others might be ended up as a speck of dust but not him. I pray the best for him. His absence will affect me mentally just like it did a few months ago.

Brittle. I have nowhere to go. I only have myself to battle these rambling thoughts. I put my heart where it supposes to be, calm and safe. Preparing myself to join another rat race in a few weeks.

I recalculate, I need a feeling of a go-getter, I miss me being someone who gets the job done and well. I miss creating something creatively. I need to do it alone in my own way.

As always, I'll try.